I'm still standing in the middle of my kitchen, replaying Noah's words in my head and thinking of how he has increased the pressure on me by giving me a deadline. I walk back to my fridge and I put back the jug of juice and grab the half empty bottle of red wine and pour myself a glass, completely ignoring that it's not even noon yet.
"Oh no, you're stress drinking," Levi points out as she returns from her bedroom. "What is wrong now?" She asks.
I take a gulp of the cold wine and begin to scratch the top of the counter with my finger tips. It's not like I have a drinking problem, I'm even against daytime drinking and wouldn't let alcohol affect my work, but I picked up a habit of drinking heavily during the weekends to drown the stress of the week and this started since mother died. Levi has used this habit of mine to tell when my stress level has reached it's peak.
The wine begins to taste bland on my tongue, so I pour the entire content from my glass into the sink and rinse my glass.
"It's nothing, Liv, it's just Noah being Noah." I trail off as I move swiftly to put together some breakfast.
"I know it's not nothing, you're drinking by nine in the morning and you're doing that scratchy thingy with your fingers and did I not hear Noah mention something about another boss?" She's in the kitchen now, leaning against the counter and watching my closely.
"Yeah, what about that?" I throw at her without looking at her face.
"Why didn't you tell me you started working two jobs?"
"Because it's not important. Plus, we need the extra cash." I shrug.
"You know you don't have to carry all that work load on yourself, I told you I got a new part time job at school and it will cover me till the end of the semester." She brings that worry voice she gets when she thinks I'm being too hard on myself.
I wish I were working two jobs for just the extra cash. I was working to ruin someone's reputation and I don't think I've been able to wrap my mind around that yet.
"Right, then we need the extra cash for other things. If things go well, I think we might finally get to move to a bigger apartment." I grin at her and slide a plate of turkey sandwich to her.
She arches a brow at me. "When did you start liking that sort of extravagant lifestyle?" She giggles and takes a bite from her sandwich and I just shrug at her.
After a few moments of silence, she speaks up again, "But then, this new boss of yours..." she starts to ask and I quickly change the topic.
"Just drop the issue, Liv. You know what? Why don't we just go for a little Sunday grocery shopping and then we have lunch and a few drinks after. You can bring your friends, I'm becoming fond of your little loud group." I feign a grin, but this peaks her interest and she drops the topic of my boss, so I think I did a good job in diverting her mind.
• • •
By afternoon, Levi and I are back home with a bunch of groceries, stocking up the fridge and pantry as she calls her friends to hang out. We decide to go out to a lounge, were we'd be all evening.
I picked the place because my position as Lance's assistant has given me an almost clear insight on most of the properties he owns in the city—including clubs and lounges, hotels and restaurants, the one's he has shares in and those that he'd rather die than enter, we call them 'the mimickers' as they're our competition. It was my job to know some of the affairs of these places, what they're doing better and if they're below standard.
"Let me quickly grab my laptop, I'll be out in a sec," I say and head to my room.
"You're bringing your work to our hangout?" Levi groans and I ignore her. "You're no fun," she says with a pout and I roll my eyes at her.
If only she understands the kind of job I am involved in. Working on a Sunday evening during a hangout would only help reduce my workload for the week by like ten percent or even less. With all the unanswered mails, meeting schedules sorting and all that work shit. Even Lance's personal outings are also work schedule for me.
Half an hour later, I'm sitting in a circle with Levi's college friends, drinking beer and working on my laptop as they play drinking games. I just smile at them whenever I'm called a workaholic or when it's someone's turn to bottoms-up.
I didn't have much friends when I was in college, I wasn't antisocial either, but my social life wasn't the kind that made me hangout with 'fun people' and have drinking games during the weekends.
"How about we take this up a notch," David, one of Levi's friends yells, slapping the table in front of us.
My head is still bent, I'm focusing on my laptop. Few seconds after, I hear Levi chortle. I'm curious as to why everyone's suddenly quiet, so I look up from my laptop to see them all staring at me.
"What?" I ask.
David tells me I need to take time off my work. "The game is about to get interesting," he adds.
Defiantly, I shake my head and hold my laptop so close to me like it's my life support machine. But then they all stare at me as if I'm disturbed, so I give up the fight. "Okay," I breathe. "Twenty minutes is all I can spare."
At first, they grumble their protest. But soon after, they're ordering more drinks and getting ready for the fun to start. They even order a big bottle of vodka and collect seven shots glasses.
I have work tomorrow, I shouldn't be with a bunch of early twenties that can afford to skip class if they're hung over. Shoving that thought away, I shut my laptop down, close it and push it aside.
From my understanding about what's going on, they want to play 'Never have I ever'. That'll be easy for me, I don't have secrets, neither have I mislaid my moral compass. I think.
First round, we all fill our shot glasses with vodka and place directly it in front of us.
David drops his beer and then calls on Andrew. "You should go first."
I hear Andrew giggle before he starts. "Ready?" He checks in. Then, "Never have I ever masturbated in a car."
We're four girls here and three guys. It's surprising that all the girls, except for me though, down their content and simultaneously slam their glasses on the table, cringing as the alcohol burns down their throats.
I don't look at Levi, I'm deeply wondering how she has used my car for such a nasty purpose. "I'll go next," I say, surprising everyone on the table, including my own sister. She gives me that 'proud of you' look and I roll my eyes. "Never ever have I had sεﾒ with my best friend." My eyes are on Levi because she's the reason I even asked this question.
Andrew drinks, so does David, but Levi doesn't. David is Levi's best friend. I've been quite suspicious of their friendship that has no boundaries. He taps her ass randomly, walks into her room without knocking and even makes silly comments about her body.
I see Levi bite the insides of her lips as she stares at David and then me. She holds her shot careless and swiftly throws the liquor in her mouth.
I scoff and shake me head. Everyone else on the table, just as me, is surprised. Their voices go high as they tease David mostly.
I silently ask her why she's been denying it all along and she looks away snobbishly.
"I'll go next," she nods and says. And I know it's time for payback. I mentally prepare myself for what's coming. She's going to ask something personal to me alone. I can't exactly blame her, I started this.
She brushes her throat with a soft sigh. "Never have I ever..." Her eyes stray from her liquor glass to mine. Then they finally land on my eyes. "...fucked my colleague because I wanted my name to be written underneath his work."
A ball of air hangs in my chest. I'm unable to breathe it out, neither can I take it back. I just hold my breath, staring at Levi's vengeful eyes. I can't believe she'd bring this up here, knowing fully well the information wasn't meant for her from the start.
Few days after I and Billy fucked in his office, after I'd made it clear it was a one time thing, he kept begging and cornering me, and I felt stalked. That was the month mother died. I was so incompetent and Noah was close to having me fired. I needed something good to prove myself. So when Billy came with the juicy news about how Miranda, a popular designer who's married, was spotted in a senator's car, two weeks after going public to talk about infidelity among women. There was even a video captured from outside his car of her making out with him. I wanted it. It was huge enough to keep me in the Capitol for life, well so I thought. Billy's price was a quickie. I didn't even contemplate it. There and then, it happened. So when he started showing up at the house to show fake affection towards Levi, I told her to stop entertaining him. That was when I told her everything about the situation. And she can bring this up here now, amongst all these people?
"We're waiting," I hear Levi say. It snaps me back to reality and I grab my shot. Without fear, I pour it in my mouth. After letting it linger for a while, I swallow it. I don't cringe, I don't flinch. The alcohol burns me, it tastes like betrayal, but I act like it doesn't move me.
Everyone seated has their eyes piercing me with faces that hint me that I'm not exactly the moral person I portray myself to be.
When I drop the glass, I rest my back on my seat and watch the game about to get really dirty. I open my mouth to say I'll go next, when Cassandra cuts in. "It's not a family tell-it-all reunion." She eyes me and her eyes crawl to the back of her skull. "Someone else should go next."
It is David who spontaneously speaks up this time, saying he'd go. Everyone falls quiet for him to speak. It could have been anything else. Any fucking thing else that didn't Involve Lance. "Never have I ever liked my boss in a sεﾒual way," he says.
My mind doesn't go to Noah, who by virtue happens to be my real boss. My mind runs straight to Lance. I wouldn't have drank if the first shot wasn't already working against me like a truth serum, clouding my vision.
I pick up my filled shot and sluggishly empty the content in my mouth. I know I've fucked up when they all scream "Noah!" and laugh at the thought of me being attracted to him sεﾒually.
I want to explain myself immediately, mostly deny it, when everyone screams even harder as we all sight Levi, dropping her empty glass down with her cheeks puffed up with the vodka. She drank, too?
I strive to ignore the woozy feeling I'm getting so I can focus on this. "May I know who this boss is?" I ask, almost too harsh about it.
She reddens in an instant. She becomes so uncomfortable that her eyes fall to the table.
"I didn't know you had a thing for office sεﾒ, you should have said so," David blurts, seemingly triggered by it. "Then we could have begged Grace to use her office." He stands up and propels his seat back to leave. Levi snatches his hands and the girl sitting close to him begs him to sit back down.
"Well, she hasn't done anything yet. It's still a fantasy," the girl says and smacks the table. "We shouldn't end the fun, I haven't gone yet."
Once, Levi spares me a glance and I send her a silent stare that is so full of questioning words. She better have answers for them when we get home.
I spring off my chair and recollect my feet, ready to leave. "Time to go home," I say, but my words come out too slurry to be heard amidst the excited screams as they all prepare to go another round.
I don't persist, I sit down for the next three rounds which I drink through, because I realize I'm not as morally upright as I've always thought.