It's November 22, 1963.President Kennedy was shot.I was just only 8 years old then and I remember my father feeling destroyed, the whole country was.We we're sitting in our living room home in Yuma Arizona and our family was getting ready for the thanksgivings.The exact moment we heard what had happened we were listening to Puppy Love by Paul Anka.One of my favorite songs, We we're having ice cream that day, I had mint chocolate chip and my father dropped his chocolate cone in disbelief.I didn't know exactly what this meant but I knew tragedy had struck.That moment in that living room changed my whole family.Me, mama and Dad sat in the there in silence as he angrily turned off the broadcast.Mama sat there in tears as Dad rushes outta of there furious.Me, being a child continued to eat my ice cream.
Well then it was the summer of 73', had my 18th birthday on June 18th, scary to think, 18 on the 18th.Well my father died the day before at the age of 53 due to a heart attack.My mother was setting up arrangements for his funeral as she gave me Five hundred dollars and said "enjoy this day for your father son….please just go have fun." She told me as she cleaned her tears.I couldn't think much, my mind was mush.My father and I never really got along well.Never nothing physical but he emotionally broke me sometimes, made me feel like a bastard son at times.Nevertheless I used that money to save up for the piece of shit car that caused my downfall.
Now I grew alone, not any friends.Not because I wanted it that way but because it just happens.I would've loved to experience the high school cliche and adolescence.I was never bullied and bothered but was at times feeling down in life.You see these moments in life are tragic and have a melancholy delight to them.I never thought through all this I'd end up here.In this god damn box.This vomit has been there, the Stench of it mixed with the piss has given this room a new look.I haven't poop nor have the strength to spit.I feel dirty and smell, maybe the man will be merciful soon.Maybe this all a dream, yes just a bad dream.Wake up, wake up Baxter !
No don't awake, fight this demon.Defeat this miserable bastard , show no mercy to him.If the moon can be conquered, I can achieve freedom.
Gosh I remember my birthday this year, I'm in my home in Yuma.Mama goes up to my room as I was reading comic books.It was raining that night as she had a little chocolate cake and said " happy birthday !" She walked in happy as I was ignoring her for not wanting to visit dads grave.she got angry at me for acting this way and stormed out the room.I looked at the cake as it's candle lit the room.I felt so fat, I ate the whole little cake in one sitting.I mean it was a small cake but it could easily feed 2 to 3 people.Well my mother came in the room later that night, crying.I was still reading comics but was at a lost of her.She sat next to me on my bed, I got up and set next to her and hugged her.She cried and I felt hopeless, she's my role model.How do you react to someone you see as invincible be so vulnerable.Sure she cries but this one was different, she looked lost and I was lost.Two lost souls in a world for full of leeches.I didn't show no emotion I tried to stay serious." I don't know what to do, you hate me, your fathers gone…I'm all alone." She said.She told me that and I never felt the same.I never meant to hurt my mother, I didn't know.If I could I would not have taken her for granted, the day a mother feels there child hates them is a day god dies.A mothers love is once in a lifetime and I destroyed that chance.She cleaned up and cleared her tears as she got up and excused herself.I just sat there, confused and abandoned.I got up and walks towards the wall.I remember I banged my head over and over on the wall.I stopped after I felt a rush to the brain, I quickly laid on the bed as my head started to hurt.
I know now the little things in life are taken for granted.If I get to see my mother again Imma give her the greatest hug imaginable.