I hate her.
It was the one thought that kept her kicking. A blooming resentment that was tainted with grotesque feelings of jealousy and inferiority. Her demons struck her in the final hour as it devoured everything that she had ever known about herself and her innocence. Eating her up from the inside out no matter how much she achieved through her own power.
Nothing mattered anymore in her cold and cruel eyes as everyone she ever knew only tolerated or turned their backs from her. It seemed to her that even the gods and spirits were punishing her for something. Though she had no clue as to what it may be in their eyes.
No. She did know but she refused to admit it because it's not her fault. It's not her fault such a thing happened. To be born from a loveless marriage was not, in the least, her fault. But the bugging feeling had her always in doubt though it be hidden behind superiority and arrogance.
However, that was the only thing that kept people away from getting any closer to her. In fact, they didn't want anything to do with her as not only was her personality was nasty but her position as the unfavored child took its toll the older she got.
One by one, everyone that she had ever known left her side. Only to leave for something一someone, more enticing and beautiful than she. Like a moth to a flame.
For that, she despised her. Her demonstrative laughter that seemed to fill the room in a tender embrace. Her ability to fill the room with her sickening symphony with every giggle and word.
Loathed the way she beamed and cherished every junk like treasure no matter how costly or ordinary it was.
Repulsed by her unconditional kindness for others that made every bitter and sardonic being to be enchanted by her selflessness.
Nauseous every time she had to converse with such an ignorant and unpleasant being no matter how many times, she showed her hostility.
I hate her.
I hate her.
I hate her with every damn fiber I have in my being. She thought as she clutched the blade's long and sharp edge with both hands. Her killer was above her on the cold floor of her room as they struggled to pierce her frantically beating heart but didn't have the necessary strength to execute the plan.
I will not die until I'm satisfied with ending her! She gritted her teeth together as she knew no one was going to be able to hear her even if she screamed.
No one was going to care. It was too late to notice, and she regretted the moment of weakness. Her killer took advantage of it but before she felt the knife's blade piece her skin. A sound was heard.
There was a sound of rustling that rang in her ears. To her, it was like the sound of paper that gently rustled in a book. Before she could think about it more her vision went black.
There was no piercing of her heart being stabbed by the blade that so wanted to end her. Only a moment of complete darkness—a moment she would rather submit to than the pain of certain painful death. The unnerving peacefulness that made her want to run, hide, or submit to it. In that moment, she submitted to its peacefulness.
Ah, I must have died.
But instead of hatred and dismay at the thought she felt… nothing. Only a heavy and lonely emptiness that became a major presence in her. It was the sort of peace that she had never felt before. It made her want to forget everything and strangely she did.
Soon she couldn't remember who she was, who she associated with or where she came from. It was as if she was nothing and everything at the same time with no purpose or sense of time. At this, she couldn't decide if it was a good or bad feeling until she 'woke' up again.
This time the presence that she had felt then was gone and she stood in a glamorous hallway. It was only then that she wished for that dark peacefulness that death seemed to provide for her.
Servants flocked her side and in front of her. A woman with soft flowing pink hair was turned away as if she was just slapped. The woman's two servants were next to her, certainly there when the event happened. One was looking at the damage that was done to the woman while the other glared right at her and the others that stood at her side.
"You filthy and insufferable fool." She heard herself speak but they were not words that she volunteered to say. In fact, when she opened her mouth the words she did want to say did not come out. Like someone was speaking for her and she had no control over her body.
"S–Sinai," The woman didn't dare to look at her. Her hair disheveled and her light blue dress was much too modest and ordinary. Though it was the way she carried herself, how she looked, and the way she spoke that seemed to spark something in Sinai at the woman's words and appearance.
The woman's words awakened feelings that were swallowed by the darkness just moments ago. Emotions and memories that Sinai had forgotten flooded through every cell in her body, flaring up into life.
There was nothing in her that was identified as good. Her emotions of disgust, anger, hatred, jealousy, and regret raged on like dragon's fire. The moment Sinai remembered everything; she had dismissed her near death as a play of her drifting mind. She had no idea why her mind created such a crazy imagination during that time but nor did she want to acknowledge such a terrifying event.
Sinai shoved it in the back of her mind as this woman in front of her shivered ever so slightly at her presence.
This woman. This scene. This place. They were standing in the hallway of one of the greatest families of the Kingdom of Aurboland; the Silvius family's mansion. This scene was the same as from three years ago before Sinai was swallowed into darkness which she had assumed was her death from her drifting mind. And this time she let the words overcome her as if just her own because they were, in a way, her own.
"Such filth shouldn't be touched by my hands." Sinai's words of maliciousness overlapped with her own disgust with herself. She ignored it as she knew she believed she was in the right.
"I–" That woman began with a tremble to her voice standing firm but still didn't dare to look at Sinai.
Sinai's eyes narrowed at this woman who stood before her. Mika Bree Silvius. That was the woman's name. Born from a lowly commoner who came to the Silvius mansion as a servant and later fled when she was with child.
However, why is it that she's remembering a different story? Mika was born...was born from the slums, right? So why was she–no, Mika was born from–from...Sinai's eyes widened not from because of the Duke and the duke's adopted sons that came to take that awful girl's side like they always did.
But the fact that she remembered everything about herself, Mika, and the Silvius family history and remembered that everything that she ever knew was a lie to the very end. As her body and voice was controlled by an unknown force, she realized that everything was playing out the way it was before that assassination, which she was now certain was her death.
The only thing that she quickly realized was that she had no control of the future. Nor did she, the one who came back in time, had any control of herself to change fate's cruel plans for her.
And so, the painful cycle of her life began, always repeating without a pause. Mercilessly which became not only a blessing, but a curse.