21 June 2017(Monday)
Dear diary, Its been Five fucken days now. I hardly sleep and I don't eat at all .Stress ,Anxiety is killing me. I have been learning about strategies on how to over come Anxiety. I feel much better now.
How to over come Anxiety
I know thing's ain't right at the moment but stop stressing Yourself . Take a deep breath and relax .Your anxiety will tell You the worst case scenario, Its a damn lair .Everything will be okay , You'll pass this .Remind Yourself of the past experiences You've overcome.Trust Yourself , You can survive this and You'll continue surviving whatever comes Your way. Overthinking is not going to make anything better.Always be proud of how hard You're trying. Focus on what You can control, the possibilities not the problems and let the rest go.fill Your heart and mind with things that makes You happy. It's okay to ask For help , You're not alone. REPEAT after me!!!
::Today I refuse to stress myself out over things I can control or change .Say "I am Strong, I am fine, I deserve to be Happy."
I did whatever I just wrote but that didn't end the numbness along with the emptiness .I felt 10 times worse. I guess that what happens when You love someone unconditionally .God please help me to unlove him, Please I had enough I can't take it anymore!! This love is only making me feel worthless.
I have been with this guy for two Years .I can't simply pretend like he doesn't exits. He does , He is my life , my first love but he's homophobic. I know and I am 100% sure it was him that I saw Five Days ago having sexual intercourse with another man in his house. Yeah Yeah His House but that's not the interesting part is the fact that they looked happy and free . He was enjoying it , they were. I should simply accept the true. He's Gay or maybe he's bisexual or maybe he loves me more so he hooked up with that guy so he can hurt me. Argh!!! I can't take it anymore I have to confront him and I should stop thinking too much about this unless if I don't stop I'll go mad .
Dear diary I am confused
~Emily Martin ~