Dana looked around. She was back in her house. Looking around she realized that she was upstairs in her room. Everything was in the right place. Even her clothes were on the floor that she had worn the day before. It was exactly as she remembered it. Dana heard a noise from downstairs. Her parents were there, and everything was right with the world. A perfect world. Dana walked down to the living room with her mother and father. She said, "Mom, I am so glad you are here! I think I had a horrible nightmare. Everything was wrong. People were cats, dogs were chasing me. It was terrible."
Dana's mother just looked at her blankly and said, "That's good dear. Why don't you go upstairs and go to sleep? Your uncle is coming over to talk business with your dad."
Dana was horrified, "NO! You can't invite him over! Are you crazy?!"
Dana's mom just stared at her blankly, "Okay, sweetheart. Have a good night."
"Mom, can't you hear me?" Dana yelled at her mother as she stood up and walked away. "Mom?" Dana begged her mother to listen, but no words came out. With a blink of an eye, she was back in her room upstairs. This time Dana ran for the door. She opened it and bolted down the stair almost tripping herself in the process. Once again, her parents were on the couch. Dana shouted at them attempting to warn them of future events. But once again nothing came out. Dana's voice had been removed.
Dana's mother gave her a strange look and asked, "Is something wrong sweetheart?"
Dana tried to say YES, but she could not speak. Dana waved her hands attempted to tell them to run. But they were clueless to her actions. Finally, Dana's father said, "I think she isn't feeling well. Dana, do you need to go lie down?"
Dana silently shouted NO. She shook her head no, as well to get the message across. However, within a few seconds she found herself back in her room again. Dana repeated herself a 3rd and 4th time running downstairs to warn her parents, each time being unsuccessful. Before too long she found herself back in her room.
Dana sat on her bed exhausted. This isn't a perfect world. Unable to change the past. Unable to move forward. This is hell.
*
Suddenly, Dana woke up. She wasn't in her house anymore. She was still in Marina's Marshmallow. It was a dream. Dana looked around. Everything is a dream to me, she thought. Was this even a marshmallow? The marshmallow was no longer moving. Marina was not at the wheel anymore. Outside she could see the Michaels berry bush. Marina was at the front door talking to Mrs. Michaels and her husband. Great, back here again, Dana thought.
Dana wiped the dry tears from her eyes. How long had she been sleeping? Does it even matter? How can she continue living this way? All sorts of ideas rushed through her head. She thought about her parents and how she would never see them again. This wasn't anything new. It was the truth she had been hiding in her head the whole time. Dana felt sick. "Why do we have to play this game?" she said out loud. No one answered her. She was alone in the marshmallow. Dana looked to the nearby door and said, "This isn't even a marshmallow!" she shouted as she punched the door with her fist. Dana recoiled, hitting the door hurt her hand. She rubbed her right hand with her left hand, frustrated at everything.
Dana looked out the right-side window at Marina talking to the Michaels. Occasionally, they would look at her. Dana did not care. She had nothing left to care about. She looked out the left-side window to see the sun was lower in the sky. It was evening. Not that it mattered. Time is nothing to her anymore.
After a few minutes Marina returned to the marshmallow and opened the door. Marina asked her, "How do you feel?"
Dana did not answer. Still defiant of everything. She sat there and said nothing for a minute. The only thing that could be heard was the hum of the marshmallow engine. After a moment Mrs. Michaels came over to the door and said, "You are not the first child in foster care to run away. It happens all the time."
Marina looked at Mrs. Michaels and followed up with, "Yeah, over 30% of foster children attempt to run away at some point. However, since they are all minors, so it is considered a status offense." Marina looked at Dana and said, "you are lucky, no charges will be filed but you still have to go back to the Michaels."
Dana still did not say anything. She sat there contemplating her options.
After what felt like an eternity Mrs. Michaels said, "You must be tired from all that walking. You want to come inside?"
Marina said, "You don't have to lure her out like an animal. She will come out when she is ready."
Unhappy with that answer, Mrs. Michael looked back toward Dana, "We heard you saw the judge. You want to talk about it?"
Dana said nothing, wonder how long this moment was going to last. How long could she sit in the marshmallow until she was dragged out and forced into the Michaels home? Dana contemplated living in the Marshmallow for the rest of her life. However, it would be less comfortable.
Eventually Mrs. Michaels continued by saying, "We just want you to know that if you need to talk, we are here for you."
Marina kneeled next to the door and said, "Are you okay?"
Absolutely not. Dana thought. Nothing is okay. Nothing will ever be okay. And despite all of this, I am forced to stay here again?! These words were only in her head. Without thinking Dana just said, "Yeah." Dana removed her seat beat and climbed out of the marshmallow. She walked past Marina and Mrs. Michaels toward the berry bush. She opened the front door to see Jeremy sitting at the window. He had been watching their interaction whole time. Dana said nothing to him though. Didn't even make a face. She just continued to walk to her room. Once there she shut the door and sat down on the bed.
There was so much anger in her she could not even bring herself to words. It boiled over as she wiped sweat of off her forehead. Rather than living in the marshmallow forever, she could just stay in this room forever. She closed her eye and imagined a world where she was back home. Suddenly time skipped. Dana for the first time knew the time skip was happening but she didn't care. She let time fly.
Through the berry bush she could see the sun skip across the sky and duck behind a cloud. Suddenly a noise came from the door that shattered her trance. Dana was back in the Michaels berry bush again. Dana had no idea how long the time skip had taken. Maybe an hour had gone by?
The noise she heard. Did someone knock? Dana blinked in frustration. Then she tried again. She tried to force herself into a time skip again. But sadly, she couldn't. Despite her efforts she was stuck in the Michaels's berry bush. She grabbed the pillow off the bed and screamed into it. A muffled yet full force scream for about five seconds. When she was done, Dana felt better. All the pent-up energy was released. With an exhale of air, she fell on the bed. Sometimes you just have to get the frustration out.
Laying on the bed Dana looked around. She could see the red colors of the sunset. It was late. She looked outside to see Marina's marshmallow was gone. Dana looked over at the door to see it was still closed. However, there was a note under it. Dana sighed. She got up from the bed and picked up the note. It said, "You can come out when you are ready."
Dana was most definitely not ready. Dana returned to the bed and sat down. She put the note on the nightstand. Dana sat there until her heard a growl. It was her stomach. Dana knew was hungry but did nothing about it. The last thing she ate was the tacos. But in her current state of sadness could she eat? Maybe that was the question. Do I eat and live or starve and die? Dana thought.
Dana laid down on the bed and covered herself with the blankets. She would decide tomorrow. She laid on the bed for a long time. The room slowly grew dark as the sun disappeared completely. After what felt like hours Dana fell asleep.
*
Dana looked around. She was back in her house again. She was upstairs in her room. Dana covered her eye. Not this again. Am I doomed to relive this moment? No, I will not suffer this again, Dana thought. Rather than get up and go downstairs she walked over to the window, opened it, and climbed out onto the roof. The window acted like a portal. Once outside on the roof Dana realized she was not outside at all. Instead, she was standing on a wall inside someone's house. Dana looked around. She was standing on the wall in Granny's house.
"Go ahead, let yourself in." Granny said as she was cooking at the stove. "No one ever knocks anymore." Granny was still on the ceiling just as she was before. Only now she was reaching up to cook at the stove above her. Or below her depending on how you are looking at it.
Dana was confused as to how her house was attached to Granny's house. She asked, "Granny, how are you here right now? How am I here right now?"
Granny stopped cooking for a second, she put her wooden spoon down on the counter and said, "Dana, I thought you would have figured it out by now. This place is a crossroad to everywhere. You can come and go from anywhere you happen to be. Not because of the magic or portals, but because you take it with you wherever you go."
This wasn't the answer Dana was looking for. If anything, she was even more confused. She walked over to Granny and asked, "Granny you are not making any sense. How are you here?"
"Still don't understand?" Granny smiled and looked over to the fridge, "Maybe this will help."
Granny opened the fridge as a gust of cool air flowed out of it. Dana looked inside to see a mouse eating a large piece of cheese. It wasn't just a mouse. It was Jeremy. Dana asked, "Jeremy?" As she said his name Jeremy looked up to her with a smile and a little wave. His mouth was full of cheese, so he didn't say anything.
Granny closed the fridge and said, "You see this place is a haven for your thoughts. Everything is safe here."
Dana shook her head and said, "How is this possible? Jeremy opened the door to your house when we were in the jungle. We fell into it when we met you."
Granny shook her head, "But you already know that Jeremy isn't real. He is a part of your imagination. A very powerful imagination. An imagination that is capable of creating a whole new world to cover up the ugly one that hides beneath the surface. An imagination that has been protecting you. Your Imagination."
Dana looked around and said, "My imagination. This house. Jeremy. You." She looked back to Granny. "This place is all in my head?"
"Does that shock you? Nothing in this house follows the laws of physics." Granny said turning back to her stove. She picked up the wooden spoon and started to stir her food again. "The mind is a powerful tool. When you were afraid of being caught your mind brought you here. When you felt alone your mind created a friendly mouse to keep you company. When you saw something that you didn't like, your mind erased it to keep you safe. Your mind has been protecting you for weeks. With or without your approval."
Dana had no words to share. She was still taking in the idea.
"Well, for the first time you have nothing to say?" Granny used a hand towel to clean off her spoon as she walked over to Dana. She looked at the confused look on Dana's face. Then she said, "it's a lot to take in, but don't worry. You have a lot of time to think about it. We are not going anywhere. However, you need to get back to reality." Granny reached up and smacked Dana in the forehead with the wooden spoon. A flush of pain hit Dana in the head.
*
Sitting up in bed Dana touched her forehead. Ouch. Why did she do that? Dana started to say something but as she opened her eyes, she realized she was back in the Michaels house. For the first time Dana didn't wonder if she was dreaming. She looked out the window. The sun was already coming up. It was morning.
Dana got out of bed and looked down at her ratty cloths she had been wearing for the last two days. They were starting to smell a bit. It was time. Dana walked over to the closet and pulled out a new shirt and pants. She didn't even look at the money bag outfits. The shirt she chose was yellow and the pants were gray. Dana took off her old cloths and put on the new outfit. She discarded the old outfit into the hamper and walked over to the door.
On the other side of the door dana could hear a noise coming from the living room. She turned the doorknob and opened it slowly. On the couch was a pair of gray and orange cats. Mr. Michaels and Mrs. Michaels were watching tv together. Mrs. Michaels saw her first and said, "Your awake?"
Dana did not say anything. She just stood there for a bit taking in the mood of the room. She could see the Michaels were not as angry as she thought they would be. She opened the door all the way and stepped into the living room. Mrs. Michael commented, "You finally changed your cloths. I like your new shirt."
Mr. Michaels added, "Ummm, yeah, I like that shade of yellow."
Dana didn't say anything. She walked out and sat down on the couch next to Mrs. Michaels. She watched tv with them for a second. It was some kind of cooking show. Dana thought she should say something. Maybe just to smooth the rough waters. Dana looked at Mrs. Michaels and said softly, "Sorry."
Mrs. Michael put her hairy arm around Dana and said, "No need to be sorry, it's a transitional thing. It takes time. You'll see."
She sat there and contemplated life. This was life now. Living in a berry bush with a bunch of strangers watching cooking shows. They seemed like nice strangers at least. And was this place really a berry bush? Or as Granny told her, this all a part of her imagination? Dana reached over to the wall and touched the branches. They felt real. As she felt the wall Dana heard a door open somewhere in the house. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Jeremy enter the room.
Jeremy saw Dana and said, "Good morning."
Dana suddenly realized Jeremy was going to be so upset. The 50 lbs. of candy was not going to be possible. She still managed a smile and said, Good morning."
Jeremy sat down on the floor and started to play with his hand-held game. After a minute or two he looked outside and said, "Looks like it is going to be a nice day today."
Mr. Michaels answered him by saying, "Yeah, now that I have a day off the weather clears up. Damn shame."
Dana mostly ignored their conversation. She needed to tell Jeremy the truth. Dana got up from the couch and walked over to the sliding glass door. She looked at the Michaels to see their reaction. They didn't seem upset at all. Dana opened the sliding glass door and went outside. Jeremy saw her go but didn't do anything.
Dana admired the warmth of the new sunrise then stepped off the porch. She walked across the yard to the swings and sat down.
Within a minute or two Jeremy came outside as well. He walked across the yard and said, "So, how did it go?" he sat down on the swing next to Dana and looked at her.
Dana looked at his smile. He was clearly waiting for good news. Good news was something that Dana just didn't have. She looked at him with a sad a face, "You were right. They lied to me."
"I knew they would. They lied to me too."
"After everything I did," Dana paused then said, "I ran away from everyone, walked 10 miles, dug through the trash, and broke into the courthouse just to talk to a Judge that couldn't fix anything. All for what?" Dana paused for a moment and then added, "Going home was never an option. I can't go home. There is no home to go to."
Jeremy looked at her and said, "Not really."
Dana looked at him confused. "What do you mean?"
"This is home now." Jeremy said with a smile. "You are just the last person to realize it."
Dana thought about it for a second. Was it? It wasn't the home she wanted. For a while, neither one of them said anything. Jeremy started swinging and Dana joined in. Her swing was a little halfhearted. Eventually when the sun almost out of sight Dana stopped swing and turned to Jeremy, "Oh, I have to ask you. How did you know how to get rid of Mrs. Michaels?"
Jeremy slowed his swing down to a stop and smiled big, "That little trick that I pulled? Actually, that wasn't the original plan. Apparently, the entire train is run by one guy. The guy that starts and stops the train is also the guy that opens and closes the doors. It just so happens the intercom system works as intended but is nearly impossible to hear when the train is leaving the station. I seen it happen when some lady forgot her baby stroller."
"You just made that up on the fly?! That was brilliant."
Jeremy smiled. Proud of himself, "Originally, we were going to stop at a gas station. The same one Mrs. Michaels always stops at. While she is filling up on gas, we would have gone inside to use the bathroom. Once inside we would run out the back door and escape without her knowledge. We would have had a 5, maybe 10-minute head start on her."
"You were going to run away with me?"
"Yeah, why not? Did you not want me to?"
"No, it's not like that. I just didn't think you would."
Jeremy looked away for a second, he collected himself and said, "I have been there, Dana. I was in your shoes once. I remember my first night in foster care. I would have given anything to escape and go home. I would have run away to a home that didn't exist. Just like you. I saw that in your eyes. I couldn't destroy that dream for you."
Dana reached out and touched Jeremy's hand, "Thank you. I appreciate what you did for me."
Jeremy touched her hand with his. They shared a moment. Then Jeremy said, "Well, now that you got it out of your system, let's not do it again. Mrs. Michaels almost blew a gasket when you disappeared. I am not sure her heart could handle it again."
"Oh no, there is no need to do it again." Dana took her hand back and started to swing again. Then she realized something. She looked at Jeremy and said, "I almost forgot, but there is no way I can get you the candy you wanted."
"Don't worry about it." Jeremy started swinging again, "Maybe for Halloween this year you can give me all your candy and we will call it even Steven."
Dana had a lot she needed to get off her mind, "I screwed up so much. First, I angered Mr. Doberman, then Mrs. Michaels, then Charles, and even the Judge. I don't know why but it seems like everything I do is a disaster. I didn't believe you at first, I didn't want to believe you, but I think you were right. I am a damaged kid."
"We are all damaged, Dana." Jeremy continued, "When you have been through the stuff we have, you're gonna have problems. The Michaels expect us to have problems. Don't worry about trying to act normal or to be okay with everything. You're broken like me. Like a broken mirror."
Dana shook her head and said, "What good is a broken mirror? How can we be whole again? I don't want to be broke, Jeremy."
"You and I will never be normal like other kids. And that's fine."
Hearing all of this Dana was sad. She said, "I just act normal because I don't want to be a problem."
"You don't even have to act okay if you don't want to."
Dana really let those words soak in. Jeremy didn't say anymore. He knew he had said enough. He just sat there and looked at the sunset. Dana finally decided something. She looked at Jeremy and said, "About your question before. Yes, Mrs. Michaels does look like she is a 5-foot-tall human sized tabby cat."
"Really?" Jeremy smiled again, "What about Mr. Michaels? Is he a cat too?"
Dana nodded, "Yes, He is a human sized gray Cat. They drive a fish, and they live in a berry bush."
Jeremy had a look of confusion on his face as he said, "What? A Berry bush?" Dana nodded at him, but she still gave a slight smile. Jeremy thought for a second then followed up with, "What kind of berries?"
Dana answered him, "Yellow berries. I haven't tasted them yet. If they are the kind you can eat. Maybe you can try them with me?"
"Maybe," Jeremy started to swing for a second then stopped, "What about me? What do I look like?"
"You are a boy. And by that, I mean human. Slightly taller than me, brown hair, brown eyes." Dana started to swing harder.
"That's strange," Jeremy scratched his head, "How come I look normal while everything else looks weird?"
Dana shrugged and said, "Don't know. People look like animals but sometimes they look human. The train this morning looked like a snake to me."
"WHAT?! That is awesome!" Jeremy exclaimed, "So this morning you saw me climb inside a giant snake and ride away with Mrs. Michaels?"
"Yup."
"That's freakin awesome. I wish I could see stuff like that. What is the weirdest thing you have seen?"
Dana thought for a second then said, "I saw whales in the sky, a squirrel with red hair, and giant beehive. But the weirdest thing I have seen in the last few days was a Wizard mouse. A mouse that became my friend."
Jeremy was overwhelmed for a second, then he asked, "Was it a real mouse? I mean was he real?"
Dana nodded, "He was a real friend. I wouldn't have lasted 10 minutes out there without him. He reminded me a lot of you. Just shorter."
Jeremy smile and said, "Thank you. You really consider me a friend?"
"My one and only." Dana started swinging harder. "I saw so many strange things, I was started to wonder, what is normal anymore?"
"Yeah, it sounds really interesting. I wish I was damaged like you." Listening to his words Dana stopped swinging and looked down at the grass. Jeremy noticed that he upset her and said, "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean it like that."
Dana eventually looked back to him and said, "It's okay. I mean, I am not okay, and that's okay." Jeremy waited for her to say more but she didn't. Dana looked up to see the sunrise glowing of the berry bush. It was beautiful. It really lit up nicely. Dana turned back to Jeremy and with a tear in her eye she said, "Thank you, Jeremy." With that said Dana got up from the swing and gave Jeremy a hug. He hugged her back as she cried. Jeremy didn't really know what to say. So, he said nothing at all.
After a minute or two she stopped and sat back down. She wiped the tears from her eyes and said, "Sorry."
"It's okay, or not okay. Okay is a tricky word." Jeremy said while looking at her. "If you like we can never use that word again."
Dana shook her head and said, "No, we are not okay. That's just fine." She returned to her swing and laughed while getting back on it. Jeremy looked at her and gave her a half smile. Her laughter was infectious. He started laughing too.
They both swung and laughed while the Michaels looked out the window at them. For the first time in a very long time Dana was happy.