Chereads / Trickster: The Apostle of Loki / Chapter 170 - Lonely

Chapter 170 - Lonely

Sitting in the corner of my room, as I so often did, I once again had a hard time holding my tears back.

Looking around, I felt my anxiety rise when thinking about the fact that it was still the same old room with the same old stone walls that I had spent all of my life in. At this point, I couldn't even remember the time when I was brought here, just the sad face Aksel had when speaking to the pope.

It was a life filled with nothing but the books on the shelves that covered most of the stone walls, the books that had filled me with hope for the future. In them, I read about all kinds of things. From stories about heroes and demons, to love stories about a man finding the woman of his life.

'Maybe it will happen tomorrow...'

The same thought that I had every day for years upon years popped up in my head. A thought that always ended up with my hope getting crushed, with Aksel telling me he was sorry, and that he would tell me as soon as he got confirmation.

"Sniff... Guh!"

It hurt so much, to think that even with the small amount of time I had, most of it had to be spent here, alone. 'I just want to know... What's it like out there? What is having a friend like?'

But no matter how much I prayed, Theia didn't approve of it. The few times she spoke to me, it had always been the same answer as I got from Aksel. '-It's not time yet. You have to be patient.'

'I have been patient! I have been patient for so very long! What did I do wrong?! Please, someone, tell me what I have to do! Please... before it's too late...'

Once again, I had lost the battle against myself, my mouth inadvertently opening as tears soaked my cheeks. "Ugh! Aaa... aaaaah!"

'I don't want to do this anymore! Shit! Why... why am I even here?!'

"Hick! Gah, aaahh!"

I wasn't living, no, I was barely a human being at this point. Because humans had friends, they had families. They had ambitions and dreams. They had a past, but most importantly... they had a future.

*Crrreeaaak!*

Slowly the wooden door opened, but I didn't need to look up to know who it must be. The one who always seemed to know when I was crying, who always came to hold me in his arms while crying with me. Telling me things like, "It will be alright.", and, "Soon your time will come." And I always believed him.

He was the man I wanted to hate, to blame for keeping me here, but it was the man I loved so very dearly. He was, after all, the only one I had. The one I didn't have the courage to call my father, but the one I wanted to be so.

"Are you done?"

Looking up, I felt my heart race as I saw the visitor that had come to me, his face being everything but what Aksel looked like. Instead, the man who had come looked like me, with his hair being the same color as mine, and his eyes resembling the same sky.

"Sniff... W-Who are y-you?"

"You don't need to know. Now, tell me what's wrong, why do you keep crying?"

Not caring about dirtying his nice suit, he sat down beside me, keeping his eyes forward on one of the bookshelves while I turned my eyes to the floor. "B-because... I want to get o-out of here... sniff... I don't want to be here anymore... Guh! I don't want to be here!"

"I see."

Even after listening to my words, he didn't do anything. He didn't put his arms around me and patted my back, nor did he say any comforting words. Turning my head up again, I could see him coldly glaring at the same bookshelf as before. 'What is he thinking about...?'

Then, I could feel something. There was something about him more than just his looks that resembled me. Though he was free to roam the world, he was still the same. "You... Are you lonely too?"

Finally turning his head towards me, I saw him putting on a polite smile, while his eyes were fully displaying the sadness he was feeling.

"Yeah. I am lonely too. But unlike you, I have no right not to be."

==========

'Hmm? Where am I?'

Waking up, I felt a slight disorientation as my mind tried its best to figure out where I was, my eyes being met by a white roof with big lights. Raising my body to a sitting position, I was stopped when I felt my heart suddenly release an extra intense beat.

*Thump!*

"Argh!"

An intense pain started surging through my entire body, with the origin being my chest, or rather, my heart. 'What the fuck is this?! What did that brat do to our body?! Was it that, that fucking skill?!'

Throwing me out of my thoughts, a bright voice rang out in worry, "Zero?! What's happening?! Are you okay?!"

Forcing one of my eyes open, I could see the now familiar blue-haired girl leaning over me, her face painted with stress and angst. 'Well, at least she seems to be alright...'

Even if I wanted to tell her I was fine, which I clearly wasn't, I couldn't even open my mouth because my muscles were spasming too much. "What do I do?! Shit! Zero, you can't die like this! Please!"

Her eyes started tearing up as she was thinking the worst, accidentally also making me think the worst. 'There's no way, right? No! No way I'm just gonna die like this! I swear to Loki that if we die, I will never leave you alone in the afterlife, Zero! Also, can you please call the nurse instead of just panicking?!'

As I had no idea what was happening to my body, with my only clue being the fact that we felt a huge pain in our chest when we used all that mana fighting with Arthur, I couldn't stop myself from getting nervous. Even in another world, I had a feeling that chest pain wasn't a good sign.

Luckily, there was another person that I knew in the room, now quickly pacing to the bed with a stiff face, "Stella, I know it looks bad, but it's okay. But, would you mind leaving the room for a bit? I need to take off his clothes, and I don't think he would want you to see that."

"Sniff... O-okay..."

Somehow, Ms. Turner had easily convinced her to leave what I assumed was a private medical room, as I could see the door in the corner of my eye. Yet, there was still only one thought in my head.

'Where. The. Actual. Fuck. Is. The. Nurse?! Also, why is Ms. Turner the one who is going to undress me?!'

At this point, my mind was officially completely distorted because of the stress and anxiety I was feeling, and suddenly the pain I had felt wasn't all too bad in comparison to the gorgeous teacher being the one who was going to see me nude. However, as if reading my mind, my teacher blessed my heart with a little bit of relief.

"Don't worry, Zero, I'm not going to undress you. I just said that so Stella would leave us alone for a bit."

'Oh, thank Loki!'

Sadly, relief wasn't the only thing she was going to gift me.

"But you have to listen to what I'm about to say. The pain you are feeling right now... you already know what it is, right? That thing you said in the classroom... It was about this, wasn't it?"

'No, I honestly have no idea what is happening. I know the cause, but I don't know what it has done to my body. Also, why are you talking to me when it's clear that I can't answer?!'

A sad smile emerged on her face, as she 'knew' that I didn't want her to worry about me. In her eyes, I was probably well aware of the consequences I would face after using my power, and that I felt like it was worth it just to send a message. Both of which, I denied strongly in my head.

Then, her voice started shaking, "I-I'm sorry... I w-wanted to stop it... But... the principal... He told us you wouldn't want that... That you wouldn't want us to stop you from guiding your friends forward..."

'Ah, so that's what it was... That old geezer! He probably watched the whole thing with a smile on his face. Shit! That just makes me feel worse!'

Unable to hold herself back anymore, my teacher fell forward, embracing me in her arms, making it so I could feel her soft chest on my arm. "I'm so sorry Zero! I'm so sorry for everything, and I'm sorry for not being able to do a damn thing for you!"

'Well, you could start by not putting your whole upper body on me when I am in extreme pain.'