Mariana was so emotionally distraught she could barely drive. Arriving home, her tear-streaked face immediately alarmed Caitlin.
"Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Caitlin asked, rushing to her side.
Mariana collapsed into Caitlin's arms, sobbing uncontrollably. The raw emotion was unlike anything Caitlin had ever witnessed – a bizarre mixture of tears and laughter. Caitlin gently guided her to the white couch, trying to soothe her. Mariana's conflicting emotions were deeply unsettling; she appeared both heartbroken and strangely elated.
"I did it, Cait. I did it!" Mariana exclaimed, her laughter punctuated by fresh tears. She seemed almost delirious with relief, but her joy was undeniable. The freedom from self-deception and lies was intoxicating.
"Did what, Mariana?" Caitlin asked softly.
"I told Alton I don't love him," Mariana explained, her voice trembling. "Alton… he got his secretary pregnant, and I'm not angry or disappointed. I'm…sad and happy. So incredibly happy… and yet, it makes me sick. I should be furious, heartbroken, cheated on—but instead, I feel this incredible sense of liberation. It's terrifying."
She continued, her voice catching in her throat. "I've carried this secret for so long, this impossible, agonizing secret. No matter what I did, I felt like everything was stopping me from falling for him. My heart was completely at odds with my mind. But now… I feel the weight of my lies and pretenses lifting. I don't have to pretend anymore…"
Caitlin was speechless. The revelation was overwhelming, a tidal wave of conflicting emotions crashing over her. She couldn't believe Mariana hadn't truly loved Alton, and that Alton had been unfaithful. The sheer volume of information was almost too much to process.
"I can't love him, and yet… I'm in love with that man," Mariana whispered, the words escaping in a choked sob. "I'm so sorry, Cait. I'm such a mess."
Caitlin, deeply concerned by this confession, waited patiently for Mariana to continue.
Mariana took a deep breath, steeling herself. "I love him. I love the man who abducted me. I feel it, Cait. This strange, terrible feeling inside… it's telling me I love him deeply, and I hate it with every fiber of my being."
Caitlin's eyes widened, not in judgment, but in a mixture of shock and fear. The confession hung heavy in the air, utterly unexpected. She felt lost, struggling to comprehend the situation. Her mind reeled, trying to reconcile Mariana's newfound freedom with this intense, unsettling love for her captor. This love, she knew, was born from trauma, a twisted bond forged in the crucible of captivity—a bond that couldn't possibly be genuine.
Caitlin's initial reaction was pure, bewildered silence. She tried to speak, but no words would come.
A wave of profound concern washed over her. A knot of anxiety tightened in her stomach, a blend of worry for Mariana's well-being and a deep unease about the situation. Caitlin's expression softened, her initial shock giving way to empathy. She gently stroked Mariana's hair, her touch hesitant, unsure how to navigate this turbulent emotional landscape. The silence stretched, punctuated only by Mariana's quiet sobs, a soundtrack to Caitlin's internal struggle to understand and respond. Finally, she whispered, "Oh, Mariana…"
"I know, I know it's insane," Mariana choked out. "It's wrong. He broke me, and yet… there's a part of me that believes he didn't. That he somehow made me whole. That what he said, what he confessed to me was true, that I should have believed him." She trailed off, the complexity of her emotions overwhelming her.
"You feel something for him, Mariana, and you're confused," Caitlin said softly, her own confusion evident. "And I understand if it feels like love, even if it isn't.
It was not true at all. "
Mariana nodded, tears streaming down her face. "It's terrifying. I feel like I'm losing my mind."
"You're not losing your mind, Mariana," Caitlin said firmly. "This is a complex situation, a trauma response. It's not unusual to develop…unexpected feelings after something like a kidnapping and your amnesia."
"But I hate it," Mariana whispered. "I hate feeling this way. I hate that I can't just…hate him, curse him."
"You don't have to hate him to move on," Caitlin said gently. "You can acknowledge these feelings without letting them define you. We'll figure this out together. We'll get you the help you need."
Caitlin added, "It's not right to conclude you love him when you don't even fully remember what happened. Your mind is playing tricks on you."
Mariana's response was immediate and impassioned.
"It's not my mind playing tricks on me, it's my heart…"
"Then you need to stop listening to it," Caitlin stated firmly. "The Bible says in Jeremiah chapter seventeen verse nine, 'The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: Who really knows how bad it is ?"
She continued with a strong statement.
"You don't want to be controlled by the wickedness of your heart, Mariana. Fight it."
Mariana looked at Caitlin, her eyes brimming with tears.
"You're right. I shouldn't be defeated by my Fraudulent heart." Her tears flowed freely as she spoke.
Caitlin, doing her best to be strong for her friend, knew Mariana was utterly alone in this battle. She was fighting herself—her mind, her heart, her own treacherous memories.
"You're a strong woman, Mariana. I know you can overcome this. You will be okay." Tears welled in Caitlin's eyes as she spoke, finally understanding the depth of Mariana's suffering. Mariana was surrounded by enemies in her life, but her most formidable foe was herself, her own fraudulent heart.
***