"There are things out there,
Things that the human mind can't
even begin to imagine.
Doesn't that...
Excite you?"
-quote from the ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ Manifesto
"It has come to our attention that a mysterious force is somewhere in outer space/ The mysteries of creation is there/ Up in the sky, up in the sky/ The moon and the planets are there/ And new hopes for knowledge and peace are there/ And therefore as we set sail; we ask God's blessing/ On the most hazardous, and dangerous, and greatest adventure/ Of which man has ever embarked."
2014
Tue, December 4
07:58
Shit, I'll be late again. Eh, 8:07-8:10 i guess.
Marko rearranged his backpack on his shoulder, twisting the cable for his headphones between his left fingers. He started slowly walking towards the doors in the back, his look always outside the window, at that place.
"I Self Lord and Master, shall bring disaster to evil factors
Demonic chapters, shall be captured..."
He felt a tap on the shoulder.
Fuck you the song just started... I have to pause it now.
He turned around with a soft smile to his classmate, Amanda. She was just short of reaching to his shoulders, her golden-bronze hair falling on her back in soft, slight curls. Today she was wearing tight pink pants and a loose white blouse. Marko thought it really fit her.
The girl was staring him down with her green-ish blue eyes, and a half serious face, almost as if saying "what do you think you're doing, boy?"
"Are you trying to skip on biology class again?"
He ignored her, and she didn't say anything for a moment.
"We get off at the next station" she finally said, trying to pull off a stern voice.
"You get off at the next station, sure. I get off here."
"No. We're getting off together." There was something almost bossy about how she talked to him, or at least that's how he felt, like a small girl playing mother. Amanda was stereotypically girly, almost to the point where it's annoying, but that didn't stop Marko from having a crush on her. There was something soothing about her 'motherly side'.
He raised his eyebrows and responded with half a grin.
"C'mon, at least wait until we're somewhere more private."
That finally broke her character, and the girl covered her mouth as she started laughing. All girls do that. Why do they do that?
The tram was approaching entering the station and Marko leaned forward, ready to step outside. As he did, he felt something pulling him. Amanda was holding his backpack by the handle.
"You can't skip biology again, you'll fail the class."
Marko didn't turn back to her.
"If you wanna hold, hold. I'm not stopping you" the boy said laughing.
The doors opened, and he pushed forward with more force. The pull back was getting stronger as a result, but he kept pushing, like a horse in reins. He managed to get down 1 step. He heard the girl laughing behind him.
"Boy, I'm serious! I'm not letting you skip class!"
He pushed forward 1 more time and finally managed to get out, the girl falling with him. The tram's doors closed and it went off.
The chilly air of winter morning finally kissed his cheeks. Ah, finally fresh air. Feels good. Marko looked up at the sky. Grey and pale white clouds, like lead and milk, drifting across a dark blue sky as day was slowly creeping in. He noticed fog in the air too. For most people this might look depressing, almost like the end of the world. For Marko, this was the quintessential beauty of a December morning.
He felt 2 soft slaps on his left arm. Maybe they weren't supposed to be soft, but they were.
"Oh screewwww you. We're gonna be late now, why did you do that?"
"Did I make you hold onto my backpack?" the boy responded with his usual ironic laugh.
"Ohhh!" She turned her back to him, arms folded, blowing air with full cheeks.
Marko laughed.
"What!?"
"You get mad like a little girl. Cute."
Her face was already red-ish from the cold, but he could tell she was blushing.
"Ok girly let's go, we don't wanna miss biology class do we."
She left out another sigh, and they took off. Neither of them said anything as they were walking towards their school. Marko liked the silence. At least he could admire the "scenery". He liked Amanda, but he wished she wasn't here so he could listen to his music.
"So why do you get off 1 station early anyway? Do you do this all the time or just an excuse to skip biology?"
He stopped, and she stopped with him. He turned to his right and made a gesture with his right hand, as if showing the girl some hidden secret or a grandiose monument.
She looked confused.
Grey. Grey everywhere. Dark and light grey buildings. A gas station, stores, a fast food place. All grey, and decorated in dim green and blue lights, all in lines and squares and hollow shapes. For most people this was probably dull, boring, maybe even grotesque. For Marko, it was the atmosphere and aesthetic of it all that captivated him. The winter morning sky he so much loved looming in the background, the buildings with the lights that for him signified night and intimacy. The stores just opening up, parking lots empty. There was something nostalgic and eerie about it all. He could stare at it for eternity. If only he could also listen to his music.
"What, the commercial center before opening hours?" the girl finally said, waking him up from a trance-like state. Marko responded without turning back to her.
"The empty commercial center, the gloomy sky, the lights the atmosphere. I dunno it's beautiful." He turned to her, cheeks flushed and condensation forming as she was breathing with her mouth open, blood red lips. "I swear they're never this pretty...usually" he thought to himself. "Or maybe it isn't beautiful, but for me it is. The vibes, it's all in the vibes."
She smiled, and they went back to walking.
"C'mon, c'mon! We gotta hurry! I gotta pick up my lil bro.."
It was unusually hot for early May. The air was almost orange, as if heated up by the sunlight. Marko really hated summer.
"At least there's a little breeze.. some air..."
The tram's windows were crept open, as much as they could. Not much you can do with these antiquities. They were the same trams and buses that his grandparents would take to work 50 years ago.
"C'moon!!"
It's not that it wasn't going as fast as it could, but the journey was long. It seemed like hundreds of miles between the last station and the next one. Was the city always this big? It feels huge. And it's so fucking hot and the air is so annoying. He was losing his temper.
"I gotta pick up my lil bro. Shit, I'm late, I'm late..."
"Chill, chilllll man. You're not even late." Mike, they called him Mikechu, his classmate. Marko considered him one of his best friends, though he could be annoying sometimes. He was tall and bulky, with a broad torso and core he got from swimming. He had blonde and brown curls.
"Really now, we only got 2 stations left." Another one of his classmates that was with him, they called him Gnome cause of his pointy ears and always shaved head. Marko preferred Gnome over Mikechu.
"Yo, can you give me your backpack a little i wanna see something?" Gnome followed.
"Sure." He calmed down somewhat, they were finally entering station. "Just watch out, take care with the food and all. I have to pick up lil bro and he gon eat on the way home."
The tram stopped in station and the doors opened.
"Take it back bozo."
Gnome took off with Marko's backpack.
After 1 hour of running through the overwhelming heat, chasing trams and exchanging them and more jokes from his classmates, Marko was starting to get really mad. "Late, late, I'm late. I gotta pick up my lil bro". That was all he was thinking. He felt as if he had to be there for his brother, to protect him, to look after him. It was his duty, while his parents were away. When did he even get a little brother anyway? This is weird.
He managed to internalize his anger though, and he was getting somewhat calmer as the tram was entering the station next to his brother's pre-school.
"Ight bros. I'm off here, take care."
"C'mon stay more, we're just having fun" Gnome insisted.
"I have to pick up lil bro i already told you, and I'm super late man."
He got up and started walking towards the exit, only to feel something pulling him back, then it slipped off. Mike had taken his backpack again, laughing. This was the breaking point.
Marko turned around with his hand out, it's momentum carrying as the boy grabbed his classmate's face and pushed it. It smashed into the window, blood spurting out. Marko stopped for a moment, abashed. "What the fuck did I just do". He stood there like that, shocked at himself and the image of his friend with a bloody face, grunting in pain. Then his face broke into a wide grin. He felt his cheeks hurting from how much his face had stretched, but he couldn't stop. He grabbed Mike by his yellow curls, his fingers gripping hard, and started smashing his head into the thick glass window. Again and again and again. "Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck youu!" he kept screaming each time as he the other boy's head was making mushy sounds, glass scratching and cracking and breaking.
His rage was finally consumed, leaving his body. He felt empty. And then he felt something heavy in his chest, as if something was gripping him. His breaths got heavier and heavier, the heat was suffocating. He looked around and everyone was laughing, Gnome rolling on the floor behind him. What the fuck is anyone crazy?
He grabbed his backpack and stormed out, hearing the laughs booming in the old steel shell behind him.
"I'm late, I'm late. I gotta pick up my brother... I'm late..."
"It's late."
Some cold air was finally setting on the earth as the sky was darkening above them.
Marko left the trail, and stopped for a second to look at the hill next to him. It looked like a giant mountain, impossible to climb. Then it was a small hill again. He put his foot up and started walking upwards. Behind him a small boy was following closely, barely reaching his waist. It was a little dark but he could make out hints of brown hair. Why did he not know what he looks like, he spent the entire day with him. Wasn't he his brother? Why couldn't he remember his face?
They finally reached the top and waited on a small plateau covered in stones and pebbles. It was the side of what looked like a mountain road, tall, steep walls of sharp rock behind it. It was covered in large, dark trees and spots of bushes, and it seemed to reach up beyond the dark sky. There was no top or ending point to be seen.
The headlights of a car got brighter, and the car slowed down and pulled left where the boy and his brother was standing. The window rolled down. It was his father.
"You don't wanna come?"
"Nah, I'll walk home, I feel like walking. Plus the air is nice and cold, i need it after how hot today was."
The little boy got inside the car and it took off.
For Marko this place felt like the outskirts of the city, or where the city ends. Cars go out to live the city, or they come in to enter it. Why did it feel like this? He doesn't remember this place, his city didn't have mountains near it, yet there was something familiar about it.
As he was walking, he noticed a short, wide billboard on the side of the road next to the rocky cliffs. It looked white and old, with tears in some of the corners, as if no one had used it for ads in years.
Then he saw a face on it. It looked as if it was projected by something, like on a whiteboard at school, but there was nothing there to project it.
It had the face of a human, though he couldn't tell whether it was a man or a woman. Sometimes it didn't even seem like a human, but it was. In a strange way. It had pale skin, and there was something like a grey aura around it. It was akin to a shadow, though there was something incredibly eerie about it. The face had perfectly normal features. It looked like an average, normal, human face, but there was something uncanny about it, as if this face shouldn't exist, or it wasn't supposed to exist. The figure had it's eyes wide open, looking both shocking and shocked at the same time. It opened it's mouth and started speaking with a commanding, booming voice.
"Where are you going?"
Marko was petrified. There was something really scary about this person, though it should only be a regular person projected on some paper.
"Home."
"Are you going home? Will you get there? You don't know how to get where you need to get, but i can show you if you put your trust in me."
He gestured with his hand, as if insulting the figure, and responded with a deadpan voice.
"Eh, I don't need you. I'm on my own."
Marko was walking down in the middle of a dark street. No cars on the sides, just the occasional warm light from the lamps. It felt extremely cozy. It felt like home.
He finally reached a white gate. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys; he was almost nervous. He opened the door, and stepped inside, and the air of home hit him. The smell of flowers: jasmine, roses, queen of the night and lily. He saw clothes hanged right outside his house, and the hose scattered around the yard. It was messy but it was home. And he loved it.
He approached the garage door too look at the carpet. It was hanged on a stick between 2 wooden ladders. Probably there to dry after being washed. He looked at it, admiring the patterns woven into the red carpet. Then he noticed a white sheet hanging on the wire behind the carpet. The face reappeared.
He was taken aback by it, but quickly regained his senses.
"See, I told you know how to get home."
"You know nothing, and this isn't your home."
Marko shushed, and pointed behind him, as if to tell the figure that it's booming voice might wake up his family.
"You have to better your life. Live it the way you're supposed to. You know how you're supposed to live it so why do you stray from the path." The figure seemed angry at Marko, though it's tone or facial structure never changed.
"Ooh, c'mon. And what the fuck do you know that I don't know, huh? You're in my head, probably my subconscious or something, this is just a dream anyway."
"Dream? It may be, that's what you call it. You've had dreams like this one before. Weird dreams, that felt weird, and weird things happened."
"Oooh, and now you're like 'I know about your past, your secrets' to like show you're not in my head, but like a ghost or something. You're in my head, of course you know my secrets or dreams or memories if they're also in my head."
"You'll see soon, as you wake up. As you awaken. Things will be weird, some will make sense. But you'll see." The voice paused for a moment, and then continued with a warmer, more female-like voice. It sounded endearing. "I'll let you know that I'm the same in the future. I wish you didn't have to go where you're going, but you will. Live the good life, Marko."
He woke up sweating cold sweats. He was shivering.
"What the fuck was that dream."
Marko felt weird about it. Some of it seemed like distant memories, some of it seemed alien. And the weird face and the voice. He was so lost in thought he forgot where he was, but reality hit him as he came back to earth.
He was back home. He remembered now.
Last night at the party, after Alexia did her little trick with the fire and he told her about that weird day. About the dead bird, about the weird boy that stopped him on the street, about the 'thing' that had attacked him. About the 2 people that saved him. He now regrets doing so.
She laughed at him, almost a little too hard, though he couldn't fault her she was pretty drunk. Maybe high too. But there was something almost intentional about her laugh, as if she was mocking him. "Either you've had too much to drink, or you're nuts haha." She put away the things she used for her white candle trick, and told him to go back downstairs with the others. Marko followed her, but quickly snatched something before leaving the room.
He left the party soon afterwards. He felt awkward now, he didn't feel welcome anymore. Maybe it was just the vodka, but the girl making fun of him didn't help. He doesn't remember how or when he got home after that, but here he was now.
He picked up his phone, still sitting in his bed, and it opened to a pic he took of Alexia's hands. The spiral and the weird symbols she drew with the charcoal thing.
One thing was certain for Marko at least. He wasn't crazy. The thing she did, with the flame. The things that happened that day. Those 2 strangers in coats.
He isn't crazy. There are weird things happening in the world.
He got up and walked towards his desk, tired and sweaty, the morning wind splitting the curtains and brushing against his skin, biting at it.
"I gave up before but now I can't" he thought to himself. "I need to find out what the fuck happened, and what the fuck is going on."
He hesitated for a moment. He was tired. He was cold. He wanted to go back to bed, comfortable, and he could rest. Then he took 1 last step and got next to the desk.
I can't go back now.
Marko was looking at the pale candle, trail of dried blood on it.
It weirdly reminded him of the face and the voice that appeared in his dream. Was it just in his head, were the other things in his head too?
He started thinking about it's words again...