"I suppose I should give a warning, at least."
So he'd say something after all.
Malic nodded at him. A simple gesture to let him know that he approved of his honesty, nothing more and nothing less.
And yet, Nikolai looked even more like he was going to cry, up until he literally sucked it up with a sharp inhale and a slow exhale. It was a confusing and unwarranted reaction, seeing as he'd just...nodded. It was nothing to him.
That did not seem to be the case for Nikolai, however.
"I'm...not the most mentally stable person, in all honesty," Nikolai began saying, gaze focused on his fiddling fingers as they rested on his lap. "I've been in therapy for a long while, and it helped somewhat, but not completely. I'm doing better now, funnily enough. I think the apocalypse had me reorganizing my priorities."
No one said anything.
Nikolai began fidgeting a lot more obviously, nails digging into the small space under his other hand's nails as he talked. "My office life...it wasn't the worst, objectively speaking, but I didn't feel any better there. I've had my moments. There were rumors that I had to deal with. Bosses who, well, didn't get it. People who told me to just suck it up, that it was all just in my head."
Malic felt out of his depth, listening to all this. He'd wanted the man's honesty, but he hadn't thought it would be on something as heavy as...what was it? Depression? An anxiety disorder? He wasn't sure. He didn't know enough about such things to be able to say.
All he could do was watch, and listen.
"But those things are in the past now," Nikolai went on to add. "They don't really affect me as much, since...well, the end of the world has more of my attention? So that's a pro to the apocalypse, at least," he laughed. "As for what I'm guessing the mission will be like, well..."
Nikolai smiled at him. His eyes were half-closed with the force of it that it felt like he was looking straight at his face, meeting him at eye level, even when he knew the man has been avoiding his gaze all this time. It felt like...
Bravery, in a way.
Like sunlight breaking through thunderclouds, as ridiculous as the simile sounded in his head.
"I think I—we—can manage it," Nikolai said, ceasing his fidgeting as he clasped his hands together. "I've had my fair share of mind games, so I can deal with them a little better now. And, well, we have Malic, don't we?"
He raised a brow at the sudden spotlight put on him. "Me."
"Oh, I don't know," Rhiannon huffed. She was smiling wryly when he looked at her, as if she found something about him hilarious in the most condescending way. "Malic is resilient, but it might be exactly because of that that he won't do so well in handling the same problems that you did."
A frown settled on his lips at those words. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You've had a good life, Malic."
"..."
It was true, to a point. He'd lived a better life than most others—his current companions included. He'd never experienced loss like they did, and he'd certainly never known the same kind of hardships Nikolai might have faced on his own.
But how was that a disadvantage for him?
"I think Malic would be at an advantage exactly because of that. He's stronger than most," Nikolai said. "Not just in physical strength, but with his own emotions too."
The sheer honesty of Nikolai's words silenced him for a moment. Though he'd gotten hints that the man believed in him, thought highly of him, it was another thing entirely for him to announce it so bluntly to other people like this.
Of course, Rhiannon wouldn't let such a thing go that easily.
"You think he has a handle on his emotions? This grumpy jerk?" Rhiannon shot him another amused look, ignoring his glare in return. "What kind of delusions have you fed this man while we were away, Malic? You can't steal the only other sane guy in this team to be one of your fanboys."
He rolled his eyes. If only she knew the full truth. "He knew me before all of you did, apparently."
Rhiannon froze then, mouth falling open in an "o" out of surprise. "Huh?"
"It's true," Nikolai confirmed, smiling sheepishly. "And he might be grumpy, but—"
"Please don't try to convince me to believe otherwise."
Nikolai shut his mouth at Rhiannon's interruption.
"It's true though, that Malic-ssi is strong," Ji-yeong said, smiling even as Rhiannon gave her a weary look. "He's been the most reliable person after all this time. Even when we felt like we might come close to giving up, he always gave us strength."
"...fine, alright, maybe that's true to an extent." Rhiannon scratched at her head with the frustration of an itchy dog. He smirked when she shot him a glare, perhaps sensing the insult he'd only thought of in his head. "But we'll have to see how effective a thought that is when we actually get the main mission."
"Do you want me to fail?"
"Just once would be fine."
He frowned at the smug smirk on Rhiannon's face. "Be careful with your words."
"I refuse."
"The chemistry is really something else in peson..."
Nikolai's mouth shut with a click of teeth the moment he received a glare from two pairs of eyes simultaneously.
"Don't even joke about that or I'll cut out your tongue and feed it to you, buddy."
"Never say that again."
Nikolai swallowed, nodding slowly. "Right...got it."
"I have better taste than to look at this punk," Rhiannon added, scowling as if Nikolai's words were so much of a personal insult that she just couldn't let it go. "It's not the face you look for, Nikolai. It's the heart."
"And everything else in front of the heart," Ji-yeong added, smiling serenely as she rested a hand on her chest.
"Exactly right," Rhiannon agreed, her hand to her own chest. Then she laughed, holding a hand up to share a high-five with Ji-yeong. "Ah, I'm so glad someone understands."
Malic wouldn't have minded the childish teasing, if not for Nikolai's sudden and focused stare on his chest. Was this bastard trying to size him up? "Oi. What are you looking at."
"Nothing at all?"
"You were staring at my chest."
"Ah. It was just in the way of me zoning out."
"..."
"...please don't use your lie detection skill."
Renato burst into a laugh before quickly covering his mouth with one hand. "I'm sorry," he wheezed, still laughing a bit. "It's just, ha, a little funny..."
"It's really not."
For those few hours of eating and talking, it felt less like the world was ending, and more like the casual bonding of a group of people who just had nothing better to do. A dancer, a chef, a doctor, a working student, a child, and an office worker-slash-artist...
He didn't know what the punchline was, but he wasn't the type to be funny enough to come up with one anyway.
A day had passed.
Another sub-mission was handed to them, waking some of them from their afternoon naps. They came in quick succession, as though intending to physically and mentally drain them right before the main mission.
Feeding a territorial dragon an aphrodisiac (using the reverse scales they'd collected before) to weaken it and get to its treasure hoard, rescuing other people who'd been used as hostages by giant, humanoid beings with dragonfly wings, diving for the submerged ship that held the sleeping monster they had to kill before it came up on land...
Everything had gone a little more easily than usual, all because Nikolai had planned for them in advance. The very moment they got the missions, or hell, even an inkling of a mission from the System, he just word-vomited instructions to them instead of letting them violently destroy everything as was their default.
He was more than useful.
He was integral to their team, and it had only taken a few weeks for Malic to believe it.
And then.
[ Ding! ]
[ A mission has arrived! ]
"Fuck," Nikolai swore, voice echoing against tiled walls.
Malic, in a good mood since he'd already showered in the early morning, bit back a laugh.
It was understandable for Nikolai to be agitated.
He was the last of them to be able to use the bathroom after god knew how many sub-missions, and he was still showering. From the urgent sound of water splashing around, Malic could only imagine how quickly and aggressively Nikolai was rinsing himself clean.
He, along with the others, remained in the room they'd found upon much searching. He was occupied with polishing his sword, Renato was checking supplies, Rhiannon was busy eating, and feeding Kira at the same time, and Ji-yeong was doing squats in a corner.
Somehow, they'd been lucky enough that only Nikolai had gotten caught in the middle of the announcement.
"I'm done!" Nikolai cried as he stumbled out of the bathroom, only to yelp when Malic stole the towel haphazardly thrown over his head with such force that it hit him in the face along the way. "What—"
"Your hair is dripping, dumbass."
"Excuse me for being in a rush, you jerk."
[ Ding! ]
[ Teleportation to the mission location will commence in two minutes! ]
"Son of a—"
"Shut up," Malic snapped, roughly drying Nikolai's hair with his hands warmed up using a heat attribute. He threw the towel away the moment he was done, and tucked his Kampilan tight against his hip. "Everyone, be ready."
"Aye, aye!"
"Born ready, Malic-ssi!"
[ Teleportation commencing! ]
Malic closed his eyes, and clenched his teeth tight against the dizzying feeling coming over him.
Teleportation truly was the worst, even with all the monsters from the System.