"Leo.Leo.."
"Hmmm?" Leo hummed softly still eyes closed and smiled recognizing the voice calling him.
"I have to go." A soothing voice whispered while fondling the shoulder of the heavy-eyed man.
Leo's brows met. He opened his eyes slightly confused and slowly moved his head and his lazy body facing the man wearing white long sleeves sitting beside him. His face softened. The man's lovely upturned eyes focused on him and his red heart-shaped lips smiled affectionately at him.
"You're beautiful," Leo murmured scanning the man's face from head to chin. The man smiled widely exposing his perfect white teeth and his eyes disappearing. He ran his fingers through Leo's hair down to his cheeks and caressed it gently as if he was telling the person that it will be the last time he will do so.
"I have to go." He whispered in Leo's ear.
"No. Stay," Leo said closing his eyes again and hanging his arms on the man's thighs while he clutched to the man's shirt not wanting to let go of him. Leo reached for the man's hand and puts it on his cold cheeks again and took advantage of the warm feeling it brings. He missed it. He was longing for this touch and he still remembers it well. He puts his fingers between them and pressed them lightly. The man gave him a sweet smile. He wanted to stay like that for a while. He just wanted that touch that person again.
"I have to go. I can't stay anymore."
The man said in a sad voice interrupting the young man's desires.
Leo felt a sudden sharp pain in his chest. He knew that if he let go, he will never come back. He refused to let go of the man's hand and to open his eyes because he can't lose him again and feel the pain and the yearning again. There was a moment of silence. He realized that the warm hand was no longer there.
As he slowly opened his eyes, he froze. His eyes widened. His body was paralyzed in its place. That angelic face he missed and the smile he longed for was gone. Instead, he encountered a different person. A person he doesn't know. A bland young man whose frail body was evident was sitting at the edge of his bed. Its hair was drenching wet. Tears flow freely from the person's eyes staring at Leo with a dejected look like asking for forgiveness.
Surprised by what he saw, Leo took a deep breath and mustered all the courage he could find, and quickly sat up. His heart was racing and he started to breathe heavily. He was about to open his mouth when suddenly, the man's expression changed from miserable to an aggressive one. Leo was terrified. He can clearly see that it wants to say something. Its lips were trembling, pale, and dry. Leo tried to open his lips but the angry one opened his.
"I can't stay here anymore, Leo, wake up." The man suddenly said.
"What?" Leo frowned and was confused.
"I can't stay here! Wake up!" The man shouted with a fierce stare striking Leo's already terrified soul. Leo gasped and he started to feel like he was going to have a panic attack.
"Wake up!" The man shouted again but this time, he tried to come for Leo making him scream in fear. He shook Leo furiously.
"WAKE UP, NOW!!"
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Leo jolted awake. His heart was still beating fast from the shock. He was sweating excessively and was breathing heavily. He looked at the ceiling and the four white walls surrounding him. He realized that it was morning already as a little light illuminate his window and a soft breeze silently passed through the curtains kissing him on the cheeks. He looked at the ceiling again and tried to calm himself down. He took a deep breath and pursed his lips slowly letting out a long satisfying exhale.
When he was feeling a bit okay, he sat up and smacked his face with his palms and ran his fingers through his hair pulling it hard. The pain made him feel fully awake. He gave a light sigh and bent a little forward wrapping his arm around his knees embracing it and closing his eyes. He stayed like that for a while still a little addled. He opened his eyes and rested his head for a bit. His clothes were drenched in sweat so he slowly pulled his blanket still feeling a little sluggish and sat on the side of the bed. He reached for his phone beside his pillow and looked at the time.
"6:05." He murmured feeling a bit annoyed. He wanted to sleep more because he had trouble sleeping the night before. He threw his phone on his bed and reached for the water bottle on his nightstand. Leo's expression mellowed when he gazed upon a vintage wooden photo frame beside the table lamp. His lips turned upward a bit and took the photo of a young man smiling widely looking down with a shy expression as if feeling too embarrassed to look up. His light brown hair was quite long and curly some touching his lashes and hiding most of his forehead.
"Good Morning, beautiful." He pressed the side of the frame and kissed it.
"Why are you doing this to me?" He let out a deep sigh while stroking the frames lazing. He strokes it for a few minutes and talks to it as if the person is present and will talk back.
"I'll see you later." He gave a sad smile before putting back the photo on the table.
Leo stood up and did his daily routine as usual. Just like
any other day, he would get up, do his morning stretches, and take a bath. He made himself some coffee and sat near his window taking a moment to himself as he watched passersby start their day. Regular people doing what they're supposed to. Frowned faces because of the morning rush, Mothers taking their kids to school, old people either taking a stroll or exercising at the park. Passing cars and a hubbub of laughter and shouting. Leo lives in an apartment building in one of the busiest cities of Beijing. He and his older brother Felix moved to Beijing from Luoyang ten years ago when their parents died. They moved in with their uncle who became their sole guardian. When he graduated from college, he moved out to pursue his dreams of becoming a dance teacher.
His brother stayed behind to take care of the family business and watch over their now elderly uncle. With the help of his remaining family, he finally got his dream of opening a dance studio. He often visits them as they live a 45minute drive away from Leo's apartment. Leo watched those people with his dead eyes. He is sick of it.
"Every day is always the same." He thought to himself while taking a sip. Wondering what will happen tomorrow and the day after hoping something will change. He looked up at the sunless sky and stared at it for a while. It felt gloomy and cold.
"Great. Looks like it's going to rain. Of all the days." He mumbled.
He hates it and that wet feeling. It reminded him of something. Something about his past he can't run away from. He finished his coffee and checked his schedule from his laptop. He had no scheduled lesson today so he decided to just close the studio for the day. He felt indolent because of his lack of sleep and also in thought if he will open his other shop. When things started going well for Leo with his dance studio, he decided to open a coffee café and named it the WHITE FANG. It reminded him of someone so he chose the name.
After having some doubts, he decided to not open the shop and give his employees a day off.
"They deserve it after a long week of work." He thought. So, he got up to get his phone from his bed and called his manager.
"Hello, boss. Good Morning." A cheerful voice said.
"Hello, Jax. Good Morning. I feel a little sick so I want you to tell the others to just close up for today. I'm giving you all a day off. Also, I'm going somewhere later. Phone them up got it?" He gets to the point.
"Okay boss, are you okay? You want me to bring you something?" He asked hesitantly at first.
"Yes, I'm okay and no, I can manage," Leo said coldly.
"Alright, I will call them now boss. Take care and see you tomorrow." His manager said. Leo hummed and ended the call. He went downstairs to make breakfast when he realized there are no more left in the fridge.
"Perfect." He said and was getting annoyed again. As he was preparing to go to the grocery store, the doorbell rang. Leo frowned. He walked near the door and asked.
"Who is it?" He was not expecting anyone today.
"Leo, open up. It's me." A man with a fruity voice said.
"Oh," Leo said in a low voice and opened the door. It was his brother Felix smiling at him. He brought Leo breakfast and a basket of pretty blue hydrangea flowers.
"Come in," Leo said looking at his brother with a blank expression. He saw what his brother was carrying and let out a slight sigh. Felix handed them to Leo and took his shoes off and closed the door. He walked towards the living room and sat on the single couch.
"You don't have work today? Why are you here so early?" Leo asked making his way to the kitchen.
"I took a leave. This is an important day so I came." He smiled looking at Leo.
He's only been to Leo's apartment a few times since the young man moved. He knows how much of a private person his brother is and how much he values his personal space but he checks in with him when he has time.
"Hmm. Good timing. I was just about to go out to buy some eggs. Thanks." Leo said. "For the flowers too. I was planning to buy some on my way later, but here you are." He added. He put the flower down and the food on the kitchen top.
"You're welcome." He gave his little brother a placid smile and stood up. He walked to the kitchen where Leo is busy taking out the food. He looked at his little brother and gently squeezed his cheeks. Leo flinched.
"You lost weight dear," Felix said with a worried look. "Have you been skipping meals again?" His brows furrowed. Leo on the other hand didn't say a word or even bothered to look at his brother.
"Leo, I can't come here every day to bring you food. I know you've been busy lately, but please don't overwork yourself. It's not good for you. I'm worried and Uncle too." He reminded his brother with a stern voice.
"I won't. I didn't open the studio and café today." The younger let out feeling a bit irritated.
The older gulped. He closed his mouth and looked away from his brother. He stared at the flower he bought. He knows that his brother is not going to like what he came here for but he had to do something.
"Anyway, the flowers are lovely, isn't it? It was his favorite color, right?" Felix asked as his smile slowly disappeared. Leo glanced at it and returned to whatever he was doing.
"Hm." Leo hummed.
Felix's expression became solemn. He looked at his brother again who is still busy preparing breakfast.
"It's that time of the year." Before he can finish his sentence, Leo interrupted him.
"You want anything? Coffee? Juice?" He asked not looking at his brother. He already knew that's what his big brother came to his apartment for. But, he doesn't want to talk about it. At least not today.
"Coffee would be fine, thank you." He sat on the counter stool debating in his mind if he should continue the discussion with him. It was an awkward moment. The silence was painful to the ears so Felix, after being it in for a bit, ultimately broke it. "Today is his death anniversary." Then pressed his lips.
"He would love that." He continued. Leo stared at him with zero expression but as serious as his brother was, it didn't bother the man. Leo loves his brother and respects him but, he gets to his nerves sometimes.
"Here." Leo handed his brother the coffee with a stone face and a cold voice. He sat not close to his brother and began eating his breakfast.
"Today is Damon's death anniversary." The older said with a gloomy eye looking straight at his brother.
"Are you okay? You want me to stay here with you today?" Felix asked hoping his brother would say yes. He didn't want to further question Leo but today is different. It has been two years and he witnessed everything the man went through. He became even more protective of his brother because of that. Leo stopped eating and started fiddling with a fork. He doesn't know what to say to his older brother. He didn't want to talk about it in the first place. He turned his head to his brother who was also looking at him.
"Ge, I know you and Uncle are worried about me. But, I'm old enough to handle certain situations. I'm okay so please stop worrying." He explained calmly. But, Felix still has his doubts.
"How are you handling it then, Leo?" He puts his coffee on the saucer. "Every day is the same for you. You get up in the morning, you go to work and you make yourself busy all day. Then, you come home, and what? Hm?" He was almost in tears knowing what Leo has gone through over the past couple of years. "You are dying inside. You push everyone away. You should be going out with friends and having a good time. Go to parties, enjoy your life, you're still young. You've been like this since.." He stopped, arguing in his mind if he should say it. "Since he passed away." He continued. "It's like you're here but I can see you slowly fading away. You think Damon will be hap.." He was interrupted again. This time Leo couldn't hide his anger any longer.
"Damn it, Felix!" He shouted. The shocked one gasped. He knows how the other one hates it whenever people talk about his past. Leo slammed the fork on the plate with so much force spilling the food all over the floor. "I said I'm okay. You should be happy that I'm working instead of locking myself in my room all day. I don't want to talk about it, again. This is my life now and I've accepted that already. He will not be coming back and I also accepted that too. And for that going out thing, I don't like parties. I don't like being around other people. I don't know anyone. I'd rather stay home you know that."
He turned his back from his brother and tried to control his emotions.
"Just stop, Felix." He pleaded with his brother.
"Okay, okay, calm down." He immediately stood up and went to his brother to comfort him. He wrapped his arms around Leo's neck, hugged him from behind, and rested his head on the younger's hair. He screwed his eyes shut feeling guilty. He always tries to make Leo understand that grieving is always understandable but, shutting yourself from the world is not. He knew he went too far this time though. "I'm sorry." He whispered. He caressed his brother's back but Leo kept looking down. He turned him around and put his hands on his shoulder. Leo looked at him with sorrowful eyes. He felt heartbroken seeing his little brother upset.
"I'm sorry too, Ge. I'm just having a bad morning and you're nagging isn't helping also. I'm not in the mood for that today. I'm sorry for raising my voice. It won't happen again." Then gave Felix a sham smile.
"Well, that's kind of my job dear." Felix jokingly said. He returned to his seat feeling uncomfortable. He didn't expect Leo to act that way. He was always a calm person even in his lecturing. And he chose to do so today. Bad move, he thought. It was his fault for bringing up that conversation again. He watched Leo silently clean the mess on the floor while drinking his coffee.
"Let me come with you to the cemetery today. I want to visit him too. I brought that flower for him." He finished his coffee and put it in the sink. There was a brief silence.
"You could've just told me," Leo said, sighing while preparing to clean the mess on the floor.
"Let me help you." Felix offered, still feeling uneasy, but, the other refused and proceeded on cleaning.
"Okay, then finish that. I think it's going to rain soon." The older implied. The younger just nodded. After clearing up, Leo without looking at his brother went straight upstairs and Felix just crossed his arms and silently watched his brother go. He can see that something is up but decided to stay quiet.
While waiting for his brother, he walked around the living room and scanned the place. He stopped at the sight of the photos on the console table where one photo stood out. He took a good look at it and a wide smile appeared on his face. It was their family photo taken when they were just little kids. He remembered it clearly. It was a beautiful sunny morning on a Sunday. Their dad called them all excited and told them that they are going to the beach while their mother prepared a packed lunch. He remembered them talking and laughing inside the car, even Leo. He was a happy child, he thought. A small tear escaped his eye. Just then, a voice called for him. Felix was startled. He looked at Leo who was going down the stairs then looked at the photo again and smiled.
"Pa, Ma, please let this be a good day for us." He whispered.
"Ge, I'm ready. Let's go?" What are you doing?" The younger asked.
"I was just looking at our family picture. The one at the beach. You were so thin and cute back then." Felix giggled. Leo rolled his eyes at his brother feeling a bit sheepish, and the older walked to his brother and patted his head like a little kid. Leo felt embarrassed to be treated like one but, what can he do, it's his big brother.
"Everything is going to be okay. Don't forget the flowers and bring an umbrella. Let's go." Felix reminded.
Leo raised a brow in confusion.
"Okay." The younger didn't say more and both proceeded on their way.
TO BE CONTINUED.