Calum examined Mariana's face as he sat on the couch opposite her. He had just arrived at the house, having handled a lot of business that day, including disposing of Jaguar's body at the top of the highest cliff he'd seen on his way. He was certain that something was wrong with Mariana.
Observing her staring blankly into space, and the fact that she hadn't acknowledged his arrival, he was sure something was amiss. It seemed like she hadn't noticed he was already in the house or that he had sat down on the couch. Or worse, she simply didn't care at all. These subliminal cues suggested that Mariana was deeply engrossed in her own strange way of overthinking and overcomplicating things in her mind.
Maybe she would notice him later, but right now, she was procrastinating for her own good. The trauma of killing someone had overwhelmed her whole soul and spirit. Her conscience and kindness were inflicting severe anguish upon her, slowly destroying her brain and body's ability to react naturally. And maybe she was fine and just too tired of dealing with the chaos that seemed to follow her everywhere.
"Have you eaten dinner?"
He softly asked, his slightly deep voice a gentle caress. Glancing at her always satisfied his eyes.
"Yeah. And I'm sure you already did. So nice of you to ask."
Mariana replied, refusing to acknowledge that she might be losing her mind, even though it was clearly a reasonable possibility. Who wouldn't go crazy after experiencing such a series of devastating events? And hearing him ask that type of question was really going to send her over the edge. She needed to fight these insanities and at least try to fix her mental capacity to think right and decide what was good for herself.
"Are you alright?"
Calum hadn't expected her reply, and he hadn't expected his question either. She sounded exasperated, as if she thought he was being sarcastic and not sympathetic.
"I'm not!"
She shouted, looking directly at him. She never hesitated to open her mouth and shout as if someone was pissing her off. Calum furrowed his eyebrows as his eyes reached deep into her raging eyes.
"How dare you even ask me those bullshit questions! As if you really did care about me! How dare you!"
Calum almost let his jaw drop open in unbearable amusement. He didn't know where her anger came from because it appeared out of nowhere. She had even told him lately that she trusted him, and right now, he didn't know if it was still valid to believe that. But it was all good for him; he could watch her being irritated all the time. She became more beautiful when she was angrier. Her nasty face looked like an expensive piece of art, so unaffordably cute.
"What do you mean?"
Actually, it hurt him when she said he never cared for her. That was the most false thing he had ever heard her say. He was deathly certain that he cared about her, a lot.
"Stop asking what I meant! Of course, you already knew that!"
She stood and paced towards him. Calum lifted his face to observe her as she stood in front of him. She was wearing his grey t-shirt, and he accidentally caught a glimpse of her nipple marks. That's where his eyes stuck for a while before proceeding to her vexed face.
"What are you looking at?"
Mariana's gaze was filled with so much rudeness. Calum gulped his thick saliva that was stuck in his throat. It could be the reason why he couldn't say a word to save himself. He breathed deeply and turned his face sideways while his jaw tightened.
The heat of his actions nearly made Mariana stumble in affection. Her mind suddenly awakened, and she realized that she was wrecked by her own insanity.
She interrogated herself about what in the hell she was doing and why she was yelling. She was constantly embarrassing herself. It wasn't good for her to actually determine that she was experiencing mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional damage.
Yeah, she was leveling up in a different rank of madness. Just legendary.
Calum was confused about what was going on, so he stood, his body towering over her. Mariana lifted her head, and her trepidations began to take hold. Calum saw how her angry face turned daunted. She knew she had made Calum sick about her confusing, intolerable behavior, which is why she grinned falsely. She thought it could help. You know it was a legitimate counterfeit because of how her white teeth showed up perfectly.
"I'm sorry."
Calum stared at her, again wanting to drop his jaw to the floor. He was so astonished by her completely out-of-her-mind behavior. Her unhinged state was totally exceptional.
"I'm just, I don't know. I can't control myself. I'm being so emotional lately, and I'm...having a mental breakdown."
Her explanation was organized. Calum was glad she was back in her normal state of mind. He let her continue her explanations.
"I'm out of my mind, that-"
She never finished her words. She screamed so loudly after the lights turned off. Darkness filled the house, and Calum paused when Mariana's body pressed against him, her hands wrapped tightly around him, making him unable to move.
"It's just a black out."
He took a deep breath and tried to remove Mariana's hands from his waist.
"Let me get my phone."
"No, don't leave me right here. Are you insane? What if someone will grab me? You will not leave me right here. Never!"
She was overreacting again. For real, she was scared. The face of Jaguar was haunting her. She felt like he was always around, watching her every move.
"I'm going to get my phone from my jacket."
He was referring to the jacket he had hung on the small couch 2 meters away from them.
"For whatever reason, I don't want you to leave me."
He sighed. Her soft voice penetrated his heart. He felt pity for her, and to be honest, he didn't really intend to leave her alone. He didn't want to let their bodies separate. It was tormenting for him to know that she was scared of something. He felt the failure of protecting her.
"Hold my hand."
She lifted her head that was buried in his chest. She was convinced by his alluring offer. He grabbed her hand, and they walked into the darkness. She felt the warmth of his strong hand. Touching him always felt like she was in the safest place on Earth. No one could hurt her or do anything to put her in danger. She trusted him, almost her entire life.
Calum grabbed his jacket and located his phone. The flashlight of the phone he had just turned on bounced into her eyes, making her shut her eyes unintentionally. They resumed walking, making their way into the kitchen. They were holding each other's hands tightly without any thoughts of letting go. Calum checked the cabinets in the kitchen and found candles and matches. Lucky for them.
"Let's light a candle in your room."
Mariana curtly nodded as a reply. When they reached the room where she stayed, he let go of her hand. Mariana had no choice but to let go of his hand too; besides, she found it very weird and awkward to hold his hand like that. In a normal situation, she wouldn't dare to do that. She sat on the bed and held her own hands. Calum placed the lit candle on the cabinet table.
"You already have a light. You can take a rest now."
He turned around to leave the room, but Mariana said something that stopped him.
"I'm still scared. Please, Calum. I'm really scared. What if Jaguar will show up again, what would I do?"
She nearly cried while she stated that. She mumbled with her unshakeable fears. Calum lifted his face up to the ceiling while closing both eyes. He was exhausted and disturbed by her words. It gave him worries and sadness for her. It sucked for him to feel these things he normally didn't feel. He turned around to face her and paced near her.
"I don't intend to sleep on the floor."
Mariana dazed for a while.
"I'm not going to sleep on the floor too."
She softly replied without much energy in the tone of it. Calum closed the door of the room and got back near the bed. He walked to reach the left portion of the bed. He hopped in without consulting Mariana's reaction. He laid his head facing her, looking at her back while she sat straight and nearly forgot how to breathe. She was dumbfounded by the fact that he actually did that. Well, it's what she wanted, but it was crazy. She couldn't believe that really happened; things in her life were totally getting out of control. She needed to move and lay down in the bed. She did it, and foolishly she accidentally positioned her head facing him while she rested on her side. Their eyes constantly met each other. Mariana couldn't explain it, but the whole situation was overflowing with awkwardness.
"Get your eyes away from me."
"Get your eyes away from me first."
She almost murmured. His strict voice caught her off guard.
"Turn around."
He commanded her, seemingly not liking it. But his heart was throbbing, objecting to his words. Calum needed to resist the temptations. He needed to control himself, not to hold her and kiss her. That shouldn't happen. No matter how badly destiny teased him, he wouldn't let it prevail.
"Turn around first."
Mariana was simply reciprocating his words. She had no plan to obey him at all. She was showing toughness and dominance towards him. Looking into his charming face, she was drowning with so much adoration and inexhaustible attraction. Their mutual feelings towards each other were axiomatic; the thing is, they were having a very hard time admitting it to each other and even to themselves. They had nothing else to do but to compete, staring deep into each other's eyes. Their minds knew what was lurking inside of them. They were both killing themselves for not fulfilling what their hearts demanded.
A deafening silence took place, still, no one volunteered to break their prolonged eye contact. Even though the surroundings were not that vivid due to the blackout, they lucidly saw each other's reactions just by the help of the light produced by the candle.
Calum couldn't take it anymore; the more she stared at him, the more he urged to touch her. She was turning him nuts; lying down beside her was the full proof of it. She was manipulating his actions without him knowing about it. He felt betrayed, not by her but by his own self. Even though it was too hard for him to decide about it, he should definitely do it. Get his sight away from her. It was hurting his ego to do what he commanded. She disrespected him for not following what he said.
He turned around to his other side while he muttered.
"Fuck."
That single word that came out of his mouth was barely audible, yet she heard it clearly. She opened her mouth and widened her eyes. His audacity to say that one word was extraordinary. It shocked her. Maybe her discourteous attitude had disgruntled him. That's what she thought, and that was factual. Their current situation was just a short trailer of what would be imminent in this surely going to be a long night for the both of them. They had a lot of battles to take over to save the remaining slots of denying their affections and not be taken over by the temptations baited to them with their mischievous destinies.
They needed to keep controlling themselves to survive this night without being manipulated by their fraudulent hearts.
***