I underestimated these brainwaves severely. Something I realized too late.
In my defense, it wasn't really my fault as my understanding of the brain works was next to null before this. While I knew the identities and functions of them, I forgot to account for how they influenced each other.
After I got the gamma waves, the next wave I could feel was likely the delta waves, and that was where it started getting more difficult.
While gamma waves dealt with elevated consciousness, delta waves were produced during deep sleep or meditation. Normally these two waves could complement each other but unfortunately, I was the one controlling the waves manually. Meaning I had to find their matching frequencies.
What made it all the more harder was that I couldn't direct multiple waves at once. The gamma waves on its own was almost impossible to control.
The waves were all erratic, exponentially increasing their difficulty in control.
No matter how I tried, I just wasn't able to direct more than two brainwaves at any given moment. The more I tried, the more I became frustrated, and the more I became frustrated, the more I entertained the idea of giving up.
And I did.
Clearly, this method wasn't working and I'll have to find another way.
Cutting off the pathway I created, I tried feeling for anything else. Anything that would provide an alternative.
I spread out my senses, not knowing what I was looking for, as I continued to search.
…
Argh!
This time discrepancy was really messing with me full time. How long have I spent in here? This was a reoccurring thought that I always asked myself.
Personally, I don't think I've spent that long in here considering the usual blackouts I have. It was just the feeling I got from those times that constantly plagued me.
Sometimes I would go back to trying to connect the brainwaves, but like always, it just didn't work. It was during one of those times that I was made known to another glaring issue for concern – I couldn't wake up.
I wasn't able to figure this out on time mostly due to my inaccurate mental clock. When I found this out, I tried ejecting myself out but nothing happened.
I couldn't have known something like this was going to happen. But thinking about it now, it was a possibility.
The reason for this being my main consciousness was dragged down to subconscious level together with my subconscious mind. With me in the depths of my innermost mind, there was nothing to act as an anchor to pull me back up and coupled with the fact that I gave myself a full mental shutdown, there was no one to instruct my subconscious nor could it instruct itself since I basically suppressed its overall activity.
I truly didn't think this through because of my panic and desperation.
Right now my senses was always constantly active, becoming something of a second nature to me, giving me a background image of a tree of light spread far and wide.
I stopped moving around a while back, or was that some minutes ago? At this point, the novelty had long ran out leaving only annoyance.
I was contemplating what I would do next, since my main consciousness was always active, when I felt something.
Now, I've felt a lot things since my time here, ranging from brainwaves to dead frequencies and other behaviors of the waves, but this was different. Slightly different in fact that I would have missed it if I wasn't familiar with my brainwaves' behavioral pattern.
This however, was different. Almost foreign in nature even.
I watched as this new frequency moved towards my frontal lobe and started doing something that shocked me.
It started merging with my other brainwaves as they suddenly became erratic while it melded itself into the colored nerves that represented the part that controlled my thoughts and memories.
The moment I saw that, I knew something was going wrong, horribly so.
I moved at the fastest I could go, which considering I was an electrical impulse/frequency, arrived in an instant and saw how my brainwaves tried to fight it back but it melded ever so slowly with my subconscious.
Not liking what was happening, I acted immediately and launched myself at the invading frequency. It melding more with my subconscious was already bad and having my subconscious activity while at its lowest attacked, was the worst scenario possible.
Seeing as my brainwaves were slowing down its attack, although slightly, I attacked it from behind with all the force I could muster.
I tried to disrupt its frequency as much as I could by encompassing it with mine and bombarding it with a barrage of probes as it was the only way I knew how to influence anything here.
Thankfully, as it was a slowly infecting frequency, I was able to cover it in its entirety before I started with an attack of my own.
The frequency was easily destroyed between my minds defense and my attack after a while. During our little bout, I figured out where that frequency came from – Hydra. I was able to feel what was similar to my own subconscious mind every time I gave it a directive and considering it was them, they would no doubt be another.
Also, seeing how that frequency attacked gave me an idea I wanted to try implementing the next time it came. All I needed to do now was wait, but given where I am that could either be the next moment or a long treacherous wait.
Another thing that came to mind and was quite troubling was how I would have missed that frequency entirely if not for the level of familiarity I had from spending however long it was I spent here, which also meant that I had being ignorant of that frequency the entire time.
They had been past attacks on my subconscious during my whole time here, but since I wasn't able to sense the small differences, they had being successful. I noticed how my subconscious was only trying to defend semi-actively which meant it was adapting with the frequency and that didn't bode well with me at all.
This made it all the more crucial to do whatever I could, and since it was the only way I had a chance to wake myself up, it was doubly so.
So I waited.
…
The next attack was sooner than I expected, not that I was surprised.
This time, the moment I sensed the frequency, I intercepted it before it got to its target location since I wouldn't be able to do what I wanted as efficiently as I could if it did.
The moment I got inside its range, as if on reflex, it tried to latch onto me which I allowed.
Since I couldn't access my subconscious directly despite all of my efforts, I decided to try this. Watching the previous struggle between this frequency and my mental defense, I concluded that if not for my attacks, eventually this frequency would've won and found its way around my mind even if not whole, as my mental defense did destroy part of it.
With that train of thought, I came up with this not-so brilliant plan of mine which consisted of me implanting my main consciousness inside this frequency making it the ultimate shield or means of getting inside my subconscious. Simplified, I was hiking a free ride home.
I wonder when I started becoming this suicidal…. Right! It was when Hydra decided to do their yearly good deed and 'recruited' me. Looking back at it now, I really did change and a drastic one at that too. So much for wishing for a mundane life. Maybe after this whole Hydra arc I can finally have it.
Pushing these flag-raising thoughts out of my head, I focused on what could possibly be my most stupid or brilliant idea ever. This was the most riskiest endeavor I've ever engaged in, that the only thing that could come in close second was the act of me shutting down my mental faculties and jumping into it without so much as a thought of caution.
But then again, desperate times call for desperate methods. Which has been my MO as of late.
Concentrating on the malicious frequency engaging me in a literal silent war, I started to prepare myself for my figurative dive into the deep.
Obviously I wouldn't allow it to just swallow me as that would mean death to me, mentally, since the subconscious mind works on intent from the main conscious, if my mind was swallowed by it without any kind of protection then my real body will become nothing more than a blank body of flesh, which wouldn't do anyone anything good, well except Hydra of course, but no one cares about Hydra so that's that.
If my main consciousness getting eaten would mean the mental expiration of the individual named Draul, then my subconscious going through the same thing wouldn't just leave me brain-dead or vegetative, no. Depending on what part was damaged, like let's say the part that controls the reflex of breathing or maybe the one that regulates the motion of blood flow? An attack on the human subconscious mind almost always result in death. That's why brainwashing always happen after the main consciousness has been weakened since it acts as some sort of mental defense to the other and occurs on the subconscious because rather than an attack, it is more like reconstructing the biological thumbnail of a particular part of the psyche.
How do I know all this? Well considering I've spent God-knows how long staring at it, attacking it, releasing my frustrations on it, talking with it and being the only thing I could feel in wherever this place was, the recently awakened budget-nerd part of me in its irritating curiosity started probing the hell out of my mind, trying to learn as much as I could since it was only right I knew how things operated around these parts of the me(?).
Those probes were what helped me in knowing the dos and don'ts that applied to my mind. It was also how I knew what part of me was being attacked, and the dangers it proposed.
Knowing these things helped me a lot in learning how to utilize the present state I was in, like learning how to move between nerve points faster and also how the other brainwaves vibrated in response to my actions. It completely changed how I experienced this place.
It was also what gave me the inspiration for enacting the crazy plan that led me to the present.
Now, considering that we were both mass of data collected into electrostatic waves, like everything else, vibrating at specific frequencies, it was possible for either of us to influence the other, heavily depending on intensity, broadband range AND level or range of autonomy.
If it came down to which of us could influence the other, mine would win anytime but that wasn't what I am aiming for.
Heavily influencing its frequency would mean overwriting most of its with that of mine, letting it oscillate and reverberate to the vibrational frequency of my specific broadband which I think, theoretically, my subconscious reverberates with, thereby identifying it and obstructing its advancements deeper into it's central point.
Such an action was the correct choice, as two autonomous consciousness shouldn't exist in the same place. This was the reason why the only way for my subconscious to actively control my body was if I allowed it to and will my main consciousness to backseat. Having the two consciousness on the same mental plane would make their frequencies collide and also disrupt and confuse their respective feedbacks resulting in them not being able to transmit their respective neural signals along the nerves, causing the brain to collapse on itself.
Yeah it sounds terrifying, I know.
Am I still going to do it? Of course.
Am I behaving too impulsive? Probably.
Does knowing all this change anything? No!
As I felt the prickly sensation on my consciousness from the Hydra's frequency, I sent out my own probes to obstruct them.
While the minds offensive abilities might be nonexistent, its defensive abilities and their utilities were entirely different. With every understanding and level of consciousness we achieve, our mental ability and capacity are increased in folds.
Simply put, I condensed all my frequencies and bunched them all up without letting the vibrations go out. After I did that, I felt the most uncomfortable sensation I've ever felt before throughout my senses.
I wanted to stop everything I was doing just to relieve myself from this constricting feeling that made me feel as if my intake of air was restricted and I was only allowed to breathe again for a few seconds once I started asphyxiating.
It was only the fact that after I did a brief scan of my waves and found that nothing was wrong with me, and also the reminder of Hydra's brainwashing, that made me stifle any impulsive reaction I was about to release.
With that done, I stopped the probes I was sending out to it as a form of defense and let it consume me while I protected myself in its sea of wavelengths and immediately got to work. I was running on a limited time-frame and also the fact that I was in its home territory where I was constantly being attacked from all sides made my situation more disadvantageous and made me hurry as I searched for it nucleus or its core.
The core or its centralized point, was where all its autonomous directives were housed, just like my subconscious. And also like my subconscious, if I could get in, I would be able to overwrite its code with my directives.
So with every part of my senses running at full capacity, I traced back every wavelength and frequency, pushing my senses in deeper as I faced more obstacles the further I went it.
With my main consciousness being superior to whatever program or command this was, it didn't take me too long before I came face to face with a constantly changing formless conflagration of colors that sent out pulses with every motion it took.
Looking at what I assumed to be it save folder, I immediately sent out my probes directly into it as I felt its record of directives flashing around me. Without missing a bit, I started reconfiguring everything I didn't want, and since this was something I used to do with my subconscious, I found it fairly easy.
After a few changes… ok after a thorough overhaul of directives while at the same time enduring the massive phantom itch that needed a rough scratch, I directed my new… ship(?) towards my subconscious region.
The moment I collided with my sub mind, I saw close up how some parts of my pirated host disintegrated upon coming into contact with my subconscious minds mental defense, while some part melded with it. I pushed in harder against the defense as more parts disintegrated and melded while some parts went through.
Capitalizing on that weak spot, I pressed on harder as more parts went in while some disintegrated rapidly. Without caring for the lost parts, I forced on and after a few moments of a stalemate which I won, I was able to finally break through after losing almost 70% percent of my camouflage.
With my first successful act since my ill-ventured dive, I stopped moving as he took in a moment to appreciate the wonderful feeling of euphoria I was constantly being bathed in.
After regaining my bearings, this time with caution, I ordered my first anti-virus program to send out probes as I went through all the information it was constantly receiving.
The moment the feedbacks came to me, I froze as the image of what could only be called a clear night sky with lights flashing around filled my senses.
Each light, I presume, controlling every part of my body in perfect autonomy.
Some of the lights were familiar, probably those I probed countless times when I was bored, while some I just couldn't feel. They pulsated tides of waves but I couldn't even feel them as if they weren't there.
I tried once more to get a read on them and with the result coming out empty, I brushed them aside for now while I focused on the ones I could feel.
From everything I've experienced thus far, I was able to understand the value of what I've just accomplished and I wasn't going to waste it. I would leave no mental loopholes to be exploited.
I guess spring-cleaning came early.
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[A/N]
Drop a review, comment and stone on what you think so far.
I understand some of you are not quite satisfied with the previous chapter and maybe this one but i needed this chapter out here because it would serve a premise for what I'm planning for the abilities of the MC.
Some are also complaining that the monologs are too much, but you have to understand that he's in isolation and there's no one to have a conversation with.
But I hear you.
The Hydra arc would soon be over and finally our MC would be let out to the world in a few chapters and after that comes his escape which I'm currently writing. So yeah
Sayonara!