A1 may have only given me a peck-like soft kiss on my right cheek, but it was almost as if my entire body froze. Does he even know what he did? He has committed a sin, A SIN! It is forbidden in Islam for men and women to be so physically close and he just sealed all the gap between his body and mine. Okay, maybe not literally, but this has been our very first physical interaction and why oh why did it have to be a kiss? I was entirely shaken and thoroughly distressed at the thought of disappointing my Almighty Creator. My love for A1 had not surpassed the love and commitment I had for God. My next few days were spent in frustration because I didn't dare to confide with anyone, and I felt this heavy burden of sin on my innocent heart. I finally caved into my schoolmate's pestering questions about my sulky mood. She was awestruck when she learnt. I partially sensed some jealousy in her tone and partly disappointment. One of the reasons I learnt to keep many matters to myself, later on, was this feeling of being judged and criticised. He eventually saw me returning to my apartment one evening after a quick trip from the grocer's and followed me into my staircase. I was not ready to listen to his explanation but he grabbed hold of my arm firmly and said, '' We need to talk. I am going to wait for your call tonight. If you won't call then i'm going to stop eating anything!'' Young love is weird and ridiculous even! Of Course I called him, exactly as he wanted me to, right after midnight. My folks slept a bit earlier than his family did. But he never had issues receiving late night calls from anyone. His family were pretty easy and chill about these things for all their children. I was the one from a very conservative background, hence the attraction to A and A1's family was quite natural. Throughout the phone call he kept justifying the kiss, apologising for not seeking my permission and regretting my disappointment or worse, abandonment. I kept quiet for half of the call but eventually he persuaded me to voice my frustration. I at once pounded on the list of islamic and ethical codes he had broken and reminded him of the Hellfire that seeks the worldly sinners. He listened, amused I am sure, because I could sense his thin lips forming a curve reluctantly on the other end. The goof was smiling! Oh the nerve! Clearly, we could conclude who was more religious in this relationship! Before hanging upm he asked me one last time, '' so am I forgiven?'' and I replied '' You should seek forgiveness for Him and not me actually,'' and he continued logically, '' But He forgives a wrongdoer when His creation forgives too, no?'' I sighed, he was good at arguing when he wanted to convince someone. ''Yes, I forgive!'' I reluctantly gave in. ''Good, so let me just say this, within ten days you gave me a positive reply. I kissed you, and you took nearly a week to forgive me for that! Mark my words, by the end of this October, I will have kissed so many times, you wouldn't even be able to keep a count. I promise!'' and A1 hung up!
The firstborns are usually the most experimented upon by parents. But, we often forget, they are also the most beloved of their parents. A1 had been such an obedient kid all his life, he had seldom been denied for anything he wished. So he grew up with the notion that if he wanted something or someone, it was his already. M still had to learn that, because she was brought up entirely differently, being the last and the late one!
Sure enough, by Halloween, M had lost count of the number of times A1 had grabbed her by the arm, hugged and pressed her body to his, kissed her on her cheek, forehead, neck and even lips. He had often left her gasping for breath in the hallway of his home, when she came to visit A, in the staircase on the way to her home, in the car, if he dropped his sister and her to someplace to hang out. He had developed a never ending appetite for her scent, flesh and body. Soon came a time, within a few weeks, that M found days difficult when she hadn't hugged him. Her body craved to envelope him and be engulfed in his bear hug. M would keep her nose on his neck, his body emitted a certain kind of fragrance she couldn't put into description, in the end she concluded, it just smelt like home, safe, cosy, warm and fuzzy. He was her own personal bear. One that she could cuddle into as the days slipped into December and winter was round the corner. Her long finger and hands were always cold while his were short, stubby and always warm. Whenever they got a moment in private, their bodies just collided with each other, as if they were drawn to one another like magnets. The late night sneaky phone calls turned into late night hugs, in the quiet of her staircase and later her hallway. A1's urges could not be suppressed any longer, he wanted her, more and more badly. When the 1st time he met her, after she successfully smuggled him in the eerie darkness of her room, they both just sat quietly in each other's arms, failing to understand what was this physical urge both of them were unable to control, suppress or even contain. He began asking questions from his family when they planned on getting him married since early marriages are culturally accepted in Asian countries. M prayed and repented for the sins they committed everyday for both their sakes, while A1's attempt on repentance was to think and work on possibilites of early marriage, so sexual intercourse could become an actual reality and even virtue for him, because fornication was THE one thing M had been very very strict about. There was possibly no part of her body alien to his touch, by spring 2004, but sexual intercourse was still not on the list. M was still a virgin and she had promised to keep her chastity a bounty for the man who would marry her. A1 now wanted nothing more than that and nothing could keep him from that, even if it meant running away with M to marry her, or worse, to abduct her. Ironically, the journey from lovers to sinners had been much quicker than either of them had anticipated.