"To truly become the revered saint and confront the order, it would be the best option to regain your memories." Dewei said as he guided Chantria back to her room.
"Regain my memories..." Chantria murmured, lowering her gaze to her feet.
Dewei had thought for a long time and in the end, it came right back to regaining her memories.
But these were memories that were never hers in the first place, how could Chantria hope to regain them so easily?
"It is the fastest way, with your memories returned, you would know exactly what to do."
"You always do... the respect you command is owed to your regal disposition, it will be difficult to teach." Dewei admitted.
Truly, Chantria could see Saint Chantria was feared by everyone she had met so far, few as they were.
Even her own husbands were cautious around her, it showed she was truly a force to be reckoned with.
Chantria knew if she hoped to save Amir Naeem, she could not do it as herself, she needed to play the part of Saint Chantria.
But how did one play the part of the Noble Saint of the Kalavan deep?
"And if I cannot regain my memories?" Chantria asked uncertainly.
Dewei placed a hand on her shoulder, shaking his head slightly.
"Do not dismay now, first, change into something different. I will take you out into the city."
"Even without your memories, there are things your heart remembers, just as you remembered me. We will test just how much of yourself is still here with no memories." Dewei assured.
"How much of myself is still here?..." Chantria murmured to herself before she nodded.
Chantria also wanted to know just how much of Saint Chantria was left behind in this body.
Chantria headed into her room and straight to her closet, ignoring a worried looking Gemi.
"Your Grace, are you okay?" Gemi asked in a worried tone.
"Certainly. Do I look otherwise?" Chantria asked with a casual shrug as she headed over to her closet.
"I came in search of you and met Lord Kahlel. He would not speak of where you were. I feared you and the lords had gotten into a fight again." Gemi sighed in relief.
"Do we get into fights often?" Chantria asked Gemi curiously.
"Well... I..." Gemi stuttered out hesitantly.
Chantria sighed, she did not need Gemi to confirm it to her for her to know this was most likely a regular occurrence between Saint Chantria and her husbands.
Chantria instead focused her attention on finding something suitable to wear amongst the tons of clothing in her closet.
"Noble Saint, the physician says you must rest. Do you intend to leave the palace?" Gemi asked worriedly.
"I do." Chantria replied with a nod as she scoured through her closet.
"But Your Grace's retinue is still apprehended by the order, you cannot leave the palace without your retinue! If anyone hears of it..." Gemi exclaimed.
Chantria frowned at Gemi's words, passing a glance over her shoulder.
"Why do I get the feeling this is not the first time I have done this?" Chantria asked knowingly.
"I will fetch you your clothing." Gemi relented with a sigh of resignation.
Chantria stepped back and took a seat on her bed, letting Gemi do the searching.
Her eyes roamed around her quarters for a moment before it settled on an incense burner crafted from a strange looking metal.
The scent it exuded was extremely pleasant and Chantria raised a brow.
"Was this here earlier?" Chantria asked curiously as she shifted closer to the incense burner which was a short distance from her bedside.
"Ah, one of the lords places the incense by Your Grace's bedside every fourth night... I am not certain which, but you once ordered not to look into it." Gemi said with a bright smile.
"I did?" Chantria murmured, inspecting the incense burner closely for a moment.
A complicated feeling blossomed in her heart and Chantria had to wonder, did Saint Chantria truly detest these men? Or was there something more she was yet to understand?
Chantria was drawn out of her thoughts when Gemi called for her attention.
"Here, since Your Grace travels incognito, you will need to wear a hat veil." Gemi said, handing Chantria a change of clothing.
"A veil? Is my face easily recognized?" Chantria asked with a frown.
"Your Grace is Noble Saint, you have once led the grand ritual. For young ladies in the deep, donning a hat veil is not uncommon. Your Grace would blend in just fine." Gemi explained.
Chantria hummed in response as she headed into her washroom, closing the door behind her.
Chantria stripped out of her clothing before she glanced at the clothing Gemi had given her.
It was a black dress made from a fabric that seemed quite like leather but was not exactly.
The dress was what Chantria would consider a riding dress, paired with a pair of leather breeches.
Chantria changed into the clothing she was given and then stepped out, taking the hat veil from Gemi who still looked worried.
"Noble Saint, I do not think this is a good idea. You have only regained consciousness for a day, everyone is worried for you." Gemi reasoned.
"Dewei will be with me, I cannot be expected to sit around in this palace forever... if I truly am alive, I should at least feel like it." Chantria murmured as she headed out to meet Dewei who waited outside.
"Where will you take me?" Chantria asked, drawing Dewei's attention.
"A place you are familiar with, you will feel at ease there." Dewei assured.
"Do you think it will help me regain my memories?" Chantria asked as she took Dewei's offered hand.
"Perhaps not, but it may just give you an insight to your previous self." Dewei replied with a smile.
"Oh...very well," Chantria said as she made to head out but Dewei held her back.
"Not there...we should go through the back entrance." Dewei said with a shake of his head.
"But why?" Chantria asked uncertainly.
"My horse carriage and retinue of twenty imperial guards aw
ait me outside... since you died, it has been tasking to be the only child left..." Dewei replied sheepishly.