"Oh!" He caught the time in his watch and then looked at me, smiling with my eyes. "It's fine. I am here. Just let me know when it's time."
He is smitten; head over heels for me, or shall I say for Nisa. Nonetheless, I had just made my mind to correct his misunderstand and I don't flip from my decision, especially not 10 minutes after making them. Every part of me was trying to convince me that I should stop playing along in this, but my instincts forced me otherwise. However, the urge of coming clean is so strong that I feel it holding my gut.
Parv settled himself on a table and didn't budge for hours. Every time I glanced up at him, waiting patiently for me to get done, I envied Nisa more. She lived unaware that someone has been in love with her mere existence. She already had everything that I desired, a family, wealth, a surname and her own prince charming. I was appalled that he believes that I am her, the girl I envy to death.
As I passed the duty on after my shift was over. His face glowed with a peculiar light of hope. He rose from his chair, finally after sitting there stick for three hours straight. I approached him to his table and pulled out a chair for me to sit.
"So, you can begin with whatever subject you came with."
I gestured him to sit down as well. He placed his hands on his thighs and gently stroked them, until he searched for right words to speak.
"First of all, I want to apologize for my behavior that day. It's… uhh, none of my business to tell you what you should do in your personal life. I…" he stammered more than he made sense. "I was just a bit furious because you…"
"dumped me?" I suggested.
He stopped and stared right into my eyes.
"Yea, that's how I felt." His sight moved downwards, at his shoes which he continuously tapped on the floor. He looked more nervous than a shy bride. I could see his gaze wavering whenever he tried to look me in the eye. That's the totally different impression that he had on me, on the club night. His hands now rested on the table and they trembled like an old man's. I did something crazy, that was to reach for his hands and pressing it tightly in mine, passing every ounce of warmth from my body.
"Why are trembling?" I asked, "are you afraid of someone?"
I could feel his hand frozen in my grip. His nerves were bulging out of the skin of his hand's back, his palm was rough and fingers were long; and stiff. As soon as I touched him, the trembling of his hands halted.
"I am afraid of you," he said.
"Me?" I shouted, asking. "Why would you be afraid of me?"
"you tell me, why do you always scare me?"
I chuckled, showing only a smirk. He stared at me with his curious eyes, it was almost as if he was reading something off my face. "I don't try to scare you. I wonder what it is that you are getting nervous for."
"I don't know, your eyes may be. You have such a deep gaze, I don't know if you look like that at everyone or it's just me?" he said.
I immediately pulled my hands back and looked away. I must have made my infatuation obvious through my eyes. I collected all the sanity left and directed it in my speech. "So, what's the matter?" I asked.
He sat up straightening his back and asked, "So, what did I say last?"
"You were mad because you got dumped…"
"Yes! I was mad. I know I should respect your choice. It's completely up to you, but this place, this job, why are you going through all of this?"
I pursed my lips in silence.
"I hope this the kind of life you really prefer, and you are not in any kind of trouble."
"What kind of life?" I asked. "If you mean a life where I work and earn my own bread, abandoning the luxuries and privileges of my parents house, then yes… I prefer this 'kind' of life more."
I was talking on the behalf of Nisa, and this is what I assumed she would say when asked. If I were to be myself, I would definitely choose the luxury… everyone probably.
He took a look around and then ran his eyes down and up, catching a detailed look at me. "If you are not ready to go back home yet, I am here for you."
He immediately grabbed a tissue paper from a box beside me and took out a pen from his coat. He glided his pen on the tissue and folded it twice. "This is my number," he held this tissue paper in my direction and placed it on the table when I didn't grab it for a long time.
"There's no need for this stuff, I am not…"
"If you ran from your house because you didn't want to marry me, it was unnecessary. I would have done something if I had known it before." He interrupted again.
"Do you really believe Nisa wanted the marriage?"
I didn't refer myself as Nisa, hoping him to question it, so that I could clear his misunderstanding, but he didn't pay any attention. "I thought you must be okay with the marriage because our parents always had it decided. I grew up believing that you will become my bride one day. I won't apologize for it, I am a really simple-minded guy. I don't really look for adventures or change. You must think of it as nonsense, but I had just sailed the way others wanted me to." He lift up his face to look at me. "You are scaring me again."
I didn't realize when I buried my loud fascinated eyes in his face again. "Sorry, I just have this habit of rudely staring at others."
"It's not rude but one can mistake it for passion."
He was unnecessarily honest. He spoke whatever was going on in his mind, yet timid to express it without stuttering. I was catching every little detail, trying to categorize what type of a victim he was. Is he a this or that? While pondering, my brain forgot to make my eyes blink or move, which intimidated him. "
"There's something you should know…" I was about to tell him, but he interrupted saying something that froze my tongue in its place.
"Be my girlfriend please."
I couldn't believe my senses, my ears that heard his voice and eyes that read his lips. Why do I always forget that the one he is asking is not me. But he always does and says things that are so out of the blue that it take minutes for me to judge if he's serious or not.
"Your girlfriend?" I repeated.
"It's weird… it's weird, I know. But it's just a request that you at least try to spend some time with me and then decide if you want to reject me or not. And of course, if you already have someone you like, you are more than welcome to splash a glass of water on me."
His actions and words were surprising me every coming minute. "I wonder why you are going to such lengths? Are you not even going to try to move on in your life?"
"I tried. But half of my life passed believing that we are meant to be together. I didn't realize when I fell in love with only with your existence. And now it's hard to believe that's all of this is over."