Kaladin Shadowheart's POV
"Voker… you don't have to do all of this, you know?" Sylvia asked from the couch.
I stopped cleaning and looked over at her. "What do you mean? I'm just cleaning."
"Well… yeah, I know that… I'm just sorry that I don't clean all that much," she muttered.
"Then clean more if you want to? And honestly, I don't mind if you do or don't. You don't make any messes outside of your room, so I have no complaints," I said with a shrug.
Sylvia doesn't consume food regularly, so she doesn't leave much waste behind. If she does make any messes, it's contained to her personal room, which is her business. We both do our own laundry as well so what is there to complain about?
At least that's what I was thinking, but it doesn't seem that Sylvia agrees with me. She is just staring off behind me while she tries to think of something to do but in reality… I don't believe Sylvia has ever cleaned a house or room in her entire life.
I sighed. "If you want something to do, you can do my laundry with yours and we can just call everything even. How about that?"
Sylvia flashed me a smile, but it quickly turned to a look of concern. "What about your clothes? Do you do your laundry a certain way? What if I ruin something?"
"A certain way? No, I just prefer my clothes clean, that's all. So you can leave the clean clothes in the basket in the bathroom," I told her.
Even though each of our rooms had toilets and washrooms, the bathroom was shared, most likely for plumbing reasons. Or I wonder if that's because of the twins? Assassinating a princess in the bathroom would be easier… so if they had to share one, wouldn't it increase the odds of a mistake happening? Mmm…
Anyways.
"Are you feeling better?" I asked playfully.
Sylvia sighed and chuckled slightly. "Just peachy. The big bad monster really did a number on me…" Sylvia said while rolling her eyes with a smile and patting her stomach.
Sylvia was offered two weeks off of school to "recover" after a monster attacked her during the training course. Of course, Sylvia was in no real danger as she was able to heal herself instantly, but she had to play along so as not to reveal her Vampire healing powers. So she took half a week off for appearance's sake and would be starting school again after the break.
The monster in question was a Drone Knight, the giant shield-carrying insect that I fought in the forest way back when and down in the dungeon. Sylvia had run into Lauren and Ren fighting the monster and decided to step in. The Drone Knight was strong, far stronger than any monster that was supposed to be on the kill list for the test.
Sylvia jumped in front of Lauren and took a direct hit on her stomach. If it was anyone else, there was a good chance they would have died from the wound. Sylvia had told me that the twins were also on the brink of defeat.
And this raised more questions than answers.
Why was that Drone Knight there? Was it an accident? Did some adventurer put it into the dungeon? Who in the school let it happen? And was it a coincidence that it just so happened to be in the Princesses' area of the dungeon and one of the first monsters they ran into?
Highly unlikely. So far, this University hasn't made a single mistake. I doubt Bowen and even Professor Garrison would allow such a fatal and possibly catastrophic "accident" to occur.
Sylvia and I already talked about this and were of the same mind. Everything about this screamed assassination plot. And judging by the increase in security in our hallway, we aren't alone in our thoughts. I believe I counted ten Praetorian Guards and two dismounted Royal Gryphon mages in the hallway.
Even better for us. Nobody is going to make it past those guys. Every single one of them is at least a Sapphire-ranked adventurer.
I was going to ask Sylvia about them, but she was just staring at me with a satisfied smile. I felt slightly embarrassed, but at the same time, I had something on my mind that I'd been meaning to ask her. So I sat down in the chair across from her and took off my mask so she could see my face.
"Sylvia, can I ask you a serious question?"
Sylvia was surprised at first, but she quickly stood up straighter on the couch and held my gaze. "What is it?"
I've noticed it over time, and I'm almost sure she is doing it to protect me. I know I'm not the best with people, and sometimes if people aren't outright hostile to me, I can be slightly too trusting. Even more so if I've decided they aren't threats to me, which so far very few people are. That and the fact that I sort of want friends…
And she only ever does it when I talk to someone for the first time. Then, afterward, she doesn't seem to be so hostile… as long as they don't touch me. Which I don't mind her getting angry about either.
"I've detected something over the last month or so. I've come to my own conclusion as to why but I want to hear it from you directly. I've noticed that you tend to react… negatively… whenever I speak to someone. Why is that?" I asked seriously.
Sylvia's face turned red from embarrassment as her ears flattened to her head. "I uh… well, you see… it's just that… ummm…" Sylvia nervously chuckled to herself, then gave me a strained smile. "You are really putting me on the spot, huh?"
"Just because you asked me a question to my question doesn't mean I forgot what we were talking about, Sylvia…" I said with a warm smile.
"That's not fair! You can't use my own words against me!" she shouted playfully while lightly tossing a pillow at me. "But… I know," she said meekly.
Right back at you, Silly Bloodsucker…
I let the pillow hit my face and then placed it on my lap. "At least you understand."
I was giving Sylvia what I hoped was an expectant look as I didn't partially want her to wiggle out of this question. At the end of the day, I'd never force her since she's never once pushed me to talk about something I didn't want to. But I would at least like some explanation.
"It's… complicated," Slyvia said finally. She twirled her hair in between her fingers and was slightly red in the face, but she took a deep breath and met my gaze. "I know I've been more… extreme recently… and I'm sorry. I—I'm trying really hard not to."
And I've noticed that. More so in the last week. I was also going to ask her to tone it down, but it seems she understands.
"Does that mean I'm not going to get an answer?" I asked.
Sylvia opened her mouth but closed it quickly. She swayed side to side and made a cute little noise. "No… but I swear…no! I promise! That if you ask me when your dad comes… I promise I'll tell you anything you want to know," she said seriously.
Not sure what my dad has anything to do with this conversation but…
"If those are your terms, then so be it. I'll be holding you to that promise, Sylvia," I said firmly but with my best smile.
She gave me a small nod, but I watched her face turn serious quickly. She looked down her nose at me and pouted. "Then I have a question for you!"
"Ask away," I said with a wave of my hand.
"What's bothering you! Something is the matter, and I don't know what it is. You've been acting more…distant recently. And not just to me but to everyone else. Always looking at your hands and staring off into space, more so than usual! I mean, even Lauren and Ren noticed!" Sylvia complained. She raised her voice at me, but it wasn't in anger. She seemed genuinely concerned.
That's right… if anybody is going to understand me. It would be the person who is in the same boat as me.
"I've been having trouble coming to terms with my power… I feel… I feel like a monster when I compare myself to everyone. I'm younger than almost everyone in class yet… not a single one of them can best me… it's not that I regret having this strength… I just… I just wish I didn't need it and—"
I realized I had stopped looking at Sylvia or had even noticed that she had gotten up from her seat. My head was wrapped in Sylvia's arms as she gently ran her fingers through my hair. "I'm sorry, Voker…" she whispered.
"Sorry for what?" I asked. "You didn't do anything wrong…" I muttered.
"I know. But it seems I was just adding to your anxieties so I'm sorry. And I'm just sorry that you have to go through all of this… us… we can never be like them. No matter how hard we try… Ren, Lauren, Varnir, Parker… all of them just don't understand us. And I'm not sure they ever will," she said softly.
I looked up at Sylvia, and she just had a warm smile on her face as she looked down at me. "These people… are nice. Very nice. I've never had friends before, did you know that? I always wanted friends. So it's nice being able to talk to them, but I'm afraid that if they knew who I really was, they would stop being my friend. It pains me even to think they might just outright hate me…"
"Yeah… I understand that feeling," I said.
"So, Voker."
I looked back up into Sylvia's beautiful crimson eyes. "Don't ever call yourself a monster. Because if you are a monster… that makes me one too. Even if everyone hates us in the end, it will all be okay because—"
Knock.
Knock.
"Guess we should get that," I suggested.
Sylvia sighed softly and went to put her mask back on. I placed mine back on as I walked towards the door. Unlocking it from this side was as easy as turning a lever. The giant door slid open with ease revealing a certain princess.
"It's a little late, Ren. Is something the matter?" I asked.
"No… I was hoping that I could talk to Sylvia if that's okay with you," she asked me.
I looked Ren up and down and found her attire to be odd. It was relatively late at night, and she was dressed like she was heading out somewhere. A crimson cloak mostly covered her, but the attire underneath was best described as fashionable hunter wear.
Odd indeed…
"That's not up to me. I don't decide things for her," I said kindly.
Ren gave me a wry smile, and I moved out of the way so she could see Sylvia. Sylvia waved her in and I allowed her by but not before I glanced down the hallway. Every single guard was throwing me death stares, and the two closest to our side had stationed themselves directly outside our door.
Please don't make this a big deal… you know what… I'm just going to leave the door open.
I started walking back to the sitting area, but I didn't even manage another step before Ren looked at me expectantly. I sighed deeply and shut the door behind me, ignoring the guard's glare while just knowing what I was doing was probably a mistake.
Not like I can tell her no.
I sat down on the couch and Ren was still observing me. I wasn't sure what the current look on her face meant. "Is… something the matter?"
"Well… I was hoping that I could talk to Sylvia. Alone… sorry," Ren muttered.
I gave Sylvia a quick glance, and she shrugged slightly. "I see. Then I'll go for a walk."
"I'm sorry, Voker…" Ren apologized.
"It's no big deal. I didn't plan on going to sleep anytime soon anyway. I'll be back," I reassured her.
I went into my room to grab my "clothes," but I already had them in my ring. The thing about Spatial Rings was that there was no discernible difference in appearance between one and some other ring. Sure it looks fancy, but that doesn't matter all that much.
I enjoyed the tingling sensation of Mom's cloak around me and let out a content sigh as my body heat was regulated to the perfect temperature. It's not that I was cold or hot before. This was just a better feeling.
I love it. Love… huh…
Walking out of my room, I gave the two of them a quick wave and left out the front door. Walking past the glaring guards was a bit annoying, but I just ignored them. While in the stairwell, I had come to a realization. I've never gone up in this building before. Perhaps I should give it a look-see.
I crossed back into the center stairwell and made my way up. I passed a few night owl students, but we ignored each other until I found myself at the very top. It was a door to the roof access, and I was surprised to find it unlocked. Opening the door allowed the fresh spring night air to roll in, and I made sure to fill my lungs with it. The scent from the trees carried even up here.
Finding a nice little spot to sit down, I took in the view of Forward University at night. The blue moss lamps that were spread out around the campus gave off a soft blue light that illuminated the walkways. The campus was never that loud, primarily because of the sound dampening runes, but it sometimes gets noisy during busy times. However, right now… it was so quiet.
I gazed up into the night sky and watched the stars twinkle brilliantly. Each of those tiny little splats of light possibly contains life somewhere close to it. Maybe I shouldn't be thinking about that…
I instead turned my eyes towards the moons and… yeah… not those either.
My mind was a total mess. Since I've been sleeping slightly better the last month or so, I thought that I'd be doing better, but that wasn't the case. And when I say sleeping better, I just mean the nightmares are not so bad. Or maybe I've just gotten used to them at this point…
If anything, problems and issues just keep piling up. My earlier conversation about me with Sylvia is still fresh in my mind.
I agree with her… and what she said makes sense. But it doesn't feel good. I can tell myself that I work out because it's good for me or that it's for science. I can keep training my magic and swordsmanship because… well… yeah. Every time I ask myself the question, do I need to keep getting stronger? The answer is always the same.
Yes, I have to. It's the only choice. It's the right choice.
And I hate that it's the right choice.
I'm not sure what to do. I haven't stayed in one place for this long since my time in Sandervile. And even then, I spent every waking moment trying to maintain a facade and find a way out. This is the first time in seven years since I've stayed in one spot willingly… and I just don't know what to do anymore.
So many questions… so many answers…not enough information. I suppose, at the very least, I'll have Sylvia behind me.
Varnir's conversation still lingers in my mind as well. Back then, I felt like things were simple as I hadn't come to any of these realizations yet. So I was excited to talk about something emotional with someone around my age finally.
Then he quickly dashed that excitement away with just a few words. I never realized there was a difference, but I can't deny that he is right. There must be a difference, yet I don't know what it is.
I've felt lust… I can admire someone's beauty, and I feel attracted to those people but… that's not the same. I know it isn't.
Out of all the emotions I've figured out and experienced, why is this one so different? What's the difference? Why is this one so complicated when compared to all the others? How do I know when I've experienced such a feeling?
Can I even love someone…is that a possibility for someone like me…
I ran my fingers through my hair and called out to the person walking up to me. "What's the matter, Princess?"
Lauren let out a high-pitched screech and nearly fell to the ground. She looked at me with a panic-stricken face that turned into a tired yet frustrated smile. "What are you doing! Scaring me like that! And how did you know it was me!" Lauren squealed.
Unlike her sister, Lauren was clearly not expecting guests as she was wearing her pink nightgown and covered her upper body with a lightweight white coat. I shrugged my shoulders and turned my head back towards the campus. "You might not realize it, but there is a difference between someone who learns to walk and someone who is taught to walk," I said simply.
Lauren motioned if she was allowed to take a seat next to me, and I just waved her down. She sat down somewhat closer than I would have liked, but it is what it is. She wiped her lap free of dirt that didn't exist and looked over at me slightly with her swirling green eyes. "So what's this with you making fun of how I walk?"
"I wasn't making fun of you. It's just that you walk differently compared to almost everyone. Most people just learn to walk by watching other people or following their instincts. Unlike you and many others in nobility, you were taught to walk a certain way, weren't you?" I asked.
Lauren hummed to herself and then lightly shrugged her shoulders. "I… never thought about it that way, but I suppose you're right, huh?"
That's why I said it.
"Indeed… so tell me, do your guards know you are up here?" I asked.
Lauren gave me a wry smile. "No, so please don't say anything. I like coming up here to clear my mind and relax. It's hard to do that when everyone is watching me so closely. When people are counting the seconds it takes for me to breathe, it sort of gives me a headache."
"Do they really do that…" I mumbled.
"No! Of course not," Lauren giggled. "Well… at least I don't think they do."
Ouch. Being a royal does not sound like a good time.
"So why are you out here this late, Voker?" Lauren asked me.
"Just wandered up here by chance. I got uninvited from a conversation," I said light-heartedly. I turned slightly towards the princess, and she had a complicated look on her face now. "What about you? You seem… on edge?"
Lauren's eyes went wide for a second but they returned to a neutral state. "Just… getting some air. This assassination attempt is being investigated and I'm tired of being stuck in my damn room."
"So it was one, huh?" I asked.
"Looks like it…" Lauren mumbled.
"Any ideas who did it?"
"Of course. Everyone and anyone…" she grumbled.
"Being a Princess must be hard. Why do you want to put yourself through this? What about your bro—"
I stopped talking as Lauren growled slightly. The Princess dug her fingers into her thighs and scowled into the night air. "That idiot! Stupid muscle-brained fool!" she shouted.
"Uh…" I trailed off because I could see the anger and frustration mounting on her beautiful face.
"Because I have to be! And because I want to! That fool brother of mine will undo everything my parents worked to create! EVERYTHING! And for what?! To revert this beautiful kingdom back to the ugly shambles of an outdated empire! He just wants to play soldier like our father! To reclaim some stupid piece of infertile land that has been decimated by centuries of war! It frustrates me to no end that he could be so stupid! How did he and I share the same blood!" Lauren was shouting in frustration, and the princess wasn't just angry. She was absolutely seething.
What happened? It's only been a few years…
The way she describes her brother is the complete opposite of the man I witnessed. I once thought that Prince Xander was either the most genuine noble I had ever met, or he was the most cunning. Could it have been the latter after all? Could the man Lauren described really be capable of talking about his little sisters with such a happy face for that long?
Lauren scooted away from me slightly as her face and ears blushed bright pink. "I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to rant like that… please forget all of those things I just said," she said meekly.
"If that's what you want, then okay. And it sounds like you needed to get that off your chest, so it's a good thing I was here to listen," I said thoughtfully.
Lauren mumbled some things to herself and just let out a deep sigh. "Have you ever asked yourself what you are doing in your life?"
"All the time…" I chuckled.
"And what answer do you give yourself, Voker?"
"The right ones, which I don't want to hear," I mused.
"I see…" Lauren trailed off and looked off into the night.
The wind picked up just a little, and her strawberry blonde hair fluttered in the wind. Lauren really was a beautiful girl. Even Ren was… you know… a lot of my classmates are objectively good looking individuals. But, I wonder what people would think if they saw this scene right now? Would they believe the two of us are in love?
"Ever since I saw my mother ruling, I knew I wanted to be Queen. I had doubts that maybe after the years went by, I would decide I didn't want this. But no matter what happened, every time I ask myself the question, I keep answering that this is what I want. Maybe even more now than I did when I was kid," Lauren said with a wide smile. "You probably think I'm crazy… I doubt you even see me as a future queen."
It's true that Lauren seems awfully… lax. I've seen a few glimpses of her royal attitude, but she rarely uses it in class. If I didn't know better, I would have thought Lauren to be a regular school girl, even more so now seeing her yell about her brother.
"You sure don't act queenly," I said playfully.
Lauren let out a small giggle and looked up at me. "Yeah… I know. I guess this is the real me. But, I just know that when this is all over, I won't be able to be the real me anymore."
"Huh? What do you mean?" I asked, confused.
"I want to be the Queen of Luminar. I know what it takes and the sacrifices I have to make for that to happen. These next two and half years with Ren and everyone… it's the last two years I'll have to be Lauren and not Princess Laurena Maxwell. I'll be Queen until I die, or I abdicate the throne to my successor." I caught a hint of sadness in her otherwise serious tone.
"That's assuming you beat your brother…"
Lauren gazed straight at me, and her green eyes bored a hole through me. "I will be Queen. I won't let this nation crumble. I swear it," she said resolutely.
So, this is Lauren, huh?
"It's good to have a goal. I admire that," I said honestly.
"Mhm," Lauren hummed. Then she smiled brightly at me. "I want to build an even better kingdom for everyone to live in. One where everyone can live in peace. Even you."
"Thank you, but this isn't my home, sadly."
Lauren laid a hand on my thigh. "It could be. This could be your new home. I'll wave away any and all nations if you stay and join me, Voker. I promise."
I took Lauren's hand and brought it back to her. "Thanks but no thanks. I have a family to return to. Perhaps in another life, I might have."
Lauren looked at her hand and giggled. "Worth a try, I guess. You're just so adamant… but I had a feeling you would disagree and that you have your reasons. But that doesn't mean I will give up on you."
"Please do give up on me… I don't plan on staying here long, and I'd rather be friends with you, not your enemy with the short amount of time I have left," I begged.
"Enemies!? You would never become my enemy, Voker!" Lauren said with a pouty face. "But you say I'm your friend… well I can upgrade that eventually," Lauren mumbled.
"What do… you… uh, huh…" I trailed off not because of Lauren but because I saw something interesting.
My eyes tracked a red blur moving through the school grounds, and I couldn't help but notice the striking similarities to a certain someone I had just seen. But what are they doing?
"I'm gonna go for a run. I'll see you in class. Have a wonderful night, Lauren," I said.
Lauren tried talking to me, but I didn't give her a chance as I lept off the roof. The building was only like three stories tall, give or take, so a little bit of mana enhancement was enough to make sure I didn't hurt myself.
I have another problem to attend to.