"But rest assured that we're learning a lot from you.
"And… please don't get offended… we've also watched that porn parody of you.
"It was an eye-opening experience, as your porn counterparts really emphasized the 'love' part of 'lovemaking'. And we've also learned that the studio behind the parody has strict ethical standards to ensure nothing bad happens on- and off-camera.
"Well, we may be violating the no-porn rule, but at least we're revising it.
"We resolve to only watch porn that we know is made with love.
"And yes, we still instill the Pareto principle – and I hope that 20% of your efforts to reform yourselves will lead to 80% more fans when you all return to the stage. We're very sure of it."
From Zachary Madeira, Mushy Baby's Drift's owner and manager…
