You wiped my tears when I couldn't do anything to stop them from falling... ― Florence Joyce
xxxxxx
[Rinako]
My tears won't stop falling as I continued walking away from the place where I left Yushiro.
Damn him! He still had the guts to disturb my life like that after he made everything a game between us.
To be honest, all that had been happening to me at the moment was disheartening. That was why all I did to Yushiro was slap him instead of punching him like what I once said to Mayu.
Five months...
I never thought the pain that remained because of what Yushiro did was still in my heart. I could only smile bitterly at that realization. It was easy to say that I had moved on and my life was peaceful and quiet now. But in reality, it was hard to prove it to everyone, even to myself.
I just continued walking without any destination in mind. Just like my heartーone that doesn't still have any destination after all that had happened.
Until I found myself traversing the direction going to that one place where I knew it was quiet and I could cry freely. I also knew that no one would be able to see me there.
For now, I just let my feet take me to my destination. I don't know. I could feel that I wasn't myself today. I lost my energy to even do anything at all. It was a good thing that I don't have any class before I decided to see that jerk who suddenly appeared in Uminaribara.
Before I knew it, I found myself standing in a room located at the back of the auditorium. It was the place where Setsuji and I were practicing for the dance practicum of the dance club. He once said that this place was soundproofed aside from the stories of paranormal going on in that place which I wasn't sure if it was true or not.
But at this point, I don't give a damn care. That place had a different purpose for me at the moment.
I entered the room without hesitation and closed it behind me. I didn't bother locking it since there was no lock. And I was able to prove that no other people were going there besides me and Setsuji.
I immediately went to the sofa since I wanted to rest. I felt so weak at the moment.
As soon as I sat on the sofa, my tears started to fall once again. I couldn't stop it from falling even though I wanted to scold myself because of it. I wasn't supposed to be crying for that hell of a jerk who almost ruined me. But then, there was nothing I could do about it.
In the same way, I couldn't stop this pain from pouring into my heart.
Because of that, my heart made a promise at the timeーthat I would watch my heart and do what I could not to love like that anymore. It wasn't that I would never fall in love again. I knew I could never do that at all. As they said, it was hard to prevent your heart when the time comes that it began to love someone.
But as for me, I'd do my best not to love the same way I've loved Yushiro. It was enough that I was made a fool of, getting played with, and ended up getting hurt. I don't want a repeat of that.
I lowered my head as my tears continued to fall. Until a silent cry soon turned to a sob.
My gosh! Why do these tears keep falling?
I tried to muffle my cries and sob by covering my face with my hands. But to be honest, this was just great. The pain I was feeling at the moment was too much for me and I was sobbing like this.
"Fukuizumi?"
I froze when I heard a familiar voice call me. And heck! Why now of all days?
I immediately wiped my tears. I didn't want him to see any trace of tears on my face, though I doubted that I could even think of a plausible reason just to get away from his interrogation.
God, I hated interrogations... especially coming from this guy. He was worse than the police when it comes to interrogating someone.
When I raised my head, I soon realized that I was right. The one who called me was Setsuji. He was panting as if he just ran to... find me there.
Wait, was that the reason? Did he do that?
"H-hey... What are you doing here? I thought our practice would start at four in the afternoon, right?" I tried my best to act casual so that he won't dare ask any questions but I avoided my gaze from him.
I was hoping that it would work, though.
But I never heard any response coming from him. For some unknown reason, I felt nervous. That was when I decided to face Setsuji again and to my surprise, he was already standing just a meter away from me.
But I became even more nervous upon learning that he was staring intently at me with that distance between us. What was all this? Why did this guy have to make me feel this way because of his stare?
"Hey, what happened to you? Did you turn into stone or something?" I jokingly commented since, to tell the truth, I didn't think I could last anymore with that kind of stare he was giving me. "Don't you have any plans of speaking at all?"
But as I looked at him again, I couldn't explain the expression I saw on his face. I thought it was somewhere close to... worry and perhaps even concern.
Wait a minute...
I remembered that he was looking at me the same way when our practice started. And even the other day.
But why? Why would he look at me like that? He shouldn't even bother himself about me, right?
"You don't have to hide those tears from me, you know?"
What he said surprised me. Does that mean... he saw me crying?
I bit my lip. I silently berated myself for being careless. Why was it that the one person I never wanted to see these tears coming from me was able to see it, after all? Talk about my luck running out today, huh?
First, Yushiro went here just to talk to me. And now, Setsuji saw me crying.
What kind of bad luck was this?
"I don't need to hide any tears from you. It just so happened that I was already done crying." And I even smile just to give him a message that I didn't want to talk about any of it.
Though I wasn't sure if this jerk would even understand the message that I wanted to send.
"Is that how you want it to look like? Fukuizumi, you can lie to everyone but you can't hide the truth from me that you're hurting. The one person you can never lie to is yourself. And besides, I could see it in your eyes so you can't lie to me," he said matter-of-factly.
I couldn't say anything more after that and for some reason, my mind turned haywire. I couldn't think of what to say just to deny the words that Setsuji said to me.
Until I found myself crying once again.
"Rinako..."
With that one call, with the way, he spoke my name -- my given name, at that, which he doesn't usually do -- I rashly looked up and faced him. "Why do you even have to see all this? Why do you have to see me like this? Why does it have to be you, of all people?"
I could've shouted those questions at him. But the tone I could use to say those words was the one filled with resentment and frustration. I couldn't even shout. I was already tired of dealing with my anger like this because of what was happening recently.
I continued crying... until I noticed that Setsuji approached me even closer. I only realized that when I saw the short distance between us. Along with that, he placed his hands on my shoulders, making me raise my head and face him.
"In case you're not aware, I also don't want to see you like this. And I don't want to see you this way again. I know you're just a human who still has the right to cry but that doesn't mean you should cry for that heck of a guy who broke your heart and made you like this," he said in a tone that made it seem as if he understood the situationーwhat my heart was going through because of Setsuji.
Which was something that I was finding hard to believe. Wasn't it that both Setsuji and Yushiro had the same insight when it comes to having relationships? That it was just a pastime to them?
But why...? Why was it that I was hearing something different from this guy in front of me? He was talking to me and saying those words as if... he was implying that I didn't know him that much. Behind the image he was showing to everyone, there was still a part of him that he never wanted to show.
Had this guy ever loved someone truly?
"Mitsuta..."
He just smiled at me in such an understanding way. It was truly different from the smile that I would usually see coming from this guy.
"Go ahead. Cry all you want. I won't stop you at all."
I frowned upon hearing that. He was confusing me, to be honest. I couldn't follow at all.
His laughter resonated in the area that almost immediately dissipated the confusion that I felt. But along with that was the fast beating of my heart that I won't wonder anymore as to how it started again.
"What's so funny that made you laugh like that, huh?" I asked this jerk while pouting. He seriously knew how to ruin a moment.
"What's wrong with you, Rinako? Seriously? I'm letting you cry all you want, and yet you still have a lot of unspoken questions. But... you're right," he paused and eventually nodded. "I won't be surprised as to why you were having that kind of reaction. I know that what I'm doing right now probably creeps you outー"
It was a good thing that you knew! I would want to say that to him but that would only happen over my dead body!
"ーbut I'm sincere, okay? But to tell the truth... this is disappointing. Do you know that? You don't believe me now that I was being sincere here."
I became even more speechless because of that. I could only stare at the floor because I couldn't even look at Setsuji. I wanted to say that I believe in his sincerity. I could feel that.
It was just that... I wasn't sure if believing him was the right thing for me to do, and also for Setsuji...
But then...
"Then..." I started and closed my eyes. "Is it okay... for me to cry? To let it all out? Even if you can see it?"
It was too late for me to realize that I placed my head on his chest. But I could care less. I felt weak at the moment.
And this guy ー who happened to be the one who always ruined my days before the truce we agreed on ー came running there just to find me and now offering me the comfort I never even thought I'd get from him.
Talk about the irony...
Before I knew it, I already felt his arms wrapping around me to hug me. I didn't know if it was the right thing to feel... but the security offered by those strong arms that wrapped around me was something I'd been wishing to feel for a long time. Whether I admit it or not, it was the truth.
"I won't stop you from crying all you want. But of course, you have to promise me one thing."
I stiffened when I heard it. What was I supposed to promise to him? But I didn't say anything to stop him or contradict him. I just let him continue.
"This will be the last time... that you'll allow those tears to fall because of that good-for-nothing jerk. Let it all out for one final time. This is also your way for you to let go and move on." After that, he distanced himself from me. But he was still holding me. "Can you promise me that?"
Disbelief was on my face, I knew it. I could never hide that from him, anyway. I wasn't sure, but it seemed that I could never hide that from this guy anymore. It seemed useless to even do so.
"If you're worried about letting Mayu know about this, then no one had to let her know. I don't have any plans of telling her about you crying. Whatever happens in this place will stay in this place. Is that okay with you?"
I couldn't think of any response to that. But I knew he could tell. My silence means affirmative, along with the affirmation of the promise he was asking from me.
And with that, I leaned my head to his chest once more. He wrapped his arms around me once more ー tighter this time ー as my tears started pouring like a rushing waterfall.
I smiled silently but bitterly at the same time. It was enough that I've loved Yushiro like that before. This time, I would do something else once I learned to love again.
That was my promise to me as I cried silently that soon turned to a full-blown sob. I just let it all out... for one final time, just as Setsuji had said.
That's right...
For one last time, I'd just let it pour. I would let out all of my anger, the bitterness, and the pain that I was still carrying until now in my cries. Besides... it was for the best that I took advantage of that moment.
This guy who embraced me like that freely was being nice to me. Whether he was doing all this comforting as a chance to show his true self or because he was just taking advantage of the situation because our truce was still in effect, I had no idea. But for the moment, I didn't want to think about his reasons.
I won't think of any reasons. What mattered most was I could let it all out. That was my chance for me to do that.
How could I even thank you for all this, Setsuji?