"I'm going crazy!"
My slam made the tablet and stylus pen thud softly on the guest table. I pushed my body until it hit the back of the sofa with my head up while rubbing my face.
"It makes sense for Ferre to say there is a full version of the novel." My eyes close. "Since Marsk's affiliate isn't in the novels. Yes, since then."
Come to think of it, some of the things I experienced slowly deviated from the book's contents. Beginning with the disappearance of Marsk.
I braced myself to retrieve the tablet. The still-lit screen displays the notes page. My attention was immediately drawn to the paragraph titled October 7th.
"Here." I held my index finger in front of the opening letter until the caret framed the first word of the sentence. Immediately I slide my finger until it ends at the last phrase before putting a yellow color.
'Affiliate Marsk was declared missing in the afternoon. On the same day also met with Dara. The girl appeared again when I was experiencing deja vu while looking at three close-up photos in Irina's study. The faces in the photo belong to Dara, Putra and Abimara. Two of them I've never met even by chance.'
"Right." I nodded slightly. After re-reading the description that I have put as far as color, I feel satisfied. "My meeting with Dara after Marsk went missing is not in the novel."
My net is scrolling to the following line. Start affixing the same color in the next paragraph. "The PT Paku Bumi accident on October 8 also happened much earlier."
My brows dipped even more sharply when I found a pattern. I grabbed the pen on the desk and hit the enter key to create blank space at the end of the October 8 notes.
"Twice deviated and once preceded the novel." My words just now became the starting sentence for the new alenia.
Not only that. The contents of the book were also different from the last I remembered. First, a username that sounds familiar. The reason I allowed Danial to follow up on Marsk's whistleblowing was, of course, because of a familiar sensation.
Another discrepancy is that there was no moment when I empathized with one of the victims of PT. Earth Nails. The woman became blind because she was punctured by a broken windshield of an overturned car right in front of her. The owner of the vehicle is her future husband. Their story ended sadly because the fiancé was pronounced dead on the spot and the woman suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Every time I remember that gap, the awkwardness that unsettles my heart convinced me of one possibility. Although my memory is also a bit unreliable, just like Marsk's familiarity, that woman must have played an essential role in her previous life.
"Unlucky!" I ruffled the hair with the rest of the fingers that were not flanking the stylus.
"If only I weren't so big-headed." My sigh sounded long.
During the past ten months, I didn't find any significant problems, especially with the memory that was sacred to the novel's contents, apparently enough to soften my vigilance.
If I double-check the story that was written after the disappearance of Rose's affiliate ...ah, never mind!
I failed to hit enter to create another line when an insight brought another dash of speculation.
The end of the pocket novel was my death. Alpha's betrayal is because he was influenced by the slander that Danial developed from behind the scenes. That bastard started by being a nuisance on every project and mission I worked on. The loss of a few affiliates was the start of his core plan.
Over these ten months, I managed to find the cause of the disappearance of the affiliates thus saving me the stamp of performance decline. According to the novel, they were all killed by Danial. But in reality now, they were held and I created a false mission failure report.
I in the first life was not incompetent to investigate the root cause of the affiliates. However, my success progressed very slowly due to leaving the investigation process to Danial entirely. While on the other hand, I took more side jobs while waiting for news from the young man. My unfocused handling of one thing was put to good use by Danial.
As a result, I experienced a significant reduction in the number of missions. Slowly but surely, my mental health began to suffer. Feeling downgraded, disappointed by myself, guilt towards 'Father' for not being his best son anymore, and losing the trust of 'King' and some of his co-workers led to a diagnosis of depression which later made it easier for Danial to get rid of me.
"Now it's not just about avoiding the death plague ." I filled in a new line that had been sitting empty for a few moments. "But I have to prevent myself from being carried away by the butterfly effect ..."
...Or have I been trapped in that misleading labyrinth?
The tablet and pen thudded against the table for the umpteenth time. I lay down and use the arm of the sofa as a pillow. My left arm crossed to cover the view.
Butterfly Effect ...why did I think about it now! The plot deviates from the novel, Ferre's warnings, and the disappearance of several important events. Maybe the full version of the book exists?!
But what's confusing is how can the butterfly effect have such a drastic effect on changes in the book's contents and the timeline I'm living? Me cheating the tragic fate of the affiliates isn't a big deal. They are just extras mentioned in at most three lines of literature in the literature. After all, Alpha knew they were all dead. Nothing deviates from the path, right? Even by talking to Melissa the Dutch ghost. The commitment not to answer when you're not alone in the workspace doesn't distort the book's flow either.
I left. Agile grabbed the two gadgets again when a conclusion flashed.
This Butterfly Effect creates another plot!
My finger draws a big Y on a new note. Above the left junction, I put 'bad ending novel'. Meanwhile, I pinned a question mark above the right branch.
"This path can't possibly have a bad ending either, right?" I tapped the question mark with the tip of the pen.
Is the initial assumption correct? Or is it dead for me? Could it be that the difference lies in faster and longer? If I stick to the contents of the book I keep, will death come sooner?
My throat feels dry. The cool air of the central air conditioner in this inn is crippling my hair.
What's the percent chance the new plot will get me to a happy ending... no, no. I don't need a happy ending. I want to live. I want to save myself from death?!
Tremors knocked out my gadget. Luckily, this wide-spreading carpet dampens the impact.
I arched my back. With my elbows on my knees, I grabbed my hair tightly. "Ferre just said I had to find the full version to live."
My chuckle escaped with a quiver that made it sound broken. "Does the full version exist?"
If that's true, then someone else has the book, right—?!
My eyes widen. "Don't tell me that apart from me…anyone else remembers his past life?"
Don't tell me that, whoever it was, he caused the butterfly effect —Wait...
...Wait.
Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait?!
If it wasn't just me who went back in time, he and I should have a different life route, right?!
The plain cover novel is my story. If he acts out of his book, I shouldn't be exposed to the butterfly effect!
"Good grief." I have a headache. I stopped all brain activity.
I don't want to faint again.
****
"Seriously, Brother?" Danial parroted from the other line.
I nodded my head firmly.
"This ten-day ten-day cruise will cost you quite a bit of money, but you'll only see the sea." He still couldn't accept this news.
To Danial, my decision must have sounded impulsive. Of course so. He is still the one who knows best that I prefer hiking.
"Are you sure you won't be bored?" I can even imagine how flustered his expression was.
"One thousand percent sure," I answered firmly. "I want to try something new."
Danial sighed. "I'll order a ticket—"
"—No! There's no need." I cleared my throat briefly before grinning proudly. "I got it. Just now."
Danial laughed in amazement. "Sounds like you want a vacation that you're in such a hurry."
I chuckled lightly. "This time I got a good route and booking for a VVIP room is only 50 quota."
"Okay." The young man sounded pleased. "When are you leaving? I'll help you pack your clothes."
"Two more days," I confirmed my words by raising my right hand's index and middle finger. I pointed it forward as if the young man was now standing in front of me. "Take me to the port, please. I don't have much."
He said yes and promised to pick me up directly to my apartment around five in the morning after I told him that the scheduled departure was around seven. Anticipation of traffic jams, that's the reason.
I giggled silently after confirming our call was over.
Lie. Everything is a lie.
This cruise ticket resulted from sheer creativity, which means I didn't go out to sea.
I took a deep breath and exhaled a second later to quell the laughter, which I still couldn't shake off. Amused by my success in tricking the young man still leaves a smirk.
Ah, Danial…the kid I've spent time with is almost a quarter of his age. He has become a naughty, annoying young man from a teenager until now. Thank you so much for that excellent vacation advice.
I glanced at the pile of medical recaps nurse Daisy had brought half an hour ago. Previously, the mental hospital director had called on the task that awaited her instead of sweet-talking by hoping for my recovery. He had assigned a courier to deliver the data without even needing to hear my approval.
This new boss is annoying.
I lifted the white hardcover report to the top of the pile.
Sandara Aghani. A line of names in all capital letters is printed on a piece of paper affixed to the center of the cover.
My lips pursed.
Finally, I remember the name of the blind woman caused by the broken glass in the PT. Earth Nails.
Sandara Aghani.
Whether it's now or thirty minutes earlier, this 4x6 portrait of a young girl with shoulder-length hair with a blank stare on the first page is still the first thing that catches my eye.
This woman's face is too hard to forget even though her appearance is much more haggard than our last meeting on October 7th. Now, I know where Dara's call came from.
I snorted before opening the contact list and typing 'Damn Director'.
"Hello, good afternoon Doctor Adam."
My five-finger smile broke out.
I will avoid anyone or anything related to Marsk. Including Sandara Aghni, who I believe has something to do with my past death.