I don't know how this happened but Dudley was hovering in a void of nothingness and couldn't open while feeling his memories coming back. "Whenever you're not unconscious I guess you usually remember moments of your life through a dream sequence and I guess that is what's going on right now. Let's go back many years. Get ready to roll."
[~ Old Town ~]
It was dead in the afternoon when Dudley jumped out the glass window and ran out of his mother's apartment, he slid on the front of the car just to fall and got into his vehicle that was hidden in an alley for years now but Dudley worked on it through that time. Before he could leave, his younger sisters hugged him and ran back inside in tears after the altercation that he had with his mother. Dudley got into the car and looked in his pocket that had a $50 toon bill from his brother, a family picture his sister Zina put in there. Suddenly, he heard something in the back, Dudley looked into the backseat just to find a homeless couple that were living in that car and at the moment they were having dirty romantic rough sex but somehow Dudley really didn't care about any of that as the only thing he cared about was getting out of Old Town.... But first, he wanted to go see his on and off girlfriend Naya who was a gray leopard but when he got up to her room with tools that were in the back seat of the car.... Dudley could see her getting it on with a guy that looks similar to him but was also not him, this broke his heart that was already broken from the fact that his mother tried to strangle him for wanting to give up on being on television, especially being the fall guy over and over again without a double which caused him major amount of pain. Luckily, he was able to use his angels to defend himself they had finally grown in. Dudley was happy that his on and off girlfriend was happy so with a single tear he didn't make a sound and went back down the highway, leaving Old Town for good but it was not gonna be that easy. Soon, cop cars were after him, "Darnit mom." Dudley figured that his mother (Nina) had called them to try to stop him but they were already too late and the moment that he passed through the city border the moon's were getting closer and closer to aligning as Dudley was starting to feel weird leading to him throwing up on the road and making a slick that made the pig cops get into a accident. Dudley watched from the mirror which made him feel better...
Dudley: "HA! SO LONG COPPERS!!!! A~HAHAHAHAHA!"
Within those words, our Toon Guy kept on driving but the car ended up going downhill when the bridge to the other side collapsed and he fell down to the parking area to a diner in New Wind City. Soon Dudley walked in with new clothes that he found within the trunk of his father's car that had a picture of his dad wearing a suit and with his mom wearing a dress, which must have been their prom picture. He put it in his pocket as tears slowly ran down his face as he was sitting down on a stool waiting to be served.
Dudley: "After years of this BS, I really need a drink and I'm glad that I can get one here at the salty biscuit diner.~" He was sad and aggravated by this whole situation, he looked at the news, it talked about him and turned his back on his city.
"This Just in, TV Star Dudley V. Fux has been seen leaving out of old town after assaulting his mother who is said to have looked out for him throughout these years as not his manager but as his support. As of now he is considered missing to the public so if you see him please call this number as his mother has put out a reward for his return."
Dudley sighed then lowered his head embarrassed by his mom but also angry from the fact that she was the one who was doing the abusing, so he asked the toon scottish female bartender for a drink, but as soon as his drink came, he bought another glass since he didn't have much money on him and didn't want to waste it all but he wanted to get his mind off of things by drinking everything in one gulp in one go so Dudley started thinking about what to mix his drinks with. ("Let's do the shot glass up then take a shot of grape vodka plus Irish. Whiskey just to set it off with a mug of ale to the head.") Suddenly the bartender brought Dudley a large mug of beer. "What's this?"
Lady Bartender: "The lady brought you to bring my good man."
Dudley looked over to see it was a sexy older toon woman in a sexy red dress with long brunette hair who was drinking by herself.
{41 Drinking Minutes Later}
The toon woman named June and Dudley were drinking a lot of booze under the table til the Bartender had to cut them off but Dudley told June what happened to him while she was still drunk. "Hahaha you literally sent your mom flying hahahaha, you shouldn't have had to go through that."
Dudley was also drunk after drinking 8 pints of beer and looked like he was going to fall over but June kept them from doing that. "It is funny and not funny because the fact that one of my own sisters hated me and my brother looked disappointed in me.... Like the fact that my on and off girlfriend ended up being with someone that looked like me and sounded like me..... I don't care how much she begs or pleads for my forgiveness…I WILL NEVER GO BACK TO HER!!!"
Suddenly, June held his cheek as she was flirting/comforting him. "♡♡I'm sorry that you're going through this but if there is anything that I can do for you I will try my best?♡♡" Dudley was tipsy but he knew exactly what she wanted which was the same thing that he wanted, there wasn't any more small talk and no more smooth conversation. "Well my dear, I think I know a way we both can both feel better."
Just like that, tipsy Dudley and June left the bar, seeing that his car was gone thanks to those homeless bums but thanks to June they got into her car and ended up driving them to her place. By the time they got there the stars were out and shining. June's whole entire house was dark, Dudley didn't care if it was dark outside or inside, all he cared about was Dipping his hand into June's honey pot, which led to him getting up close to her since June did the same. Leading to them kissing one another. "Oh Dudley~♡ What have you done to me~? I hope you are able to go all night~?♡"
Dudley replied with some sexy talk. "Hell yeah dollface...."
They kept going at it, leading to Dudley pulling the covers over them while their clothes were being tossed out of the blankets one piece after another. Suddenly when things were just getting good and they were playing "Pattycake", Dudley heard a car pulling up into the driveway so he stopped, they both looked at each other as Dudley was suspicious while June was sweating up a storm showing that she sobered up real quick.
Dudley: "Do you have visitors? A roommate? A relative?"
June: "Oh Shit!"
Dudley: "What oh shit?!"
June: "It is nothing!"
Dudley: "No no no you don't say oh shit for no reason!!"
Just then they both looked at the door as it was opening, the night went from being a nightmare for survival, dream of lust to a nightmare again but this time so much worse for Dudley.
There he was…. A buff, husky, huge, round mountain of a male toon bull bursted through the door seeing his wife underneath a male human toon. His face was turning red but the moment he turned on the lights was when Dudley became shocked to his very core, realizing that he is royally lions den fucked….
June's husband turned out to be a hunter of other toon breeds that came into his house, every time a man came to this house they were killed in the act or shot on site. To show his dominance, he laminated them from their butts to their heads, sometimes even their penises (that were put in jars), but there was one lamination that was untouched, empty and suddenly that one second of the light flickering made Dudley envision himself in that location which nearly made his hair turn gray just by the thought.
Dudley: *Hard Gulp!*
Harry: "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE!!!!!????" He yelled so loud that I bet the next town over could hear him.
June: "H-h-hi honey.... This isn't what it looks like...." While she was trying to explain herself Dudley was sliding underneath the blankets and grabbing his clothes one by one.
Harry: "June, correct me if I'm not mistaken this is the 96TH time you have done this… Shhh oh well, I guess there's no running from it. Seems I have to teach you again by killing this guy just like the others that you had cheated on me with-"
Dudley who was now clothed was tiptoeing for the back door at that time but once he was close to opening the door he (somehow someway) found a husband there with a shotgun rifle to his head making him put his hands up while backing up, Harry poked Dudley's nose. "If you don't mind me asking the words that I have been having to say for years: where do you think you're going, home wrecker? Don't you think you should be punished for causing this much trou-"
Dudley spoke up loudly, moving the gun out of his face. "Okay hold up hold up hold up, Time The Fuck Out!!!! You're telling me that your wife has been doing this for 96 times— wait a minute 96 x 3 = 299. Like I have a saying: You're telling me that your wife has been doing this for 299 times, screwed up your marriage, messed up your livelihood & as a result you have literally killed off so many people when you could have honestly, Gee~ I don't know- FILED FOR DEVORCE?! You're really going to shoot me because your wife can't keep her legs closed! No offense but that sounds like a big huge problem!"
Harry responded furiously, putting the gun back. "You can't judge me …Especially if you're gonna be hanging up on my wall!!"
Dudley: "Well I lived a good life."
Harry clicked the safety off and pointed his gun at Dudley who gulped.
{Throughout that very night, the toon bull known as Harry with an equal amount of fat as well as muscle, was firing at the Toon Guy named Dudley Vodka Fux that was found in bed with toon bull's humanoid toon wife June. The Toon Guy danced around and used his toon stretching ability to dodge the heat seeking buckshots like a duck during hunting season!}
Harry kept shooting and reloading while shouting. "STAND STILL YOU HORNY SON OF A BITCH!!!!"
"Calm down honey, we were just playing!" June shouted as it seemed like she was actually worried for Dudley's well being.
Dudley: "Yeah calm down Cocktail, I didn't even finish!"
With those words from Dudley, Harry not only continued to shoot at him but was swearing up a storm the entire time… Soon both him and Dudley were standing across from each other leading to them both starting to breathe heavily, sweat running down both their faces, June could tell that both of them were exhausted but she also wanted to see who was going to make the final move? It was only until Harry started laughing maniacally, truly showing that he had lost his mind or just blew his lid since steam was coming out from his ears along with his eyes turning red with anger making him see only red. "Damn you! Once I'm finished with you,I will have your head mounted on my wall above my fireplace!!! But first, i'm having stuffed toon for dinner!" Harry licked his lips with a creepy look on his face, which concerned Dudley who didn't have a weapon to defend himself, not even toon gloves on which was a necessity in this world and only those with real money could wear them. So Dudley only had one thing that he could do at a time like this….. He jumped out the window without giving it a second thought, before Dudley could try to get down the hill like a blue blur, he got directly shot in the left asscheek by Harry, Dudley tumbled down the hill which led to him hitting tree branches-
Dudley : "YEEOW!!!!!!!!"
Rocks
Dudley: "OW!"
A Few Boulders
Dudley: "How!
Long! !
Til!!!
This!!!!
Hill!!!!!
Ends!!!!!!"
Rose Bushes
Dudley: "OW OW!"
A Long Thorn Bushes!!!
Dudley: "OW OW OW OOOOWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
{Finally, a now battered and bruised Dudley regained his balance but was stumbling down the hill again and before he could land on the ground he tripped on a log, began gator rolling on it and he went flying to where Dudley's crotch first hit a tree.}
Dudley: "OOOOWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
{Harry uses binoculars watching the entire tragedy go down. He had followed the pathway down the hill and even tried to shoot at the Toon Guy AKA Dudley a few times but missed every time on the way down. Until Dudley strayed through the path and came all the way down the hill which led to him landing In a Puddle of Mudd. Dudley was holding his groin in excruciating pain, coughing up black blood. After a few minutes, Dudley while Dudley was trying to pick himself up he found something within the mud but he couldn't place what it was just for the light from Harry's jeep was seen by Dudley.}
Harry: "Hahahaha!!! You were once a dog but now your meat that I'm going to chop up and put in my lasagna tonight while your head is on the front of my fireplace…"
Harry clicked his gun reloading it then pointing it at Dudley not knowing that he was holding a golden coin thanks for the help of his tail. "As you know the old saying goes: Sorry but you're at the wrong place at the wrong time. Better say your last words because those are the words that my wife will be hearing as your plaque will have the recording of your last words."
Henry said while taking out a old voice recorder, the injured Dudley was growling as the pain just causing his heart to be faster, to make things worse Henry was just causing him more anxiety and anger, Dudley trying his absolute BEST not to bug out since his dad (before leaving) always told him not to bug out on anyone, but that would only make him into someone's fool or in other cases someone's maniac and not in the funny kind of ways....
Dudley got up, wiped his face, took a deep breath thinking that this was the final chapter of his life, put a white blindfold over his eyes and smoked his last cigarette that was in his back pocket along with a lighter that belonged to his uncle. ".…..Sometimes you have to let fate be your-"
Suddenly, before Harry could pull the trigger, a bunch of hungry bears that were well dressed like Yogi Bear and Cindy Bear but anyway they viciously began to maul Harry because of the fact that he was loudly, randomly, stupidly shooting at Dudley earlier which woke them up from a good sleep, plus the fact that Harry's cologne smells like barbecue sauce so the hungry bears chowed down on him while he still tried to fight them off the best he can with no bullets left in the chamber of his gun. Dudley undid the blindfold to see what was going on which shocked him to his core but then looked over at the Jeep and saw that it still had the keys in the ignition, so he took this chance with a grain of salt and quickly ran over to the Jeep, drove as fast as he could. ("I hope I never see those two again especially the husband I thought probably want revenge.") When Dudley was far away and couldn't see Harry or the hill top of the house anymore, Dudley tried to process everything that happened. Once he parked the Jeep he was finally able to see the gold coin that turned out to have the initials "Made In Ireland" along with a four leaf clover on the other side. Dudley looked at the coin then he looked in the backseat of the Jeep to find a suitcase filled with money.
Dudley had a lightbulb appear above his head which made him smile from ear to ear even with all the pain he suffered.
{And just like that, Dudley had the best idea possible, which was to make it big as a gambler in nowhere else but New Toon City where the gambling was at its highest peak of heavy hitters. Dudley even started doing business in other regions in the only way he could, in a lewd, shady, sly way. Luckily, Dudley did pretty good for himself Plus provided for his family but even with all that luck he couldn't stop other toons wanting to see his downfall. Cheating girlfriends trying to take his winnings to get better clothes and jewelry to close friends wanting to steal your secrets so they can sell to the highest bidder willing to pay a hefty price so that they could win much bigger than him. Dudley had to deal with those repercussions and even had to move out of his high class living arrangements to a shabby apartment just so that he could live safely even when everyone thought that he was miserable or just a loser with nothing to show for himself. There was even a sex scandal of him having sex with his boss his daughter and you know the phrase "The Rest Is History"? You're probably wondering what happens now? Is Dudley dead or is there a new lead role? Maybe it could be the handsome narrator?}
BAM!!!
Suddenly, a bedspring boxing gloves was sent flying into the face of the narrator, knocking him out clean! The one who sent the contraption at the narrator was none other than Dudley himself who was clearly enraged.
Dudley: "I'm not dead you jackass! I'm just getting started so get it through that thick skull that you call a narration noggin."
Suddenly a door with a white light opened up…. An toon angel that was dressed in an outfit that a pizza boy would wear came from the door holding a phone. "Hey Heaven's calling, they say that is not your time yet so you can go back up but they got something for ya." Just like that the angel tossed Dudley gloves with crosses on them, went back through the door and closed it as if there was never a door to begin with in the first place. Dudley just looked at the holy gloves then at his readers before putting them on.
"Ah, duty calls! Until next time reader, remember to always work for that nookie because that's all-" Dudley disappeared within a bright light that signaled that he was going to awaken once more….
Toon Be Continued
Dudley: "Have a lucky night, day or just getting lucky I don't know."