Shirley made it into the cheerleader's team, like I knew she would. She was beautiful, challenging, a bit challenged, but still... Anyway, they were lucky to have her. Not everyday you see a beautiful high school girl who's nice. And I'm not even joking.
Now, forget about me here. These cheerleaders were born from the apple tree in God's eye. They had the looks- I know you might say one person can't have it all, but they did. Everything. The hair, the lips, the cheek bones, the front and back seats, the waist, flexibility... It was all there. But these girls, defined mean. It was like they had just a tiny little piece of their hearts left..... And that piece was buried in depths of hard earth and stone.
I could be exaggerating, or just jealous... But they weren't nice. Shirley was, and she was now one of them. The odds weren't good but I believed she would change them... At the very least.
As was the tradition... New members of the cheer leading team had to throw a party, exclusive to only team members, members of football team, and close friends. By close friends, I mean the cool kids.. From basketball team, the rich kids, the social media influencers, the drug dealers, etc. Guess who got invited? Me.
Shirley invited me, as her best bestest bestie. Yeah, my parents were well to do, but that could not have gotten me an invite.. I was the helper bee... The trending loser at the time. But who cared? I was at the party and I was going to enjoy it. Or at least I planned to. Till I turned, and there was Liam with his friends, in the kitchen.
Of course he was invited. He was among the most wanted guys at school.. Although nobody seemed to really know what his story was– was he single? Dating? Player? Probably player.... There was no girl around, but it would be an abomination to think a guy like him was single. He was in the basketball team, and sometimes he played football, just because.
I stared at Liam for a while, holding a cup of magic moments. Then he caught sight of me, so l looked half away, so that I could still see him. He said something to his friends, and they exchanged hand shakes, and he left the kitchen to the living room.
Of course I followed him out. I passed between the other crazy teens either smoking, or making out, or gulping down booze. I made my way through Shirley's house. They had two living rooms. One was just on the corridor from the front door, where the party was at. The second one was at the far end, where the corridor terminated. I passed by a few rooms, just taking a quick glance into them, and every time I regretted it. I just needed a small space, away from the craziness of the party.. So I went to the second living room.
I walked in and, Liam was on one side with two other guys, Mira was on the other side, smiling and staring at him. I had to look from Liam to Mira and back again, before I understood. Just as I was about to roll my eyes at how ridiculous it was– what Mira had going on–Liam said something to his friends and got up to leave. Now, I was at the door, so I avoided looking at him. But he didn't even say "excuse me", he just slid past through the space beside me... Like I wasn't there, or like I was some stranger.
I knew he kept leaving because of me, but I convinced myself that I didn't care because it didn't matter. So I walked to a couch and sunk down into it, carefully so I didn't spill my drink.
Mira walked up to me a few minutes later, like I knew she would. How could she not? There was a prey just waiting to be pounced on and torn apart, and she was an insatiable beast.
"You, you're the helper bee right? Of course you found a way to be at this party. Like all pesky insects do..." I ignored her, but she was not about to quit. I was about to take another sip from my cup when she put her palm over the top. Looking at her hand, on my cup, I only wondered where it had been. I let go of the cup so she took it.
"You know, Shirley's one of us now. She can't be seen with you, it just wouldn't sit right with nature. You belong with your kind"
She had started to strike something in me, maybe a nerve. And no matter how I tried to conceal it, I just knew she was able to smell it.
"Oh, careful now, it's another party. And Liam, might be needing some...'Help'.soon. You might need to save your energy and cut down on the vodka. Just a bit"
She placed the cup on the center table and smiled so cutely that cute defined evil for that one second. And then, she turned, flipping her hair, and walked back to the party. I sat there, swallowing hard. I was trying to keep the contents of my stomach down. It didn't help that most of it was alcohol. I had started to feel hot again. I needed air. So I walked back into the party, trying to find Shirley.
I needed to get home and since my dad's driver was only available to take me to school and bring me home, Shirley was the one who took me to all places else – not that i went to a lot of places. She had picked me up from the house and brought me to the party, in her corolla.
Shirley's parents were away on a trip so it was the perfect time to throw the party. My parents however, were still at work. I told Ateema where I was going, I just didn't put in the little details like boys, alcohol, drugs etc. She reminded me that it was a school night and that I had to be home on time for bed.
I searched for Shirley for a while, and didn't find her. She was probably just moving around. I decided to walk outside and get some air first, and then I'd try calling her. I walked out through the backdoor in the kitchen into the yard. It felt refreshing to get the fresh air in my lungs.
Liam came outside a few minutes later. He saw me and I saw him. He turned to go back inside, but stopped when he heard Mira
"Liam? Liam! Are you in here?...."
We heard the door to the kitchen open and then close. He let out a sigh of relief and turned to me. I was staring, but when he turned to me, I looked away. Moving to one of the patio chairs, he sat on it. Then he looked up at the sky, the stars were out.
He seemed a bit relaxed when he saw them. I was still staring. Occasionally he would turn in my direction and I would have to look away. Finally he closed his eyes. And it just seemed like there wasn't much to look at if he was sleeping so I turned to look at the stars. I got lost in thought.
It started coming back.... Mira's words.
"You know, Shirley's one of us now. She can't be seen with you, it just wouldn't sit right with nature. You belong with your kind"..*
_Sit right with nature? What was she even talking about?_
I tried to convince myself that Mira was just talking nonsense, and truly it didn't make any sense what she said. Cheer leading isn't a natural phenomenon. But the more I tried, the more I believed it a bit. And what was my kind?
Shirley was my only friend, and she was the one who talked to me. If she stopped being friends with me... I would not have anybody. The thought was scary. So I chose to believe that she won't ever leave me.
Mira was confident. And she usually got what she wanted. By any and every means, she always came out victorious. She never played fair. No matter how hard I tried to believe that Shirley wouldn't leave, a part of me was terrified of the thought. I could have dealt with being the loser for a whole year, but I couldn't do it Alone.
The fever had returned, with the nausea. But I tried still, to keep everything in.
"Are... You okay? You look like your legs might give in if you don't sit soon"
I thought, 'Finally he decided to talk to me'. Which was unfair because I had told him not to. I decided I didn't have the energy for drama so, I replied plainly.
"Yeah. I'm fine. I just... Need uh.. Some air".
" You're outside. I think you need to sit down for a bit. Come on.." He got up and walked to me. Holding my hand he guided me to his chair. Then he went to sit on another one. I took out my phone and started texting Shirley.
"So, I didn't think you to be the party type", and almost immediately he realised his mistake. " I'm sorry I.. Didn't.. Mean it like... ", he trailed off, noticing it didn't matter because It didn't seem like I was listening.
Shirley had not read the text or replied so I decided to wait. I put my phone back and looked up, then away. The silence was so noisy and disturbing.
"Monica, are we just going to act like.."
"What do you want from me Liam", I snapped, but in a very uneasy yet calm tone. I didn't let him finish a lot of sentences.
" I need you to listen to me. I'm trying.. Have, been trying to apologize but.."
"And I said to let go. It's cool... It's fine, it's okay. Am I not speaking the English correctly? Let go Liam! Just.. Let me b..."
"Let go?" I guess he was tired of being the one who got cut off. "Seems to me Mon, you're the one who needs to let go"
I thought, how dare he? That I was the one to let go. He didn't know half of what I was going through. And at the time, it seemed like only half of it was all I'd known.. And the other half I'd just started to catch up with. I didn't know what to believe. Maybe he was in on it, and he wanted to make good with me so they all could make an even bigger fool of me once I let my guard down again.
"Let go.. Sure. It's that easy. Do you even realize what I went through? Go.. Through?" My voice was tending to a high pitch and I didn't realize it.
"I know, and I'm really sorry. I really am.. Just let me make it.."
"So what.. You expect me... To believe that you were not in on it. That it wasn't a plan right?" A look of surprise and realization found its way to Liam's face. He had begun to understand the reality of how what happened affected me.
"Mon.. Monica. I promise. It's not what you think. I would never hurt you, deliberately. You haven't even given me reason to not like you, much less want to hurt you"
Call it a girl's instincts, or his charisma.. Whatever it was, I was sure that he was sincere. Which made me all the more raged. I was being punished for trying to help someone. And it was nobody's fault. Just nature, against me. And of course, I lost, and kept losing. I did feel a sense of guilt and relief that he didn't want to hurt me. In fact he wanted to stop me from hurting, if I was. All those mixed emotions were over powering. And so, I gave in to my sickness. I moved a few feet away from where we sat and out they came. The alcohol and anything else in my stomach. Throwing up was hard on my chest.
Liam rushed to my side and pulled my hair back. Then he ran to the kitchen when I was done and got a bottle of cold water and some paper towels. He poured the cold water down my face while I was still bending forward. The cold water on my skin kinda activated my sympathetic nervous system.. I forcefully became alert and the nausea decreased instantly. Then he made me gaggle with the water to get the taste out, and handed me the towels and the rest of the water.
After I sat down, I was feeling a lot better. Liam went to the shed and grabbed a shovel. He went to a part of the yard that was covered in grass and scooped some sand and poured it over the area. After returning the shovel, he came back to me.
"I think I need to take you home. You probably already had enough partying for one night. Come on"
He held my hand as I rose from the chair, and guided me back into the house.
It was still a mad house in there. He paved the way for us, saying bye to some of his friends on the way. Mira saw me and was smiling evilly. When she saw him holding my hand, the smile vanished, and there was a faint victory for me. So I tightened my grip on his hand. He had been holding my hand, but now, I was holding his too. He didn't seem to notice though.
We made it to the front door and out of the house. He led me to his car and I got in. It was a black jeep, and it smelled like a mix of Liam and citrus. I took out my phone to text Shirley. She still had not replied my texts or returned the calls. So I just texted her saying that I was leaving and that we'd see in school the next day.
Liam was on a phone call during that time. As I watched him, i remembered how he tried to remedy my little situation a half hour ago. He didn't look like he was capable of it. He was a cool kid - only one of the coolest. And the victory over Miranda Roberts?... Priceless. Tiny, but priceless. I smiled and leaned back in my seat.
"Alright Mom, I'm on my way.... Got it.... I have to go mom or the store might close... Okay mom. Love you, bye". He was done with the call and walked around the car to the driver's seat.
" Sorry.. My mom, she wanted me to get some stuff for her". He fastened his seatbelt and put his phone down, adjusted his rearview mirror and inserted the key. "I'll just drop you off then head to the store. So, where are we going?"
There was a store was on the route to my house so I suggested that I went to the store with him and from there he could drop me off at home and be on his way home. And that's what we did.
We didn't talk much on the ride home. I remembered to say thank you when he dropped me off, even though not enthusiastically. Ateema wasn't waiting for me in the kitchen like usual. She was probably tired and had to rest. So I went up, without thinking twice about whether or not my parents were back yet. I got ready for bed and went to sleep immediately.