Two things.
1. Important update at the end of this chapter. Please read it as it talks about Ko-Fi and the change of schedule.
2. The issues with Stripe have been resolved, and it will continue to be an available payment option on Ko-Fi.
I'll see you guys on September 5th 6-9am PST.
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I wiped my face clean and then used the same towel to clean the steam off the mirror. It took a few tries, but I was finally looking at a familiar yet… different face.
The man looking at me in the mirror looked a lot like me…but also looked very different.
Somehow someway, with whatever Chaos magic wizardry the Dragon used, I'm still alive today, and my body has changed because of it. I've grown taller and slightly larger than I was before in overall musculature. And I somehow look a bit older despite it only being three months.
No, older isn't the right word. I don't really know how to put it.
I looked my body over, tilted my head to the side a few times, and stretched my arms. I somehow also managed not to become a stick despite being bedridden for three months. But come to think of it, I'll be turning fifteen in this world.
Fifteen in this world…huh? It's really been that long?
When I really think about it, am I nearly fifteen? Or am I about thirty? I mean, physically, I'm…wait…am I even fifteen physically? I mean, technically, by this world's standards, I would be. But if I were to use my old life's way of thinking…I'd be nearing seventeen since this world has two additional months to a year.
I suppose that makes some sense…but it also begs the question of why it took me so long to go through puberty. Was I really that much of a late bloomer, or is this Child of Chaos thing really affecting me?
Damn overgrown lizards and their black magic.
I grumbled to myself like an old man as I rubbed my stomach where my brand new…scar…thing…was. I wasn't really sure what to call this as it wasn't quite a scar, but it also wasn't normal. My skin color had changed ever so slightly where the Dragon had impaled me. The tissue color had taken on a more…gray appearance than my usual light brown.
We weren't sure why that was, and by we, I mean everyone who tried to take a look at me. Sylvia had healed me and nearly cried when she realized she couldn't fix it. She said there was nothing wrong, and I had to agree. I felt fine.
The coloring is a little different, but it's not like I'm some kind of monster. It just looks…odd. The longer I stare at it, the more I think something is off, but it's not bringing me any kind of pain or discomfort, so there is nothing to worry about. I hope.
But the actual monster part lies within my eye socket.
Staring back at me in the mirror was an eye that was definitely not mine…well, it was mine now, I guess. Once again, during the process of saving my soul, it seems Qylrenth gave me a parting gift in the form of a new eye.
I pulled my eyelid down and examined my new sclera. The whites of my eye were now a muted gray, and unlike the wound on my stomach, it looked very unnatural. If somebody only saw this part of my eye, they would probably believe I was ill and harbored some kind of weird disease.
The gray coloring of my sclera was the last thing people were going to look at.
My left eye had been changed into that of a Chaos Dragon, as long as all Chaos Dragons had purple eyes, that is. My usual pupil was gone, and a long, lizard-like slit was in its place. My eye even dilated like a lizard now, and the purple in my eye seemed to have gotten a bit darker. And that's only the start of things.
Without messing with mana enhancement, I now had telescopic eyes essentially, like a bird. If I focused hard enough, my eyes vision would—gah!
I covered my eye and bent over the counter as a white-hot pain seared my brain. I steadied my breathing and waited for my hand to stop shaking from the pain. I hadn't felt pain like this in a long time, and it was intense and often sudden. My brain must not be used to the new sensory data my new eye can provide, and it's overloading me. Using my new organ was going to take time and practice…unfortunately.
Who would have thought shoving a Dragon eye into an Elf would cause somebody pain…so was my eye always a Dragon eye…or did Qylrenth give me his eye? Perhaps he made this new eye for me? Or is it just a byproduct of chaos magic?
I groaned again, stood up straight, and figured I would get one more practice session before bed. All of this pain would be worth it in the long run, and the sooner I mastered it, the better. I was tired and mentally and physically exhausted. Tonight was going to be one of those nights where my head touched the pillow, and I passed out instantly; I could already feel it.
I took some deep breaths and exhaled slowly. I focused on the mana lying within my solar plexus and began guiding it into my limbs. Doing this used to be a challenge, but it's become second nature over the years. I can walk, fight, drink, and sleep while effortlessly enhancing myself with mana. My mana control over my body has grown to levels where I like to think I was a master.
Everyone's mana apparently felt different to them, but my mana felt like warm water coursing through my body. I closed my eyes and visualized my mana circulating through my veins and to the tips of my fingers. From there, I began to focus on a new channel of sorts…a channel to my Dragon eye.
I hadn't ever felt its presence before, and it took me a few days to find it, but after some meditative sessions, I managed to enhance this new eye. And by doing so, I entered a whole new world.
The colors in my right eye became muted, everything seemed to lose its life, and things began to blend together, so I shut it. When I first went through this process, I instantly vomited onto myself and nearly passed out from the excruciating pain this brought on. Sylvia had to stay right beside me and heal me while I entered this state. But after a few days, the pain subsided, and the vomit-inducing feeling in my stomach went away.
I took a deep breath and opened my right eye once more. The colors were still muted, and what I could see from it could no longer be considered normal by any stretch. I wasn't even sure what to call this type of vision. Thermal? No. Night Vision? No, although my vision at night in my new eye is significantly better now. I suppose this new type of vision needs a name…how about Chaos Vision?
On second thought, that sounds really bad. So maybe I just won't give it a name… or maybe just Dragon Vision or something…
I finished my grumbling and looked back into the mirror. In my Dragon eye, I saw nothing, just a blank scene of shapes and colors that were indescribable. I knew the mirror and wall were in front of me as I could see them with my regular eye.
However, if I focused hard enough, I could make out white lines in the shape of runes, they spread out through the entire palace, and nearly every wall had a handful of runes in sequences. In my reflection, I could see a small wispy trail of purple leaking from my eye. It reminded me of Avasta's eyes, but the infant version.
As I allowed more mana into my Dragon eye, the glow increased, and I could begin to see more. And by more…I could see through walls in a sense, just with a lot of restrictions. I couldn't make out individual rooms or hallways, not even furniture or rugs. It all just looked like one blob. I was hoping to overcome those restrictions one day, but it would probably take some practice.
Through the walls of this room and in the outside hallway, I could see a white outline in the shape of a person. I knew it to be one of the Praetorian Guards waiting outside, so I decided to make him the focus of my practice. At the center of the man's weird white outline, the effect was at its brightest…does that even make sense to me? It sort of does.
Trying to make sense of this new magic vision with conventional words is… difficult. This kind of sight is most definitely not made for mortals, let alone me. I may be the first non-Chaos Dragon to ever see the world like this. Calling this brightness, brightness wasn't quite right either. I believe…I felt that what I was looking at was the soul itself, or at the very least mana…which I think is the soul.
And I'm confident that I'm right about this. So maybe Soul Sight is a good term? Yeah…that sounds better.
When Grandpa taught me about magic, I learned that all living things have mana, and from what I can see, that appears to be true. Plants, people, and even the grass I walk on have this glowing white quality to them.
I was also taught that magic is just a living thing using its life force to create phenomena that, and, in a sense, also appeared to be true. And if you couldn't see what I can see, you could probably go your whole life thinking just that, but with this new eye, I can see much more.
Mana isn't just mana…some weird ethereal substance in people's bodies that allows them to cast Fireballs and make them stronger. No, it's connected….wait connected isn't right either; it's just the wrong word for it. Mana is the soul, and the soul is mana.
Gah…I feel like a scatterbrained fool trying to make sense of all this.
What people are using to cast magic or enhance themselves appears to be their souls. So if the solar plexus is the center of the soul and the soul spreads out from there…it makes sense as the further away you get, the weaker the soul seems to get.
How and why does this work? I have absolutely no idea. The concept of a soul was always a novelty to me. In my previous life, I would have said that souls don't exist but after being reborn…I had to wonder if that were true.
Now that I had died for a second time and had my soul saved and put back together using magic which is essentially somebody else's soul…everything sort of makes sense now. That's why using too much mana can kill someone. It's the physical manifestation of your soul being drained, and going overboard can kill your very being…your soul.
I exhaled and refocused, feeling the mana in my eye slipping away. For all intents and purposes, this man's soul was above average. I would say he had the soul of a Ruby adventurer; even then, I wasn't sure if that was accurate. I've been examining a lot of souls recently, and the only difference I can see is how "strong" the soul is and how it appears to manifest itself, as everyone is different.
This man's soul, in particular, seems to manifest as wind or an air current, at least that's what it reminds me of. From the center of his bright chest, his soul seeps out into his extremities like air filling up a gorge. The "strength" of his soul seems to waver around his elbows and knees, and from there, it gets weaker, although still very present.
From what I've managed to gather, ordinary people's souls seem to stay locked in their solar plexus and only ever seep out on command via forming a spell core or using mana enhancement. In the case of this guard, he is most likely passively enhancing his body without even thinking, and if he were to force mana from his core, he would light up like a lightbulb.
However, in doing so, his soul doesn't get stronger…he's just forcing more of it out…I guess. When I looked at Mila's soul, it seems most children's souls appear relatively tiny compared to others. Why is that the case? I don't see any reason…are children somehow less alive than adults? What makes a soul bigger and stronger? How do souls get bigger and stronger? I can't seem to tell…time appears to be the only answer I have for now.
Unless there is more I just can't see yet?
I looked down at my own hands, and I could see my bright soul there. Like I thought, my soul, seems to manifest as a current of moving water that spreads to the end of my fingertips and even seeps out from my body. It reminds me of the bottom of a waterfall and has that misty white appearance. But there was something else, tiny tendrils of black wrapped around my soul in various places…
My soul was bright, and I was happy to note that I was far above average, probably around Sapphire in terms of adventurer rankings. However, my mana pool had grown since being brought back to life by the Dragon, and I'd say although I'm a Sapphire in terms of…soul power or whatever, I was nearing that of an Emerald.
My soul was bright enough that if I stared too long, it began to hurt my eye and head, so I had to look away. But even with this, my soul was nothing in comparison to the soul of a War God.
When I was training a few days ago, I had accidentally looked up at Bowen, and for my mistake, I fell to the floor, unconscious, before I could even register the pain. Bowen, and from what I can tell, all War God or Emerald level individuals' souls are enormous and bright like the sun. Looking into them causes me an extreme amount of agony. I suppose Avasta was right about not looking at her…I would have died if I had, and it was thanks to a Chaos Dragon scale she had wrapped around my head that I couldn't see her using my eye.
This makes me wonder if Chaos Dragons have some kind of anti-magic scales. I suppose I can find out about that soon.
I blinked a few times to clear my head and looked down at my stomach. I felt a bit of nausea looking at myself, and where everyone's soul was a bright white…the place where I had been impaled was now an inky black. It was almost like somebody had cut a hole out of my soul and replaced it with…what felt like the void.
It sort of reminds me of a warp point…
Whenever I stared into that spot specifically, I got the impression I was back in that endless void of death. It was a sickening feeling that assaulted my mind. It felt wrong.
And the worst part was I wasn't the only person with this void…soul…thing. Sylvia had it too.
But hers manifested differently than mine. Actually, Sylvia's entire soul appeared entirely different from everyone else's. I wasn't sure if it was a Sylvia thing or not, but I was leaning towards it being more of a Vampire thing.
Sylvia's soul looked like bright lines of white that left from the center of her chest. It was almost like her soul had been compacted into thick metal cables. And those metal cables were periodically sheathed in black void coverings.
It was almost like…the void was constricting her soul…or holding it together…or something along those lines. If it was a good or bad thing has yet to be decided as explaining it was…a challenge.
I shook my head as I remembered the moment Sylvia asked me what I saw. The words choked me up, and I didn't have the heart to tell her what I had witnessed. I didn't want her to feel like a monster for something she had no control over. I told her I would "figure out" what I saw and let her know. She wasn't too happy with that explanation, but she thankfully didn't press me on it.
I shook my head free of those thoughts again and pushed more mana into my eye as I looked at the guard. Since his soul didn't blind me, I figured using it to train would be ideal. I had been using Mila's for safety reasons, but I felt I could venture further today.
Putting more mana into my eye did something, but whatever that something was, I couldn't make sense of it. So I decided to change tactics and used the physical side of my Dragon eye to go into telescoping view mode. It felt like I saw more, but… I just…was…I—getting…
Grahh!
I let out a yell as I dug my fingers into my arm, drawing blood. I snapped out of my trance and cut off all mana from my Dragon eye while wrapping the towel around my head. A deep numbing pain attacked my head, and I felt about ready to vomit as I steadied myself using the counter as vertigo slapped me like a train.
So…that's what happens, huh?
Avasta had warned me not "gaze into the abyss for too long," and now I understood what that meant. Focusing too much on a person's soul and trying to go deeper like that was…not good. People were not meant to see these things let alone go into the depths of a person's soul.
I rubbed the back of my neck, and I could feel my hair standing up. I had goosebumps, and I felt cold. What I had just done was a big no no…this was not a normal feeling…I'm not normal…I…I…
Splash.
I doused my face with water and let out a tired sigh. I was mentally cornering myself with all this soul crap while on edge. I just needed to get some damn sleep.
I grabbed the silky black robe from the hook and slipped into it. It was heavenly on the skin as it was so smooth, and the golden flakes on the stitches were beautiful. I tossed the door open to the bedroom and let out another sigh, this time more in annoyance than anything.
Why the hell is this room so big? Why is this bed…this damn big?
This room was probably half the size of my house in Syn'nari, and the bed took up almost 40% of it. It was just one giant white circle in a sea of red. A black canopy draped from the ceiling, and a servant had lit the fireplace. The room was massive, so during the winter, it probably took two of the four fireplaces just to warm it along with the Dwarven runes.
I ignored the water lying on the table that had been set out for me and just drank some from my ring. With that, I grabbed the blanket and pillow and crawled on all fours like a child towards the center of the bed. I figured if I were sleeping in this monstrosity of a mattress, I might as well experience it for what it's worth. I can't ever see myself buying such a massive bed…can one even consider this to be a bed anymore?
I flopped on my back, and I felt my fatigue roll over me. It was almost as warm as this mana weave blanket I had wrapped around me. The pillow was as soft as a cloud, and I sank into the depths of comfort within moments. Maybe…this bed isn't so bad at all. I'll be asleep in no time.
Knock.
Knock.
I'm going to scream.
I shot up from my bed like a corpse rising from the grave. I forced mana into my sore Dragon eye and stopped the grumbles threatening to leave my chest. Standing in front of the door was a soul, as that's all I could tell. When using this Soul Sight, I couldn't discern a person's gender just by appearance. I could make an educated guess on the outline's rough size, but that is only a guess. However…I had examined this soul before.
What is she doing here?
I left the comfort of my bed and crawled over to the door. I threw it open more aggressively than I intended…I blame it on my fatigue and slight annoyance. The person let out a small squeal of surprise, and I looked down at her in confusion.
"Ren? What's the matter? Why are you wearing a cloak like some kind of assassin, mhm?" I asked her, my voice tired.
The second princess of Luminar was covered head to to—…well, knee in a black cloak. She wasn't even wearing shoes. And why—oof.
"Re—! Hey?! What are you—" I shouted as she barreled into me.
Ren just dropped her head and even put mana into her arm as she shoved me into the room, where she quickly stepped in and slammed the door behind her. I took a few steps back from her as she was acting odd, and I had no idea what to expect from her.
Is she actually going to try and hurt me? Cause a scene? Have the Dragonslayer either kill or be killed by a princess? I…don't understand.
"Ren? Talk to me about what is going on?" I asked her cautiously.
She started walking forward while keeping her face and body covered by the black cloak, and I continued to back up until I hit the edge of the bed. "Ren! If you don't answer me—eh?"
Ren tossed the cloak off her in one swift motion; what lay underneath was not what I had expected. To put it simply, Ren was wearing what could only be described as…well…women's nightwear. And I couldn't help but feel confused and stare. Nearly all of Ren's fit and athletic body was exposed. Her soft flesh was flushed slightly, and it showed on her face as well.
Only her most intimate bits were covered by an ever-so-thin layer of soft pink fabric, and covering was a generous term as I could see just about everything regardless. Pink leather straps connected the bottom part to the top and wrapped around her legs. The straps were fastened far too tight, making her flesh slightly red as it dug into her muscular skin.
Is she…oiled up? Why is her skin shining like that? And was she always this fit? I can count her abs.
"D—d—do you like what you see?" she stammered out nervously.
Yes. Wait…that thought came too quickly and easily. Focus, Kaladin, this is not normal Ren behavior.
I pointed a finger at Ren. "You better start explaining yourself, Ren. What are you doing here? Why are you doing this?"
Ren seemed to shrink on herself even more as she was blushing furiously. Her entire face was bright pink all the way to her ears, and I could feel the heat rolling off her from here. Not to mention the intoxicating smells of perfume and…well, Ren.
"I—I—" Ren stopped herself short and shot out at me.
I grabbed her first hand, and I was going to attempt to toss her onto the bed, but she barreled into me again. I sprawled out onto the bed and wrapped my legs around her waist into a guard position, eliciting a yelp of surprise from her.
I tugged her arm forward, and she fell into me but pressed off of me with a mana-enhanced push. I kept my legs wrapped around her, and she looked down at me with confused sky-blue eyes as she scanned my face. "You…you are supposed to be—" Ren quickly covered her mouth, and then it all clicked.
"I'm supposed to be drugged, aren't I?" I asked her calmly. Ren looked around the room, but I compressed her sides with my legs. "Answer me, Ren."
She squeezed her eyes tight and let her body drop onto mine. "No—no…not at all! I…want you, Vok—Kaladin," she said in a shaky voice.
I let go of her hand and wormed myself back and out, but she kept on trying to chase me down. I put a little more mana into my body and separated us by placing a foot into her stomach. I didn't hit her or force my foot into her. I just kept her at bay.
I looked Ren over one more time and sighed. It was dark in this room, but the fireplace light illuminated her now. I could see that her pupils were dilated, and her chest was rising and falling a little too much for someone who's supposed to be in as good of shape as her.
Ren must have consumed some of that drug herself. I can smell a hint of alcohol on her breath as well.
She was just sitting back on her knees with her eyes shut tightly. "Ren, I'm only going to say this once, so you better listen," I told her firmly. "If you don't get a grip on yourself, we are going to have a problem. I will assume there is something seriously wrong with you, and I'll have to take appropriate actions. Do you understand what I am saying?"
I watched Ren for a few moments, and the sniffles came before the tears. She kept her eyes shut, but it couldn't stop the water from running down her face.
I can't catch a break today, can I? I'm shooting for a new record of making girls cry in a single day.
Ren sniffled again and wiped her tears and snot with her arm. "I—I…failed. I… I failed again…and again…I…" she said weakly.
I stood up on the bed and walked over to her. I patted her on the head… her hair is so soft…never mind. "You were destined to fail the moment you walked in," I told her honestly.
"I! I told her Lauren would have done a better job," she said in between sobs.
Now that's a scary thought.
Lauren would have been way more aggressive and forward than her sister. If it came down to it, I would rather not hurt either of them. And I already had a taste of one member of the Maxwell royal family tonight, and that about did me in.
What can I say? I'm a growing boy, and when a beautiful woman climbs up on me like that, it's difficult not to get excited…I mean…that's normal, right?
"She may have only fared slightly better," I said half-heartedly.
Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say as Ren began sobbing uncountably. "It's because I'm hideous and manly! Everyone says I'm too much like a boy and that—"
I dropped down and sat next to her. "That's not true. Any man would be lucky to have a beautiful girl like you show up at their door. And I do mean that, by the way."
Ren opened her eyes for a split second and began slowly reaching out to me. "Then—"
I stopped her by suddenly jolting forward a little, and she immediately recoiled away with a squeal. I could only sigh. "Listen, Ren. I don't think anyone has ever really tried to seduce me before, and although I have no experience, I believe a major tenet for that is not to be deathly afraid of the person you are trying to seduce." Ren isn't just nervous. She is downright afraid… afraid of me.
As she should be. I'm the monster that tore her friend's head off.
She didn't even refute my words as she shrank in on herself. Her shoulders slumped, and she buried her face in her arms. Ren tried to muffle her moans and sobbing, but it wasn't very effective.
I summoned my trusty blanket from my adventurer's pack and wrapped it around her—the thing smelled like a permanent campfire which right now was a blessing. Smelling Ren as she is now makes me confused, and I need to focus on something else.
"Ren, I know your mother put you up to this, and I want you to know you stood no chance. Not even your sister would have succeeded tonight," I told her.
"Why?" she said, her voice muffled by her arms.
"Because I absolutely refuse to be used as a tool for somebody else's gain. And I won't let someone else use those close to me either."
This must have been the Queen's plan all along.
I must have said that with a bit too much conviction as Ren looked at me from the side. Her shaking had stopped, but the fear was still there in her beautiful eyes. "Besides, you should live the life you want, Ren. You only get one chance at this thing called life, so you should spend that chance on the things you want to do…not what others want you to do. And this…this is the type of stuff you should be doing with somebody you actually care about. Not some random man you met only a few months ago who turned out to be somebody very different than you had anticipated."
"But you aren't some random man," she argued weakly.
"I am. You barely even know me, Ren," I told her flat out.
Ren shrank away from the harshness in my voice but looked me in the face. "That's!—" Ren stopped herself, and her shoulders slumped while she averted her eyes as she gazed into the fireplace.
"That's right," I finished.
A long silence blanketed us. The only sound was Ren's muffled crying as she tried to hold back tears and the crackling of the fireplace. I wanted to say this was awkward, but in a way, it was sort of nice. I wish I were asleep right now, but that's neither here nor there. Even though Ren is in tears, I feel like a bit of tension has been lifted off of her.
She shuffled on the bed and started crawling away slowly towards the door. "Where do you think you're going?" I asked.
Ren looked back at me with puffy eyes. I saw a mixture of fear and confusion, vying for which one should be the lead emotion. Eventually, she just looked at me with pleading eyes, so I returned her gaze.
"If you were to leave right now, wouldn't it cause problems with your mother? I'm aware you are here on her orders and that you can't deny her. But if you walk out of this room tonight, it would be an admittance of failure, right?" I looked at Ren again, and she stared off into the carpet. "You can stay here for the night. Say what you want, lie to your mother if you have to. I don't really care. It may be even better for me if you do. But I was serious about you living the life you want, and if this helps you, then so be it. I have nothing to prove to anyone," I said honestly.
Ren slowly looked at me, confusion and concern on her face. "But…didn't you just say nobody will ever use you? If I lied…I would be using you?"
I nodded my head at her words. "I suppose you're right, huh? Well, I guess if it's on my terms, I don't mind. I know things have been…rough between us recently, primarily due to my actions, but I don't hate you, Ren. I never did. I don't even hate your mother or father or Lauren. I know your mother is trying to do what's best for her country, and although I disagree with it, I can't blame her for it."
That doesn't mean I'm happy about it either, but…that's another thing. I can deal with the queen in other ways.
Ren looked at me then the bed, and started looking around the room some more. I could tell she was still nervous, so I removed a pillow from my ring and tossed it at her. "The bed's big enough for…like twenty of us. If I sleep on one side, I probably won't even hear your breathing," I said with a smile.
Ren squeezed the pillow and started crawling back toward me. I crawled towards my pillow and blanket, grabbed them, and headed towards a corner. I felt like a damn idiot crawling around on a bed but walking on it just felt wrong.
Come to think of it…this bed is probably made for a lot of people in mind huh…what did Mayor Sandervile say about imperial prostitutes that one day…
I wrapped myself up in the blanket, fluffed my pillow, and laid down with another long sigh. Today has been far too long. And it needed to be over. Just when I was about to drift off to sleep, I heard somebody shuffling across the bed.
"Ren…what are you doing," I huffed, unable to hide the annoyance in my voice.
"Doing what I want," she whispered while laying down.
She wasn't on top of me, but when I rolled over, she was within half an arm's distance. She looked at me for a long time, and I could hear her swallow her saliva multiple times. Her breathing was still erratic, but she appeared to have calmed down a bit.
"Voker—I mean—"
"It's fine. You can call me what you'd like," I groaned.
The sheets made a funny noise as her hair slid across them. She frowned at me. "No, that's not right. It's not your name, Kaladin." I shrugged at her honest response, and for the first time in a long while, it felt like I was speaking to Ren again. "I'm sorry, Kaladin…I didn't know…I never thought you would be that boy Adria talked about all those years ago," she said weakly.
"It's okay. The whole point was for no one to know."
A long silence filled the room, and for a moment, I thought Ren was done talking to me, but she let out a deep sigh."You weren't acting normal…what…what was wrong with you that night?" she asked me hesitantly.
"I was on drugs. It's a mixture I use for combat. My Dark Elf blood allows me to use Berserker Caps to a certain extent. Sylas helped me iron out the mixture, and it…made me a little more aggressive than I would have liked," I admitted.
She closed her eyes and opened them slowly. "I'm sorry that I've been treating you so…poorly."
"I don't blame you, Ren. I had no idea you were going to be there that night. If I had known, perhaps I would have gone about things differently," I told her.
She suddenly scooted closer to me, a look of annoyance on her face. But it quickly vanished into a sad look. "No, that's not right. You saved me…and Lauren. I…nobody has ever told me that they would protect me before…you were the first person," she mumbled.
I shifted a bit since she was close enough that I could feel her hot breath on my face. "Is that so? Well…I'm…eh…maybe I protected you one way, but I also hurt you in another. I'm…sorry….for what you had to witness."
"But you did protect me!" she squeaked. Ren covered her mouth and looked at me apologetically, but I waved her concern away. "Sorry…but you did protect me. If it weren't for you…I…Lauren…we would have been…"
Ren trailed off, and a pained look entered her eyes. Tears welled up again, and she sniffled once or twice. It must have been a traumatic experience, and I only exacerbated it.
"I'm sorry for making things worse for you. In hindsight, I should have knocked you out. I was afraid if you slept, you may have died."
Ren shook her head again. "No! That's…that's not right. You told Lauren that we shouldn't disagree with your methods, and we agreed! You…you were right in the end. Just like Sylvia was…"
I raised an eyebrow at that. "Oh? And what did Sylvia say about me?"
Ren had a far-off look in her eyes, but she was looking at my chest. "She told us we didn't understand you…that we could never understand you, and she was right. Those scars…you were a slave…Adria's slave…the things that happened to you…you were separated from your family, weren't you? I…I should have figured it out sooner, and I would have helped you!"
It looked like Ren was somehow turning the blame on herself. Not sure how she came to that line of thought, but it was very much like her. Ren always seemed like the type of person who be the scapegoat if you asked her.
"Don't beat yourself up over it, Ren. None of this is your fault. You just happened to have been caught in the middle of it," I said softly.
Ren let out a noise that sounded like she was deflating. I wasn't sure what the right words were in this conversation. Do I continue to apologize? Do I just keep telling her things are okay? Do I just let things be?
No…I don't like how things are right now.
"I know you are afraid of me, Ren. And I want you to know that I don't hold it against you. I'm a terrifying man, and I do horrifying things from time to time. Maybe now you can see why I do the things that I do, but that's only a small glimpse into me. But…I also want you to know that despite all of this, I don't think any less of you. I once told your sister I'd rather be her friend than an enemy. And for you, I hope I won't scare you anymore…and that you and I can be friends again... just like we used to be."
"Can we ever go back to how things used to be?" Ren mumbled.
"Probably not. But Voker Winterheart is dead now. So we can retry with Kaladin Shadowheart, right?" I said, trying to sound playful.
Ren rubbed her eyes and groaned. "You…you really are a goofy person at heart, huh? Do you even mean to be like this?"
"Sometimes," I chuckled.
Ren giggled and closed her eyes. "Okay…let's start over, Kaladin."
"As you command, My Liege—gah, hey…"
"Shut up!" she squealed while kicking me in the leg. "Please don't call me that…When I think about earlier, I already want to crawl into a hole and die."
"Is that so? How do you think I felt?"
"You probably enjoyed it!" Ren shot back.
"Maybe a little," I laughed. "Hey, I've been meaning to ask you something. I remember your brother giving some vague reason as to why you didn't go to Sandervile with him."
Ren blushed and hid her face in her pillow. "Please, I beg you…don't bring that up."
Oh?
"Well, now I have to know. What happened?" I asked.
Ren exposed one of her blue eyes and looked at me. "Well…you see…I…uh…I may or may not have snuck away on a boat with my master to The Mists."
"You what? Did you actually do that?" I asked, surprised.
"Yeah…it's a long story…" Ren said with an embarrassed sigh.
But despite sighing, she had no problem telling me her story. She seemed to have genuinely enjoyed the trip. She said it was full of danger and adventure, and going to The Mists for an entire year was one of the most fun experiences of her life. Ren was brimming with excitement as she recounted the tale.
But uh, she forgot to tell me about her punishment when she returned and when I asked, she flat out ignored me.
The two of us ended up talking for a long while. We mostly talked about insignificant things like my life. I told her about my adventure when my group fought the bandits, and we switched to what Ren had been doing for the last few months. It was just general small talk about this and that. We seemed to have silently agreed not to bring up any heavy topics for the rest of the night.
Ren and I hadn't spoken to each other like this in months…it was a relief. I could tell she was nervous all night, but as we kept talking after her story, that layer of fear began to melt away from her, and exhaustion slowly set in. She literally stopped talking in the middle of a sentence and started snoring.
And it wasn't long before I joined her.
---
Good morning people. It's the end of August which marks a little over a year since I strated writing. Time sure does fly, huh? Thanks again for joining me on this journey, and I hope you guys are ready for another year of content.
I've got some news that I'm sure will make a few of you sad, maybe even a bit angry. But sadly, school comes first. Some of you may have joined me this summer, but there have been times when I need to cut back on chapters to focus on life/school, and now is that time. So until further notice, chapters will be released every Monday.
I'm in the second half of my junior year, and my upper division classes are sadly taking more of my time. Not to mention I have to go to class in person Monday-Thursday, which sucks a lot of my time. Last semester I was still entirely online, so I could manage my time better, but that isn't the case anymore.
So this was just a long-winded explanation to say that I'm dropping to one chapter a week across the board. I'm sorry, but it is what it is, especially since the story is a bit slow right now(And is going to remain slow). When summer rolls around in a few months, I'm sure I'll be back to a different schedule. And there is a chance my program might change in the spring with new classes that won't eat all my time, so who knows? (And maybe my school won't change my damn schedule two weeks before the semester and ruin all my plans.)
On the bright side, for some of you, I'm keeping my promise about upping every tier on Ko-Fi to have an extra chapter. It may have taken me a bit longer than I wanted, but hey, I got it in before the end of August :D
Thanks again, everyone.