AT HOME
James and Amy: kids.
Me and Alex: yes mom yes dad, or yes dad yes mom.
Me: as you prefer.
Amy: the first.
James: second, okay why we assembled you here.
Me: ehmm, I'm pretty sure it's called called dad, it called called
James: hay, who's holding the brush?, I am, I got to talk, now listen your mom and I are going out of town.
Alex: you're traveling out.
James: THE BRUSH!
Alex: oh sorry.
James: hey hey hey hey, the brush, now I'll let your mother go cause you might not like the next part but you don't have to (hands the brush over to his wife)
Amy: we hate to see a burning apartment when we get back so you're staying at Mrs Clark's.
("Oh yes, I almost forgot to tell you about Mrs Clark, the most horrible beast on the planet. She's about 5 foot tall, round eyelids and bulgy eyeballs and also that's where Amelia and Peter stay that's why they always come over to our house where we don't have a Mrs Clark, I mean she's a great person at a point and also did I forget to mention, she's strict, mean, selfish, stingy, obnoxious, ruthless.....")
Alex: ("the only good thing about this is that I'm going to be staying with Amelia and the bad thing is that I'm also going to be staying with Mrs Clark, one wrong move and I may never see Amelia again, and by wrong move I'm referring this phrase to Tims, I mean I love my sister but that girl is out of control when it comes to staying over at someone's house")
Me:come on mom, dad if I mess up I may never see Peter ever again, and Alex will never see Amelia probably because she'll think we're bad children, and I believe we all knew as well as me who has accepted the fact that I have a problem.
Alex: and plus we'll miss you guys.
Amy: (puts down the brush) don't worry we'll be checking on you kids from time to time.
James: (picks the brush and shakes it angrily) I can see no one I using the brush ("it's a rule, a statement of decree, it as to be established") alright everyone get packing, we're all moving out.
(IN THE CAR)
Me:(making annoying sounds)
James:(smiles), (frowns) will you stop it?
Me: no, unless you turn this car around, take us home, and tell our neighbor to come check on us once in a while.
James: how bout I turn around and take you to school, (smiles again) ha, classic.
Amy: and besides no way I'm leaving my two babies in the hands of that witch.
Me: you've seen Mrs Clark right.
Amy: yes, plenty of times, trust me she's better than that Mrs Heart.
Me: (shaking my head sideways) no she's not.
James: okay that's enough talk, we're here, so get out, both of you.
Mrs Clark: (walking towards the car) oh are these the little angels you were talking about.
Amy: good morning Mrs Clark, yes here they are, Timmy and Alex.
Mrs Clark: well they look nothing like angels to me.
Amy: ha ha ha ha ha, wait excuse me what?
Me: (looking at mom) better than Mrs Heart right?
Amy: (talking with her teeth jammed together) yes so much better.
James: thanks for watching them for us, I'll do the transfer as soon as we get to the airport, come on honey let's go.
Me: wait, you're selling us?
James: it's not actually called selling, it called renting you kids out for a week or so.
Me and Alex: WHAT?
James: oh, and also, do everything she says, between you and me she gave me a discount for that one.
Alex: but wait.
James and Amy: (driving away) bye kids, we love you.
Me: (shouting) if you loved us you would leave us here, would you?
Mrs Clark: alright Alex you're staying with Peter, Timmy with Amelia, now go inside and unpack.
(IN AMELIA'S ROOM)
Amelia: hi little miss witch
Me: what's up ugly hag.
Amelia: you moron, hags are already ugly.
Me: I know, that's what makes adding ugly to my insult made you sound uglier.
Amelia: okay now I don't know who sounds more dumb, me calling you a moron and explaining hags, or you with what you just said. Well anyway now you live in my house you follow my rules.
Me: no, now I live in your house you follow my rules.
Amelia: what do you mean?
Me: I mean what I meant.
Amelia: come on, speak.
Me: since you insist, if you don't follow my rules I'll cause a little bit of what they call trouble and you'll never see Alex again.
Amelia: but that's going to leave Alex crushed, don't you care about your brother?
Me: I couldn't care less, I mean it's bad enough he knows you, but dating too? please kill me.
Amelia: (sounds confused) what?
Me: what I'm trying to say is, besides he's a great guy he'll probably find another girl, a better one, one more better than you, one that is better, another that has.....
Amelia: (interrupted) I get it.
(IN PETER'S ROOM)
Alex: so this is your room, nice.
Peter: yeah the room is, but I'm not.
Alex: what do you mean? (mocking voice) but I'm not.
Peter: what I'm trying to say is that I'm going to be mean towards your treatment.
Alex: what!, And why are you talking like that?
Peter: I don't know, but what I do know is how carelessly I will be using you.
Alex: why? And also why are you still talking like that?
Peter: why? Because you can't do anything about it.
Alex: okay now I'm getting confused, which question did you answer, the treatment one or the weird talking thing?
Peter: the treatment one.
Alex: oh.
Peter: because you can't do anything about it.
Alex: right, and how not?
Peter: huh, you said how.
Alex: yeah I said how, I'm aware of that.
Peter: why?
Alex: why? Because you were talking weird so I decided to get in some of the fun of it, oh and also because I am older than you, stronger and bigger than you.
Peter: no you're not, you're not any of those things, and I'm pretty sure I'm older than you.
Alex: okay? Then prove it.
Peter: I'm 15.
Alex: I'm 18 .
Peter: alright, but you can't overrule me, I have your weakness.
Alex: oh yeah, and where should that be.
Peter: oh it's here, it's here alright, right here at the palm of my hands ( Alex trying to look into Peter's palm) I didn't mean literally.
Alex: I knew that but yet I was curious, what if you did have something in your hand? What if you didn't?
Peter: if I tell you to do something and you don't, I insult you, you get angry and try to beat me up and then you'll never see Amelia again.
Alex: look at you, you think you're so smart don't you? You'll never see Tims again either.
Peter: oh oh oh but that's where you're wrong, I am smart and I will see Tims cause I'm a good kid and gramms never knew Tims my best friend and plus she always thinks I'm going to the arcade or something any time I come over.
Alex: you snitch, your plan will never work, the thought of two guys with not even roughly the same man power will just look more ridiculous than a fight.
Peter: oh it will work, and I prefer your snitchiness (smiling) actually just call me Peter for now, my Lord title needs work.
Alex: I just realized something, you said gramms, who the heck is gramms?
Peter: Mrs Clark
Alex: she's a grandma?
Peter: so?
Alex: she doesn't look a day over 40, if you don't look at her eyes, her dripping and wrinkled face, her gray hair and shriveled teeth, in fact if you squint your eyes a little and don't look at her face or body stature.
Peter: dear God, where did you come from?
Alex: from heaven, speaking of heaven, your grandma.....
Peter: (interrupts) are you crazy, how dear you?
Alex: don't get me wrong, I meant....... you know?
Peter: no I don't know, what did you mean?
Alex: now come on, you know.... don't be like that....... you know right?