The sentence of my pride "I am a ballerina" dissolved into "I used to be a ballerina" as soon as I had started to become somebody valuable in Opera House .
I did all the hard work I could to be able to participate in a ceremonial dance on the Christmas Eve and when I did got selected everything was torn apart in the blink of an eye and I,while dancing all alone in the room at late hour had a great fall, face forward while spinning.
Just to avoid my job cracking I used my arms. All in all, I did avoided my jaw cracking but my shoulder got dislocated, my bad. I was in a room far away from others and as a matter of fact, nobody even knew that I was still there. So, after running and crying for hours I had to carry myself on my own to the main hall, which is the reason my condition became even more awful.
I was instantly fetch by first aid squad though, but still I was abandoned as a ballerina at least for two years and that was when I could not stop my tears streaming down my bruised cheeks but what I was told shoulder dislocation turned out to be a swear bone crack, constantly damaging my muscles and to fix it I was gonna have a surgery to fix a rod to support my bone.
As of now I lay in the hospital bed and it's been two days since that fall incident, going through dozens of machines every single hour.
it feels like I have become something other than human laying on the bed cuddled in the blankets overwhelmed by the weight of my heavily bandaged and padded left side that is under the observation, forced to eat raw vegetables, rough tasting medicines making me puke instantly and leaving me all embarrassed and hidden in a blanket.
I know that's necessary and for my own good but it suffocates me to be creative I feel like a free spirit with highly patched wings trapped in a tiny jar on behalf of an evil scheme led by mad humans and if it'll go any more like this I will end up dying just in my imagination though as I'm still in the hospital and I cannot end up dying just because of being under observation.
All night, I lay staring at the stars that my brother made the me the day I was dropped here. cut out of old paper they might be, but they gleam with the warm love which is keeping me alive after all the pain I'm dealing with, but honestly my heart is pounding against my chest after hearing rain pouring down the cheerful streets . Amplifying the glee.
I think of jumping straight out of the window every second and to feel the rain that I have hated and avoided all my life.
how unfortunate the eve at which I was going to dance with all my heart Iam going to be operated, in bunch of horrors. At midnight I'm going under the knife of who looks like a butcher to me but then again midnight was chosen as a peaceful time as it was going to be a delicate injury with my delicate bird like bones. In my world I'm lost flapping my wings against the birdcage hopelessly, with the Azure, freedom in front of my eyes.
I peeked sideways but surprisingly no one was patrolling the corridor like usually. air was loaded with heavy snores of some old patients who somehow made me think that I was the same age as them considering the fact I only made certain degree moments. after being stuck in the delusional dilemma I am nervous but for ? I thought as I was handed a perfect moment by the Mother Nature itself and without a single thought i shifted my weight, stood up and landed off the bed avoiding the pain and noise as much as I could. after a few minutes, I stood at front of the elevator hoping and praying it to be empty.
It opened for a second my scaredy heart thought I'm gonna die right. The butcher who was gonna deal with me grinned ,a lightning struck me hard this is it. I had my hopes high I thought I was gonna survive for another couple of hours. he is probably going to pull out some monstrous knives and draw a blood pool out of me this instant, who will waste an opportunity of a deserted corridor (more like he won't be forced to take another soul to remove murder witnesses). his eyes gleamed red "what are you doing in your own here kid " his head swinging curiously "told you your next …why are you wandering" he asked sweetly just like all the assassins in the movie do before they get hold of the innocent and blow their head off. I tapped hard on my head, " normal thoughts "I said a bit rough and loud. Those words were only meant for myself to cover that up "I... I was looking for the company" I blurted out (idiot me) the butcher lit up swinging his hand through the nearly bald grey patch on his head. he introduced all these things to me in the operating room. I don't know the man was trying to be friendly or to make my soul leave my distorted body , while we were alone.
The man had no sense of communication or how to be friendly ,I mean it felt like the victim being shown all the weapons that he was going to taste once he dozed off. Suddenly the operating room was filled with a lot of people and , I didn't get fidget or anxious. I layed their gazing vacantly, satisfied because I knew it could not be in the rain as I was getting Annasthesia the rain must have stopped cause the noise attracting me got fainter and fainter the figure in in front of me got blurred and my vision dimmed as darkness overtook my view.
I could feel myself breath the hands touching the left of me but I felt like I was away from all things I was feeling just like being under the deep sea listening to something at the seashore. the sea got darker and drier all of a sudden.
it was dark and it started to rain I could feel the tiny raindrops prickle to my numb skin the more time I spent in that unknown eerie place. it rains more and iam able to feel it and more the wet i get. I was able to sniff more, feel alive more. I felt every second and the more number it became it was still dark and rainy but when I opened my eyes after being in the rain for the first time a figure invaded my grey ceiling view " oh.. you're awake" the voice buzzed in my ear she sounded to be calm but I was alarmed I really felt like I was in the rain perhaps the Mother Nature really wanted me to feel her once.