"Who completes a story? A hero? A villain?"
This question has always haunted one corner of my mind. I was one of those nerds who sat in the corner of the class and wasted time creating a separate imaginary world of my own.
Imagining myself as a hero, I roamed the whole city. I still laugh at myself. The costumes I used to wear were horrendous.. I was acting as if I were a soldier of justice.
Yeah, it's embarrassing to write this down in my diary, but you know what? Yes, I was one of those kids who used to think of myself as the hero of all fictional stories.
And in my imagination, there was this situation where my parents were in danger, screaming for help, and I always came to save them. I think we all see that type of dream in our childhood.
And that delusional me saw the destruction of that dream at the age of 9. Yes, at 9 years old, I had to see my own family die before my very eyes.
On April 5, 1990, a bus in Karuizawa collided in a huge accident.
My family and I were on that bus. We were traveling, and nobody had the slightest idea of what was going to happen.
Before we knew it, the whole bus was overturning and falling to the ground.
And at that time, I was just wondering if this could be reversed. People were suffering in that accident. It was horrible to watch.
While for me, the level of suffering was different.
During that incident, all of a sudden, the reality around me distorted.
I entered a new plane which I have no idea of. A closed red light place. A huge eye was looking down at me. Around me, a lot of huge fishes were swimming from here to there, but there was no water. They were swimming in the air.
And surprisingly enough, no fish touched me.
It's as if they couldn't touch me.
I was in the middle of that chaos.
I was alone there.
No wait…. I wasn't. There was something else with me.
A goat...
...with no eyes.
When I put these words in front of the reporter, they kept looking at each other, as if a madman is sitting in front of them.
"Well they're not wrong"
In my mind, I just smiled and said nothing more. I am perhaps really turning into a crazy child.
The big news channels covered the news of this accident. But most news reporters declared me, the sole survivor of that incident, as a mental patient. They said that I had gone crazy after that accident, and they feel pity for me.
But that didn't make me uncomfortable.
What got me thinking is that I couldn't even save my family, despite imagining myself as a hero.
I did have a dream, but seeing my own family dying before my own eyes, I realized a painful truth.
I was not a hero.
Then who am I?
And what role am I playing?
The burden of my own hardship and not paying rent for 1 month seemed very heavy on my 9-year-old shoulders.
At that time, my uncle came forward to help me. He is my father's cousin and has no family of his own.
And after the death of my family, he came to Japan from Germany.
After arriving, he took all my burden on his shoulders.
Not that I'm not grateful to him, but I envied him.
He had a dream of becoming a singer, but he left all that behind to be here with me today.
Why? Doesn't the chest point just tremble to kill your dream like this?
When I asked him about it, he laughed and said,
"Dreams aren't always meant to be fulfilled. If we're talking about our reality, well, it's harsh. In every step of this reality, your dreams, aims get crushed. So should we stop living because of it?"
"Shouldn't we? I mean, dreams are.."
"Important? I know that. Dreams are important. But just because one of your dreams is crushed, don't get depressed out of it. Life is broad. Everyone in this petty world has their own roles to play. Wait for that role to come across you."
Saying so, my uncle left the room. The ones who remained were me and my worries.
"So I am not a hero. Kuh?"
I sat in my room thinking about all this. Hundreds of questions were swirling in my mind.
Just then I felt a presence in front of me.
As if someone was staring at me.
I raised my head and saw a middle-aged man standing in front of me and smiling.
A light breeze blew past us. And I noticed that my window was open.
"How did you enter this room?"
That stranger laughed, "Through the window, of course. You were so devoured in your thoughts that you couldn't even notice me."
I was still afraid by that man's sudden appearance, "why are you.."
The man, 6 feet 2 inches tall, looked at me, smiled, and said, "Little one, you've endured a lot, haven't you? Come with me. Maybe I can answer your question."
I stared at him in amazement. "what.. question?"
The smile did not disappear from the person's face, "you visited the mental plane. Didn't you?"
I was shocked, "mental plane?"
"The distorted reality you experienced during that accident. Do you remember that?"
Just then, from outside the room, I heard my uncle's voice. He hurried into my room. When he saw me safe, he let out a sigh of relief.
He spread his arms and hugged his nephew.
"I am glad you're ok."
I stared at the stranger in the middle of my uncle's hands. That stranger came closer.
My uncle looked at the stranger, while leaving me behind. My uncle was really worried about me. I could see it in his eyes.
Uncle tried to interrogate that stranger, "who are you? What do you want from my nephew?"
That stranger said, "I am Fuji Sakamoto. I can't tell you about my motives though. But you have to hand over this nephew of yours to us if you want his welfare. Trust me, he won't get hurt."
My uncle strictly declined, "no, you've gotta be kidding me. I won't give my nephew to you. I don't know you. How do you even expect me to hand over my nephew to a stranger? Get out of here, or I am calling the police."
I never saw him this angry; even I was surprised.
That stranger who claimed himself to be Fuji Sakamoto let out a sigh of disappointment, "I guess I have no choice then. I really didn't want to hurt you guys, but I have to abide by our rules. Both of you have to die here."
Fuji attacked my uncle, his hand pierced my uncle's chest. But he was still protecting me.
I ran away from that spot. I didn't think of my wounded uncle; I was worried for my own life, my own future.
Fuji tried to follow me, but even in his injured state, my uncle managed to kick him in the leg. That sudden attack made that stranger fall on his knees.
I looked back and I saw satisfaction in my uncle's eyes. The satisfaction gained from protecting me. He was still smiling.
I saw him murmuring something while looking at me.
What was he trying to say? Looking back, I actually want to know so badly.
But at that time, all I wanted to do was run. And I ran with all my energy.
I was hearing the struggles of my uncle with that guy.
Besides that, I couldn't hear anything. I left that house as fast as possible.
I was afraid that at any moment, that stranger aka Fuji could come after me. With that fear in my heart, I kept running through a tunnel.
And I tried to recall the face of my dead uncle. Unfortunately, I couldn't remember his face while he was dying. I just remembered one quote.
"Everyone has their own role to play in this petty world."
And for some reason, he was still smiling.