Kit sat on the low stool in front of the mirror in her chambers as her ladies worked on her hair. Already dressed in the simple white gown she would wear for her Proem Ceremony in less than an hour, she tried not to look at her own reflection or look down at what she was wearing as it served as a reminder of where she would be headed next, and she would just as soon be going anywhere else.
Her ladies had both assured her there was nothing to fear and even thought the council’s idea of having one of her guards perform the ceremony rather than the feeble physician was a good one. “He will likely be more capable,” Isla had offered in her meek voice.
“He will likely be more fulfilling,” Avinia had joked, and both of her cousins had giggled, though Kit had not. She had reminded them that this was a medical procedure, not a pleasuring, and they both assured her that they were aware; they were only teasing.
But there was nothing humorous about it to Kit, and as they brushed out her hair and began to pin it up on top of her head so high it would be out of the way once she reached the ceremonial table, she tried to think of something else. Her mind went back to the festivities the night before. Dinner, with several dignitaries from the provinces and a few from other realms, followed by music and dancing had been lovely, and a few times Kit’s mind had been swept away from the impending ceremony. There had been a few young men who had caught her eye, ones she thought she might want to invite into her chambers during her Exploration, but thoughts of the Proem continued to seep into her thoughts at every turn, and she knew she would’ve been able to further enjoy the festivities if they hadn’t been darkened by the ceremony she was about to undergo. Despite the assurance by her ladies and others that it was nothing to fear, the thought was still there.
As Isla slipped the final pin into her hair and the two of them fitted a small tiara into the tresses assembled on the crown of her head, Kit pondered exactly what it was that made her feel this way. What exactly was it she was afraid of? Was it the act itself? Having another person inside of her body? Or was it fear of the pain? She knew that she was a bit of a lightweight when it came to undergoing discomfort. It was something she had been working on since she’d caught a splinter one day in the woods several years ago, and Eli had chuckled at her for being so tender. So perhaps it was none of those things. As she stood and smoothed the long, flowing white gown, she tried to remind herself that she was giving permission for this man to perform the act that would progress her toward her Exploration, and that this was the one and only time she wouldn’t have complete control over her own body. From now on, she would choose who, when, where, how, and for how long.
“You look radiant, dear cousin,” Isla said as the three of them admired the ladies’ handiwork in the mirror.
“Thanks to the both of you,” Kit said forcing a smile. Her hands were trembling a bit, and she folded them in front of herself.
“Don’t worry. It will all be over soon, and then you shall be free of anxiety.” Avinia gave her a smile, and Kit nodded at her, reaching up to brush her hand across her taller cousin’s fair cheek. These two cared so very much for her. She was blessed to have such wonderful attendants.
There was a subtle rap on the door of the antechamber, and Avinia went to open it. Kit continued to stare at herself in the mirror and take deep breaths. She hoped it would be Eli who had come to escort her to the ceremony as she hadn’t seen much of him at the ball. He had been on duty, of course. She had only spent the one dance with him and a few stolen moments to themselves before he had to rush off. It would be nice to hear his soothing words again, now that she was on her way to the ceremony. His insight always did her good, though last night, she thought it was more his nearness than anything he said that had calmed her—temporarily. Instead of his familiar tenor, the male voice that echoed into the room was foreign to her.
“We are here to walk the princess to her Proem Ceremony.”
Kit sighed in disappointment but put her brave face on, pressing her shoulders back and her head up.
“Yes, of course,” Avinia said. “One moment.”
It was time then. Kit took one more look at herself, attempting to boost her confidence. She could do this. She would do it. It was her choice, after all, to claim a mate and one day be Queen of the Realm, and the law clearly stated that could not happen if she didn’t follow through with her Choosing. And this was the first step.
Isla slipped her arm through Kit’s and walked alongside her to the door where they were greeted by two members of the Queen’s Royal Guard. Kit was confused. “Why are not my own guardsman escorting me?”
“Your Majesty, they have all been sequestered,” the tall ebony skinned soldier replied.
“Of course,” she said, letting go of Isla’s arm. If she was to have no idea of the identity of the random guardsman chosen to perform the Proem, none of her guards could show their faces until after it was over. Kit nodded, and the soldiers began to make their way to the chapel where the ceremony was traditionally performed, an odd location in Kit’s opinion, but then the entire ceremony was unlike anything she would’ve chosen should it have been discussed with her.
Isla and Avinia would attend as members of the court. They would stand in the very back, behind the queen, the Royal Council members, and the other noblewomen. The only men who would be present in the room were the physician and his stand in. Her father had been given the option to attend but had chosen not to, and Kit couldn’t blame him.
They rounded the corner, and Kit was surprised to see his familiar face smiling at her from outside of the chapel doors. Remont Killdun was a tall man with dark hair and bright blue eyes, which Kit had inherited. His gentle nature did not match the queen’s disposition at all, and Kit assumed that was precisely why he had been chosen, because he posed no threat to Rona’s reign. He was wearing dress trousers in a deep purple and a tunic almost the same shade. Even at a distance, Kit could tell it was made of the finest silk, which meant her mother had told him what to wear. The couple seldom spoke anymore, but on occasions where others may be making judgments about her based on her husband, Rona would assert herself as necessary.
The guards paused in front of the ornate stained glass doors that depicted two of the most powerful goddesses of the realm, the sun goddess and the water goddess. Kit had always wondered why the citizens of their realm didn’t believe in any gods but so readily accepted the ideas that many goddesses had created the whole world, even though many realms had kings as rulers. She never questioned any of those teachings in her mother’s presence, however, not since she had been a four-year-old, and her governess had given her a sharp slap to the wrist for doing so.
“Katrinetta, you look lovely as always.” Remont’s voice vibrated slightly as if he were concerned for her. He took her hands in his.
“Thank you, Father,” Kit replied, bowing her head slightly, even though as a princess she far outranked the duke before her. “I thought you had chosen not to come.”
“I shall not stay, darling,” he said, his eyes crinkling at the corner. “I only wished to see you and to tell you how much I love you. I have always been so very proud of you, dear, and I want you to know how happy I am to have you as my daughter.”
Her father’s sweet words brought a tear to Kit’s eye. She had always been close to her father, despite her mother’s insistence that he served little purpose now that she had an heir, and when she leaned in to kiss his cheek and his arms came around her, Kit felt a thousand times calmer than she had in days, except, perhaps in those stolen moments with Eli the night before. As soon as she pulled away, the anxiety came back to her, but at least it had been gone for the moment. “Thank you. I love you, Father,” Kit said, still holding his hands.
“I love you, my Princess. Now, go fulfill your destiny.” He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it before smiling pleasantly at her and turning to go. Kit was certain she saw a tear in his eye and wondered if he might be thinking of the little girl who used to sit on his knee and listen to stories not so many years ago. She couldn’t imagine how difficult it must be for him to watch her go through this ceremony, though it was just the beginning. But then, as a man, he had very little say in anything that transpired in the realm and certainly couldn’t do anything to stop the Proem from continuing.
And neither could Kit.
With a deep breath, she followed the soldiers into the chapel. The entire court was assembled there. However, Kit’s eyes locked on the table in the center of the dais, and she could no longer see anything else. There it was—the bed she would lie on while the Proem was completed. It looked much like the medical beds used in the infirmary, except it was draped in white, and at the bottom of it, an abundance of long sheets hung over the end supported by beams that went up and over the middle and end of the table. Once her mother said a few words, she would lie down and slide to the end of the table, where there would be an opening just wide enough for the physician, or in this case, his proxy, to step beneath the sheets and complete the procedure. Assuming he was properly prepared, it should only take a moment, and yet, as Kit stood back and observed the scene, she felt like she was moving in slow motion.