Big important chap. Enjoy.
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It was a weird feeling. It was like I had been run over by a train and flipped into the air so violently I couldn't discern up from down. Yet, I felt no pain or even slight discomfort. The fear that gripped my soul just a moment ago vanished.
But an uncomfortable sensation remained deeply seated in my chest.
My surroundings had changed once more into a dark room, but everything was still as blurry as before. My vision felt like it needed to catch up to normal time and space. Despite all of that, I felt a vague sense of Deja Vu.
The square room I found myself in was made of a dull black metal. There were two wooden doors. One was lying on the floor, splintered into pieces, and the other was across from me, unopened.
As the sense of Deja Vu strengthened, I slowly looked down at my hands. They were smaller than usual, and my tan skin was gone, replaced with a pale white that I could see the color of my veins underneath. However, they were covered in a warm blue substance, and I held a shattered pistol in my hand that was covered in the same blue liquid. The barrel and slide were smashed in.
My eyes drifted to the floor only to find a puddle of sticky blue blood along with a corpse. Its head was beyond recognizable and was just a pile of mush. The sense of Deja Vu overwhelmed me.
Ah…this is…my first time in the Killhouses…this was the first person I ever killed.
It was so long ago my mind could barely replay the memory despite standing in the middle of it. But it slowly came back to me.
I remembered that the room was in low light and even with my enhanced eyes I couldn't see all that well in the darkness. I kicked the door down and only managed to fire my weapon a single time before it jammed. My bullet went into the alien's chest, not killing it.
From there, I did what was only natural to me at the time. I neutralized the threat. At this point…I was probably only two months old despite having the body of a teenager. I'm not confident we had anything other than basic training at this point.
No…I don't think we did. I killed that person on pure instinct alone.
The vague memory of me beating the alien to death with my weapon surfaced. I didn't stop until the person was an unrecognizable mess. But, my programming was simple. I didn't need any training to know what needed to be done. At least, that was what I thought back then.
I couldn't understand the noises it made when it screamed at me, but looking back at it now, the alien's cry for help was there in its final moments. But I had ignored it, just tuned it out because it wasn't crucial to the mission.
Why…why this memory? The memory I've long since forgotten…
I felt that I was being watched and looked up, the afterimages felt more aggressive, but my eyes widened in shock. Lining the walls of the rooms were dozens of Humans. All of them were bald, not even a single hair on their head or even eyelashes to speak of.
Despite having slightly different facial structures, they all managed to look the same. And they all stared at me with emotionless expressions and hollow eyes. They didn't even appear to be any life beyond those soulless husks, but I knew they were. After all, I had spent a considerable amount of time with all of them.
My fellow first-generation brothers.
"So you do remember them and even refer to them as brothers," a cold yet familiar voice rang out from behind me.
I turned around and had to look up at the looming figure. Its black armor seemed to blend into the darkness, and only the red accents glowed faintly. Its crimson visor looked down at me as if it was judging me.
I blinked, and when I looked down, the armored hand had gone straight through my chest. There was no pain or even blood. It felt numb like I was on a heavy dose of painkillers. Then I suddenly vomited a blood fountain, and my vision blacked out.
When I came to, the scenery had changed. Dark clouds hung low, and I was surrounded by what could only be described as a plane of hell itself—nothing but bones for as far as the eye could see. And I stood above them all.
"This is our legacy. This is what we were created to accomplish. Or have you forgotten what we are capable of?" the voice asked from beside me.
I frantically looked down at my chest and found myself back in my normal body. A wound was nowhere to be found. My head slowly turned to my right. The Death Commando standing next to me wasn't looking at me but down at the mountains of bones.
"Your—"
"You," he said, finishing my sentence for me. "Yes, I'm you, and you're me."
But…this feels…different…
"As it should," he answered. Then, he slowly turned to me. "Do you understand now?"
"Understand…are you showing me this because this is the future you want?"
"Wrong."
"What do you mean wrong…this isn't the legacy I want…just look at these bones…we did this to everyone, not just our enemies. How many Humans do you think got caught in our crossfire? Just for the mission?" I spat.
That's right. Our skills. Our weapons. Everything. It was all for Humanity. And even so, we killed plenty of Humans. We were weapons of war. And war did not discriminate against its victims. Anyone and everyone could die, friend or foe.
That's why I don't want…I don't want to go back to the past. Everyone… their bones… could be the ones in these piles…all it takes is a single push to change this world.
"Necessary sacrifices. You aren't opposed to making them now. If you take the white gloves off your hands, they are just as filthy underneath now as we were then, isn't that right?"
"That's—"
His arm shot out and covered my face in blackness. When sight returned to me I was in another familiar place I had long since forgotten. How many hours had we spent here honing our skills? It must have been years worth, at least.
The shooting range at Mount Olympus.
I looked back down, and my appearance had changed once more. My arms were pale white like I had never seen the sun. And I was holding a bolt rifle. The gun felt impossibly light as a feather in my hands despite its hulking frame, and the ever-present smell of gunpowder was missing. It felt…wrong.
Downrange, there was a person strapped to a target. That was also abnormal. Using live targets for target practice didn't make any sense, so we—
My thoughts ceased in that instant. The person strapped to the target was…me… it was Kaladin Shdowheart.
"Do what needs to be done. Break from your self-imposed shackles, 002," the voice said from behind me.
002…I haven't heard that name in years….
"I…I can't—"
"Can't or won't? You have a mission—a goal. In order to complete it you must embrace what you know to be true and toss away what is false. You allowed yourself to be enslaved by others and a slave to yourself, You've had the answer for a long time, 002. It's about time somebody shows it to you," he said.
He grabbed the gun and raised it to shoulder level. Through the sights, I could see… myself…I wasn't struggling or doing anything. I looked like a soulless puppet, like a corpse.
"That's right. You already know the truth, yet you hide from it. There is no point in feeling anything about it. He was unlucky, and you were lucky," he said coldly.
That…Kaladin Shadowheart…I…we had taken his life…we aren't supposed to be here.
"Good. You are already beginning to understand. Now do it. Free yourself permanently. Never become a tool for others. Do what needs to be done," he said as he let go of the rifle.
This life…all of it…has it been a lie this entire time? Have I truly been pretending to live as Kaladin Shdowheart? Why—
Just promise me that you understand that we are here and aren't going anywhere. And that you can ask us for anything.
No, I feel proud. It's every father's dream for their son to surpass them.
Look at you….you've grown so much. I see so much of us in you.
I'm sorry too, Kal. I haven't been a very good Mom. Can you forgive me?
Not even I have the answers to that question, son. You are still too young, but it's best to take your losses early and do your best next time.
It's because I care about you, son, that I'll rattle that brain of yours and make you see the light.
It doesn't change how I felt then or even how I feel now. I planned on telling you on my birthday. So…I've been waiting…but Kal, I love you.
If you are a monster, then I want to be your monster wife. I'm just as much of a freak as you.
You aren't a bad person, Kal.
And if that makes you a bad person, then I want to be a bad person like you.
Look at you…you've changed so much. Still a gloomy bastard, but you learned to be funny.
I told you that I loved you! And I mean it! I love you, and I love Mila, and I want us to be a real family! Just like you told me once before, you are who you are, and you are the only person that can change that!
For my love.
Yes! Mommy said Daddy would protect me! You! You…you…PLEASE…
Love? I love you.
For Daddy's protection! And….uh…love!
All of their words rang in my head. All of these people had said these things to me, and they had all meant it earnestly. How could I ever doubt them or betray their faith in me? What the hell was wrong with me? What was I thinking?
Why did I even give a damn about my past?
Even if I took the life meant for the Kaladin Shadowheart that never came to be, there was nothing I could do to change it. I couldn't bring that Kaladin back even if I wanted to, not that I would throw my life away at this point, even if that made me a terrible person.
I was lucky, and that soul wasn't, simple as that, just like he said. People were waiting for me. People who loved me and cared for me. People who didn't want to see me become a killing machine or burn the world because it was the safer and easier option.
And I felt the same way about them.
I turned my gun away from me and pointed it at me, which made me chuckle slightly. "You know you almost had me, me. Our legacy? What needs to be done? Gaining power by altering this world and putting it on the course of absolute destruction? The threat of being a tool for another once more?"
"Screw it all. I won't let any of that happen again. I'm too happy and I've come too far to give into despair again. I won't be a slave to you or to anyone again."
"Can you say that to all of them? If you don't do what needs to be done, you will fail once more," he said.
I blinked once, and there stood all of Hades squad. Even Hemindall, Dr. Suárez, and many others I recognized.
"Yeah, I can. I miss them, I do. But, no matter what happened in our previous life and regardless of how I felt about them, I'm thankful for them now. I can look back on those that helped us with fond memories, at the very least. But that's all most of them will ever be now, fond memories."
Somewhere along the line, my form had changed back to my own, to Kaladin Shadowheart, the person I was now and was meant to be. I tightened my grip around the gun and leveled it.
"Thanks for everything, but this is my life now. I'll do with it as I please," I said as I pulled the trigger.
There was no sensation or noise after I pulled the trigger. Then, for a brief moment, there was a flash, and when I opened my eyes, I was standing in the middle of an open field. Purple and yellow flowers stretched out for as far as the eye could see. The sky was pure white without a single cloud or anything really. It looked like a glass of milk.
I always found these flowers to be quite beautiful. Adria once told me the Magic Lilies reminded her of my eyes, and she had mentioned that they were her mother's favorite. Once upon a time, I had harvested dozens of these flower's pollen to make a drug that helped me free myself from Sandervile.
How nostalgic. You know I miss Adria, Tristan, and Muriel, even Sylros. They were good people. I wonder if the queen's plan will work out.
My mind still felt hazy when I looked around. Time felt like it was crawling, and the afterimages were just as strong, but it felt like I had gotten used to them.
How long had I been in here, and how much longer did I have to go? It felt like an eternity.
I sighed and looked down at what I thought was an empty hole of pure blackness. But a petal from one of the Magic Lilies dropped into the hole and left a ripple. It was like a pool of motor oil.
I felt the pool drawing me in, so I plopped down at the base and stared into the darkness. The water rippled with a few waves, and familiar faces started appearing. I saw Dad, Dallin, and Grandpa sitting at a table talking. The pool wobbled, and it showed Cerila and Sylvia bent over at the waist, their faces pale and distraught.
What's with them? They look sick or like they saw something so disgusting they couldn't hold it back, which should be impossible for Sylvia. How odd.
The pool revealed some of my friends as well. Padraic, Lauren, Tsarra, Varnir, and Jen were sitting in a common infirmary area, seemingly chatting as well. Ren was talking to her father, and Queen Maxwell had her head in some books with baggy, tired eyes.
Then there was Lin in a dark field with an oversized bow. I watched as she drew the massive bow and launched a ballista-sized bolt at a straw target, blowing it to smithereens. I wasn't sure if I should be impressed with the weapon's performance or the fact that Lin could utilize it.
Next was Bowen and his wife. They were sitting around a small table with smiles as Rosemary snored to her heart's content in her mother's arms.
It even showed me Adria sitting in her garden, looking up at the night sky. Even though I was watching her from her side, I could tell she had a blank expression. But she suddenly snapped toward me with a shocked expression, only for the pool to change.
I saw Bella, Veme, Nick, and Adrian from The Stars as well as Uncle Janos, fighting a group of undead Dwarves in gilded bronze armor next. They must be in the Iron Citadel, judging by the odd stone floating platform they were on. It looked like a giant bridge had been suspended in the air.
They seemed to be having a rough time, that was for sure as the undead pushed them back. I almost felt bad for sending them on a quest. But, at least I'll pay them good money to complete it.
Just come back, please.
The pool rippled once more, and the images faded away into nothingness. That was an odd experience. Was I seeing them in real-time? Or was all this a hallucination? Is this even a hallucination anymore?
I can't be sure…I can't tell what's real and what's a figment of imagination.
"But all these people…these are all the people that care about me?" I mumbled.
"That's right, Kali," a soft and gentle purring voice said from behind me.
I felt the hair on the back of my neck prick up, and my heart sank in my chest. It had been years since I heard this gentle voice. A voice that I thought I'd never hear again, one that was taken from me far too early.
Two dark-furred arms wrapped around my neck. "Muriel…is…is that you?" I asked hesitantly, somewhat afraid to turn around.
"It's been a long time, Kali," she purred with a kind grin.
I looked over my shoulder, and a pair of swirling dark green feline eyes met mine. "Is that…really you? Is this real?" I muttered.
Muriel smiled gently, revealing her white fangs. "Does it matter if I'm real or not?" she asked smoothly.
"Muriel…I'm so sorry you…you died because of—"
"There's nothing to worry about, Kali. I never did the things I did because I expected something from you. But it makes me happy knowing you haven't forgotten me."
How could I ever forget you…you were one of the few people that made those seven years just a little more bearable.
I stared down at the black pool, unable to look back at her. The amount of anguish I felt was overwhelming. It was like my emotions were suddenly raging forth without me being able to control them. I tried to breathe in, but I just ended up choking on the air.
"Thank you…for not resenting me Muriel…" I choked out.
Muriel just purred deeply and stroked the back of my head. The pool began to flash many faces of my friends and family once more, but then something changed in the water. I saw the faces of people from the past. I saw Heimdall, and he looked much older now in the face, like a grizzled old wizard in dirty and blooded yellow Death Commando Armor. Even Dr. Suárez had changed.
Her youthful visage had clouded over, replaced by somebody with deep bags under their eyes. Her brown hair had streaks of white at the top. She looked stressed beyond belief and had lost a considerable amount of weight. She looked like a husk of her former self.
The following faces came quickly, those of my old squad. Apollo and Hephaestus seemed tired, but they still looked the same. However, their expressions were grim as they hung their heads low. It was a look I rarely saw on them.
A deep purr resonated from Muriel as she gently wiped at my face. I hadn't even realized I had begun to cry more, my tears making waves in the dark pool.
"I'm sorry…I—"
"There's no reason to be sorry or ashamed, Kaladin. Your tears are proof that you had the courage to suffer through hard times," she purred.
"These people and myself, included, care about you. So don't be guilt-ridden about your past, Kaladin. You are who you are. Your past doesn't define you. It never did. You changed because you wanted to change and look at you now. Look at how much you've accomplished."
I turned my head and met Muriel's eyes. "Don't throw this side of you away, Kaladin. It's a part of you, and that's fine. Just don't let it consume you and make you into something you don't want to be. Just like you've been doing all this time."
"Thank you, Muriel, for being so kind. You always helped me." I choked out.
Muriel purred and pointed to the pool. "Don't thank me, thank them."
I followed her finger, and staring back at me were the faces of all the people I considered to be close with. My friends, my family, and even my former squad. Perhaps it was just a hallucination but they were all smiling back at me.
All of them besides one person. I never saw a vision of her. Her back was turned to me, and the faces of everyone else sank into the pool.
I recognized her long brown hair and almond skin any day. Even though her armor was yellow now, she was walking away but suddenly stopped. She looked back and up and right into my eyes. It was Artemis, and she looked to be at death's door.
Sickly yellow veins pulsed underneath her eyes. Her face was gaunt and bloodied, and she was missing an eye that had been bandaged. The yellow veins were a clear sign to anyone who had seen them. It only happened when a Death Commando injected too much Ambrosia.
Her eyes widened, and her dark expression lifted. She stared at me for a few moments. Then she smiled faintly and kept walking. That was the first time I had seen Artemis smile like that.
The pool shimmered, and my view of her disappeared. Instead, a red visored helmet appeared, staring at me.
"You," I said, somewhat bitterly.
"Me," he responded coldly.
"I thought I got rid of you."
"You know how we are. It's hard to put us down," he said back, his tone dry.
"This…is all of this real? Is this your doing?" I asked.
"Partially. But most of what I did was thanks to someone else," he answered.
The pool ripped and a new face formed. It was the face of an older man I had never seen before. His features were sharp like an elegant blade, and his skin was dark, like someone from The Dunes. His raven black hair was tied up into a bun, and he wore a set of elegant purple mage robes. But his eyes…
The white sclerae were an inky back, and a pair of dark purple reptilian eyes watched me. He grinned and nodded his head before disappearing. I had never seen him before…but he felt familiar…like a long-lost family member.
Was that, Qylrenth?
"Yes, it was. We've become acquainted recently," he explained. "Although this was his goodbye."
"I see… so what, you planned to mold me into a version that benefited you?" I spat.
"Of course. Why wouldn't I?" he said matter of factly. "Why do you look surprised? You know how we are."
"There's no we. Just you now," I said back.
"Perhaps. Regardless, I respect your resolve and commitment to a certain degree. Call it a test, or see it as manipulation. It doesn't matter to me anymore," he said quietly.
"You must feel bitter."
"I don't feel anything. You know that better than anyone else," he said flatly.
Kronos started walking away from the pool, and my eyes widened. His armor was destroyed beyond repair, and there was a gaping hole in his armored chest. "Besides, there will come a time when you call on me. When that time comes, I expect an apology, Kaladin."
I watched as he disappeared into the inky black pool, hopefully for good this time. The surface remained calm. No faces of the past, future, or present showed themselves to me. I took a deep breath and looked up to the sky with an exhale.
Huh? I feel…normal?
I looked around, and my afterimages had faded. It was like time was back to normal. I could feel, think, and move again without any problems. I stood up to my feet, and everything was as it should have been.
Yet, I was still here in this magical place, surrounded by Magic Lilies.
I looked over to Muriel, who was watching me from afar. My stomach churned as the pit dropped to my groin. Every ounce of my body was warning me that something was wrong. My sixth sense was screaming at me to act.
My breathing was ragged, and my heart thumped in my chest. I burst forward with all my might, but my mana didn't respond to me. The creature before me recoiled in surprise, but it couldn't escape me as my hands closed around its throat.
I lifted it into the air. "What are you? Why are you in my head?"
The thing pretending to be Muriel was choking, so I increased the pressure around its throat. It pained me to see tears well up in what used to be Muriel's eyes, but I knew I had to act. I knew this had to be done because if I didn't…I felt as if I would die.
"P—ple—let—me," it choked out.
I dropped it to the floor, its body crushing the flowers with a thud. I didn't even let it squirm before I placed my foot on its chest, ready to crush it with all my might.
"I said, what are you?" I growled.
The thing gasped for breath in pain before looking up at me with teary eyes. "Please wait. I can—"
I pressed my foot down harder and felt its ribs creak, breaking off its sentence. It let out a pained groan. "If you have the ability to speak, then stop stalling and answer the question before I crush you."
"I'm a god!" it yelled frantically.
A god? Impossible. A god would not be pressed beneath my foot pleading with me.
"Try again," I grunted as I forced my foot down harder.
The so-called god groaned in pain and coughed. "I swear it!" she yelped.
I let off the pressure, and my eyes widened. The thing's voice had changed. Before, it was using Muriel's soft purring voice, but now it was entirely different. It was soft and almost angelic, like a singer straight from the heavens.
But this wasn't the first time I heard that voice. I heard it once before…although it wasn't nearly as clear back then.
"Then why don't you? Take a nap and have a nice dream. You deserve it for working so hard."
That's what the voice had told me not too long ago. So could this thing really be a god?
"What do you want?" I said defensively.
"Please let me go! I'll explain everything, I swear it!" she begged.
Despite my realization, everything in my body was telling me to end this. To crush its chest and be done with it. But I couldn't do that. It was simple why I couldn't.
If this thing can appear in my head and I can hurt it. That means it can appear and hurt me. But it wouldn't do that again…so what if it occurred in someone else's head…like in the mind of a child. So there was no guarantee that this death here would be the end of this thing…
Damn it.
I ignored my instincts and took my foot off the god's chest. She thanked me and took a few moments to catch her breath.
"How much of this did you see?" I asked.
"I only just arrived! It took me a long time to get here, and it took a lot of my power…your mind is like an impenetrable fortress," she told me.
"That voice, it was yours that I heard, right? How long have you been spying on me, and what and who are you?"
"Yes, it was my voice, and I've been watching over you for years. Contacting you has been difficult. It took me a long time just to send you that simple message in hopes that I could connect with you sooner. I never imagined you'd ignore me and then do this…" she said with a sad sigh.
"And…"
"And my name…well, you know me as the Moon Mother," she said with a toothy smile.
Too bad that smile is Muriel's smile. It sickens me to see it being used like this. And the Moon Mother?
"That's not the look or reaction I was expecting," she chuckled.
"Can you change out of that form? It's bothering me," I said, not doing anything to hide my annoyance.
She slowly stood up from the ground and gave me an apologetic look. "Sorry, but that would cost me more than it's worth. So please bear with me while I utilize this form."
Cost? What costs a god anything? This thing…the Moon Mother…
"You aren't a real god, are you?" I asked.
She looked taken aback by the question. But then she nodded slowly. "I suppose calling me a lesser god would be more appropriate, yes."
"Why lesser? You are supposed to be the second biggest god in this world."
She smiled bitterly at me. "Yes, but much of my power has been sealed. Even you witnessed it yourself firsthand. And that also brings me to why I'm here right now."
"The dungeon…that was your power, wasn't it?" I muttered.
"Yes, it was. Before you released it, I was relegated to only being able to send oracles to my followers," she explained.
"But you stopped giving oracles long before then. I was told it was over a decade ago."
"That's right. I decided to conserve my power all for this very moment. I'm not sure what you did, but you weakened the barrier in your mind, which made it easier for me. I was honestly expecting this to take another decade," The Moon Mother said with a faint smile.
"You did all of that for me…but why? What do you want from me that you would leave your followers in the dark for years?" I questioned.
"I need your help, and you need mine. You've already come to realize it, haven't you?"
She needs my help, and I need her? That can only mean one thing.
"Are you saying it has something to do with Amon-Ra and the Holy Kingdom? Are you going to ask that I clear impossibly hard dungeons for you or something?"
She shook her and looked up at me. "Not at all, nothing of the sort. I won't ask you to enter any more dungeons, I promise. But you are definitely right. The Holy Kingdom is after you and your family, Kaladin. So by helping you, I can help myself in return. It's a beneficial relationship for both of us."
"Then tell me what's going on! What are they plotting? What is—"
The Moon Mother averted her eyes from me. "I can't tell you, not yet, at least. And not in the way you want."
"Why not?"
"Because it would cause disastrous waves in causality. The kind of waves that could sweep us away for good. Since I lack the power to confront Amon-Ra directly, we must go about things cautiously if we are to succeed," she explained, looking back at me.
Causality? What…why would I god care about such nonsense. If a god has the power of life and death such—wait…does she not know about my reincarnation?
"Then tell me what to do. If your words help me, I'll consider working with you."
She looked hurt at my hard statement but nodded nonetheless. "Your distrust wounds me, but I understand that I must be of use. There are two things, then. One, in the future, in the spring of this coming year, leave my dungeon core beside your bed so we may converse again in your dreams. The core will serve as a connection between us."
"Why in such a long time?"
"Because it will take me time to gather my power. If I speak to you frequently, I'll only be able to give you small bits of vague information at a time, only a couple of words worth and they will be even more cryptic than what I'm going to tell you now. But it is sadly the way I must do things. I trust that you can find the answers in my words."
"I see…"
I don't trust her at all. My mind and body are still begging me to end things, but…let's see what she has to say.
"My first piece of advice. Be wary, and remain vigilant of tumultuous events. Watch your step so you never lose your footing. And look over your shoulder and do not trust the Red Prince or the Lightning God."
"What are these events? What do you mean by all of this? And the Red Prince? Isn't that Prince Xander? Who is the Lightning God? What—"
The world around me shattered like glass at that moment. "Goodbye, Kaladin. I pray for your success."