What should I do to convey these unwanted feelings of mine? ― Suki De Isasete (Let Me Stay In Love With You), Tiara
xxxxxx
[Rinako]
"What? You're serious? He called you?"
I could only wince because of that. I nearly covered my ears because of the loud volume of Mayu's voice. This cousin of mine... did she have to create a scene like that? She didn't even have any mercy for my poor ears I would suffer because of her loud voice.
"Was it really necessary for you to blurt that out where everybody could hear you?" I just sighed after that. "Yes, he called. I was also surprised. I even replayed the message that he left in the voice mail many times just for me to confirm that I wasn't dreaming or hallucinating"
"How did he even know your contact number? From what I know, there are only a few who were informed about that. And take note, none of your friends in Yokohama knew your new contact number."
I just shrugged as a reply because I couldn't even think of what else to say. Even I was mystified by that.
Mayu and I just continued to walk the path going towards the room for our first class that day. What was confusing, my cousin and I were both quiet while we were walking. I wouldn't call that weird. It was like I even expected that from both of us.
And as for my mind, there it was! It started traveling somewhere else. I couldn't believe that voice mail. It was mind-wrecking!
I could only sigh heavily as a response to that. Why does this have to happen? I was thinking that I kept on sighing like that since then. It was like I won't sigh again the next day with the way I was sighing at the moment.
"Rinako, don't tell me you're still affected?"
My mind returned its focus to reality because of Mayu's question. And honestly, it was a question that I couldn't even answer properly until now.
Even when we finally reached the classroom, I never got to answer Mayu's question. I just sat on my assigned seat and looked outside the window after taking a deep breath. Urgh! I hate this.
"Are you okay, Nako-chan?"
I shifted my gaze to Mayu when I heard her concerned question. Of all people, I could only mention to Mayu all about the one problem that was still affecting me today. Only my cousin knew the pain I went through at one time.
Mayu and my parents would usually call me "Nako-chan" since they said that "Rinako" was a bit long to mention. That wasn't just my only nickname. There was "Ako", "Rina", "Rin", and "Riri". But I still preferred to be called Rinako.
I just smiled at her. "I'm alright. I have to. So don't worry."
"How am I supposed to not worry about you if you're even giving me such an answer?"
And now, it was Mayu who would sigh heavily, though it was done out of exasperation. Well, who wouldn't be irritated with my kind of answer?
Well, sorry. I wasn't just myself lately.
So instead of having my cousin become completely pissed because of me, I just took out my cellphone. A press on a part of the screen here, another press there... until I finally found what I was looking for. Then I handed out my phone to Mayu.
"You wanna hear it? Here, so that you'll know what I'm like this right now."
Moments later, Mayu took the phone from me. It didn't take long before we were able to listen to the recorded voice mail. But holy crap! I forgot that my phone's volume was full. I didn't realize that. It was a good thing my classmates doesn't seem to care about anything around us at the moment. It was either they didn't hear the voice mail or they didn't want to listen for some reason.
'Rinako... it's me. Can we please meet somewhere? We need to talk.'
"About what? For that jerk to let you know that it was really over? That it was hopeless for both of you?"
I looked at my cousin incredulously. "Ha? He's completely ridiculous if he even decided to do that. What is he, a crazy man? Just find a reason to boost his ego? I'll only end up punching him if he did that."
"Then why do you look so miserable when you were telling me all about it?"
"Because I can't even make a firm decision," I answered straightforwardly. Then I took the phone that Mayu was holding. "My mind's still in pieces so I don't want to think about that stuff too much."
Silence surrounded Mayu and me once again after I said that. It lasted for a long while.
"So... what's your plan? You're going to see him?"
I just shrugged. It was the truth. I couldn't decide because it wasn't that easy at all. Great! This was frustrating. Why was it that there was always something out there ready to ruin my mind?
"Hey! Why are you girls like this today, huh? What's new and your amazon cousin's like this, Mayu?"
This jerk was one example of those I would call a mind-wrecker.
I just glared at that irritating jerk as soon as I saw the twins. Seiho could only shake his head. Maybe he just couldn't believe or he couldn't understand Setsuji's tireless habit of saying things that would only make me completely pissed at him.
"Mitsuta Setsuji-san, if you'd please, just do your best to keep quiet if you don't want me to throw my phone right down to your face. Spare me from your irritating jokes 'coz I'm not in the mood to deal with any of them!"
Okay... Way too angry. Sorry for that but I couldn't help it. My mood wasn't at all better since the last time, and here he was, starting to ruin it even more. I hated that voice mail!
So here I was! I ended up blurting out my anger to almost everyone. But in Setsuji's case, I always ended up angry at him. It was his fault, anyway. I don't think there was a day at all that he didn't try to ruin my day.
So that I won't end up saying things that I might regret later to other people, I just stood up and left that place. I think it was for the best if I walked out of there instead of placing my anger and frustration on other people.
I decided to go to the end of that hallway. At least, I knew it was far enough from my classmates.
I just needed a breather from all that I was feeling at the moment.
I looked at the phone in my hand. I guessed it should have been for the best if I threw it on Setsuji's face. Maybe that would finish off the two sources of my bad mood. Maybe that would even help me calm down
But so far, I wasn't even that brutal. Those things would only happen when my patience was pushed to the limits.
People knew me as someone who was headstrong, strong-willed and wasn't afraid of anything. But only Mayu knew the hell that my heart had gone through which nearly became a reason for me to lose any will to become strong. And it was for the best if no one knew that
What was this again? I only looked at my cellphone, and yet I could feel that I wanted to collapse to my knees and just cry. Why would that person even call me, anyway? What exactly was his reason for suddenly wanting to talk to me? It was already peaceful for me. Why was he disrupting it now?
'Was it truly that peaceful to you?'
I gripped my cellphone tight upon hearing that thought in my mind. If only I had the strength to break it that way, perhaps I've already destroyed that. But hell! I couldn't even destroy the very device that held the reason why I was like this.
"Fukuizumi..."
I got inwardly startled upon hearing that irritatingly familiar voice. I didn't have to turn around for me to know who it was since here goes my heart beating wildly again. But I wasn't really in the mood to deal with this jerk for now.
"What do you want, Mitsuta? I told you, spare me just for today," I replied blandly while my attention was still focused on the campus grounds looking out from the balcony.
"I already know that so you don't have to point it out."
I heard him take a deep breath.
"I just came here to remind you that in a minute and a half, the class would start."
I frowned because of that. Seriously, what was wrong with this jerk for him to personally remind me of the time? I looked at the time on the screen of my cellphone.
He was right, it was almost time.
"Okay. I'll be right there. Now you can leave."
After that, I heard footsteps as if walking away from there. But I still stayed there for 30 seconds more. I needed to think about what I should do. I needed to settle my mind with regards to what I needed to do before I'd end up crazy one of these days
A heavy sigh soon followed after that thinking. And only one decision remained in my mind. Maybe this was the only way for me to finally feel at peace.
Walking away from the balcony, I scanned the surroundings to look for a certain something. It didn't take long for me to find it. I instantaneously went there and threw my phone there without a word.
That's right.
I needed to throw my cellphone into the trash can. I needed to throw my worries away at the moment. It doesn't matter if I throw my cellphone just like that. I only bought that phone from my savings, anyway.
If it has a significant value before, perhaps it disappeared over time.
"It's better this way... right?" I just said to myself.
What followed soon after was another sigh. This was great. How many times did I sigh like that just this morning?
Never mind! I'd count that when I decided to do so.
I ran so I could reach the classroom before the class would start.