"Tara! Tara! Tara!" My mother screamed.
"Wake up. You're gonna be late for school. The school bus will be here in thirty minutes."
"Ahh... ahh.. uhh.." I yawned leaving my mouth wide opened.
"Cover your mouth. That's bad habits. You do this every morning. This is one of the bad habits you have and I have warned you severally to change! That is why you don't have friends. You do things disgustingly, and it's giving the impression that I am not a good parent." My mother yelled almost crying.
Her words hit me hard. I felt like throwing words back at her, but I held it. Tears rolled down my cheek as I saw her cry.
"It's not my fault. I don't do these things purposely." I said in my mind.
I entered the bathroom to take my bath. I took my toothbrush and faced the mirror to brush my teeth. I looked at myself in the mirror and tears rolled down uncontrollably. I felt pity for myself. Ever since I discovered that I am a CAD patient, and I knew what it entails-- I couldn't engage in sporting activities that will make me gasp for breath; I eat selected foods; I have heart attacks fortnightly and the most shocking part is that: I may not live long-- I knew my life was a waste. Why should I be brought to this world, if my coming here is to die an appointed death? My days on earth are numbered. My childhood was not enjoyable. I was not allowed to do things my mates were doing - even till now.
I continued stirring at myself in the mirror: My beauty cuts everyone's attention in my school. Boys are all over me. I couldn't open my heart to love someone, because I fear I might receive an heartbreak which will lead me nearer to my grave. What then is the use of my beauty? Why should I continue to carry the pains of my father? My father is the reason am in this situation. Where is he now? Where? He is gone - long gone. He left his only beautiful daughter to face her burdens alone. If he was alive he would have understood my plight. Here I am being accused by my mother who do not understand me. How will I live like a living being when am a living dead? The thinking that I will die one day keeps ringing in my Brain, even while I am asleep. How do you expect me to care for a body that I know will go back to the dust. I know I am living a useless life. My life is worthless. I tried to live a normal life, but my situation got me thinking all the time. I am perceived as a dullard in my class. My title in my the school is: 'the most beautiful but dirtiest'. I would have gone far away in thoughts before realizing that I am in the midst of people. I do fight tears back to avoid someone noticing me. My awkward behavior made me non- associatable.
The only source of comfort that has always kept me going, were the words my father said to me a minute before his death:
"My heartbeat. We may not be oppurtuned to meet again. But remember that I will always be with you. If you are fed up and you have noone to turn to remember these words:
'If the stars are unreachable, reach for the clouds; you can have a better view of the stars.'
'If the clouds are unreachable, go to the tallest building in Dubai; you can have a better view of the clouds.'
'If you still can't find your way to Dubai, my heartbeat, sleep and dream sweet dreams; there in the dream world, you can reach beyond the stars.' He smiled and said goodbye.
Each time I remember his words, I laugh. I don't know the place called Dubai. I only know that is where the tallest building in the world is located.
" Tara! Please be fast in the bathroom." My mother said bringing me back to reminisce.
I hurriedly brushed my teeth and took my bath. The bus arrived while I was still dressing.
"This is the first day of a new term and you are late for school." mum said
I just murmured and left for the bus, with my school uniform shirt, blazers, socks and shoes rumpled around my arms. I promised my mother to do well in my academic performance this term. As I entered the bus, my school mates began making jest of me. I was already used to it, so I overlooked them. I completed my dressing in the bus.
During break time, I decided to do something I have never done in history: use the cafeteria. I used to starve myself, until I am home. My precence in the cafeteria shocked everyone. I found a place to sit and I bought some snacks. I placed my head on the table when I was through eating. Not quite long, I heard a little knock on my table. I raised my head up, and my eyes caught those beautiful set of eyes. His lips were too pinky. His face was smooth and charming.
"Who is this handsome guy and why is he here?" I asked in my mind.
"Hello". He said.
"Hello". I replied.
"Do you mind if I sit with you?" He said smiling.
"No". I yelled and left the place.
I could sense the shock and rejection he would be feeling. I felt bad for reacting that way. I felt like going back to apologize but...
.... the guy is too charming. I don't want to fall in love. If we become close to each other, there is tendency I might fall for him. I do not talk my classmates, talk less of my school mates and I don't even relate well with teachers.
I kept lamenting: 'l should not have yelled at him.' till he got to where I was and whispered in my ear: 'It's fine. I understand.' I apologized in a polite manner and left the place. He called me back and begged me to have a conversation with him. I felt weird when he said so. I couldn't turn down his requests, since I had offended him before. I stayed a little far from him, but he moved closer to me.
He said: "My name is Asher. I am a student of your class. From the little I heard and know about you, I would really love to be your friend. For you not to have a friend is so absurd and I know you are not a saddist." He paused to see the reaction on my face.
"Please don't turn down my request." He begged.
For the first time I felt like having a friend and the kind of sensation I was feeling, was that of a normal human.
"Just friends". I said.
"Just friends". He replied.
I smiled and left for the toilet. I slapped myself when I got there. How come I didn't notice him all this while. Am I sure he was in my class? It was then I knew I had no idea of anyone's name in my class, except for those that have posts in the class.
When I got to the class, I met people surrounding him, asking what he told me that made me smile. He told them what happened and when they noticed I had entered the class there was a total silence and all eyes were glued on me. I felt shy. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I left the classroom and waited for the teacher to enter the class before I entered.
While the teacher was teaching, someone raised a false fire alarm. Within a twinkling of the eye, everyone bursted out of the classroom finding a way out of the building. At that point, I forgot I am CAD patient, so I joined them running. When the whole students and staffs had left the school building, and I got to a safe area, I started gasping for breath. I was feeling drowsy and I had a chest attack. It affected my system and everything around my looked as if It were collapsing. Then, I fell on the ground.