A certain man said; "Under certain circumstances, profanity provides relief denied even to prayer". That man was indeed right. There are those situations that need us to react rashly. There are situations that necessitate some hardcore words. Those words generally are viewed as profane but to the person who pronounces them, there is a certain feeling that smoothens his mood and soul. When Joseph woke up that morning, the first words he pronounced were;
"What the fuck". Indeed, mother of pearl! He was just absent for a week but in that week, many sensual things seemed to have taken place. Though he seemed to be in all his states, he kept a calm thought on Risa's pregnancy. Generally, a woman's pregnancy should be a source of joy, not stress. That was may be true in the days humans lived simply. In the 21st century, pregnancy was a preview of an upcoming stress. Pre-natal consultations, ante-natal consultations and the needs of the baby to be born. All those situations generally made men disappear when they heard they had impregnated a lady. But Joseph wasn't concerned about that. He had a situation more troubling than that. He had to face some facts from Dr Primera. Being poisoned without being poisoned. Joseph couldn't help but think about that. So, he threw his thoughts concerning Risa's pregnancy in a little jotter, took a cold bath (to reduce his body temperature and spirit temperature), dressed lightly and then left for his psychiatric rendezvous.
When he arrived at the hospital, his mind began replaying the revelations he had watched that day. He climbed the stairs leading to Dr. Primera's office with mixed feelings. He was full of fear and expectations. But he couldn't escape the meeting.
"toc-toc-toc" The wooden door to Dr. Primera's office sounded.
"Come in." Dr. Primera's voice escaped through the little gaps on her door. Joseph opened the door calmly.
"Enter Joseph. Here is a seat," Dr. Primera said, turning on the AC conditioner in her room. Joseph entered silently, pulled a chair and sat down silently. He looked around, while Dr. Primera seemed to search for some files in her drawer. He travelled back in time, seeing himself seated on that exact same chair and watching a nasty version of himself. He reminisced that deeply, wondering what revelation awaited him.
"Come back to us," Dr. Primera said, snapping her fingers.
"Good morning, madam. Thank you for meeting me," Joseph answered.
"Morning Joseph. Don't fret about it. It is my pleasure," Dr. Primera answered, looking at Joseph's troubled face. She saw that Joseph was very much disturbed. Something seemed to torment his mind. And that thing, Joseph wasn't capable of shaking it off.
"Are you ok?" Dr. Primera worriedly inquired.
"Just a piece of disturbing news that keeps hitting my mind constantly. But all is fine. Let's march fire." Joseph reassured.
"Well then, let's indeed march fire." Dr. Primera iterated. She pulled an A4 size typing sheet and picked up her pen. She placed them on her table and began.
"Joseph, how would you define the soul?" Dr. Primera began, asking a rather unorthodox question.
"I don't know. Maybe an immaterial version of ourselves." Joseph vaguely answered.
"That's coarse and not precise. I thought a mathematician like you would be more pragmatic." Dr. Primera said, shunning Joseph's answer.
"I don't know what to say. Those are concepts even more abstract than algebra. And genuinely speaking, I don't dab into metaphysics and its madness." Joseph answered, with a tint of anger in his voice.
"Sheesh. Calm your spirit," Dr. Primera began. "Let me try another question then. What do you think makes you, you?"
"My mind. My thoughts. Our inner self is what makes us who we are exteriorly." Joseph answered, changing his sitting position for a more comfortable one.
"Nice answer. Very nice. Let's proceed then, what happens if our mind is corrupted?" Dr. Primera continued.
"Well, we become someone else. We lose our sense of self." Joseph responded, wondering where all these questions were leading to.
"Good. Now, it has been proven medically that, the collective sense of thought that makes us who we are is what religion calls the soul." Dr. Primera commenced her monologue. "When you read how religion describes the soul, you understand that it all comes from the brain. It is not just a concept of immaterial. But it is all about our unconsciousness, our emotions, and our will. That is what makes our soul. This means that if I affect your brain, I have affected your soul. Are you following?"
"More or less," Joseph responded.
"Good. So, what if I tell you that it wasn't your body that was poisoned but your soul? What will you say?" Dr. Primera asked.
"I will say, you are more delirious than scientific." Joseph nodded.
"Yeah, you are a man of science. And as one, you need proof. Isn't it?" Dr. Primera voiced.
"You have read my mind," Joseph responded.
"You at least agree with my definition of the soul, right?" Dr. Primera asked, trying to create an attack base.
"I am tolerating it. I am not knowledgeable enough about the fact and hence, I can't prove you wrong. So, let's go by the base that how you defined the soul is true." Joseph responded, taking a neutral stand concerning Dr. Primera's definition.
"Your stand is ok. With the soul being a crystallisation of our emotions and will, if I were to poison it, what will be the physical manifestations?" Dr. Primera asked.
"One would—" Joseph abruptly stopped, realising what Dr. Primera wanted to say.
"Yes, Joseph. One would lose one's self. You would literally become someone else." Dr. Primera completed Joseph's words.
"But how can you poison someone's will? So much so that he loses track of who he is. Is it not brainwashing?" Joseph questioned.
"Brainwashing is simple. It doesn't make someone faint or convulse. Sure, there is the common factor of no more being who we are but we don't enter into a violent muscular contraction." Dr. Primera clarified.
"Then, how in tarnation was my soul poisoned? Because, though your explanation seems to make some sense, I still am not convinced." Joseph poured.
"I can think of two possible ways. But in the state you are, you wouldn't want to hear them." Dr. Primera responded, touching that part of Joseph that loves to decipher things.
"Try me. You can't possibly imagine how flexible I am." Joseph answered, biting the bait voraciously.
"Good. I like such enthusiasm. Since we spoke of the soul, we might as well dive into something more abstract if you see what I mean," Dr. Primera said, winking her left eye.
"You can't possibly be thinking of the spiritual." Joseph inquired, expecting a strong denial. But his expectations were twisted and flung into the trash bin.
"What a flexible mind," Dr. Primera entered. "Of course, I am thinking of the spiritual. Think of the body as a computer. You can see your physical body as the hardware and all its circuitry. The soul as the operating system that can accept several executables."
"Then where does the spirit come in?" Joseph asked, crossing his feet and looking intently at Dr. Primera.
"The spirit is the virtual machine. That which interfaces the software with the hardware. The spirit actually concretizes what we think, or what we feel. That is why when your spirit isn't at rest; may be due to stress or some other reason, your body doesn't function well." Dr. Primera answered.
"Where is all this leading to?" Joseph questioned.
"You can tamper with a PC by brute forcing on the hardware. The same goes for humans. Here I mean, you physically torture the body in all sorts of manners, removing the notion of freedom from its mind. You literally poison his brain to think the way you want. You might condition the brain to think of dying if a certain task wasn't well executed." Dr. Primera explained.
"You spoke of brute forcing. I suppose there is a softer method." Joseph voiced.
"You bet it. Just as you can hack into someone's PC through malware or a virus, you can literally hack into someone's spirit." Dr. Primera answered.
"Care to explain to me how that is feasible?" Joseph asked, straightening his legs.
"From here on we enter into the domain of spirituality and witchcraft." Dr. Primera answered, spinning the pen on the table.
"The realm of the invisible. The realm whose wavelength is not in the interval belonging to the visible light spectrum." Joseph said, sighing sadly. That was the kind of corridor Joseph didn't like to take. In his daily life, he always crossed three types of people. You have the scientific guys. Those who believe in the logic of the universe. Those who believe in the order and disorder of the environment, and openly claim that all in life can be logically explained. You have the spiritualists. Those who don't want to search for any logic in the events happening around them. All they can accept is the existence of a greater force that created and rules over everything. No time for logical explanations. Lastly, you have hybrids. Those who are midway between. Those who try to make a link between the faults in science and the achievements of the spiritual. Joseph was a hybrid. He knew not all could be explained in this world using science and therefore believed in a greater force that manoeuvres everything. But he never thought he would be confronted with that during a hospital consultation.
"Though you seem sceptical, you believe in spirituality and I think it has saved you several times and it continues to work for your good." Dr. Primera said, soothing Joseph's mind and worries.
"I know that. But how then can we cure what I am experiencing?" Joseph asked.
"Curing folly or dementia clinically, takes a lot of time. And I don't know to what extent you are affected. I suggest you discuss it with your parents. Your mother in particular." Dr. Primera said.
"Why my mom?" Joseph wondered.
"What she gave you to chew wasn't for a poisoned body. When we looked into its clinical effects, it seemed to be void of any curative properties. That spells a heavy question." Dr. Primera said, snapping her fingers several times.
"Why did she make me chew that herb?" Joseph asked, voicing what transpired through the doctor's mind.
"Bingo!" Dr. Primera exclaimed. With that, their rendezvous ended. Surely Joseph's parents knew much more than what they explained to Joseph the day he was expelled from the house. Joseph stood up, feeling heavier than ever.
"Why did you place an A4 sheet of paper on your table?" Joseph wondered, looking at the empty sheet of paper.
"It was to create a state of focus in you. Due to it being placed on the table, you answered thinking I would jot it down. Hence, you answered very well. What if we had discussed freely, Will you have answered my questions on spirituality?" Dr. Primera answered.
"You have got me good. Thank you, doc, and till next time." Joseph said leaving the office.
"I hope next time you won't be afflicted anymore," Dr. Primera whispered to herself. She picked herself and flipped numbers. She stopped at a contact labelled 'Mrs ZENU' and called.
"Yes, Primera. How did it go?" Mrs ZENU engaged.
"Just as you foresaw. I explained to him what you told me and now I think he is ready to meet you." Dr. Primera answered.
"Thank you, Primera. Thank you for your hard work." Mrs ZENU appreciated.
"What's the next step?" Dr. Primera asked, worriedly.
"The next step is the audience with the chief. Till then, keep him in your deepest wishes and prayers." Mrs ZENU answered.
"May the grace be with you." Dr. Primera encouraged.
"Thank you very much." Mrs ZENU answered, dropping the call and facing her husband. She held his hand and looked up to the clear sky of BANGANGTE city, whispering; "The most difficult part is yet to come."
***
It is said that; 'You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free', but what most people fail to forget is that, before the truth saves you, you will be pissed off. Bluntly, you will be torn into pieces. That is why humans prefer being cowards and hypocrites rather than telling the truth to their fellow brothers, and even to themselves. It sure isn't a means to an end but if one analyses it the way round, the cowardice of humans contributes to their own day-to-day peace. That was how Risa took things. Instead of being bluntly true to her bae concerning Leon, she decided to sandpaper the truth. Surely, he will tolerate a pregnancy, she told herself. But it didn't go as planned. More like, she calculated that Joseph would be angry for a day or two but the reverse was also true. Joseph didn't search for her, nor go near her for a month. Joseph greeted her, picked up her calls, and answered her text messages but kept it brief. Risa left another month to flow by, thinking Joseph would make the step and inquire about her pregnancy but Joseph didn't. Joseph kept a safe distance from the lady he saw as a potential wife.
"Why aren't you saying anything? How can you be so calm?" Risa cried to Joseph, after paying him a late surprise at his room. It was close to midnight on that first Friday of the month of July. Risa couldn't stand the situation anymore and so, after her last course of the day she tried catching Joseph but it wasn't possible. She left him several text messages begging for a tete-a-tete. To which Joseph agreed but when the time came, he didn't show up nor did he notify his absence. Risa insisted but Joseph didn't reply. Fed up with all this drama, Risa left her home for Joseph's room. She banged the door angrily. When Joseph opened, she hurriedly entered and without any greetings nor warning, she engaged.
"How can you seem not to care?" Risa screamed.
"So, you expected me to care?" Joseph coldly answered. That was the first bullet he shot that night. All the words that came out from Joseph that night were very sharp and wounding. All Risa's words were either thrown back to her or brutally cancelled. Joseph seemed to be someone else.
"What has gotten into you?" Risa asked, with glittering teary eyes.
"I am disappointed by you, that's what has gotten into me," Joseph sadly engaged. "I have reserved myself from doing such antique things. I always saw my virginity as the ultimate gift to offer you. But seems like concerning that, we were out of sync."
"It isn't like that. It is not as you think." Risa begged.
"Then tell me. What is the issue, apart from the fact that in 9 months to come you will be bringing forth a new life into this world?" Joseph screamed. Those words seem to pierce through Risa's fragile body. She began hyperventilating but Joseph showed no sign of care. It is only when she fainted that Joseph began panicking. She lay on the floor, like a lifeless corpse. Her pulse was very weak but existent. Joseph opened all the windows and the door to let in fresh air to enter. After a few minutes, Risa came back to the world of the living.
"Hey. Are you ok?" Joseph shyly asked, pulling her up from the ground.
"I have seen better days," Risa answered.
"What seems to trouble you? If it is about your pregnancy, I accepted since but I didn't want to see you"
"I know I have wronged you. Not only you. I have wronged my family, all those around me." Risa said, sadly.
"What are you hiding from me?" Joseph pressed.
"The man who impregnated me is none other than Uncle Leon," Risa confessed, covering her face out of shame. Joseph couldn't believe his ears. Joseph became the synonym for the word shock.
"Surely, you jest. Right?"
"Why would I joke about something as such? I like playing pranks at people but this one isn't a joke." Risa responded, wiping off her tears.
"Why would Leon do that? Are we speaking of the same Leon I know?" Joseph held Risa, desperately looking her in the eyes. Risa always thought their friendship was just a facade, but seeing Joseph's reaction made her think otherwise. Leon wasn't a guy to brag about his relationships and friendship. Especially when he doesn't benefit from it. That is why Risa couldn't believe Joseph's reaction.
"How come you seem shocked by me saying it was Uncle Leon?" Risa asked.
"I know Leon. I know his manners and morals. He wouldn't be entertaining an incestuous relationship with his niece." Joseph answered, almost swearing in the name of all his ancestors. But all that was revealed that night gave him a blow between his eyes. Risa began narrating how her enterprise began with him. She showed all the private conversations they were entertaining. The books Leon gave her to read and the videos he made her watch. They all rotated around sexual intercourse. Leon, being a crafty guy used all means to coarse Risa's moral sense. All his words made Risa guilty for not indulging in those actions with him. Risa wasn't to take all the blame. When Risa tried being resistant Leon will urge her in another manner. The ultimate trump card he had was saying he would die if they didn't do it. He would tell her that, doing it only with her was his therapy. But something still perplexed Joseph. When did Risa grow conscious of sexual pleasures? When was her first time? One thing that is true, is that being naked is the ultimate form of shame. If Risa was easily oriented to believe in the curative properties of intercourse, she must have experienced it before engaging with Leon. That was what crossed Joseph's mind.
"So, while dating me you were doing all of this with Leon. That's raw." Joseph said, trying to retain his tears but wasn't successful. In all these machinations, the greatest victim was Joseph. Risa was every day enjoying Leon's magic flute but Joseph was in a love loop. Thinking that his sworn bae was keeping herself for the D-day. Clouded by his aspirations, over-commitment and self-restraint. If that isn't cruel, then what is it?
"I… I… Pl…" Risa stuttered. Words couldn't take shape. Specifically, words wouldn't take shape. There wasn't any excuse that would wipe away Risa's guilt and Joseph's frustration. Just asking for an excuse at that point was close to an insult. So, Risa remained quiet. Looking at Joseph. That one guy who accepted her in all her moods. That guy who was doing his all for them to share a common future. She felt bad. The pain she was feeling just by looking at Joseph's face was comparable to pouring boiling water on someone's skin. Indeed, she felt her body heating and her skin exfoliating.
"Please don't be so quiet. Say something." Risa ruptured the tensed mood.
"Like?" Joseph said, bashing a frustrated look at her.
"Anything. Just say something." Risa begged.
"I am tired. Let me sleep." Joseph said, laying on his bed. Risa followed him and grabbed him from the back.
"Say something. Say something. Say something." Risa repeated, like a broken record. But Joseph remained quiet. She kept repeating. Seconds became minutes and minutes became hours. Her voice left from sad to tearful. She kept on, repeating the same sentence. Crying and rubbing her face on Joseph's dress. As said in the Bible, Jacob wrestled with an angel, hanging on him for blessings. He didn't let go till the angel blessed him. Risa too didn't stop. She needed to hear something, anything from Joseph. And after hours of insisting, Joseph finally said something.
"I am not angry at you. You were tricked into doing so. It will just take me time to process and sink it in me." Joseph answered, turning to look at her, embracing her strongly. Risa just kept crying. After that Risa revealed some other kinds of stuff. Stuff that led her to be having such a great sexual drive.
"If you needed that, why didn't you ask me? I am your guy. We would have found a means together." Joseph reminded.
"I… I was scared you would have seen me as a dirty person. Unclean." Risa answered.
"We are humans. You mean to say that when I see a pair of female, plushie butt, I don't feel the urge to dig in?" Joseph questioned. Risa was without words. She never would have thought of hearing such words coming from Joseph. Joseph was and is still seen as a very puritan kind of guy. The kind who would wait till marriage before eating some cookies. True, true and true. Joseph is that kind of person. But Joseph also knew that man isn't perfect and everyone has shortcomings. Among all the possible shortcomings of man, the most difficult one is resisting the urge of obeying the primordial commandment; "Go, be fertile and populate the earth."
"So, whenever I feel like it, will you agree?" Risa asked coyly.
"It is not by force too." Joseph laughed. They began laughing. They began planning the coming of the baby. Before they closed their eyes, the course was planned, detailing every possible step.
***
"cock-a-doodle-doo! cock-a-doodle-doo!" A rooster's crowing echoed distantly. Though it was very far, the sound produced was enough to wake Risa up. A rooster's crowing, despite being in an electronically developed world, was used as means of marking time. Those from an antique period had discovered how to use such crowing as a time marker, separating the day into morning, afternoon, and evening. For Risa, that sound was an opening song for the early afternoon. She opened her eyes to a spectacular view. The afternoon sun rays were lighting the room, shining on Joseph's innocent sleeping face. He had digested the news and even made a plan for Risa not to worry. Risa couldn't hide her joy. She began smiling, jiggling and laughing indistinctively. With all that fidgeting, Joseph woke up. His eyes opened up to a smiling beauty. He stroked her stomach gently, feeling the little bulge beginning to take form. A little life seemed to take shape in that little stomach of hers. Joseph had accepted the news concerning pregnancy. But the part dealing with Leon repeatedly violating his own niece was difficult to swallow. After a long stare at Risa's morning fidgeting, he pulled himself and Risa out of the bed. All had been said, so, Risa took off immediately after she was done with the cleaning and cooking. When Risa got back home, her mother welcomed her with her favourite meal; Ripe plantains and BONGO. The BONGO is a greenish-black soup with its origin from the Littoral region. The colour is due to the fact that the soup is essentially made of ground parsley, basil and celery. Those three green leaves are well ground and cooked with a lot of heat. The heating literally burns the leaves in their juice, creating a greenish-black soup. That meal is generally accompanied by ripe plantains and fish. For Risa, it was a meal that made her spirit taste a little of the peace promised to all those who shall go to heaven. At the table eating with her were two of her siblings and the queen mother. They ate merrily, talking, joking and laughing. After eating, a cold bottle of BUBBLE-UP juice was served. Everyone rinsed their throat with it before returning to their personal activities. Risa climbed to her bed and dutifully locked her door. She kept contemplating on Joseph's plain logic and thanked the Lord for such a comprehension, such a guy and such peace.
Life moves on, the earth continues its revolution around the sun and Leon still looks for his replenishment and luck. While searching up and down for that, he moved on with several projects. His little commerce seemed to spark, he made some ministerial connections for his better future and his thesis was progressing swiftly. His life seemed stable and fruitful but yet he still needed more, wanted more, and searched for more. It is so twisted when one lives with respect to his impulses and not with respect to those around him. Seeing others as a stepping stool, seeing others as being lower than you. When someone has that mindset life becomes a means to satisfy every stench of an idea that crosses his brain. Leon was as such. No one could guess all his thoughts, nor could anybody fathom his perception of life. Being crafty, he was capable of imposing a certain image of himself on everyone around him. In church, he was God-fearing, a disciple maker and an altruistic reader of the word. In the house, despite not being the eldest, he was the decision maker. Even his uncles that are older than him by far, didn't object any of his decisions. All girls around him wanted to date him and all boys were advised to be like him. Even Joseph, though he doesn't remember, was urged by Risa to be like her beloved uncle. It wasn't a comparison, but rather an impersonation. A total fraud, that would have pleased the Risa of that time. With everything going smoothly, Leon hadn't sited Risa's protruding belly. It was already 4months and her stomach began being noticed. Her parents were aware and very pleased. They were pleased that Joseph and Risa had finally consumed the forbidden fruit. They knew if it is Joseph's kid, Risa is in good hands. Little did Risa know that her lie will come back home to bite her ankle. When the queen mother was happily informing Leon of Risa's pregnancy, his face couldn't help but display a distorted smile. An angry smile that displayed Leon's hate for what was going on. This stinky affair surrounding Risa's pregnancy wasn't clear in his eyes. He had to confirm if Joseph had finally decided to own up as a man and sink his teeth into the apple. One night, when Risa was doing a little cleaning in the kitchen, Leon tiptoed, and gently caressed Risa belly.
"You sure have duped everyone but I am smarter than them." Leon engaged. Risa continued cleaning as though no one was around her. She didn't want a certain fellow to disturb her peace.
"You are not listening? What if I tell the whole family what is going on here?"
"And what possibly do you think is going on?" Risa asked drying her hands.
"Tell me who's child is in your belly. It isn't Joseph's."
"And why so?"
"Because Joseph is a wimp with messed up rules. The idea of waiting for marriage before tasting the perfect sensation is useless." Leon laughed.
"If you say so." Risa continued working. She finished her plates. As she was leaving, Leon whispered into her ear. What he said was enough of a reason to fuel Risa's rage.
"The child in my belly is yours," Risa shouted buckling Leon.
"Calm there sweetheart," Leon said. "Let's not be aggressive," Leon spoke, raising his hands.
"This baby is my insurance ticket. A pressure point against you." Risa spoke, tightening her grip.
"And how will you use it as a pressure point?" Leon laughed.
"Try any move on me again, try harassing me and the beans gets spilled. Your life, career, reputation… all of that goes poof." Risa explained, fixing his collar and releasing him from her grip. That was a serious threat. Leon was finally cornered or so she thought. A week after her dispute with Leon, Risa got up, only to discover that her beautifully over-rounded belly was now flat. It showed no signs of pregnancy. Half of the gestation period just vanished into thin air.