413303.
Emblazoned in large red numbers above the door. I looked down at the paper in my hand.
"I guess I'm up."
I slowly stood up from my seat. As I did, a few dozen or so heads turned in my direction. I could feel their inqusitive eyes scanning over me quietly. Their eyes seemed to say "I wonder what will be behind his door?"
"Well I'm wondering the same thing." I thought as I walked towards the front of the room
"I sure hope it's not what the second person got. That seemed incredibly unpleasant."
Again though, despite having that thought, I couldn't muster up any actual worry or fear of what was behind the door. The only feeling I could hold onto was curiosity.
And that curiosity drove me towards the door.
"I sure hope I'm not the cat in this scenario." I thought to myself as I reached for the brass knob I'd arrived in front of.
It was cold, and the old oaken-looking door felt heavy. My hand began to tremble a bit, as if my deep-buried emotions were trying to reach the surface. To tell me not to open the door, to run away.
But a brief hesitation was all it amounted to. Those feelings were quickly drowned once more, and my now steady hand pulled strongly on the handle.
*Whoosh!*
A gust of air blew past me that carried the scent of old books and burnt coffee. Surprisingly, what greeted my eyes was neither golden light nor inky darkness.
It was what seemed to be a lawyers office.
The office seemed old though. All worn wooden wall and cobwebs collecting in corners. There were thick stacks of books and stained yellowed papers scattered across the floor. They seemed to form a crater around the single desk in the center of the room.
That desk too was piled high with books and papers, along with what looked like a quill pen and a cracked mug. A tall-backed leather chair was seated behind the desk, turned away from me.
"Well don't just stand there. Get in here! And close the door behind you!" I heard a female voice shout from the other side of the chair.
I did as I was told, stepping into the room and closing the door.
As it clicked shut, the chair whipped around to reveal a woman that looked like a pin-up model from the 50's. She had neatly styled blonde hair, sharp facial features, and tasteful makeup that was accentuated by her deep red lipstick. She sighed in relief.
"Phew! I'm sorry for yelling like that, but I just can't stand it! All those lifeless gazes peering in to look at you. Have some respect for privacy, why don't you! Ooh, it's enough to make your skin crawl!"
She shuddered, rubbing the apparent goosebumps that had appeared on her arms. I simply stared at her curiously.
"... Ugh, that look is exactly what I'm talking about. It's like being stared at by a dead fish. I ought to fix that first before we have a proper talk. Come, pull up a chair." she said while pointing to a simple wooden stool in the corner.
I brushed off the loose parchment on top of the stool and placed it opposite her in front of the desk.
"Alright, now give me your hand."
I held out my hand as if to give a handshake. She rolled her eyes before grabbing my wrist and turning my palm face up. She then raised her other hand, sticking her index finger upwards.
Light began to gather at her fingertip until it began to form a small sphere. Once it was complete, she pressed it deep into my palm.
*Crack!*
With that cracking sound, it felt as if a shock of electricity shot through my body. All of my suppressed emotions that had been bottled up until now erupted from my core. My fear, anxiety, and panic flew from the pit of my stomach and smashed together inside my head. Sweat seemed to shoot forth from my pores and my heart started pounding out of my chest.
"YeeaaAARGHH!" I screamed awkwardly. It was all I could manage with my mind and body in such disarray.
The woman across from me raised an eyebrow, stifling a laugh at my outburst.
"Don't worry, this is normal. It's a side effect of undoing the Soul Shackles. It will pass in a moment. Come now, just take deep breaths. Yes, that's it. In... and out."
I did as she said, just breathing for a few moments. My swirling thoughts and emotions began to come to a rest.
"Good. Isn't that better? Now, I believe some introductions are in order. Hello! I'm pleased to make your acquaintance. My name is Blanche." She said, beaming a smile towards me.
"Where... Where am I-"
"Ah ah ah!" Blanche cut me off.
"I will answer all your questions shortly, but when a beautiful woman offers you her name, isn't it rude not to return the gesture?" Blanche blinked her long eyelashes furtively
I stared at her almost artificially good looks before nodding.
"My name's Jude... I think."
"Well it's nice to meet you, Jude!" Blanche said with a smile that showed off her perfect teeth. "I'm here to help smooth out some wrinkles in your case file. But before we jump into that, I believe you had some questions?"
"What is this place? What was that room with all those people I was just in? What did you just d-do to me? Why am I-"
All the questions that had formed inside my head seemed to spill messily out of my mouth before I was cut off once again.
"Now just wait a moment, Jude! When I said I'd answer all your questions, I certainly didn't mean all at once!" she said with a small laugh. "How about we tackle one at a time, shall we? To answer your first question, you are currently located in the Processing Division of the Department of the Mortally Vanquished, or DMV for short. The place you just came from was one of the waiting rooms. It's a place to hold new arrivals until they're due ready for departure or processing. You, my new acquaintance, fall under the second category. And as for what I just did to you..."
Blanche folded her arms and put on an expression that looked as if she were troubled.
"That would take too long to explain, and I think it's better if we take this one step at a time. How about you just think of it as "I had certain emotions locked up to make me more agreeable and compliant, but then Blanche came and fixed me up with her magic key!"
I don't understand. All this new, foreign information just swirled around in my head to form new questions. Not giving me time ask them though, Blanche continued.
"Now if I remember correctly..."
Blanche began to rustle through the many books and papers adorning her desk before finding what she was looking for.
"Ah, here it is!" she said holding a file that she'd found wedged inbetween a stack of books. She began to flip through it. "Now let's see here... twenty-two years old, single, decent credit history, blah blah blah... oh, and here it is. Hit by a semi-truck after the driver had fallen asleep. How tragic, to die just as your life's beginning. Though that's why I'm here, I suppose."
I'd kind of guessed it by now, but hearing it point blank made my head spin.
"Am I... dead?"
"As a doornail I'm afraid." said Blanche with a practiced look of sympathy.
I shuddered. I took a moment to collect myself.
"Then is this the Afterlife?"
Blanche's expression turned quizzical.
"Yes... and no. Hmm, how should I explain this?" She said, tapping her cheek with one finger. "Were you able to witness anyone else entering the door before your number was called?"
I nodded.
"And what did it look like when they opened it?"
I recollected my thoughts. "One was bright golden lights and orchestral music. The other was an... unsettling darkness. Then a bunch of hands burst out of it and dragged the person inside."
"Ah yes," Blanche said, almost reminiscently, "The first one was Valhalla. That person must have fought valiantly before their death. As for the second one, there are quite a few places that could be. Perhaps Tartarus or one of Circles of Hell. Not that it matters. You don't want to end up spending eternity in either one if you can help it."
Valhalla, Tartarus, Hell. Faint memories of these different afterlifes flooded my brain.
"So all those places are real?"
"Yes, and not just those. There's a laundry list of different places you can go after you die. Some good, some bad, and some inbetween. A lot of factors go into where you end up."
I looked around. "Is this place... inbetween?"
Blanche seemed to frown a little at my question. "Hey, I get that this place isn't exactly Shangri-La. And sure, the place could use a little reorganization, maybe some dusting. But don't you think it's a little rude to..."
She trailed off while looking around her tiny dilapidated office.
"Haah..." she sighed sullenly.
"... I apologize. I didn't mean it like that." I said, shifting uncomfortably in my rough wooden chair.
"It's fine. I should just be glad you didn't ask if this is one of the Hells."
She quickly readjusted her expression back to a soothing smile before continuing.
"No, this place is not good, bad, or inbetween. This place in particular is less an afterlife and more of an... admissions office of sorts? Or perhaps a security checkpoint."
I nodded as if I understood.
"You see, when a person dies, the various actions and deeds they performed throughout their lives are collected, categorized, and weighed. Then using that information, we are able to see which afterlife they best fulfill the requirements for and send them there."
Again, I nodded as if I understood.
"... Judging by the fact your fish eyed stare is back, I'll give you an example. You know how that first person you saw back in the waiting room went to Valhalla? Well Valhalla only has two very simple requirements, which are to 'Live valiantly' and to 'Die in battle.' Now this could mean dying while fighting a person, a disease, a corrupt government, etc. All that matters is you went down fighting. Now let's say that same person had instead died of natural causes. If they had just 'Lived valiantly', then they most likely would have fulfilled the requirements of a different afterlife better and been sent there instead."
"I think I understand, but I just don't get what that has to do with... this place." I said gesturing to the small office.
"Don't worry, I'm getting there. Okay, let's say someone fulfills the requirements for two or more afterlives almost perfectly. What would happen then do you think?"
I shrugged honestly.
"Well, that's where someone like me comes in! I work with recently deceased souls that were talented enough to fulfill the requirements of multiple different afterlives, and help find the best fit for them!"
I finally felt like I was beginning to catch on. "So that's the situation I'm in currently? I have to choose which afterlife I'm supposed to go to?"
"No." Blanche said bluntly.
Scratch the catching on part.
"You see, what I just described is the 'admissions office' part of my job. You can think of different afterlives as colleges, and fulfilling their requirements as acceptance letters. Then I help you choose, and you're on your merry way."
Blanche picked up my file again.
"Sadly, you fall under the much rarer 'security checkpoint' category."
She began to leaf through it.
"From what I'm reading here, you haven't managed to fulfill the requirments for ANY of the afterlives."
She looked up at me with a stern look.
"Do you know how irresponsibly you have to live your life to do that?"
I paled considerably. "Wait, what does that mean? Didn't you say there were a ton of afterlives? And I don't qualify for any of them?"
"Exactly," Blanche said with a reproachful tone, "Which is what left me wondering how you managed to mess up so badly. After reading through your file, it seems you had a problem with 'Weight'."
I paused. "... are you saying it's because I was fat?"
Blanche scoffed. "That's not the kind of weight I'm talking about. I mean the weight of your actions. You've committed plenty of judgeable acts throughout your life, but the problem is your intentions. You didn't do them out of good or ill will, but as if you were simply expected to do them. There was no weight to your actions! You somehow plodded along for twenty-two years making decisions purely on a whim, or perhaps on the whim of others! Isn't that crazy?"
I closed my eyes, trying to recollect how I'd lived my life. But again it was just a few fleeting images and my name.
"I really can't remember anything significant... is that really how i lived my life?" I asked.
"The fact that you can't remember is even more proof of how ridiculous this is! I mean, you don't have a brain anymore, so it stands to reason that a lot of memories are gone. But important things, such as people, places, actions, and events. These all become engraved on the soul, which is what you are right now. But nothing you did or experienced in your life had enough weight to leave any markings on your soul! Therefore you can't remember anything specific."
Blanche looked almost exasperated at this point. "The bottom line is that you spent your whole life inneffectively, and now that your dead, you've sent your pitiful resume to every afterlife in the universe. And got universally rejected. It's honestly kind of sad when you think about it."
"..." I didn't know what to say. I'd apparently spent my life as such a waste that even the Hells didn't want me.
"This kind of thing isn't actually that rare, y'know." said Blanche, calming down a bit. "Though typically it only happens with young children who were unlucky enough to pass away before being able to make any meaningful decisions in their lives. In that case they just get sent to the wheel of reincarnation to go back once more and hopefully live out a more fulfilling life."
"Is that what's going to happen to me then?" I asked sheepishly.
"Of course not! They have the excuse of being children, but you're a grown adult! If we send you back down to earth, who's to say you won't just live your life the same sad way you did before."
I'm actually starting to get angry. I don't even remember my life, yet I'm being chastised about how I lived it. What's with that! And isn't she here to help me!? Why does it suddenly feel like she's just insulting me!?!?
"Fine! I get it! I'm a useless idiot that lived his life shamefully. Now what? Where am I supposed to go!?" I finally bursted out with.
Blanche looked at my red face and puffed up posture with a look of amusement. "Now that's what we're looking for. You finally said words with some weight behind them. There may still be hope for you yet, Fish Eyes."
She pulled out a slip of paper from a drawer in her desk and placed it in front of me.
"Believe it or not, we've had people like you popping up more frequently lately, so we've instituted a new program for cases such as yours. Basically, instead of reincarnating you on Earth, we send you to a world with... higher stakes. A world that doesn't allow for weightless decisions. A world with romance, adventure, and magic, as well as tragedy, evil, and darkness. It's place where we send bland, faceless, and dense guys like you so that you can really start to shine. Tell me..."
Blanche leaned in close.
"Have you ever heard of the term Isekai?"