How miserable was her life that to treat other people this way was acceptable in her mind? What had gone so horribly wrong that you could bring yourself to hurt anyone this way, Amanda? What pain had been visited upon you to make this ok? It was possible I supposed, my mind choosing to ignore the agony of my body, she was simply a sadist and liked inflicting pain but that seemed somehow unlikely. I could see in her eyes that measure of pain she felt when she hurt me. There was a guilt and horror at her own actions hidden just below the fury on the surface.
"Get up!" Amanda snapped at me. I struggled to respond, finding it difficult to get a purchase on the bed with my injured shoulder and unable to put any weight on my ankle. Finally, frustrated at the pace of my progress Amanda jerked me to my feet, causing me to scream again as my shoulder twisted sickeningly in a way it was not meant to move. If I could have, I would have cried, I'm sure, but my body seemed to have no tears left. Amanda was obviously not pleased with my lack of tears and slapped me hard. I rocked back, hopping slightly to keep weight off my ankle before settling gingerly.
"Well, aren't you the big girl, now, Akari," Amanda laughed, the smell of alcohol strong on her breath. "There was a time when you'd cry at a stiff breeze but now? Oh, Akari's a good girl, now! Akari doesn't need to cry, now! Akari's a strong girl, now! That's because I've cried enough for both of us, you worthless bitch!" Amanda's voice grew louder with each word until she was unleashing a guttural scream at me, sounding more animal than human. I flinched reflexively at the blow I knew was coming. Surprisingly, it never fell. Instead Amanda tossed the envelope she carried in her hand onto my bed and turned unsteadily back toward the door. "Let's see if you've really learned to be a big girl, shall we? I think you'll like the pictures. They're very good quality given the circumstances. I don't imagine you'll be running far with a broken ankle so I'll leave the door open to give you enough light to see by."
I looked down at the envelope on the bed, my heart pounding in fear. What had Amanda done? I reached with shaking fingers and picked it up.
I made my slow, painful way down the hall, the sound of the television in Amanda's room echoed through the house. I had been wrong, I thought. I apparently still had tears enough left to cry. Seeing the photos of Sachi's shattered car had unleashed the flood of my misery and broken the dam letting me cry one last time. Sachi had been the bright sun at the center of my solar system since I met her. A blazing light I could always follow and which had enabled me to grow and flourish. Now that light had been extinguished and only darkness remained.
I'd never get the chance, now, to see her smile, hear her voice or tell her how I felt. The rock anchoring my life had been taken from me and now I felt adrift in the face of the cyclone. Before I let myself sink, though, there was still one thing left to do. I didn't know what Amanda had planned but at the end of everything I still had some small measure of control over my fate. I had been able to endure but it wasn't necessary to do so anymore. I just had one thing left to do before I could finally flounder and fly apart in the face of the storm.
I passed Amanda's room without a second glance. It was not my destination. Through the dining room and past the kitchen and into the back hall I hunched, each step tearing a whimper of pain from me as my broken body refused me the dignity of silence. Finally, gasping for breath with burning lungs I stood in front of my destination. A brown door with a strange little flower holder placed in the center. My hands shook as I stood in front of the closed portal and it felt like my body was going to give way at any second. With the last of my remaining willpower I forced myself to stay upright.
Beyond this door lay something dark. Something swirling and wrong that seemed to be at the heart of my shattered life. Beyond this door was horror which had haunted me. I reached forward and touched the door with shaking fingers before withdrawing my hand slightly. I already knew what had to be done. It was the last part of the broken pieces of my childhood I had left to collect to put the puzzle together and give me enough peace to sleep. I closed my eyes. I was tired. So tired. With a shuddering sigh I reached forward again and felt the cool metal of the knob beneath my fingers. Dread welling in my heart I turned the knob and swung the door open.