After crying until my tears had run dry and my heart cold from the pangs strangling it.
I search for the totem, which I find where my father had held me down before I ran.
I pick it up and stare at the staff from one end to another, checking the drawings on it.
And at the top, I see two dots green as the eyes of Borankama.
I walk back slowly, as the noise of the nocturnal in the wood keeps me entertained and guessing, as I pick them apart to tell which animal is which.
I arrived later at the cave, the girls were talking, while the seer sat at a distance. The cave was lit with a giant fire in the middle.
I walked to where she was sitting with the two staffs in my hand. I pushed the one she had instructed me to get forward, and she said "keep it, it is yours to carry".
"They have made dinner, go eat something, you need your strength," she added.
I turned around to look at the two girls who sat comfortably until they heard the seer scream "stand and serve the man".
They quickly rushed to bring the food they had prepared, and I was amazed as to how she controlled them with so much might.
Still seating, she does not raise her head or look at the others.
I have a question? I ask her.
"Why did your gods not fight for my people, why did they all fall silent, as those who did not worship them stain our land with blood and take from us?
"The ways of the gods are not the ways of men."
You should go and eat", she encouraged.
Still in the same spot, not moving.
I sit on the rock while the two girls bring me dinner.
I thought I would be served with vegetables alone, as I had seen the garden.
But before me there is meat and grain, and also vegetables, all served in different earthen ware.
I eat, but not much, and after I was done, I went out to watch the sky.
I lay on top of the patch of grass on the cave and rest there.
Lost in the night sky, I don't hear Ara come close. All I hear is her narrating why she had been spared.
She began, "I went to see my auntie in Tela', because of my father. I have been going there because every time my father gets drunk, the whole village mocks me, and people look at me with pity and say, "Who will marry you now?"
And now everyone and everything is gone, all that i was running away from is gone.
She sobs slowly as she talks, but I do not move. I do not say a word, I just lay there like the two staff by my right.
You will have to avenge them Kalenje.
I don't reply, I know I am just one, I would need more men to fight a whole village.
But I don't tell her that, I just lay there until she leaves.
And as I watch the stars with thoughts as plenty as their numbers, I drift off to sleep.
The next day, I was awakened. by the cold surrounding me.
I move slowly and make my way into the cave, which is still warm and the fire was still lit.
I moved closer to it and rested so the cold will leave my body.
The sun has not yet risen, and everyone except myself was asleep.
I turn to look where laziza and Ara were lying down and then I turned my head back.
But then I craved more of what I had seen. I looked back at the sleeping girl whose body had instigated a growth between my legs, I watched calmly until someone spoke.
I turned to look at where Borankama was lying down, and then I heard her say "feed your eyes and want her, for tomorrow you will feed your soul and hers with care".
She doesn't turn to face me, she was still lying still, and I could guess she was talking in her sleep.
I turn to look at Laziza to see if she had heard the seer.
But to my surprise, the two were still sleeping.
I stand and go out, it isn't fun anymore knowing someone was watching you.
I rush into the woods, and when I return later, when the sky was overhead in the sky, I see Ara by the mouth of the cave standing and worried.
"What is wrong Ara? I ask, thinking something had happened.
"Where have you been? she asked.
"I went hunting," I answered, dropping my hunt on the floor."
I raised my eyes to meet hers as she turns and walks into the cave, avoiding mine.
After that, she was awkward all through the day.
I was sitting with Borankama and we were talking about the past when I saw her walk past us into the woods.
What is wrong with her?
"You will have to tell me, it is something only you can ask."
I look at her confused and ask, "Is she angry at me over something?"
The gods do not meddle in issues like this. Go and ask her what is wrong?
Where is laziza? I ask.
Borakama shrugs and plays with her hair, humming a tune I do not know, but it soothes my soul as I listen.
I stand and check the cave, but laziza is not there.
And then I follow the two into the woods to find them.
Kalenje, where are you going to?
I wanted to answer, but I did not want to sound awkward. I waited for her to conclude that I was heading to the village, before I nodded in affirmation.
She was looking at me in askance when I replied her back, "we would have to go back there eventually, we can't stay with the seer forever."
"I will be going back to 'tela', I have relatives there and I had gone to visit them when our village was attacked...
"Stay with me" I said interrupting her.
Stay with me in Mubaila, let's make a home here.
She stands silently there and watches me, and then she looks behind me at Ara who stood behind.