It's a frightening thing to hear that one of your own may die.
That's the only way that I can describe the feeling that came over me when I first heard Seraphina's words. I'll admit that while we'd seen Noah's wing earlier that day, we really had not taken a good look at it. Perhaps we should have, considering our worries over his changes in mood and behavior.
Gabrielle and I immediately asked Seraphina when she'd noticed this, and to our shock, she said that she'd seen it several times since Noah had come home from Aiden's. There were only a few feathers every time she did, and she said that he was pulling them out without telling anyone, but they kept coming back.
Things began making sense when I went to my room and thought it over that night. Noah knew about the illness that killed Noel. He'd seen what had happened to her through the visions she'd given him. Perhaps he feared being close to everyone knowing that he could be getting extremely sick. That wouldn't have been out of the question when one considered Noah's devoted personality.
All of this troubled me to no end. There was no way I could allow him to continue hiding this from us. Not when his life was at stake.
But although I wanted Gabrielle to check him right away, with everything that had been happening, I knew that I'd have to be careful about it. I certainly didn't want him upsetting Seraphina or his parents anymore, so I began trying to think of a way to get around them and let him show Gabrielle on his own.
But as I got up the next morning, I knew that the first thing I had to do was going to be one of the hardest. I'd have to somehow tell Raphael and Raziel what we'd heard.
I was dreading that one, especially when it came to Raziel. He was so devoted to his son, even though Noah tended to rebuff him a lot lately, and from what we'd known of this illness, it was like being handed a death sentence.
I was basically going to tell him that his son was more than likely going to die.
But I knew that I had no choice. If this was what was happening, then it would be evident soon enough. But I also decided that it might be easier to talk to Raphael first. If anything, he could pull himself together enough to decide on how to approach this with Raziel and Anna. He knew them better than anyone, and I was certain that he could handle whatever their reactions might be. So, I committed myself to talk to him first.
I stopped by his house early the next morning and found him in the den, going through some papers.
"I'd say good morning, but you seem to be upset over something," he noted, not looking up from what he was doing.
I didn't doubt that he could feel my mood quite easily, but it was hard enough to keep myself as composed as I'd been. To hell with restraining the turmoil inside of me.
"Yes, I am. There's something very important that we need to talk about right now." I stated as I sat down beside him on the couch.
"Really?"
Raphael still sounded unconcerned. He probably thought that I was just overreacting to something.
"It's very serious Raphael." I reiterated.
Raphael finally set the papers aside and looked at me.
"What's wrong?" he asked, sounding more concerned.
Good. Now he was paying attention.
"Gabrielle and I found Seraphina sitting out in my hallway last night, and she told us something she'd seen that we really need to look into," I explained.
"What did she say?"
"She told us that she's seen black feathers in Noah's wing."
Raphael stared at me for a moment. It seemed like it was taking him some effort to process what I'd just said.
"When?" he finally managed to ask.
"Apparently, she's seen them off and on since we brought him back from Aiden's. He's been pulling them out and trying to hide them." I answered.
The room became very quiet, and I watched Raphael lower his head, shaking it as he held it. He knew the grim implications of this. If he had been able to, I think he would've started crying.
Finally, he managed to speak again, "Has Gabrielle tried to check him and verify it?"
"Not yet. We're trying to come up with a way so that he doesn't know that Seraphina told us. All we need right now is for him to cause more trouble with her. We've seen where that leads to."
Raphael let out a tired sigh. I understood how upset he was. This was his grandson, and he meant everything to him, just like Raziel.
A few more minutes passed in silence before he spoke again.
"I can arrange something for her to check him. Just give me a little bit of time to come up with a valid excuse. But we have to know right away if there's any chance to help him."
"All right, and Gabby and I are going to do everything we can to help too," I promised. A tired breath escaped me as I looked down, "Do you think that we should wait to tell Raziel?"
"No, we shouldn't, but I don't want to tell him until we know for sure. It's been enough making sure that he's handled things without breaking down too, and I'm still very worried about him." Raphael admitted.
"You look tired. Has it really been that bad?" I asked, although I already suspected that it was. There had been a lot of stress on Raphael's family in the last month, and this was by far the worst thing that they could hear.
"It's been rough, but I'll be fine. I've handled enough of this now that I have to keep pushing on." Raphael answered.
"I did mean what I just said. You don't have to do all of this on your own. I know you've always thought that it's your job to look after us, but at least let me and Gabby do the same for you. You are our older brother." I reminded him.
A grateful smile crossed Raphael's face as he shook his head, "I know, and I promise that I'll let you both do that. It's about time I let go of my complex about that anyway, and I'm tired of keeping everything inside just because I think I'm sparing you and her," he agreed, "But moving on, I think I have an idea of what we can use to get Noah to let us check his wings."
"Okay. Fire away."
"We're going to use Noel's presence to our advantage. We can have Gabrielle tell Noah that Aiden was concerned about Noel saying something about it, and we wanted to check just in case." Raphael told me.
That sounded like a good plan. If anything was said, we knew that Aiden would play along, especially if he felt that Noah was in danger. It was obvious that the two had become close friends.
Of course, this hadn't gone over that well with Raziel, but he hadn't said much to it either. Perhaps he'd been hoping that giving Noah space would allow things to mend between them.
By then, Gabrielle was letting herself into the house. She'd been waiting outside since I came in there because she'd been hoping that talking to me first would make it easier on Raphael. But when she heard Raphael's plan, she had decided to make her appearance.
"I'm taking it we have our plan then." she surmised as she came over to us.
"Yes," Raphael responded as the two of us stood with her, "We'll say that Noel's made a threat about this. That should be enough. Hopefully, we won't find anything either."
"I get it, and I hope not too. But we'll take care of it somehow. We've at least got more help on our side this time, and maybe we're catching it early enough to be able to do something." Gabrielle offered.
"I hope so," Raphael breathed.
"It'll be okay. We'll figure it out," Gabrielle reassured him. She gave him a comforting hug before getting back to our task at hand, "Okay, so we're going ahead with this plan, and I agree that it's going to be the easiest way, especially with how he's been acting."
"Yes, I believe it will be. We certainly don't need a repeat of yesterday. We're coming with you too. I need to see whether it is or isn't for myself." Raphael stated.
He still looked tired, but at least he seemed to have pulled himself together. However, that was Raphael's personality too. Even in the most stressful situations, he could manage to keep a cool head and deal with them. I just hoped that he could keep it up this time.
"All right. Let's head to Raziel's then." Gabrielle told us.
The three of us headed out, and it only took us a few minutes to get to Raziel's house. Raphael had a key, so he let us in. Noah was downstairs watching TV by himself as we entered. I thanked God that Raziel and Anna were out at one of her appointments that she'd been given when she'd gotten out of the hospital. At least it would give us time to check on this without them knowing.
"Hey, what's up?" Noah asked as he saw us.
It was Gabrielle who took the lead in this.
"Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something? Do you mind if we did it privately?" she requested.
"Sure..." Noah reluctantly agreed.
Raphael and I nodded, then headed into the nearby sunroom to allow them to talk. If anything, we knew that Gabrielle could convince Noah to go along with us checking him. She'd always been good at getting any of the kids to listen to her.
"So we're not going to mention this to Raziel right away?" I quietly asked as we stood in there.
"No. If it is, then I'll take care of it. They may do a little bit better if I speak to them in private with Noah." Raphael replied, taking a seat on the piano bench.
I watched as he quietly ran a hand over the cover on the keys. He definitely looked worn down. I betted that he was already trying to figure out what he was going to say to Raziel and Anna. If this was true, then that was going to be an extremely difficult conversation for all of them.
"Are you sure that you're going to be all right?" I had to ask.
"I'll be fine. You're worrying too much." Raphael answered, not bothering to look at me.
"I'm not worrying too much and you know it. I can see it in your eyes. You're close to a breaking point too, even though you're trying to hide it." I retorted.
A painful smile crossed his face as he gave in, "I know, I know. But seriously, I'll be fine. I'm going to give myself some private time too if this is true so that I can deal with it, then I should be able to handle Raziel and Anna. Once I do, then I'm going to push on and figure out what we can do to stop it. Hopefully, we haven't been too long in confirming it."
"You suspected it, didn't you?" I guessed.
"Somewhat, but I never saw anything, so I tried to convince myself that I was just being paranoid. But it seems that he's been trying to hide it if what Seraphina said is true." Raphael admitted.
"Yeah. According to her, he's been pulling the feathers out. You know, that is a painful thing to do too. He's gone to great lengths to hide it." I noted.
At that time, both of us heard footsteps approaching the room. We both became quiet, not wanting our conversation overheard. This was already a delicate situation.
Gabrielle stepped in as we waited, with Noah following behind her.
"So you're not going to tell us if her threat was real?" she was saying.
Noah remained quiet as he took a seat on the bench beside his grandfather, showing that same defiant attitude that he'd been having in the recent week.
However, I sensed fear from him. That was when I knew that Seraphina had been telling us the truth. I had no doubt that we were going to see black in that wing.
"Okay, enough with the attitude. Bring out your wings." Gabrielle ordered.
Noah remained defiant, "No, I don't need to."
"You know that we're only trying to help you." I reasoned.
"No."
Raphael had had enough, "You'll bring them out or I'm going to force you. You know that I can." he quietly warned him.
Noah looked at him with wide eyes. He probably hadn't been expecting Raphael to actually be forceful with all of this. But he didn't argue anymore either. I had the feeling that it was out of respect. He had to have realized how much his grandfather was at his wit's end.
"All right then." he relented. With that, he closed his eyes and slowly brought out his remaining wing.
And there they were.
Towards the bottom of his wing, there were black feathers.
Gabrielle stood there for a moment, drawing in a hitched breath. It was obvious that her mind was flashing back to what she'd remembered seeing from her sister. But she quickly pulled herself together, bending down to take a closer look at them.
"How many have you pulled out already?" she asked him.
"None this morning," Noah answered.
"How bad do you think it is?" Raphael asked her.
I had to admit that he was doing a good job at keeping his composure. I was having a bit of trouble with it myself.
"With this little, it looks like it's only beginning. Have you been feeling bad Noah?" Gabrielle asked.
Noah shook his head, "No."
"How long have you been hiding this?" I asked.
"Three days," Noah answered.
Gabrielle drew in another long breath, standing up straight and running a hand through her hair.
"We're going to have to watch this very closely. We have no idea of how fast it spreads or how it starts out yet," she admitted.
"Maybe we can find out some information on it, beings it's just started. I'll put in some calls now." Raphael suggested as he stood.
"Sounds like a start," Gabrielle agreed, "I'm going home to find my notes that I kept on Noel's feather. There might be some clues in them too."
Noah remained still. He seemed like he wasn't listening, but I sensed a tremendous amount of fear now. He knew how bad this was, and now he could finally face it with us knowing.
"Gabrielle, Raphael," I said using telepathy.
"Yes?" Gabrielle answered.
"I'd like to speak to Noah alone. Do you mind Raphael?" I requested.
"That's fine. I'm going to speak to him myself later." Raphael answered.
"All right. Just take care of yourself and let me know if you need me." I told him.
"I will," Raphael promised.
I watched them leave, listening to the silence that had now fallen over the room. Near me, Noah pulled his wing back in, looking down at the floor. He seemed a bit relieved now. But I also detected a slight shiver go through his body. He was afraid. He was just trying to hide it.
"So, this was the real reason, wasn't it?" I surmised as I stood in front of him.
"Real reason for what?" Noah asked, playing dumb and not looking at me.
"You know what. Your reason for trying to push everyone away. You're afraid of hurting them with the truth."
Noah looked down, "I couldn't tell them, especially not Pop or my parents." he whispered.
I sat down beside him, putting a hand on his shoulder, "I know, but you must have realized that you can't keep hiding it. You know how sick you're probably going to get."
"I know. I just... wanted to believe that it would go away." Noah confessed.
"When did all of this really start Noah?" I pressed.
Noah thought about it, "I guess it really started back when I went to find Noel. I thought I saw it after the Sumarians caught me, but I didn't see it after I came home, so I kept thinking that maybe it was because of her. But after I ran and found Aiden, I started seeing them, and they didn't leave." he explained.
This may have been a clue. If Noah had thought long before that he saw black here and there, then that may have been the first sign.
"And you're sure that you haven't felt sick, even back when you first thought that you saw them?" I confirmed.
"No. I didn't feel anything. Only a little bit irritable right before you found me." Noah replied.
"I see. But you do realize that this isn't going to just go away. I know that you wanted to protect us, but you need help too, and we're going to do everything that we can to stop this." I promised.
"I know everyone will," Noah responded, "And I get that I'm probably going to die from this if you can't find anything. But I'll keep living as I have until then. Just because I've been handed a death sentence doesn't mean I have to act like a dead person."
At that, he stood up again.
"Are you sure that you'll be all right?" I had to ask.
"I'm okay right now, but I want to talk to Pop. I want to apologize for how I've been acting. I'm going to tell my parents too when they get back." Noah replied.
"Alright." I agreed as I stood with him.
Noah nodded, "Thanks, Michael. I'll talk to you later."
I watched as he walked out, then went out to my car to head home. I needed some time myself with all of this.
But as I pulled out, I found myself turning the opposite way. Instead of going home, I ended up going to the cemetery.
Parking my car by the old church, I turned it off and sat there for a moment, trying to recompose myself. I didn't know why I was there. I guess the best that I could say was that I needed to get away and allow myself to visit with my parents and family that were no longer among the living.
Finally getting out of the car, I closed the door and slowly walked through the old archway and down the brick walkway that wove through the many graves. Coming to the second bend, I walked between the stones and made my way to the old maple tree that hung over our family plots. Looking down at them, I took in the names of my parents, Maya, and Missy. I could also see Noel's grave a bit farther to the left.
So many people already lost, and now we very well could end up losing Noah. It didn't feel fair.
But as I stood there, another grave caught my eye. I hadn't noticed it before, but there was a grave set closer to the tree near my parents. Being this close, it must have been from our family too.
I slowly walked over there, hearing the soft crunch of the leaves under my shoes. The gravestone was in good shape, just like the others, and there was a name and dates engraved in it.
Annabelle Renaldi. 1939-1980.
I was startled as I saw this. I knew that name. This was my grandmother's grave.
Now that I thought about it, Dad had moved us to Los Angeles when I was five, and after the whole thing with Noel, he'd moved to Madison because it had been the place that our family called home when he was growing up.
I couldn't help but sigh in resignation. I couldn't believe that none of us had realized that Grandma was buried here too. In fact, I felt a bit guilty for not knowing.
I honestly didn't get to know Grandma that long. My memories of her were fragmented. She had died kind of young, and I remembered my father saying that it was from a weakened heart that had developed after her time in a concentration camp during World War II. The Renaldi family had originally been Jewish in faith, although my mother incorporated more Christianity.
But thinking about that, I couldn't help but close my eyes and pray for her. I hoped that she was at peace now. She certainly must have had many horrific experiences early in her life, although from what little memories I had from her, she was always very loving and kind.
But as I stood there, I suddenly became aware of someone walking up beside me. I turned my head and was surprised to see a pretty young woman standing there. She was a bit on the petite side and had beautiful, curled black hair that fell halfway down her back. She had pale, flawless skin, and a pretty face with full lips and long black eyelashes.
I noted that she was dressed in a long dark grey button-down coat, and I could see that she was wearing a blue dress under it, along with leggings and an older style pair of black shoes.
However, there was a strange feeling inside of me as I looked at her. Something about her felt familiar, although I was certain that we had not met before.
After a moment, I finally heard her speak.
"It's funny, isn't it? The years go by so fast," she commented softly.
"Yes, they really do. I can't believe that my grandmother has been gone this long, even if I didn't get to know her that long." I agreed.
There was something comfortable about her, so I felt no hesitation in speaking to her. It was like I'd always known her somehow.
The woman smiled a little, finally facing me. To my surprise, the color of her eyes looked mixed. It almost looked like they had once been brown, but were now stained with light blue. Once again, I got that distinct feeling of déjà vu that I just couldn't place.
"Maybe, but I'm sure that she still loved you and your siblings the same," she told me. She then looked back at the other graves. I followed as she quietly walked over to them. I didn't note it at the time, but she didn't make a sound as she stepped on the fallen leaves. As I watched, she knelt down to my father's grave, gently touching the stone and running her fingers over the inscription, "You made a lot of mistakes, but you learned from them too. You didn't have anything to be ashamed of, and you truly are a fine man, Melvin."
"You knew my father?" I asked as I stepped beside her.
The woman remained where she was, touching my mother's stone next, "Yes. I knew both of your parents. I know about your wife and your brother's too. All of them died so young. It's sad that you've had to see so much death in your lives. It really does affect everyone who has to."
Who in the world is this woman? I wondered.
She was speaking as though she knew us well, but I couldn't recall ever meeting her before.
"I'm sorry, but I'm really confused. I don't remember us meeting before. In fact, I don't recall ever seeing you until now." I told her.
The woman slowly stood back up, turning to face me. She wore a gentle smile now.
"No, I wouldn't expect you to, but it's okay. I'm here because I wanted to see you. I just wish I could see Raphael and the others too. I think you all could use some comfort right now." she responded.
I studied her as she stood in front of me. Could she have been a spirit? I wasn't sure. She seemed pretty real.
I heard myself speaking without thinking.
"You know what's happening with us, don't you?"
"I do, and I wanted to tell you that everything will be okay. He'll do everything that he can so that Noah doesn't die. Just give him a little more time," the woman told me. She caressed my cheek with a soft, gentle hand, smiling happily, "He was right too. You all are beautiful, and you've grown to be very strong and kind. I'm so proud of you."
She gave me a loving kiss on my cheek, then walked past me, heading towards the nearby river.
I was finally realizing why she was so familiar. That voice, that gentle, loving kiss. Even though it had been decades, how could I have ever forgotten it?
"Grandma?"
She looked over her shoulder, smiling at me as she spoke one more time.
"You're never alone Michael. Please remind all of our family of that. I love you all."
With that, she was gone.
I stood there in shock for what felt like forever, but then, I began to feel a tremendous comfort come over me, and looking down at my hand, I realized that I was holding a beautiful cross necklace that was lined with light blue stones.
Yes, she had been there, and she'd delivered a very loving message. We were never alone, and all hope was not lost for Noah.
Because even in what seemed like absolute darkness, there would always be a light.