I'll see you guys on November 14th at 6-9am PST.
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It was getting late into the night, and we had all agreed to take a break. Thankfully Bowen had brought Rosemary along, so Mila enjoyed her time with her friend. I even think Dallin joined them.
Some part of me wanted to be a fly on the wall and watch them interact, but I thought better of it. It was probably best for Mila and Dallin to decompress on their terms and have a little fun after such an arduous and emotional day.
Not to mention I was physically and emotionally drained and was in no mood to do anything. Even so…I wasn't ready to go to bed just yet.
I finished my shower and put on some extra clothes, just a simple shirt, and pants. It was getting chillier but not enough to wear a long sleeve. Bowen's spare homes were already heated to near perfection, so wearing anything extra would just make me stuffy. I slipped out into the hallway and went straight for Sylvia's room.
The hallways were quiet and illuminated by candles placed in sconces. I was hoping to catch her before she went to bed, so I knocked on the door to get her attention. I waited for a few moments, but I didn't get an immediate answer. I knocked a bit more forcefully. Once again, I was met with silence.
Is she asleep already? Should I…wake her up? I feel like letting her go to bed without at least talking to her would be a bad idea…
I shrugged and decided to seal my fate. I shook the doorknob, but there was no resistance, and the door swung open with ease. Apparently, Sylvia hadn't bothered to lock the door.
"Sylvia? Are you in here?" I called out, my voice bouncing off the walls.
I took a step into the room and scanned around. Thanks to my Dragon eye, I could see through the darkness with ease. Despite the room being almost pitch black in one eye. I went right over to the candle on the nightstand and sighed. No wax had pooled at the bottom of the candle dish, which meant she hadn't bothered lighting it, which was highly unusual of her. Sylvia always kept a light on.
I gave the bathroom door a single knock and placed my ear to it, but all I heard was my breathing. I opened the door, and the bathroom was unused. No steam from the shower or bath, the towels hadn't been used, and no signs of Sylvia.
Did she…take a walk outside? That doesn't seem like something Sylvia would do. She's typically the type to roll up in some bed sheets and disappear from the world.
I was about to walk out of the room and check outside when my eyes drifted to the writing desk. Out of all the things in the room, that was probably the last thing I had expected Sylvia to use. Instead, I found a piece of paper, the ink still setting. It was a note… addressed to me.
I'm heading back to the dorms for the night. I feel like it's the best option right now. Your father agreed to look after Mila tonight, so don't worry about it. Please get some rest. And don't you dare come looking for me. Spend some time with your family. One more thing, please come to our room tomorrow evening, alone. Don't make me come looking for you.
I can feel her sass attacking me from this note alone. She even told me not to come looking for her…should I just ignore her? No…that would probably make her even angrier. And despite her frustrations…she is still thinking about me. But she wants me to come to our room alone? I mean…I guess. I do have some plans in the morning…ah…whatever.
I folded the note and put it into my Spatial Ring with just a single thought. The slip of paper vanished into thin air, and I allowed my consciousness to dip into my ring just to make sure it was in there. I sighed to myself and scratched the back of my head. I had mentally prepared myself for this encounter and felt like all my energy had left me.
Just one more person to talk to tonight. And I already know where to find her.
Despite the fatigue of the day washing over me, I pressed on in search of a certain Elf. I knew where she was roughly, but luck was finally on my side as I saw her golden hair round a bend. I quickened my pace and called out to her.
"Mom."
My mother stopped in the middle of the hallway and turned her head to face me. She smiled wryly but raised an eyebrow. "Something the matter, sweety?"
"We need to talk."
Mom slowly turned around to face me completely. She tilted her head in confusion, but the streamlined smile never left her face. "But we already had a long conversation…perhaps—"
"No," I said quickly, not wanting her to formulate a half-hearted excuse to ignore me. "I'm sorry, Mom, but I won't be letting you worm your way out of this. I didn't press you earlier because I knew you didn't want to discuss it with everyone else. But now it's just you and me."
"Kal…I don't know what you are talking about. But, please, can we do this later?" my mom pleaded.
"No. Because if I let things stay as they are, we may never speak about it, always putting it off. Also, it concerns me and my livelihood, considering everything I've learned so far. Mom, who are you really? And why did you set Cerila and me up like that when we were kids? What were you hoping to accomplish by having me marry her?" I asked seriously.
Mom let out a small yelp of surprise, and her eyes nervously went side to side as if she were looking for some escape. I had never seen her act like that, which was not what I had expected. Mom seemed almost afraid…was she afraid of me or what I was asked? I couldn't be sure.
"Kal, please this—"
"Mom."
Mom's eyes went wide, and her shoulders slumped. She looked like a balloon that had been deflated, her nervousness replaced with a look of defeat.
"Kal, I'm so sorry…I…I never expected things would go this way…I…please don't hate me…I—"
"I would never hate you, Mom. Never. And I mean that. A single day hasn't passed that I haven't thought of you guys. All I ever wanted was to return back home to you, Dad, Cerila, Grandpa, and Padraic. I never blamed you or Dad for what happened to me. I just want to know why and who," I asked again after I attempted to assuage her growing concerns.
And with that, Mom started breaking down. She fell to her knees, face in her hands and sobbing. I felt a pang of guilt for making Mom cry like this…I had made a promise that I never wanted to make Mom cry like this again…
But here I am.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and picked her up with ease. She felt so light in my arms it almost scared me, but I realized that was just the difference between us now. I was no longer a little boy…I was far bigger than the person who brought me into this world.
"Please, Mom…don't cry…I didn't mean to make you cry."
She just kept repeating that she was sorry, so I chose a room at random and opened the door. Thankfully it was one of this mansion's many sitting rooms. This one was a bit smaller, with only a single couch and chair combination facing a fireplace. I gently placed Mom onto the couch and took a seat next to her.
It took a few moments for her to calm down, and even I had to suck in a tear. Now wasn't the time for me to cry. It would only prolong the suffering. I had to know this information.
Mom took one deep breath and checked her surroundings. She snatched a pillow off the couch and used it to wipe her tears and snot from her face. "Stupid—hic— pillow," she mumbled in between sobs after tossing the poor thing across the room.
I feel bad for whatever cleaning lady is going to find that in the morning… ah, man…she got it all over the wall…maybe I'll just grab it on my way out, save somebody the embarrassment.
Mom gave me an apologetic look and grabbed my hand. "Kal…I'm so sorry…I didn't think that all of these terrible things would have happened….I—I just wanted you and Cerila to be happy. I would have never forced you two to do anything, I swear! I just…please…Kal…you have to believe me…all I wanted was for you to experience the things I never did when I was young…I just wanted to help."
"Mom…I…why? What brought you to this idea? What kind of life did you live?" I asked.
Mom sucked in her snot and wiped her bloodshot eyes with the corner of her sleeve. "I was always alone…I was the first child to the Emperor of Tel'an'duth…although I was illegitimate. My mother was a commoner…or so I was told…I never met her, and the emperor was very young at the time. I was hidden away until my abilities could be determined. When I was old enough…I was trained…I trained every day and every night…sometimes for days on end. I had the unfortunate luck of inheriting my the emperor's lightning magic…a direct sign I was a descendant of the royal family."
"So you are a princess of a Tel'an'duth…the first princess at that…" I mumbled.
Mom chuckled to herself, but no joy or happiness emanated from her. "I wouldn't call myself a princess…I was a bastard….and I was treated like one. The emperor took the throne shortly after my tenth birthday and had his first child on the way with another woman. I was a succession crisis waiting to happen…before he even became Emperor."
No way…the former Emperor of Tel'anduth had ruled since the start of the war with Brax. That means if Mom was his first child, she must be almost three hundred and fifty years old…I…I can't even imagine that. That also means Tsarra is my aunt… half-aunt? Second aunt? Second cousin? Or Cousin? How does a half-sibling to my parents work out? Eh…either way, why is it that I never got the same family feeling when I look at her? Is that sense just broken for her? Oh…it's sort of the same with Terstus.
I…I don't understand. My reincarnation must be messing with my Eleven senses, just like how I can't tell the actual age of an Elf. And it must be messing with them as well.
"So…he used you?" I muttered, trying to keep my mom talking.
Mom nodded her head weakly and hugged me from the side. "I…I was adopted into a middle-ranked noble family to explain my abilities and provide me with a cover story, although it was very weak. I had to hide my abilities from the public eye at all costs."
Mom had a far-off look in her eyes as she stared into the corner of the room. Tears periodically rolled down her pale cheeks. "I was trained to be an assassin and a noble. My entire life revolved around infiltrating noble circles and killing them on the Emperor's orders. It was all I knew…I was a monster born of hate. And instead of taking my hatred out on those who deserved it…I took it out on my targets. I had seduced and killed my first target before I even turned twelve…Kal…I'm so sorry your mother is a monster," my mother said in a weak voice as she sobbed.
"I see…"
That was all I managed to say at that moment. I felt like I was being overloaded with information…I would have never thought my mother lived that kind of life. A life where she was used as a tool by others. A life that I had once lived…
I'm starting to wonder if this is the actual consequence of being born from chaos magic…
"I really am sorry…I never even imagined all of this happening. I mean, how could I? I just wanted you and Cerila to be happy…I knew that she cared for you deeply, and although I may have pushed too far, I would have never forced you two to be together! I—I thought maybe you cared about her as well and that by helping, I could bring you two closer together! More importantly, I was afraid that you took after us too much," my mom added.
"Took after you too much? Are you talking about Dad and you?" I questioned.
Mom sniffled again and nodded, releasing me from her hug. "Yes. We were afraid that you were becoming too much like us…your moments of seriousness…that time with Cerila's sister…we saw too much of us in you…we were afraid you wouldn't be able to love anyone and that it would take you a lifetime…just like it did for your father and me. I couldn't bear to see you live a life like that…so cold and alone… as we did…I—I—I'm so sorry, Kaladin…I—I failed you and Cerila…I made a mistake, and instead of helping you two, I made things worse."
Mom shook her head from side to side and bit her lip in a mixture of sadness and frustration. She looked into my eyes and gently rubbed my face. "Look at you….you've grown so much. I see so much of us in you. When you blasted your bloodlust at us for reacting that way towards Sylvia…or when you stood up for us against your teacher…I never wanted you to be like this…I just wanted you to live a normal life…I—I can't apologize enough…I love you so much, and I let you down again. I'm sorry for failing you and for making you so mad…and I apologize for treating Sylvia that way."
Tears rolled down my mom's face, and I had to blink away some of my own. The lump in my throat had returned tenfold. My mouth started to hurt from trying to keep it steady and stop myself from breaking down even more. I'm sure that if I had more energy and the day's events hadn't worn me down, I would have been reduced to a sobbing mess.
I grabbed Mom's soft pale hand and looked at it. It seemed so small and frail compared to mine. I squeezed her hand gently. "I understand, Mom. I understand more than you can ever imagine. I know what it's like to be exploited by others…to know no hope. To be consumed by the life that was forced upon us. I—I understand all too well."
She took a single deep breath and tried stemming the flow of tears but to no avail. I wanted to say a few more things to her before all conversation broke down. I had to let her know.
"Mom, I love you. I'll always love you, no matter what."
Her golden eyes went wide with surprise, but they had such a kind and gentle softness to them. I recognized that look. It was the same look my mom had when our eyes met for the first time. And although I may disagree with Mom's choices, I couldn't fault her completely. She was just trying to give me the life she never had. I was her first child; after living a life of servitude, she was bound to make mistakes…she is just a person, after all. A person who lived a life that could hardly be considered normal.
And some of her concerns may have been accurate…who knows?
"K—al…" my mom muttered as she fell into my arms.
And with that, the crying commenced. We cried in each other's arms for an undisclosed amount of time. It was like a stake had been driven into the armor around my heart. I didn't hold anything back, and neither did she. We just cried until there was nothing left. And honestly, it felt liberating.
I finally understood my parents, and although I didn't tell them about my past, I felt like we were somehow more connected than before. With everything that happened today, it's odd to say I felt closer to them… but that's how I felt. Maybe the fatigue was dulling my thoughts, but for now…I just don't care.
All that matters at this moment are Mom and me.
—
I wished my mother goodnight and dragged myself through the halls, quite literally at that. There was a moment when I dragged my feet a little too much that I nearly fell flat on my face after slamming my toe into a roll on the carpet.
Before going to bed, there was just one more thing I had to check on. I didn't want to knock, so I just opened the door slightly and peered in through the crack. Immediately my dad and Ms. Taurus's eyes locked onto mine. The two sat in chairs around a smaller wooden table. They looked to be sipping drinks and catching up.
These two must be old friends, or at the very least allies, considering she was a War God for Brax. Perhaps the two had fought together, and considering Ms. Tarus used a spear as a primary weapon of choice. She may have been trained under the Dark Elves once upon a time.
They both gave me a tired smile, and I returned it with a simple wave of my hand. The rest of the room was…a disaster. Pillows and blankets were tossed around. Mila was lying off the arm of a couch, drooling onto Rosemary, who was beneath her, both of them fast asleep. It was like she fell asleep in the middle of talking to her friend. Dallin at least put some thought into his sleep arrangement as he had tucked himself into a corner of a chair with a blanket.
I quietly closed the door behind me and shuffled off to my room. My body was moving on autopilot, and I had no trouble finding the room as it had once served as a temporary home. I'm not sure when I arrived, but when I regained some mental capacity, I was already in bed, and I did my best to drift off to sleep. Perhaps recovering consciousness was a poor choice as I delayed my inevitable meeting with my dreams.
I groaned, grabbed a pillow, and twirled around in bed, trying to position myself to fall asleep faster, but to no avail. I had gone from being so tired my body was moving on its own to being wide awake. And my head was being bombarded by today's events. I didn't know where to start or where I should start.
The fact that everyone is alive and well? Mom and Dad's life? Sylvia and her big reveal? Cerila and her kiss? The fact we no longer have a home and I'm staying here in Luminar?
What do I even do…what does the future hold for a creature like me?
Come to think of it. I never did get an explanation as to what Cerila and Padraic were up to. I saw that Padraic had an Opal tag around his neck, but we didn't get around to that today. Huh…that means they were out in the world for some time…adventuring while they looked for me.
The life of an adventurer wasn't always lavish. They must have been roughing it out for quite a few nights…in the cold snow or rain. Or killing monsters or people. All for my sake.
What do I even say to them? I wonder if they feel cheated that I technically found them before they found me? Did they grow to resent me after all this time? They spent all that time for nothing. They seemed relieved, but…I don't know. Maybe I'm just looking too deep into things.
And I'm distracting myself from the real question—what the hell am I going to do now?
I sighed again and decided for future me to decide…whatever I was going to do next. I really need to sleep…I mean really need to sleep. I can't be making life-altering decisions like this.
So. Deep breath in. Close my eyes. Stop thinking. Deep breath out. And—
Knock.
What have I done to deserve this? Is this the third or fourth time? I'm starting to lose track because it happens too often.
"Just come in!" I shouted.
Knock.
Stupid soundproof doors and walls. Sometimes these things are excellent, and other times, they are a hindrance. I threw my manaweave blanket off me and crawled out of the large bed.
I rolled my shoulders and massaged my face slightly just to make sure I didn't look like complete death. I had a feeling it might be Mila wanting to go to bed. Or maybe it was Mila and Dallin…or…ah….whatever.
The candlelight spilled in when I opened the door, and it momentarily blinded me. I had to blink the dark circles away until my vision focused, and my Dragon eye always adapted first. My eyes went wide, and I felt my jaw hang open.
Cerila?
She was standing before me, holding a candle, in a nightgown that was all too familiar to me. It was one of her favorites, the same one she wore the first night she came to live with my family and me. Unfortunately, the silver nightgown had all but lost its original luster and had faded to a mute grayish white. The soft fabric looked like it had snagged; to be honest, it had seen better days.
I felt like I didn't have to reach very far back into my memories to see the frail and meek Beastmen girl standing at my doorway with a candle in a gown that barely fit her. Back then, she was slightly taller than me, and the gown was more of an oversized shirt than proper nightwear. But now…
The gown doesn't fit her for the opposite reason. So how did she even manage to get into that thing? Tight…is a generous word to describe the fitting.
Cerila wrinkled her nose and looked side to side.
I took a step back and nodded.
Cerila cocked her head to the side and blushed while walking into the room.
Well…ah…nevermind.
I tore my eyes away from her and felt my ears burning.
Cerila moved to the dresser and gently sat the burning candle on top of it. Her snow-white tail swished back and forth.
Cerila looked over my shoulder and pouted at me. My eyes darted to the corner of the room, and I tried steadying my restless heart. I partially blame my tired mind for giving in to my most carnal desires…I really shouldn't be looking at Cerila this way…I know it's wrong, but well…I suppose it's hard not to stare at a beautiful woman clad in a nightgown so tight it must burst at a moment's notice.
Don't ignore your desires but don't give in to them…right, Nick? Right?
It's completely and entirely normal that my mind would wander to such thoughts. Hormones are a real thing that is present even in my body. But I choose when to act on them. I've been handling myself well these last few months…I can uh—I can choose where to look as well.
Cerila blinked a few times, then gave me a confused look.
Now it was my turn to be confused.
Oof.
Cerila shoved me onto the bed with a surprising amount of strength. Before I could even raise my head to look at her, she was already on top of me. Her soft chest pinned me to the bed as a sweet aroma assaulted my nose. My mind felt like it was drifting away as Cerila blasted me with her pheromones.
I bashed my fingers together as quickly as I could.
Immediately the intensity of the pheromones was dialed down, but the strong smell didn't fade completely. My head felt woozy like I stood up too fast, and my heart felt about ready to burst from my chest. I took a few deep breaths to settle myself and wiped my sweaty hands on the bed sheets.
Cerila looked at me, her face and ears flushed bright red.
Not even Bella could muster that kind of intoxicating effect. If that was my first time, I might have just passed out or given in. Does this mean Bella was just holding back and teasing me, or are Cerila's pheromones truly that strong? I mean, Cerila is far younger than Bella…maybe that has something to do with it?
Wait, now is not the time to wonder about Beastmen biology…yeah…definitely not right now.
My eyes locked on to the blue sapphire in the center of the choker, and my heart started racing even faster for a different reason. It seemed she didn't even take that off before going to bed…ah…man….
Cerila kept inching forward, but I stopped her with a hand. Surprisingly she didn't fight back or even say anything. Instead, her swirling amber catlike eyes stayed locked on me. I somehow felt I was being hunted…which oddly enough didn't bother me.
Cerila grabbed my hand with one of hers and just smiled. I could feel the callouses scrape against my skin, and I was surprised at just how rough her hands felt. But, on the other hand, Cerila looked so soft, so I couldn't imagine that they were even more rugged than mine.
Relief washed over me like a tidal wave. I even let out some kind of weird noise that was somewhere between a moan and a sigh. Never had I been more glad that Cerila couldn't hear me.
I stopped sighing as Cerila's hand left mine and went to my face. She cupped the side of my jaw and brought her face closer to mine.
My vision narrowed like I was looking through a pair of binoculars, and I wasn't sure if my heart was beating so fast I couldn't hear it or if it had stopped completely. That was…not the response I imagined. I didn't even know how to feel or what to say…
Cerila just smiled at me and brought our faces together. She moved away from my lips and kissed me on the cheek. She pulled away, her face bright red, but her smile seemed even more brilliant as the candlelight illuminated it.
Oh…
Cerila furrowed her brows at me and lightly poked me in the cheek. She sat up, nearly straddling me, and looked down at me.
I—no…no, you aren't.
I was glad I didn't have to speak to Cerila because I doubted I'd ever be able to get a single word out of my mouth. It felt like a dagger had been plunged through my icy heart and twisted around. It felt even worse than when I was talking to Mom. My head went numb, and a weird feeling blanketed my body.
She shook her head and stopped me from signing again.
Cerila leaned back down and rested her body on top of mine. She ran a slim cold finger across the scar on my chest, and I realized she was also drawing symbols in Elvish.
Writing out the words took some time, but I was so entranced I didn't stop her. I didn't even have the strength to respond. My body felt weak and tired as if all my fatigue was crushing me, forcing me to remain motionless. Perhaps her pheromones were the reason? Some kind of…side effect or withdrawal.
Or maybe…I…
Cerila took my silence as her cue to continue. She nestled her head on my chest, and I could feel her hot breath and the warmth of her body spreading over me.
"Huh?"
Cerila raised an eyebrow at me but continued smiling. She must have felt my chest move and made a sound I hadn't intended. I looked her in the eyes and saw a tear rolling down her face. She rolled off to the side of my chest, still remaining close to me and pressing her body against mine.
Her beautiful snow-white hair spilled out in waves on my shoulder and the pillow. Her white skin was tinged with red all over, and her long ears flopped side to side. It was a mesmerizing sight. If it weren't for this conversation…I'd genuinely be lost in her amber eyes.
Cerila extended her hands high up into the air and began signing.
She rested her head on my shoulder, and I could feel the warm streams of tears pooling on my skin.
This sounds like…what almost happened to me…
Cerila was crying now, she was making weird noises, but nothing was funny about it. It was almost like a primal sort of emotion…she was just bawling like a newborn.
I grabbed Ceril's hands, and she looked at me in shock. Even I was somewhat surprised by my action….I hadn't done that consciousnessly…I just did it without thinking. I was tired of hearing her cry…it made my heart ache. Cerila didn't deserve this hate; she needed somebody far better than me.
Of course…she couldn't say anything to defend herself. At that time, she was a child and didn't have her tablet to communicate with people. Her lack of speech only exiled her even more while her grieving sister directed all her frustrations at Cerila, an easy target that nobody would be able to defend.
A sense of calm washed over me. I explained.
I turned my face to see her better, and a bitter smile was plastered on her beautiful, doll-like face. She blushed and ran a finger across one of my ears.
A shock ran down my spine, and my heart skipped a beat. I just nodded my head in agreement. Cerila didn't say anything else as she sent a gust of wind magic to blow the candle out and nestled closer to me. It must have taken her mere moments to fall asleep as her breathing became slow and steady, and her eyes closed. I was amazed at how fast she could fall asleep…I suppose she had a long day as well.
My head hit the pillow, and I just stared into the dark ceiling. My mind was running at a million miles an hour, yet I couldn't focus on anything. I controlled my breathing so I could steady my racing heart and hopefully fall asleep but to no avail.
What the hell am I going to do?
Just then, I heard my door open, no knock or anything. My neck snapped, and I caught a little shadow waddling over to me. They came to my side, and my Dragon eye allowed me to see a pair of sleepy blue eyes looking right at me.
Mila just stood there, and when I observed her face, I wondered if she was even conscious. There was a listlessness to her eyes and the way she walked. "Mila?" I whispered, doing my best not to wake Cerila.
Mila didn't say a word as she grabbed ahold of my arm and used it as a ladder, climbing up to my side. She forced herself in between my side and the bed, and it only took a few seconds for her to start snoring.
…
Do Beastmen have a natural ability to fall asleep quickly? I suppose Mila does tend to fall asleep quickly, but I always subscribed that to her being a slave. Good sleep was a luxury, and we had to get as much as we could when possible. I guess Cerila used to fall asleep quickly as well…and they both have a disposition to waking up early.
Well…today was a day to remember. A day that requires some deep thought to work through. I'll…think about it tomorrow after my workout with Varnir and Sylas.