I didn't know what I was doing, maybe I wanted it to really happen but I was drunk or high maybe. But I wanted to make love to Leila because I love her yet I am so scared that she might leave me again. I wouldn't be able to take it, my heart won't take the hurt or another the heart break. I have been through a lot and have gone through misery after misery and Leila was the first person who broke my heart, me and my innocence. She was my first in almost everything, my first friend, my first kiss and my first person who I slept with and plucked me. I am not a flower nor a plant but the way I saw it, Lei wanted a pet or someone at her beckon call, and I played that part. But not anymore, I am done playing that part and I will stand up for me and she will have to learn to live with that or accept the new me.
Hi, good morning!, Lei on my bed still naked and hot, saying sweet things to me that I can't resist looking at her beauty. God, she is still gorgeous. Hi!, I need to go to work. See you later!, the only thing I was able to say, maybe I looked silly but I was able to resist her and ran away from what could've have happened if I stayed. Yeah, so much for me standing up for my right or acting like I didn't care about what happened to us last night. Shit!, I am so pathetic. I looked like a wimpy teenage girl. I drove my car without showering or brushing my teeth. Well, I have my own unit at my office so it didn't matter. I need to sort my feelings out and avoid Leila for a while. I heard Lillian's conference was a success. Time really does fly, it's been three months already, and she's back in New York, wow! I called her to go straight to my mansion where Leila is staying now. I wanted to spend more time in the office and work on my plans on expanding my branches to Canada and Australia. Bionic merchandise is getting popular these days that people wanted implants and body enhancements since it's beginning to be a fad among teen agers and young adults who have joint issues.
Gerrie smiled at me when I took a shower at my unit and heard her mumble something which I think was about Leila. You can't run away forever Sasa, Leila is here now, so why not make amends and face your fears. Love isn't always happy or easy, it's supposed to be complex and fun, crazy and silly. Problems are just there for us to resolve our issues with ourselves or our partner. Leila is a nice woman. Why not talk to her or something, sort things out with her and just let go of the past hurts. For God's sake!, Gerrie added and as I went out of the shower hearing everything she said. I still wanted to ignore the fact that even if I wanted to forgive Leila, I still feel betrayed and the hurt comes back again and again haunting me like a bad dream.
Gerrie, stop it! I understand where you're coming from but I can't seem to forget and my heart can't seem to forgive her. I love her but the hurt is so deep that making love to her is a torture and I thought if I'd help her and she comes back to me like the old days, it would be enough but no, it got more worse since she's well and whole now. I don't know but I feel insecure of what she has become now and I'm the same old me still desiring for someone who only cares for herself. Ahhhh...maybe I don't know her well as I thought or I knew I did. Leila has changed and so did I.
Speaking of Leila, she's calling your cellphone. So, you want me to answer it or..., Gerrie said handing me my cellphone and ticked the answer button. Hello, Sasa, are you there? Can we talk, please? Sasa!, Leila said and I couldn't hang up so I said yes and that we can meet at the nearby bar, which I thought was a good idea, when I remembered that Beca and my regular girls are there. Ah, it's too late to change the plan and the place. Leila is already there when I arrived at the exact table where Beca would sit and hold my arm to bring me to a quieter place and room to have sex and do her tricks and dirty stuff to allure and make me relax. Beca came and was about to kiss me on the lips, when I stopped her because Leila was looking at us from the far end. Leila's eyes saw me and Beca kiss, the bar girl's arms wrapped around my neck like a snake and Leila's eyes was fierce and angry looking the other way.
I talked with Beca, not tonight, and she gave me a torrid kiss on the mouth that I almost wanted to fuck her right then and there, but my thought was with Leila and how she must have felt seeing me with another woman. Which in fact felt great, thinking that Leila is jealous and that of all these years that she left me and got jealous of all the guys she fucked, I don't care about what she thinks now but how I feel whenever I'm with my girls, powerful, strong, as if I am their god, so, who is Leila to me, for all I care.
I sat adjacent to Leila who looked back at me and was crying. I felt pain in my chest when I saw her tears flowing like river and I reached out to touch her cheeks, which I did. I thought she would try to avoid my hand but she held it, kissed and cried over it. I felt sorry and I felt she was hurt but what I did or maybe whatever she saw a minute ago with Beca. It's not what you think, I am a regular here and for all these years, I didn't know that you'll ever come back to me. I thought you left me and I was able to cope with the loss, or losing you, by going to bars or travelling, or my hooking up with other women and having sex without any commitments just fun and adventure, to live life as I saw it fit and it was fine,
I was fine until you...you came into the picture!, I explained my hand is still held by Leila then she slowly let it go wiping her eyes with her fingers. I look silly and like a cry baby, sorry! But are you happy, doing all these things with the women you meet? I loved you and I still do, I never would've left if I didn't think you will despise me for being with someone and got pregnant!, Leila convincing me that she does love me. You didn't? You should've talked to me or even asked me before you left without a word.