⚠️warning, this chapter mentions of suicide⚠️
some readers who are sensitive to the topic may skip to the next line and continue there.
thank you and enjoy
nothing is better than knowing that you got everything under control, in this case, I had everything under her control and it didn't feel good being trapped and having nowhere to go nowhere to hide and no one to depend on but yourself.
her control was brutally painful and weakening, she made me feel powerless with every single move of hers, she made me feel like I didn't matter and that my existence was just to keep HER body healthy, because with time my body didn't feel like my own.
she made me believe that what she was doing was the right thing, she changed my point of view within these few years, but these few years have been the longest and most horrifying most pain-filled and the most suicidal I've gotten.
yet there was not a second thought whenever killing myself became an option because I had a family I had my brother what would be of them if I just all of a sudden ended everything without even leaving a note to tell them why, they would have to accept that I just didn't have a reason or maybe I did but I couldn't tell them.
it wouldn't be a hard thing to do, however, I know how it feels to be left in the dark not knowing what will happen next, preparing to face whatever hits you next, whatever blows you back and breaks your arm or leg or everywhere.
or your heart.
the worst-case scenario they would decide to join me too in the afterlife, but I also had a third thought alongside the second, it being that after I kill myself she would come into my body and if my body was lucky enough she would survive and take over my life, with such reason I wanted to find less damaging ways to do it, and how to get found quickly.
1 poison: depends on whether Michael finds me on time and takes me to the hospital, still it was too risky.
2 cutting myself: chances are I would lose a lot of blood and if he doesn't find me on time there would be no saving me.
3 jumping off the roof: my body would be damaged and I wouldn't what to leave Michael with too much responsibility.
4 drug overdose: watched a movie once where a woman tried to kill herself that way but after her mother found her ON TIME she was able to survive.
yeah, the last one seemed safer but I wasn't about to fully depend on a movie, because there was a negative to all these, all being the same thing which is timing, I would have to be found quickly and at the same time my soul would have to leave my body for her soul to take what she claims to be hers and I could finally be out of my misery.
nonetheless, it could go wrong, it could turn out bad and I would still be in my body I could still survive though that's not a negative, in other cases it was, plus there was nothing to love about my life except for the two people who manage to put a smile on my face even in my darkest days.
so I guess that was a reason to stay alive, not for myself but for those two, those very special people I love dearly.
~~~~~~
"How did everything go?" I asked as I took a bite of the unusually bitter apple, Micheal sighed before answering, almost answering the question with just that, "well she slapped me before I could even speak, but everything went well, what about you how did the finals treat you?" I looked down at my apple, "I don't know, I'm not the smartest person you know" he chuckled.
"you are the most...charming?" he tilted his head slightly whilst flipping the egg flawlessly, raising another question for me to ask, "why didn't you become a chef?" he slipped the egg from the pan to my plate as a small smile rested on his face, pondering on what I said something he does quite a lot.
"because I wouldn't have the time to cook for you, your highness," he said as he bowed, I giggled, "can you please check on my toast?" he stopped in his tracks before slowly turning around to face me, "well...your toast burned, but don't worry I have a new one in the toaster" I relaxed after hearing the last sentence, I really do need him more than I think I do huh.
"like I said, who else would save your toast?" I rolled my eyes and folded my arms together, "oh don't give me sass we all know you would give up right after they come out black"
"What's wrong with them being black huh you racist"
"haha, real funny" I smiled and leaned back on the couch, I barely got any sleep when I arrived home from school yesterday, and after dinner, I stayed up all night watching videos about how important it is to go to sleep while I wasn't even trying to sleep, and ASMR's don't help either.
I closed my eyes for a split second only to be woken up in my bedroom cuddled up with my pillows and wearing Micheal's favourite shirt, I lifted myself in total confusion, I remembered closing my eyes for only a second how did I end up in my bed?.
I stood up from my bed and went to my bathroom to clear my thoughts with a hot shower.
After my unpleasant shower, I dried my hair and didn't bother doing anything else, yet on my way to the bathroom, I couldn't help but notice my reflection in the mirror my real and vexatious reflection, "who is this?" I asked my hand unknowingly exploring my collarbone as tears fell down my face.
"who is this?" I asked lowly, I stood straight and slowly took off my robe, it took a while but I finally saw it, I saw what Michael was talking about and it was horrifying, it looked like I was staring at a skeleton.
"who is this!?!" I fell to the floor holding on to my wrist choking back tears, "who is this...
I wasn't the same anymore, how didn't I notice this from the start, how was I so blind about this, how could I be so oblivious to everything, how did it take me so much time to realise how bad I had gotten.
"Bella is waiting"