"Kalen! What were you thinking?! Are you nuts?! What else happened?! Tell me now!"
Shouted Matt on the other line furious by what his best friend had told him, obviously about what happened the other night with Leo. His deafening tone made Kalen separate the phone from his ear, briefly closing his eyes from the shock he endured from his best friend's over-the-top reaction and annoyed thinking that he might lose his hearing because of it. Matt calmed down after a moment and upon realizing that his best friend had eventually relaxed, he gulped and hesitantly put the phone back in his ear, imagining his friend's expression in his already unsettled mind.
"Matt, will you relax? Nothing else happened except for that kiss and me passing out."
Understanding where his friend is coming from, he tried to reassure him in his most convincing tone that none of what he was thinking or about to think happened didn't go on hoping that the frantic man would listen.
"I'm alright, Okay? I'm sorry for making you worry."
He knew that Matt was still upset and mystified but he can't blame the guy for feeling so.
"You.."
"But are you okay? Anything hurt? How are you feeling now?"
Kalen nodded slightly as if Matt was there, sitting in front of him.
"Yes. I just told you. I'm okay now."
"Good."
Then a moment of silence.
"Kal, tell me honestly, are you starting to like him? Cause by the flow of that story, I'm starting to believe that you are."
Silence transpired again but Kalen was not as surprised as he was anticipating himself to be as he already comprehended that Matt might ask that significant question he is also still trying to understand. He pressed his lips together and looked down, thinking of the right way to explain to him what he is feeling without looking like a complete fool even though his friend can't see him.
"I'll be lying if I say that I don't cause I don't know but, I'm confused. Am I in the wrong here? Should I stay or should I just let it be? Let him be? I mean, it's happening so fast and I feel so drawn to him. He is so irresistible."
"Kal, is it the same feeling you had for Damon? Perhaps, you only miss him? I told you, don't let that Leo get to your head."
"I don't know. I just have this feeling that I want to see him and be with him do you think it's, love?"
Kalen bit his lower lip and gulped again for the feeling was becoming overwhelming. The sound of frustration coming from the other line was obvious and unmistakable as Matt clears his throat and resumes talking out whatever his best friend is not telling him about yet.
"Kal, I'm not against you falling in love again. It's great, to be honest, but, him? He was our best friend's lover, remember?"
"I know, Matt. You don't have to remind me again."
"But, are you ready to tell him everything if ever you and him, you know..becomes a thing?"
Kalen slouched on the couch, closed his eyes, and brushed his unsteady hands on his face which is exuding a sorry utterance.
"About that part. I don't know. I feel guilty enough that's why maybe, it's better to just walk away. What should I do, Matthew?"
"Kal, I don't want you to get hurt so maybe, you should. You're just confused and probably just missing Damon. I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say, quite honestly. I know you don't want to talk about that part of what happened in the past but it's better this way. Stay here with me in Shanghai for a few days. Maybe a week or two or for a month? I won't mind. Take a rest from work then I will do the same so someone will look after you when you're ready to come back to Beijing. You wanna visit Chongqing? I'll accompany you. You're family, especially Jie would be happy."
The phrases coming out of Matt's mouth seemed to slowly drift away from Kalen's consciousness as his mind was suddenly captured by Leo's seductive face, ferocious eyes, and desirable lips making him a bit moist his own which already withered from worrying too much. His eyes were stuck open and began to wander in his imagination, leaving his friend silent and confused on the other side but Matt quickly noticed and intruded;
"Kal?"
The man gasped a little bit from his friend's sudden disturbance as he flickered his long lashes, subsiding to reality once again.
"Yeah, okay. I will leave tomorrow. Thank you, Matt."
"You okay? Why not today? Will you stop thinking about him now? All that is happening is not good for you. You are stressing too much."
"Yeah. Uhmm Jin, I will call you later. I need to drop by the office."
Kalen anxiously stood up and walked to the kitchen to get something to drink, hastily opened the fridge, and wanders his eyes inside.
"I thought you already called your officemate? Just stay there and rest."
"I forgot to grab some papers. I'll be quick alright? Stop worrying about me."
"Sorry, but I can't. Don't forget to eat and take your medicine and call Jie. She is worried about you."
"I will. Bye."
"Bye."
He finished up the call and put the phone into his pocket still roaming his eyes inside taking his time but, half of his senses were floating somewhere else so he couldn't decide what to get and just decided to give up, releasing a distressed sigh while gradually closing the fridge. He stood silent for a while questioning to himself why in the world he would think of Leo all of a sudden like that and feel different afterward. The man didn't know who he was personally until he showed up during Damon's death anniversary and thought that he would feel nothing but bitterness towards him just because Damon chose Leo over him even though the man made it clear years ago that the love he was feeling for him is not the love like that for a special someone but rather, a love like of a brother only.
Kalen briefly closed his eyes and shook his head lightly trying to kick that sad part out of his head.
With a confused heart and mind, he proceeded upstairs and decided to take a rest before taking a shower as he plopped his weary body on his soft bed, and rolled on it like a little kid, making the sheets wrinkle. He ended up on his stomach, burying his face on the pillow before letting out a scream only he can hear hoping his frustration and all of his unwanted feelings would go away.
Although it helped a bit, Leo's face now seemed to be glued in his head and won't disappear even if he attempts to ignore it.
He just sighed and twitched his body to get his phone from his pocket, recalling to text his sister as Matt said;
"Jie, sorry I couldn't pick up your call last night. I came home early from work cause I wasn't feeling well and went to bed early as well but, please do not worry, I am okay now. I will call you later."
After sending his worried sister a text, he sat up and stood up to grab a book from his nightstand shelf, not to read it but to pull some hidden photos inside it.
A photo of the three of them which is sentimental to him and well-hidden inside Damon's favorite book, smiling at the world like innocent children. "Kal, stop being so shy and look at the camera. Smile! This pillow cat is so cute! Damon smile!" Again, he was back in the days when nothing seemed to go wrong, only the three of them content of the times they had spent together, and the other one;
A candid photo of him and Damon was taken by Matt when they went to the park, lecturing him about his health and many other things. He could still hear Damon's voice clear as crystal; "Kal, take care of your health always, I can't stay beside you all the time to remind you." Kalen's lips raised slightly when he remembered himself being annoyed at Damon for acting like his father but was touched and thankful at the same time for always looking after him when he, couldn't.
But then, that terrible day came rushing back at him again when Matt broke the news to him crying hysterically and with a shaking voice, coating over the small amount of happiness he felt just a second ago.
"Kal, he's gone. Damon..he's..I'm sorry. It was his wish and his family's request. I'm sorry, Kal. I couldn't do anything to stop it. He just wanted you to live."
"You were important to him as much as he is to you but it's not your fault. He made that choice, he wanted you to live a long and happy life."
Tears started to drop as he remembers the exact words Matt had said to him back then.
"Happiness? Am I happy? Will I ever be, Damon?" He whispered under his breath while looking at the image of his departed friend whom he would do anything just to bring back to life again. He gently places back the photographs of the past inside the book, closing it and all his emotions with it, sniffing and wiping his tears away.
An hour went on and Kalen was getting ready to go out when he hears the doorbell ring. He furrowed for he was not expecting anyone and was already prepared to leave, also not in the mood to entertain anyone. He promptly walked towards the door while trying to button his upper shirt and asked from behind before opening it;
"Who is it?"
The person didn't reply and the silence made Kalen annoyed and confused. He tried to ask again but before he could even open his mouth, a delicate voice of a woman spoke. His eyes grew wide as he instantly recognized who the person was, immediately unlocking the door for her.
And, he was right.
It was Damon's elder sister, an elegant and lovely lady in her mid 30's, smiling fondly at him. Her fine posture and sweet aura seized Kalen's heart quickly as he missed it so much, but only to speak her name in a shocked but delighted tone.
"Dana."
Her eyes upturned and slightly round almost like his late brother's, spoke of happiness when Kalen called her name, bestowing the stunned man with a kiss on both cheeks and a tight hug, and Kalen, also did the same thing.
"Hello my, Didi! I've missed you!"
They stayed like that for a little while like real siblings, hugging out the times they didn't see each other. After Damon's demise, she went away and traveled abroad to forget the hurt of losing his dearest brother, not contacting anyone except for her mother and a younger sister who was left behind, until she was ready and finally gave Kalen a phone call a year ago. He knew why she did so and didn't dare to interfere with her plans back then for he knew that it was her way of grieving him, the little brother whom she loved dearly. He heard her give a faint sigh as she caressed his back like her Jiejie would when he is stressed about a certain thing and as if the older knows what.
They broke the hug and sweetly smiled at each other before proceeding to ask.
"How did you find my place?"
The senior grabbed both of his hands and squeezed them gently.
"I called your sister and asked her. How are you?" She stared at the man, shoulder to toe, who is wearing sleeves and black pants. "Going somewhere? You look formal, and handsome as always." Pinching Kalen's adorable chin.
"Come on in first." He said, smiling from ear to ear.
The guy, while holding her hand tightly, merrily welcomed his dear friend to his apartment and pointed into the living room where they both settled excitedly.
"So Dana, what are you doing here in Beijing? You should've called me. Oh, do you want anything? Tea, coffee?"
"No dear, thank you. Well, I wanted it to be a surprise."
"You succeeded, and I'm really glad. But, why are you here? How's everyone? Mom? And, Mei?"
Recognizing the man's sudden distress in his eyes when he asked about the younger sister, she held his hand and gave a charming smile but Kalen could only give a fake one in return.
"They are doing okay. Mom's health is recovering and Mei, she's at University. Mom was pleased when I told her that I will visit you. She misses you as much as she misses her son."
"I'm glad to hear it. Dana is Mei.."
"Give her more time, Kal. 2 years are still not enough for her to move on. I took it hard but she took it the hardest."
She knows very well the guilt he is dealing with inside for she felt the same thing her younger sister did and is still feeling now when their mother made that decision. But, at the time of her traveling, she realized that none of it was Kalen's fault. None of it ever was.
"You are still the same, Kal."
The older giggled at the sight of the cute guy in front of him but, Kalen only looked down in embarrassment. She let go of the man's hand and started pulling something into her bag.
"Anyway, I came to give you this."
"What is this?"
"My wedding invitation."
The man's eyes widened, obviously delighted by his dear friend's news. He smiled and opened the envelope excitedly, reading it thoroughly.
"Congratulations, Dana! I'm so happy for you."
He exclaimed with an embrace.
"Chris, huh. Lucky guy. Where did you meet him?"
"I met him in Japan when I came for a visit. He's amazing. Damon would've loved him."
"Yeah. I would do anything just to make him see you get married. I'm sorry."
"Kal, stop being so gloomy. I don't blame you. It wasn't your fault, okay? Smile, will you?"
Kalen only nodded and resumed asking other questions. Time went by fast as they continued to talk and chuckle at each other's company but the older stopped when he saw Kalen patting his chest. The woman came nearer with a fearful look on her face.
"Kal? Are you okay?"
The man looked at her with confusion and realized what she was talking about, immediately nodding and giving her a reassuring smile.
"Oh, yes I'm fine. I was just laughing so hard my chest and stomach felt like it was going to burst."
"You scared me. Me too. Anyway, let's stop talking about me, and let's start talking about you. So, any interesting happened since you transferred here?"
"Yes."
"Do tell." Said the woman whose eyes were wide open, eager for him to say the words.
"I met Leo."
"Bo-di? When?"
"At the cemetery when I visited Damon then coincidentally, he is also one of my clients."
"Oh. A coincidence. Did you tell him about..you know.."
"No."
"I see. That's your call. So, how is he with you? Is he being nice? Is he giving you a hard time? Any hard feelings between you two?"
Hard time? Rather a confusing time, he thought, but, he can't tell her what else happened between them, fearing that she might get angry.
"No, he's okay. A little overbearing, but, I can handle him just fine."
"Are you sure? You know you can tell me anything, Kal. I'm going to meet him later to hand his invitation."
"No, really Dana, he's quite nice."
"Okay. That's good."
It is nearing lunchtime and the two decided to go on their way. They sauntered the hall still giggling while speaking about their life before all of that happened until they reached the parking lot and to the senior's car where she offered Kalen a ride which the man happily accepted, getting inside the vehicle with a pleasant expression.
"By the way, Dana, do you know where's Leo's place at?"
"Yes, Damon took me there one time. I still remember where it is."
"Why? Do you, Kal?"
"Uhh, yeah. I went there one time for work. He invited me."
"Oh?"
"Yeah."
"Good to hear you two are getting along. Damon would be happy. How about lunch then?"
Kalen regretfully refused but told the older to drop him off instead of at his workplace for he knew that Dana had already other plans and didn't want to intervene which the older understood. They drove still full of discussions, exchanging stories about each other and their families and of course, Damon. His grief went away for a while and had a good time speaking with her only to miss his real sister and thought that maybe Matt is right, visiting his family would not be such a bad idea after all.
They bid each other farewell as they finally reached Kalen's location. He removed his seatbelt and hugged his elder, thankfully caressing her back and so did the woman who whispered in his ear which made Kalen tear a bit;
"It wasn't your fault, okay? None of it was. Please don't be too hard on yourself and take good care of it. Everything will be alright in time."
Breaking the hug and sweetly smiling at the man.
"Thank you. I will. Thank you for inviting me and congratulations on your upcoming wedding."
"Your welcome, dear. See you."
"See you."
Kalen got out of the car and waved his hand at her and so did she, driving away until he can no longer see the car, and slowly, his smile started to fade from his face, returning to his old self again.
TO BE CONTINUED.