Editors: Sebas Tian, Joker, Speedphoenix
The first thing the king and I did after our little conversation about murdering his son was to move. We needed to get the little princess somewhere safe. Since we knew that our allies would be somewhere in front, we cut through the castle's interior and headed out front. Lo and behold, the rescue squad was right there waiting for us. Their pace was so brisk that watching them was almost a bit fascinating.
"Your Majesty! You're safe!" Carlotta, who was at the squad's front, hailed the king the moment she saw him before turning towards me with a bit of a suspicious look. "You were the one who rescued him, I take it…?"
Carlotta was this operation's supreme commander. Yet, I had somehow expected her to be here. She just seemed like the type that would take to the front lines and order the soldiers to follow her as she charged into the fray. And she wasn't the only familiar face either.
"Oh, hey Nell. Fancy seeing you around these parts."
"Wait, Yu-Why are you here!?" asked Nell.
The hero's presence confirmed that the church did indeed view her as an important asset. There was no way they would have deployed her on such an important mission had they felt otherwise.
"Explaining it all would be a huge pain in the ass, so I'mma just not."
Nell looked like she was about to complain, but her boss cut her off before she could.
"Cease, Nell. I too want to ask him many, many things, but this is not the time for that. We are before his majesty, and we don't want to waste his time. Save any questions you have for later." The knight took a knee as she lectured her subordinate. Soon, her whole unit followed suit. "Your Majesty, we are glad to see both you and your daughter in good health. Nothing could possibly mean more to us than your safety."
"Enough," said the king. "Raise your heads. There is no need for you to go through with pleasantries. This is in an emergency, and I see it only rational that we act in a manner befitting of such."
"Understood, Your Majesty."
Carlotta got to her feet and turned to her unit to instruct them to do the same. I used her momentary bit of inattention to whisper into the king's ears.
"I know these guys, and they know me. But they don't know what I really am, so don't be giving me away."
The king gave the slightest nod possible. He too was being all sneaky-like.
I hadn't told the stubborn old coot the whole truth. Nell knew my identity, but I figured that it'd be better for me not to tell him that.
"Given the circumstances, Your Majesty, might I suggest evacuating immediately? A part of this unit will accompany you and ensure that you make it to safety."
"Please evacuate only my daughter," said the king, resolutely. "I am afraid that I must remain."
"Sir..?" Carlotta made a stupefied expression, as if she hadn't ever expected that she would be denied.
"It is my understanding that you will soon make your way towards my idiotic excuse of a son. I shall join you in seeing to his demise."
"B-But Your Majesty…" Carlotta gave a troubled frown. She simply didn't know how else to react to the king's unexpected suggestion.
"I understand that I am asking for a significant favour. But I insist. You must escort me to his side."
And him being a stubborn old coot probably isn't helping either.
Their conversation soon came to an unexpected, abrupt end. My skills started blaring alarms through my head. An enemy had come and a crisis was upon us. The strength of Crisis Detection's response changed based on the severity of the threat. For example, Illuna loved to start hitting me when she started to get angry. She would pound the bottom of her fists into my chest. It was obviously an attack, but the skill judged it so inconsequential that it was completely ignored. However, the skill would begin blaring off alarms the moment Lefi attempted the same adorable thing. It would instill an overwhelming sense of crisis throughout every fibre of my being.
The sensation I was currently feeling was nowhere close to the threat of an angry Lefi, but it was still enough of a threat to cause the skill to pop. Based on what I'd experienced within the Wicked Forest, such a sensation meant that the attack being launched my way was one that would cause significant harm if I didn't react immediately. And as such, I took an action that could almost be called reflexive. I raised the blade I had been resting atop my shoulders and held it above my head in order to block the incoming attack.
A loud clang pierced my ears and a dull shock ran through my arms. The attack was a heavy one. In fact, it was so heavy that I couldn't help but think that the attacker had jumped off the castle in order to give his first strike a bit of oomph.
"You actually blocked that? Not bad! Not bad at all!"
I turned around to see my attacker, a burly man with his weapon drawn and ready to go. The look on his face was… wrong. He was just so happy and enraptured that I couldn't help but feel a sense of danger. For my chastity.
"Aw hell no! You stay the fuck outta my ass!"
I almost stumbled across my own words as I turned around and attempted to strike him with a roundhouse kick. But unlike everyone else I'd fought today, he managed to dodge it and take up a stance with his blade. Again, I was assaulted by an instinctive repulsion.
He was a pervert.
I could just tell.
"Hahaha!" The man laughed. "I only took this shitty job because I heard I'd get a chance to fight the church's famous lady knight, or even the hero herself. But would you look here! I've got myself something even better! What a lucky day it is! If I knew someone like you was coming, then I would've gotten myself off my ass even earlier!"
The man grinned as widely as any human being possibly could while his eyes began to glow with a sharp glint. Gross. That's fucking gross. God help me. This motherfucker's one of them freaks obsessed with fighting. And one of the really messed up ones at that.
His equips were indicative of the fact that he was your everyday soldier. I would have been quite happy if it had turned out that he was basically wearing rags, but unfortunately, it was the opposite. Analyze informed me that his gear was much better than anything a mere member of the rank and file could ever afford. He said something about a job, right? I guess that would probably make him either a merc or an adventurer.
The rude pervert's entrance caused the king and the knights to tense up.
"A-Are you okay!?" asked Nell in a panicked tone.
"I'm fine. Don't worry about me. Just go do what you gotta do."
The war-crazed pervert seemed to have judged me as a worthy foe or something. He was no longer even considering anyone else. They'd all left his focus. His sword was directed at me and only me. He was unlikely to chase the king and his knights so long as I remained. Ughhhhhhhhhhh. God damn it. Give me a break. Look man, I'm a pacifist. Sure, I fight stuff, but only because it's absolutely necessary. I only do what I have to, nothing more. 'Cause unlike this degenerate, I don't actually like almost getting myself killed.
A member of the rescue team attempted to attack the man. He moved in a ninja-like manner, approached the pervert from behind, and attempted to hit one of his blind spots.
But it didn't work.
"Get out of here, small fry. This party's exclusive. Invite only."
There was a flash. The ally that had attacked was split right in half. His death prompted Carlotta to click her tongue in annoyance. "Are you going to need backup?"
"Nah, I'm good. If anything, you guys will just get in my way."
If I had to describe Zaien in a single word, I would deem the blade massive. Its effective range was far too large for me to want to bother accounting for any allies that may or may not be in the way. It wasn't impossible, but I just didn't want to bother. I wasn't all that great at swordplay. Chances were, I would mess up and accidentally cleave right through anyone that moved to support me.
"Olga! Duo!"
"What is it, ma'am?"
"The two of you take the king's daughter and withdraw immediately. The rest of you, to me. We'll be escorting His Majesty."
"Yes, ma'am!"
"Your Majesty, please try your best not to stray from our sides."
"Of course," said the king.
"I'll leave you to take care of him, Wye, but don't die," said the knight. "I still have many things to ask you."
"B-Be careful!" added Nell.
"Yeah, yeah, I got it. Hurry up and go already." I kept my eyes in front and trained on the enemy as I spoke.
The two girls nodded and left to go carry out their duties.
In the end, the only two that remained were me and the battle-crazed pervert.
"You sure you don't need to go after the king?" I asked. "Wasn't killing him your goal?"
"It ain't a problem. My contract only says that I'm in charge of fighting anyone strong," he said. "And I'm pretty sure the strongest person in that group was you."
Crimson appeared on the man's face as his expression contorted into that of a blushing maiden. "What a lucky man I am. I can't believe I get to face such a strong foe. This too must be karma. Doing good deeds everyday has finally come full circle!"
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Gross. Oh god. That is literally the most disgusting expression I've seen in my life. Someone get me some bleach. For my eyes. Now! I simply could not imagine anything more disgusting than the man before me.
"Good deeds? Looking at you, that just smells like bullshit," I spat. Even just having the pervert around had left a bad taste in my mouth, so I kicked through the air and initiated combat.
My movements were so quick that it was almost like I had initiated the fight with a teleport.
***
Editor's note (Joker): Hey, guys! Joker here. Well, it looks like it's time for the obligatory "overly feminine macho man" to make his… her… their appearance. Seems like a lot of isekai novels have that kind of character. Which is odd if you consider the time period most isekai novels pull from. I don't think there were many people like that back then. Which brings a thought to mind. I don't think I've read an isekai novel where the character is sent to a world that's in the "future" time period. They're all back in swords and magic. Why not something like the main character being in a future time period and they summoned them because the future people need help with an "old timey" problem? I think that would be neat. If anyone has a novel like that, please lemme know. Also, a lot of y'all really got into the DnD game, and I'm real excited for future games. I'll try and get a set schedule up so that we can get as many people playing as possible. Only one letter today, so thanks to Danthefan unless… hold on. Let me get an older sack….Nope, that's the only one. Remember, if you've got a question, leave it below with the hashtag #AskJoker and I'll reply to it. See y'all in the next chapter!
TL Note: I think ^ has the wrong impression or I messed up. Idk which. Dude isn't supposed to be the tranny trope. He's just supposed to fucked in the head.