What have I done to get into this mind blogging situation. It's not even funny I lost my husband according to Ann.
Now I know why I was so unsure about leaving him. I should feel some remorse I left him there but Anna says it's not safe to be there again they too are hiding I don't know from what and I didn't care to question I don't want to go there I just wanted to see him if he's still there.
What was it like. Oh god help me. I'm screaming in my head. I'm all sweaty. I feel like something inside me is stirring and wants out.
I want to know more and at the same time I don't.
Husband! Really? Why can't I remember things. I'm gonna have an emotional breakdown. I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to pull my scalp out.
It's frustrating when you don't know things that are about your own self.
Maybe I should just take a nap, again! Anna said the condition or situation I'm in is normal wanting to sleep. But why me. Why am I in this mess. I grab my face and rub it furiously.
You are destined to have this. There's no going back. You have to be strong. And let me tell you, you are strong already that's the only reason you've been chosen for this. I'm always here with you.
That's the most she spoke, you know the voice in my head. I've to ask Anna about this. Her words comfort me. And I relax. Whatever it is I'll ask later. I'm shutting down for a while.
There's no one here just him and me and he's smiling that million dollar smile any girl around would drop her panties for. And he's all mine forever.
He's walking towards me with a look that has me fidgeting, it's our anniversary we've been together for as long as I remember we were neighbors then best friends then girlfriend and boyfriend then Mr. & Mrs. I love this man. He's always so darn calm and collected. I'm lucky he chose me. But he had no other choice I was his mate. His happy ending, his forever. And he's mine.
As he reached me he opened up his arms wide so that I could run into them and feel like heaven. As I start walking towards him Just an inch apart I see his eyes going dull arms falling at his side knees wobbling as I finally reach him I sit beside him. I feel numb and he's too cold, dead, lifeless.
I think I'm screaming but I can't hear anything, nothing.
As I close my eyes to cry and open them it's pitch black. I'm naked everything around me is broken and demolished. I don't remember anything. I stand, it feels like it's happening all over again. I see people far from where I'm standing. Tearing other people with their teeth. Their eyes pitch black with red dancing colors in their mouth covered in blood. They are smiling that evil smile. My heart stops thinking they are coming for me, they do, they are walking towards me, in a blur they are in front of me, but they don't do anything they are looking down at the dead bodies and past me as if they can't see me. But I'm still scared until they choose to disappear. I let out a sagged breath. I'm alive. But I feel like I've lost everything. I feel empty to the core. I don't understand why I'm feeling like this....
I woke up, knowing it was just a dream. A nightmare at that. It felt so real. Dreams are meant to feel real. Silly. I saw that man again and if I remember I'm in love with him, that's what I saw and felt during the vision I was having. I don't feel it now. I'm sure Anna won't lie. She saved my life and she says I'm a very important person. I feel like I'm very familiar with all of this stuff. Yet I feel detached.
Just ask away. You're close to knowing everything. I believe in you.
Yeah first of all this voice. I'm gonna go find Anna. With that I stand and start walking to find her. I guess the voice is right I'm close I can feel it.
Every nerve I feel is vibrating in me. It's like having life back and feeling alive.
She's sitting on the couch sipping I think coffee.
I see her and I sense she has sensed my presence here. I literally see her ears getting alert, I dunno how? But I think I somehow saw like she knew I was here, maybe she's extra sensitive.
I sigh and move to sit beside her.
Today's the day. I know it. I just know it. And it's a happy feeling to know about yourself. I feel my face vibrating, blood in my veins running clearly. The rush. Excitement.
"So, are you ready?" Says Ana turning to face me and placing her cup on the table in front of us. She shifts to sit comfortably so that she has her right leg half folded on the couch her back to the armrest left leg dangling palms in between.
"So I have told you, about you a little, now you know your name and stuff like you were, are...
(she stresses on the 'are' to make me realize nothing's changed for her, I smile skeptically and she continues..)
someone who's important." Telling me like I'm a kid. She seems on edge. I'm particular I look like a child waiting for her birthday present. Whatever I'm intrigued into knowing this, this story about me and Mr. Stranger.
Deep down I know all of it, I just need a push. I'm not concentrating I feel like I know what's going to be coming next outta her mouth. And strangely the voice in my head seems calm and interested in listening.
Shut up! Will you?
Or so I thought..
"Or rather it was important." At this I see her face getting creased up and several emotions swirling behind her orbs. I feel the pain too.
"Look, I wanna tell you straight. It's too much to take in but honestly I'm fed up.."
I stare at her she's fed up with me?
What did I do!
She senses that and says "No not fed up with you." And gives me her innocent smile.
I visibly relax.
"Fed up because of what happened. There has been a war. You were the Luna or Queen of our pack..." she's eyeing me like this will all be new for me and I'd laugh or cry or run whatever.
But I've known this, my dreams or nightmares have given away much of the information.
She has stopped. I nod her telling to continue, telling her I know and understand.
With a comforting sigh she continues "So, you were the Luna of our pack, of werewolves, and as the saying goes "Vamp and Were can never bear each other", of sorts. So they took us off while we were celebrating an event and ruined our land. In which our King.. um..." she shifts uncomfortably, I know what's coming next and I dread hearing it and this time knowing it'll be real it has been real.
"The Alpha of our pack was killed because he was busy saving us, his people.." a lone tear slips down her cheek. And my vision gets blurred as if a River's flowing through my eyes. And a strange voice has occurred within me.. I'm howling in agony and pain.
Ana's sobbing hard too. Holding my hands she finishes saying "He was your mate and Your life partner.. your everything... "
And something shifts within me bone crushing and cracking, somehow I've managed to push Ana away and I'm in seconds in the air, I feel strong like 'can melt iron with my bare eyes and mould it just with my fingers' strong.
I feel my back curling and turning right back clockwise and spine extracting. The veins in my neck pulsing so hard the blood rushing to my eyes. Jaws stretching out and sharp teeth filling my mouth.
I now have paws and am standing on all my fours. I'm looking straight into Ana's eyes she looks happy and the tears are now cheerful.
I figure I've turned... turned into my true self.
Wolf. Werewolf. That's what we are.
Yeah. That's what we are.