To me, "normal" was something that felt far too restrictive compared to others.
I felt a suffocating sensation, as if I was living in a different flow of time, unable to share in the seemingly trivial things that others did so naturally.
A drowning fish, a bird that cannot fly, a flower with a thorn.
There were times when I thought of it as a cage.
A cage in the shape of a person named Kanemoto Uguisu.
As long as I remained myself, I thought I would never attain ordinary happiness.
When I was told I had only ten years left, it felt like it was someone else's problem.
I thought I had plenty of time to come to terms with the reality.
But before I could surrender to resignation, I resolved to face it head-on.
If I pushed myself too hard, my parents would be heartbroken.
I decided to at least avoid causing more people to suffer because of me.
I kept telling myself that.
With a resolute attitude, I would wear the ideal of Kanemoto Uguisu as a mask, pretending to be strong, and live that way.
And yet. Ah, that's right.
You effortlessly shattered that resolve of mine.
With something as simple as saying, "It's normal."
That phrase resonated in a way it likely wouldn't for anyone else. No, in fact, it did resonate.
The sound of the bell that connected us echoed clearly.
It all started from that moment. Our time began. So...
"Um, what did you want to discuss with me, Uguisu-senpai?"
"Sorry for the sudden request."
"It's fine. So, what's this about?"
"It's what you might call a consultation between girls, Miyako-san. I believe you're already aware of the situation with Shin-kun and me."
"Well, considering how passionately you came to the classroom, I don't think there's anyone at school who doesn't know."
"That kind of thing isn't exactly common, is it?"
"Yeah... well, some people might do it."
"I see. So, I wasn't wrong. That's a relief."
"Well, in a way. So, what's the consultation about?"
"Actually, I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it, but this is my first time dating someone."
"Uh-huh."
"I don't quite understand what a 'normal' relationship entails."
"I see. So, you'd like me to help you with...?"
"With how to navigate my relationship with Shin-kun."
"Hmm..."
"Um, why me?"
"When I thought of the female student who's often with Shin-kun, only you came to mind, Miyako-san."
"Ah, I see."
"I figured someone like you, who's naturally close to Shin-kun, could offer some accurate advice."
"Okay, OUT. I'm just a friend from the same class. Uguisu-senpai, you shouldn't do the same thing as me."
"That might be true, but..."
"This is your chance to fully embrace being his girlfriend!"
"Embrace being his girlfriend..."
"Exactly! Like how he came to get you after school, that's more of a win than anything."
"Well, he does read a lot of books, doesn't he? He probably dreams of those romantic, manga-like developments."
"Isn't that a bit of a stereotype?"
"I read a fair amount of books myself, but I don't necessarily yearn for the romances in them."
"Hmm."
"Though, saying I wouldn't be a lie."
"Then it's like you already have the perfect guidebook for your relationship."
"True, Miyako-san, you might be right. I should act on what feels right without hesitation."
"Exactly."
"Got it. Thanks, I'm glad I consulted with you."
"No problem at all."
The next day, I left home earlier than usual. I walked the familiar path to school but passed by it. Beyond that point lay an unfamiliar road, and it felt like I was embarking on an adventure.
My heart was pounding—was it because I knew I was doing something bold?
Or perhaps...
Because I'd get to see Shin-kun in the morning?
When I arrived in front of Shin-kun's house, I took a deep breath. If my breathing was uneven, it might make him worry unnecessarily.
Should I press the doorbell? Introducing myself to his parents out of the blue? No, that's definitely too soon.
But what kind of expression would Shin-kun make? Would he be surprised if I suddenly asked him to walk to school together?
No, he'd definitely be surprised. At least, I know I would be. I couldn't help but smile at the thought—it would make me happier than surprised.
As I pressed my hands to my cheeks to control my smile, the front door of Shin-kun's house opened. Shin-kun stepped out and looked at me with wide eyes.
"I wanted to try walking to school together for once. It seems like something a couple would do."
Then, on another day, as soon as the lunch break began, I left the classroom. In my hands was a bento I'd made for the first time.
My destination, of course, was the second-year classroom where Shin-kun was.
No, my cheeks are relaxing again. Has my face always been this vulnerable to emotion?
I tightened my expression as I opened the door to the second-year classroom.
"Uguisu-senpai, welcome."
"Thanks. Sorry to intrude."
Miyako-san noticed the bundle I was holding, realized what it was, and nodded in satisfaction, giving me a thumbs-up. I responded with a firm nod of my own.
Shin-kun approached me curiously.
"Would you like to have lunch together? I made lunch for you as well."
I raised the bento up to my chest to show him. Shin-kun's friends were staring at him with intense eyes—not quite glaring but filled with indescribable emotions.
"Senpai, you've done it."
Miyako-san, looking up at the two of us, cheered in a tone a notch higher than usual.
Shin-kun seemed a little troubled.
That night, after having lunch together with Shin-kun at the school's rooftop, I sat on my bed reading a romance novel. Since I started dating him, I had delved into a new genre—teen love novels. Many of these started as cell phone novels, designed to be read on small phone screens. As a result, they often focused on dialogue, with short, concise sentences.
Yet, stripped of any excess, they conveyed only what was essential, quickly stringing together emotions that drew me in before I realized it. I found myself captivated, appreciating the novel's potential and depth in new ways.
However, I couldn't help but notice how intense this genre could be.
Themes like love triangles, unrequited love, and even the death of a lover—topics that might be considered taboo in a typical romance—were all packed into these stories. It amazed me to learn that some of the authors were girls my own age.
The fact that these novels had such a following made me wonder if this was becoming the norm in romantic thinking.
Certainly, such passionate romances could be both poison and remedy.
I closed my eyes, letting my imagination expand. It was easier than I thought, especially since a similar situation had happened recently. I recalled the time we had lunch together on the rooftop and replaced the characters in the novel with myself and Shin-kun.
As the image of him surfaced behind my eyelids, the school bell signalling the end of lunch echoed.
He would say, "Senpai, today's lunch was delicious," smiling as he added, "Though the tamagoyaki was quite sweet."
When the other students left the rooftop, leaving just the two of us, Shin-kun finally stood up. Approaching me with a different atmosphere than usual, he said softly, "Senpai, I'm still not full. After all, we haven't had dessert yet," pressing me gently against the wall as he whispered.
With one hand against the wall, preventing any escape, his face drew closer.
But the real reason I couldn't move was his unwavering gaze—it was so intense it made me feel as if my whole body was warming from within.
Apologizing for not having prepared dessert, I heard him laugh and say, "There is dessert, right in front of me."
Shin-kun leaned in even closer, and I instinctively closed my eyes tightly, expecting a kiss.
But instead of the sensation of lips meeting, I felt his warm breath against my ear.
"For the next 50 minutes, we won't be interrupted," he whispered in a lower tone than usual.
With my eyes closed, my ears became more sensitive than usual, and I felt a tingling warmth spreading through my core. As I grew flustered by the thought of being on the rooftop during class, Shin-kun uttered decisive words, "It's normal for a couple to lose track of time and place when they're alone together."
I opened my eyes wide, clutching the pillow as I brought it closer to my lips. "What am I doing?" I thought. Shin-kun couldn't possibly be that forceful, but how should a kiss be?
I gazed at the pillow again, tilting my head slightly as if to welcome Shin-kun. "Would slightly moist lips feel good?" I wondered. With Shin-kun in mind, I gently pressed my lips to the pillow.
On another afternoon, after school, I was with Miyako-san again.
"Nice, great job! You two are such a couple!" she teased.
"Really? It makes me feel like all the effort was worth it," I replied.
"What did you do today?" she asked.
"I read in a book yesterday about taking a photo together and set it as the wallpaper on my phone, so we tried that," I said.
"That's awesome! So trendy, like a real couple! Show me the photo!" she urged.
"Here it is," I showed her.
"Oh wow, a photo at school! This is a picture for the history books," she exclaimed.
"That's a bit exaggerated," I replied.
"But school is a place you eventually leave, and uniforms are something you'll eventually stop wearing. This photo captures such a precious time," she explained.
"Now that you mention it, this photo is definitely a part of Shin-kun's and my history," I reflected.
"Send me that photo! I'll tease him about it if anything happens," she joked.
"I can't do that," I laughed.
"I'm kidding. I want it for memories too," she said. "After all, I'm like the Cupid bringing you two closer."
"True, you've given me a lot of advice, so I suppose sharing a photo is fine," I agreed.
"Uguisu-senpai, is something the matter?" I asked.
"No, I'm content, but I wonder if Shin-kun feels the same," she pondered.
"There's no way a boyfriend would feel bad about his girlfriend going to such lengths for him. Himeya has this weird proactive side, but he's also overly considerate," she observed.
"Really?"
"Yes, he's so kind that he ends up being too considerate. But don't you think he's still holding back?"
"He told me he wouldn't hold back with me," I said.
"Still, he is. You haven't kissed yet, right?"
"K-kiss?!" I stammered.
"Your reaction says it all," she chuckled. "Any healthy guy would want to get close to his girlfriend."
"I would respond if he asked, of course," I admitted, embarrassed.
"I'm not saying you should push him down or anything," she grinned.
"Would that be wrong?"
"Eh, you were thinking of that?"
"No, no! There's a time and place for everything. If the timing is right..." I said.
"Uguisu-senpai, you're surprisingly assertive, huh? But don't you want the guy to make the first move when it comes to a kiss?"
"Actually, when the time comes, I should say something, so I don't mess it up. Maybe practice kissing on a pillow?"
"Eh, how do you know that?"
"Well, it's you we're talking about..."
"Ah! Ahh! Would you forget about that?"
"Wow, wow, wow! Uguisu-senpai, you're so cute! I didn't know you could look like that. It's like the heat is beyond and feels almost cold."
Seeing me like this, Miyako-san seemed to get an idea and lowered her gaze, putting her hand to her mouth.
"Uguisu-senpai, let's try practicing," she said.
"Practicing? For what?" I asked.
"For a kiss."
"I don't quite understand what you're saying."
"I think if it's just two girls, it should be fine."
"No, but that's... a bit much."
"Do you feel bad for Himeya?"
"... So, if I were the beneficiary, then I'd be the royalty, huh?"
"Not exactly, but well, Himeya is kind of pushing things here."
"Ah, Miyako-san, you're getting a bit too close!"
"Ah, oops! I really am starting to want to kiss."
"No, no, that's not it! My first kiss, I want to save it for Shin-kun, regardless of gender."
"By the way, in novels and manga, isn't this the kind of moment when Himeya shows up?"
I couldn't help but glance at the door, but it remained silent.
"Hahaha... It's not that convenient," I laughed.
"Still, Uguisu-senpai, you're really cute. I thought you'd be more mature at first."
"I was just trying to act that way, but if I've changed, it's because of Shin-kun."
"Changed, huh? Uguisu-senpai, how about we make a video?"
"A video?"
"A message to Himeya-kun, now that he's your boyfriend."
"That's not the kind of development I've read in books."
"You just turned pink when I said you changed, but you don't want to leave things unchanged, right? Come on, sit here."
"Wait, Miyako-san, hold on a second!"
"Come on, it's fine."
"Okay, look this way."
I didn't understand what Miyako-san's intentions were, but I followed her request to film the video. What I wanted to remain unchanged was my feelings now. When I spoke them aloud, they came out easily, naturally. Those words were my honest feelings for Shin-kun. They were filled with gratitude. But when the video was over, I couldn't help but feel embarrassed, and my face showed it.
"Did you really get all of it?"
"Yeah, of course. Let's play it."
"I can't imagine a future where my feelings would fade. I can feel, with my whole body, how happy it is to fall in love with someone. I'll never forget this feeling."
"Got it perfectly, right... Uguisu-senpai?"
"I didn't know I could make such a face."
"Really?"
"I didn't know I could look so happy while talking about Shin-kun. By looking at myself objectively, I realize that I really do love him. This is a view I didn't even know existed. I'm living in such a happy moment."
"But... what do we actually use this video for?"
"Well, like a video to make up after a fight, maybe?"
"We never fight though..."
"If you never fight... Well, how about like at a wedding or something."
"Wedding?!"
"Imagine playing this video during the part where they talk about how the couple met. Himeya would definitely cry."
"Wait, I'll cry instead, it's so embarrassing."
"Then we can both cry."
"Please, delete it!"
"No way! We have to keep this perfect video!"
"It's amazing. It really shows how wonderful it is to fall in love with someone."
"That's for sure."
"Himeya is a good guy. Uguisu-senpai, please take care of him." Miyako-san said as she smiled, her smile was an honest one
"Miyako-san..."
"Alright, I'll definitely save this video."
"No, please don't."
"None can do about that haha!"
She sticks out her tongue playfully while winking, making a video that's a bit embarrassing, but when I think about my feelings, I feel proud of it. I wonder if one day Shin-kun will watch this video. If he does, when will that be? There are still things about my body that I haven't told him yet, and Miyako-san said he would cry when he watches this video. But I hope Shin-kun will watch it and smile. I want to be by his side, blushing and teary-eyed. I dream of a future like that. This video is just the thoughts of an ordinary girl who has come to love you. It's me, without any decorations, in the form of a girl named Kanemoto Uguisu.