The silent nights on the rooftop
Bathing in stardust
Fireflies singing in joy
Under the moon's blissful light
What a delight your smile will be,
Resting on my shoulder.
What will I do then?
Will I smile too or
Will I cry?
Anurag was lost. There was a constant fight inside him. He was running from something, someone. He was running from himself. His poems were incomplete, his heart was in denial. And why wouldn't it be. His feelings can't be real, they have no place here. Not in his house, not in his land...
In India no two flowers are the same. Each has their own color, fragrance and roots yet being different is somehow unacceptable…You always have to go by the book and do what is told and taught to you. Or you will be marked as a disgrace to your family's name… which is considered worse than being dead. Anurag knows this but his feelings were like tidal waves breaking the walls in his mind. He couldn't let these feelings grow! They will eat him from inside, make him an outcast. But when he sees him. He forgets everything. His mind stops thinking, his fear goes away. His heart rushes like a storm, his body longs for his touch, his soul cries to sing the poems that he wrote for him, just for him. How can he live suppressing these feelings? Oblivious to his passion… his love?
Anurag loves his city. The city of Kolkata is just as sweet as the 'Mistis' (Traditional sweets that are exclusive to Kolkata) that puts it on the map and also as mystical as the divine beings that the people worship. In the city the tunes of Tagore flow in the air alongside the prayers from the temples. The mad wind carries messages of love towards the winding stream of the Ganges where the old boatman eagerly waits to take them across the river. To the realms of the blue God who dreams of the infinite. The Howrah Bridge stands as a symbol of connection between the hearts of the people and the city itself. But also, Kolkata is a city of contrasts. The roads, the architecture, everything in here seem halted in time yet the people, they are always running. The extravagant Mistis displayed in the shops are fantasised by children in streets who had nothing to eat. Tunes of Tagore are suppressed by the loud microphones of the politicians, vomiting fake promises.
The city that charmes Anurag also suffocates him. The running people here have no time for anything… not even for themselves. They don't have time to discover the new, that's why they just stick with the old ways for their whole lives. Anything different is only an inconvenience that needs to be ignored. This is why the day when Eun and his family moved to the housing society, no one approached them or helped them settle in. Only the old house wives who had nothing to do, gossip in their balconies about the new Korean family who had rented an apartment in the Building. One day when Anurag was going to his college. He saw Eun returning from his morning jog. Eun saw Anurag too. Their eyes locked and for a second time stopped. People stopped running; the city stuck in time was actually stopped…
The entire day Anurag was occupied. His brain was busy analysing, trying very hard to make some sense out of it but his heart was busy dreaming. Dreaming of seeing him again, longing to see him again. Ever since then Anurag has been at war with himself. Denial eating him away. His poems were giving up, he didn't know what to do with them. One day at the dinner table he tried to talk about Eun's family. He said to his mother, "Maa, have you met the Korean family yet? How are they?". "Na Babu, I haven't met them." she said while serving another serving of rice on Anurag's plate. "Bash bash maa, I don't want any more rice. But why haven't you met them? You always greet the new neighbours before anyone else." "I know Babu, but they aren't from here you know. I don't know how to approach them.". "That is not a problem, you can approach them just like any other family you mix with in the neighbourhood. If you want I can go along with you. Maa chele aksathe jabo "(maa= mother, chele= son, aksathe= together). " No! there is no need for any of that! No one from my family is going to that apartment." said Anurag's grandma. "But Maa he has a point we should greet them as our neighbours, it's our etiquette." said Anurag's father. "It may be our etiquette but those people, they don't belong here. They don't know our ways nor do they appreciate our culture. I don't want anything to do with them.". "But Amma, how could you say this about them? You also haven't met them yet." said Anurag, trying very hard to be polite. "I don't need to meet them to know how they are! I know them very well! These foreigners, they act as angels in front of you. But in the back they laugh about our country's poverty and our ways. I had the misfortune of dealing with some foreigners in my time. And Babu, believe me ignoring them is the best way to deal with them". "And have you seen the boy of theirs? He has such long hair and piercings!" said Anurag's mother, putting her hand over her mouth. It's a gesture many Indians do when they criticise someone else. "He must be a disobedient boy. '' said Anurag's father, as stoic as ever. "That is why I don't want those foreigners to come anywhere near our children. They will be nothing but a bad influence, especially that Rascal boy of theirs.'' said grandma aggressively chewing her piece of roti. "You can't just assume things like these about people you have never met!"shouted Anurag, failing to digest all this nonsense. "Don't you dare raise your voice like that young man!" Anurag's Grandma shouted back at him, baring her fake teeth crumbs of roti still left in them. "What are you doing Babu, where are your manners? Is this what we taught you? Said Anurag's father. "You know that you shouldn't talk to your elders like this. Then why are you doing this? And why are you defending those people, who are they to you?" said Anurag's mother. Anurag was silent, he was blankly staring down at the floor. Anurag's little sister was trying to say something for a while but she didn't have the chance because the adults were talking. Seeing her opportunity she finally asked her Grandma, "Amma Amma! I had heard from the old Auntie next door that the foreigners don't bathe! Is that true Amma?". "Indeed Mona, It is true. Not only that they also…". Anurag sprung up from the dinner table before his grandma could finish, "I am done. I'm going to my room.". "Where are you going Babu? Don't you want dessert. I made your favourite aamer chatni!" shouted Anurag's mother while he ran back to his room.
Ever since Anurag was a kid he knew he was weird. There was something about him that made him different from the others. When the kids in school were busy playing in the school field he would just sit alone in the library. Reading books of Neruda, Gibran and even Rumi… books that you don't often see a school goer be interested in. But Anurag adored them, their words gave him peace, made him feel loved. They were more close to him than any of his school friends, who were very few anyway. When he finished school and joined a college he had a fully developed heart of a poet and eyes of a philosopher. He saw and interacted with the world in a different way than his peers. He never let others' opinions affect his own. He preferred to see it with his own eyes before believing something. He saw beauty in everything. He knew no matter how dark the world seems, everything has a drop of God's grace, the essence of the universe that makes it beautiful.
Anurag was a free bird in a land of cages. A bird with butterfly wings flying across the cages, the denizens of the cages try their best to snatch his wings. But he always manages to get away from their grasp and fly majestically in the open air. His poems were his armour, his words kept his heart afloat. Every night in the silence of the building's common terrace he shined his poems for his friends, the stars and the moon. His poems were only for them to listen to. But one night there was another listener in the gallery. Another set of ears that he didn't expect but desperately wanted…
He shines in the infinite
A bright beacon of hope
For the lost souls
To find their way
In the empty void.
He lights the path
For others to find their loved ones,
A treasure that he never had
For He's all alone in his splendor
Only Sorrow as his ally.
The Moon cries on his own,
For he has no shoulder to cry upon.
Anurag finished his poem and expected the silence like always but instead he heard another voice shining his words in reply,
Cry on me, said the North Star,
Share your burden on my shoulders.
As you have shown many
Their way to love,
So you have shown me too.
In the empty void
I followed your light
And found you…
Silence followed. The poets saw each other under the night sky, above the sleeping world. The moon and the stars witnessed their words, their confession. Even the dreaming Gods up in the skies opened their eyes to bless the flame burning in their young hearts.
"You come here often?"
"Everyday but only at night."
"To read poems?"
"To read poems."
Eun stared at the silhouette of Anurag, standing like a dark angel in the little to no light of the terrace. "My name is Eun. My family moved into this building a few days ago". "I know, I have seen you". "Oh you did? No one came to greet us so I thought no one noticed us". "Sorry about that, yeah the people in here are a little sceptical about strangers." "No need to apologise, it's fine" the clouds moved in the sky to pour moonlight on Eun's smile. Anurag saw the dimples on the corners of his face, a fine adjective to his childlike smile. "My name's Anurag". "I know" if the clouds had managed to spare a little more moonlight Eun could have seen how Anurag's eyes lit up. "I mean I have seen you too, and the letter boxes on the ground floor have everyone's names so… No no no! I know it sounds like stalking and it probably is but believe me I am not a creep!" said Eun spreading his hands in front like a criminal defending himself in front of the judge. "It's ok! I understand you were curious". "Yeah yeah…something like that" said Eun, rubbing the back of his head. Silence descended upon them once again. It wasn't like they had nothing to talk about…truly it was quite the opposite. They had so much to say that their tongues gave up. All they could do was to stare at the partly visible silhouettes of each other, occasionally swaying in the northern wind. "I should go now, it's getting quite cold out here" said Eun, rubbing his forearms. "Acha. See you again… maybe… sometime." (Acha=ok) Anurag lost his calm, he wanted to stop him, spend a little more time with him but these words were all he could manage to utter. "See you too" Eun stopped in front of the stairs. "I quite liked this terrace, maybe I will come here again. At night." Anurag's eyes lit up once again, "Th-e… then you know where to find me again". They couldn't see it in the dark but they both felt a smile blossoming on each other's faces. "See you again soon Anurag". "See you too Eun"...
The next days of the season were spent in bliss for Anurag. In the night, he shared poems with the stars, Moon and Eun. And in the day he roamed around the city with him. He showed him his favourite places around the city. He took him to Victoria memorial, Dhakuria lake, Shobhabazar Rajbari, Nandan theater, Birla Planetarium and every other gem that the purple city had to offer. The mystical narrow alleys of north kolkata and the busy broad roads of south kolkata were echoing with their laughs, retorts and love. Eun's sarcastic yet honest humor and Anurag's calm yet fun loving heart were made for each other. They were perfect. From adda(intellectual debates) at tea stalls to how to eat a rosogolla Anurag taught Eun the ways of the city and what it means to be a Bengali and Eun took everything with the enthusiasm of a toddler learning to walk. And as the days progressed they came more and more closer to each other. For the first time in his life Anurag wasn't feeling alone. For once he felt a connection with someone, for once he felt being loved. After a long time the grey cold asphalt and the green wild twines of the ancient buildings of the city witnessed something new. Something that was young yet more ancient than them. 'The city halted in time' blessed the young blossoming flowers. Flowers priding their new colours.
But not everything was mary, there were long shadows under the bright lights. Prying eyes in the corners of the narrow alleyways. Eyes that were ignorant of their beauty, eyes that were cursed by the old. The words spread around. Words of hate and humiliation, disgust and disgrace. The words are the most powerful force in the city. They had the ability to control the minds of the people, tear families and even separate lovers. The words always find their mark to kindle a perfect fire. And they did it this time too. The days of bliss for Anurag came to an end.
One day when Anurag came back home after college he was confronted by his grandma, "Babu, I need to talk to you". Anurag knew the significance of this gesture but he kept his calm, "Ha Amma bolo" (bolo= say). "The things I am hearing about you, are they true?", " What things Amma?", "Don't play dumb! You know what I am talking about!" Anurag knew where this was going, he was trying his best to keep himself together. "People are talking about you. What is your business with that boy? Didn't I tell you not to mix with his kind!" Anurag remained silent, his head was drooping to the floor. "I have heard it all. How you are spending your days with him! I may have pardoned you if it was only that. But things that I heard, things that you were doing! It disgusts me!" said his grandma with an expression of disgust and authority. Anurag was devastated, his insides were coiling, tears storing in the corner of his eyes were about to burst out. But the rain of arrows wasn't done yet. His grandma kneeled in front of where he was sitting and said in a soft voice, "Babu why are you doing this to us? Do you like when people talk about you and your family? Do you like it when they make fun of us?" Anurag was still rigid like a statue but a few drops of tears betrayed him and fell on the floor. "Babu it's ok, it's fine. Don't cry, you know men don't cry. You are a good boy, we all know you are. It is that foreigner that enchanted you. That bastard! That rascal! That spawn of the devil… their time in this house has come to an end. I will make sure that they don't get to stay here another day! And that boy I will make that filthy…", "Don't you dare say another word about Eun!" Anurag stood up. His roar sent his grandma rolling backwards. Her eyes widened with disbelief, "Babu, yo-u… you…". " Yeah I stood up to you. And I feel like it is something I should have done a long time ago! Something everyone in this family should have done a long time ago!" Anurag darted at his family who were watching them from the corner. "Babu, listen you..", "No! You listen! Your time has passed. The world has changed. People aren't as narrow as they were. You know what is actually disgusting. The way you look at the world. The dirty narrow thing you think the world is. Your ideals have no place in today's society and you know it very well! But you still deny coming forward, instead you try to take everyone back with you. In a pathetic attempt to remain relevant, to satisfy your bloated ego and preserve the delusion that everything revolves around you! Everything has to go by your way! Let me tell you the truth, it never was like that and it never will be! You are just a husk stuck in time!" Anurag said his heart out and felt a massive weight release from his chest but all of sudden he felt like a truck hit him in the face, he almost fell to the ground. His father was standing in front of him with bloody red eyes, exhaling violently like a demon. He slapped him once again, even harder than before. His face went numb but the fire was still burning inside him. He was about to retort when he saw his sister. She was hiding behind his mother, looking at him with watery eyes. Anurag gave up…
He didn't eat dinner that night. He remained in his room. Silently crying inside the confined darkness of the walls. The cold dark walls of the room were calling his name. The air felt heavy and unbreathable. He was feeling cold. A voice was constantly ringing inside his head, ridiculing, disgusting. A voice with fake teeth. He wanted to end everything… forever. suddenly there was a knock on his door. He thought to himself maybe death had finally heard his wish…
"Dada, may I come in?" softly said Anurag's sister. "Yes Mona, aye." Anurag wasn't in the mood to talk but he can never deny sister. He loves her more than anything. "Dada, are you ok?" "Hmm I am fine." "Dada, can you do me a favour?" "What?" said Anurag irritatedly, "you know I am seriously not in mood for…" "Dada, I want to meet him!" Anurag lost his words for a moment. "What! Who?" " Your friend Dada! I really really want to meet him!" Anurag was still confused. "But why, aren't you the one who said he doesn't bathe!" "Shut up Dada, you know those weren't my words but anyway I want to meet the boy you love so much that you stood against Amma! Something that you wouldn't even do for me!". "What! Wait! Are you jealous or something?" "No way! Why would I be jealous of him! I am not jealous of him… ok little bit jealous but that doesn't mean anything. I want to meet him. He must be a great person." "And what made you think that?" "Because he is a friend of my Dada and my Dada is the greatest person I know", she smiled a wide smile bearing all her teeth. Anurag finally accepted his defeat. He couldn't hold back his smile anymore nor his tears. He hugged his sister, the tightest hug that he had ever given to anyone. "You will meet him, I will make sure you do." "I will be waiting…"
The next night Anurag went early and waited on the terrace. The sky was clear with many stars and a bright full moon. Plenty of audience to witness them. Eun came on time as usual. A big smile spread across Eun's face seeing Anurag. "You were waiting for me? Usually I am the one who comes early". Anurag was silent, he said nothing and blankly stared at the sky. Eun understood that something wasn't right. He carefully approached Anurag, "Hey is everything alright?" Anurag released a sigh and said, "No. I think I won't be able to meet you anymore." "Why! What happened! Did I do something wrong? Frick I knew those Hoeddeoks were too sweet!" Eun loudly face palmed himself. "Shut up Eun! This is serious." "Oh sorry. You looked very tense so I tried to lighten the mood. Sorry, can you please tell me what happened!". "My grandma is coming for you.". "Uff damn! Should I bring out my AKs and Glock! My parents have some grenades too I guess. What kind of arsenal does your grandma have? I mean what kind of fire power are we talking about here?" Anurag didn't said anything, he just stared at Eun. Eun felt his gaze piercing his soul, he was genuinely afraid now. "Ok I am sorry, I am sorry! I am terribly sorry. I shouldn't have made a joke like that about your grandma. I am sorry." Anurag closed his eyes and let go of another sigh. "I am serious this time. Can you please tell me what happened?" Eun pleaded to Anurag. "My grandma doesn't like… she doesn't like us being together. She says it disgusts her." Eun was silent, marks of shock were present all over his face. He didn't know what to say, which is very rare for him. But he could feel Anurag's pain in his skin. "It's over Eun. She will file a complaint to the society committee. Then there will be no one who could stop your family's eviction. It's over Eun, we can't… we can't be together… not anymore. Anurag covered face with his palms to suppress his tears but it was as vain as covering the sun with a piece of paper.
Suddenly Anurag felt warm. He raised his head from his palms and saw Eun's arms around him. Holding him, supporting him. "Eun?" Anurag's voice was trembling. Eun hugged him even tighter, he rested his head on Anurag's shoulder. "What are we going to do now Eun?". "Don't worry everything will be fine.". "How? Didn't you listen to anything I just said!". "Yes I listened, I always listen to you. Just like I listened to you once when you were telling me the stories of great Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose and how he united the freedom fighters to fight together, "Amra Aksathe lorbo!". We will fight… together"
"E- Eun…" Anurag saw Eun's kind eyes under the moonlight and suddenly his worries seemed so insignificant to him. The hope that he had lost came back and made a permanent abode in his heart. Anurag's hands were shaking, Eun let him go and grabbed Anurag's hands with his own. Time was running slower than usual, the moon was watching eagerly. Suddenly Anurag felt a soft touch on his lips, a warm soft touch. His starved soul cried, all his pain flooded his eyes. Anurag closed his eyes and let it all go… The moon cleared the sky of dark clouds and Stardust rained all over. Fireflies sang their most joyous songs. The universe embraced the young and The city imprisoned in the past felt its shackles loosen…
Eun and Anurag were sitting on the edge of the rooftop. Hand in hand, adoring the night and each other. "So, what now?" said Eun with a smile. "We fight, we fight together to be together." Anurag said, looking at the bright moon. "Sounds fun. I will be happy to tag along". Anurag turned his head towards Eun, "but first there is an important thing we need to take care of." "what is it?" "To be honest it's more of your problem than mine" "What! Just tell me already". Anurag smiled a little seeing Eun's worried face, "You need to meet my sister". "Oh! It will be hard and I may lose my life. But honestly… It will be a pleasure". They both smiled under the moonlight, over a sleeping city who was about to witness a new dawn.