It took me a moment to adjust the next time I opened my eyes. My eyes stung with unshed tears and my eyelashes clung to each other like scared children. Catching the bright light from the french doors propped open to the outdoor balcony, I realized I was in Azrael's room. I sat up abruptly. I'm in his bed alone. In the attached study I caught Claudine's eyes as they rose to meet me from the book she was reading. As soon as she realized I was awake, she set it down on the table in front of her and rushed to me.
"Hey, shhh, lay back."
"Wha- what is going on, Claudine?" Looking down I saw I was still in the t-shirt and jeans I had worn here initially. I thrust my hands through my hair in a nervous gesture.
Claudine kicked off her shoes and sat next to me on the large king-size mattress. "Well, you witnessed your first murder and you didn't take it well. You went into shock."
I felt my hand as it crept unbidden to rest on my chest below my neck. Claire. The bile threatened to rise in my throat, but I swallowed against it, clearing my throat repeatedly before Claudine finally handed me a glass of water.
"What? Why did he do that?" The questions were rhetorical, uttered in an effort to understand what I had witnessed. I looked at Claudine. "He didn't have to kill her."
She reached over and rubbed my arm gently. "Yes he did, sweetie. You know he did. I'm not exactly the president of the Azrael fan club, but he made the right call. Vehric would've done the same if he had found her the night we came to get you."
I fell back against the plush down-pillows piled behind me on the gold baroque duvet, pulling the throw blanket covering me up to shield myself. I'm not exposed, but it made me feel more comfortable to be cradled in its soft fibers.
"I've just never seen anyone die," I croak out.
Claudine takes a deep breath exhaling slowly. "In your defense, that was a hell of a first one, too. I've seen many a man or wolf meet their end, and that was easily the most brutal I've ever seen. I'd be lying if I said that my inner wolf didn't revel in it." She flashed me a sad grin. "Our nature is different from yours. Azrael's, too. I know it's hard to adjust to, but it's something you'll get used to."
I narrowed my eyes. "I don't think that is something I ever want to get used to." I couldn't meet her eyes as she reached over and gripped my arm again.
"Azrael is actually having dinner brought over from the bar. It's three doors down. I don't know what he ordered, but Chloe is coming, too. We're all going to crash at the compound tonight. Az said we can have his room, or Chloe and I can crash in guest rooms."
I nod gently. I'm still struck with images of Claire's death holding tightly in my subconscious. Every time I close my eyes it's all I can see.
"I don't know how I want to deal with sleeping arrangements just yet, I'm still stuck somewhere between 'holy shit, that's Claire,' and 'holy shit, Claire is headless.'
Claudine does a good job of containing the smirk I see that desperately wants to break out across her face. She reaches over to the bedside table, picking up an ornate glass bottle I recognize from La Boite Magique. "Mimi sent this for you. She said it's basically a magic Xanax. To help you sleep later."
A rueful smile plays on my lips. Mimi really does think of everything. Chloe was right, she is good people. I miss spending time with her. I push the throw off of me and rise from the bed. Across the room, on a dresser, is a collection of photos in frames. I notice some that appear especially old, eighteen-hundreds maybe, while others seem relatively new. Relatively meaning the sixties. Azrael is in this one, looking exactly the same except in a leather jacket. It's hot.
I picked up one of a beautiful brunette in full twenties regalia. By the condition of the photograph, I could tell that it was genuine to its era. I run my fingers down the edge.
"That's Gwen." I jump, seeing Azrael leaning against the door jam from the east entrance to the room.
"Whose Gwen?" My voice is so tentative that I barely recognize it myself.
Azrael crossed the room gingerly, taking the photo from my hands and looking down at it with fondness before pain flashed in his eyes. "Gwen was my wife. She died in the great fire."
My sharp gasp of air is audible and Claudine takes that as her hint to give us some space, wandering out the same entrance Az just came in. "Az, I'm so sorry. I had no idea."
"I've been alive for centuries, Jo. I've got a few exes."
"Was she a vampire?"
He clears his throat. "Not at first. At first, she was just some sweet girl that worked in my bar. The Haunt isn't my first in the area. She was gentle, unassuming. Great bartender during the prohibition. I turned her. So we could be together. Forever." He sets the photo back on the dresser but hesitates before releasing it.
"Forever is a long time."
"Indeed it is. Being with a human is hard for a vampire. It's a constant reminder of mortality. It's hard for us to even keep human friends sometimes. Your lives are so short that it seems fruitless." He takes my hand turning me toward him. "Would you ever consider turning?"
I chew my bottom lip pensively. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't considered it at all. Of course, I have. They're all-powerful badasses. But to be a slave to the dark and to blood? The hunt? I'm not sure that I could live like that. I answered him honestly. "I don't know, Az."
He nods, wrapping his arms around me. "That's ok. I was just wondering. Your answer isn't binding. I am sorry, about earlier. With Claire."
I snort, "No you're not."
He lets out a little huff of laughter and I bury my face into his chest. "No, I'm not. You're right. I'd do the same thing if given the chance. But I am sorry that it was hard for you to witness."
I stepped back and sat on the foot of his bed. "I'm not sorry, either. Yes, it's probably going to give me nightmares for a long time to come, but Claudine talked me through it. I have a better understanding of it, and she's right about something. I'm part of this world whether I want to be or not, and this is part of it. I'm going to have to get used to it at some point."
Azrael sets his mouth in a hard line. "Yes, you are. There may come a time, sooner than you expect, when you have to make a similar decision. When that time comes, I want you to promise me something."
I run my tongue along my bottom lip before meeting his eyes. I nod.
"I want you to promise me that you will not hesitate. If it is you, or someone else - and I do not care who else - you will be the one left standing."
I nod again. "I promise."
He takes a couple of steps forward, dipping his hand to the underside of my chin and tilting my mouth up before brushing a soft kiss on my lips. "Good. Chloe will be here shortly with food. I was thinking maybe we could try to take it easy the rest of the night? Cole is staying at the mansion, so things will be fine there - and this place is positively crawling with vampires, so you'll be safe here."
"Yeah-" I croak, "I mean, yes. That sounds good. Sorry, I'm still a little…" I trail off, leaving it hanging in the air.
"I get it. If I could remember the first time I witnessed a kill I might be able to impart some knowledge, but unfortunately with that being over a thousand years ago, I think that's probably more Claudine's territory."
I smile despite myself. "She's working on it. I'll be okay. Really," I paused considering what Azrael said, "wait, you're over a thousand?"
He raises a brow and gives a little shrug.
"God, Az, I think there are mummies younger than you." We shared a short laugh. "How old were you when you were turned?"
"I was thirty-six. Technically I've been thirty-six for over a thousand years. I stopped aging that day - but I never stopped learning. I've had a lot of time to evolve into what you see before you."
I nod, licking my lips. I like what I see before me. He can read whatever I'm thinking all over my face, his eyes glancing to my lips and lower to my hardened nipples that are straining against my shirt.
Chloe interrupts, walking through the east door this time. "I have dinner, guys! Hope you like burgers. I figured everyone likes burgers so I brought enough for everyone."
Both Azrael and I bristle at the interruption before I furrow my brow and look back at him. "Az, did you pick the room in the house with the most doors on purpose? How do you get anything done in here with someone running in a different door every five minutes?"
With his trademark stoicism holding firm he deadpans, "Most everyone in the compound knows not to walk in unbidden if they would like to keep their limbs. Chloe seems to, as always, be the exception to every rule."
Her face lights up as she lays the boxes of food across the coffee table in the study. "Oh come on. I'm like the little sister you always wanted. You love it."
"I have a little sister. Several, actually."
I smile at him before rising from the seat and walking over to where Chloe has set the burgers down, my mouth suddenly watering at the scent of fresh fries. "I think there's always room for another little sister, Az."