[Warning: Mature Content]
The moon sat outside our window so wonderfully and so magnificent compared to the rest of the world. For a moment, this beautiful view belongs to both me and Daniel. Two people stuck in their own world, lost in complete ecstasy and occasional pains from the thrusting of his member. I set upright watching him from below, the remarkable moonlight shining against his handsome face.
My hands rub up and down his chest, feeling his firm chest. Compared to our first time being in bed together, this time I feel more free and able to enjoy myself. I am able to hear his cute little moans that make me want to please him even more. I am able to feel his strong, gristle hands grab me from the hips and slowly make their way to my behind. The sensations are something I've never felt before or actually, something I never knew were possible.
With me enjoying myself so much, I wanted to see if Daniel was also enjoying himself, I softly say, "Talk to me."
He opens his eyes, "You don't know how hard I get thinking about you at work", he moans out in between exacerbated breath, "It distracts me but, I don't mind it… you're the only one that can get me this excited."
Hearing that makes me happy, but I want to hear more, "What do you think about?"
"How we are now. You riding me and showing me your beautiful body", he lets out. After him saying that, I look down at him with a face of complete satisfaction. It drives me crazy knowing that he is having so much pleasure that he is having a difficult time finishing his sentences. I say to him in a domineering manner, "You look good beneath me…"
Daniel looks up at my breast with a look of pure euphoria as I begin to ride him a little harder. Grinding against his pelvis, I can feel his dick get harder inside of me. He reaches up to grab my left breast and begins to fondle my nipple with his thumb and index finger.
Suddenly, I feel myself quietly saying without thought to him, "Say you love me…"
The sudden urge to hear Daniel say he loves me becomes almost unbearable for me to focus on anything else. "But why?", I wondered, "I was having so much fun having sex with him. Why do I feel such an immense feeling of loneliness that I have to hear him say that he loves me?" I stop moving and position my hands over his chest.
I was half expecting him to ask me why I stopped but instead he just says to me, "I love you, Selma." When he told me that, I leaned down to his face and gave him kiss. Then in a strange transition, I felt a different kind of pleasure, not of sex but one of love. Don't get me wrong, I was still incredibly horny, but our sex no longer felt one of carnal desire but one of unity. We were no longer fucking but instead we are making love.
"Daniel… you don't know how worried I was. I thought I was never going to see you again", I tell him.
"It's ok Baby, I'm here now", he says as he caresses my face.
While still on top of him and connected, I lay down to feel his chest and begin to kiss him. He begins to thrust his hips slowly into me and says, "I won't let anything happen to the woman I love."
There was no longer pain associated with the ecstasy, just bliss. I tell him, "Please be with me forever."
He begins to go faster, and he tells me, "I don't want to be anywhere else." As I feel myself reaching death, a bright white light overtakes me. Before I realize what is going on, we are laying down together, staring out of our bedroom window- marveling at the moon.
Daniel is hugging me from behind and I feel myself slowly drifting away. I can hear the faint sound of Daniel's snoring and occasional movement. Regardless, I feel completely protected in his arms and I am for once, genuinely happy.
NEXT DAY
I wake up early in the morning and still in Daniel's arms; I move around a bit, but he still remains asleep. Looking out our window, I can see that it is early morning- the sun is barely starting to rise. The calmness and silence are something I take in while being in the arms of my lover. I whisper to myself to know that I am still alive, "Do I really deserve this?"
"You deserve everything that comes your way", says Daniel from behind and subsequentially frightens me. I thought he was still dead asleep.
I turn around to look at Daniel and for some reason, I feel young again. Almost like that strange glowing feeling that I remember when we first started dating. I ask him, "You think so? You really think I deserve to be this lucky?"
Chuckling to himself, "Yes, why do you even ask?"
"Sometimes… it feels like I'm not allowed certain moments like this. Moments where I feel the most happiest", I reveal to him.
"Allowed? Who controls your happiness?", he asks.
"Who controls my happiness?", I say to myself. That is true, I've always felt like that, even as a little kid. There was always this sense of eyes over my shoulder and that whatever I felt was regulated and monitored by some unknown person. Maybe in some irony, maybe that person that has been monitoring me was myself this whole time. But I wonder how I became this way.
"I haven't really thought about it… but I know I'm not, I never was in control of my own life", I say before turning my back to him so he could hug me and also because he had nasty morning breath, "All throughout my life… Whenever I would feel like my life is perfect, like only good things were happening to me, it always felt like someone was going to come along and take it all away from me. Like whatever good came with a tax."
I can feel his grip become tighter as I continue, "So since I was young, I would purposely avoid people because I know that they'd ultimately leave me disappointed… with myself."
Saying these words, I've never knew I was this pitiful. I guess listening to my mom made me braver to talk about my feelings, despite how embarrassed or ashamed I was of my true feelings.
"I was so afraid that I started to become bitter or actually, angry… I was angry at people for the way they were, but I know it was wrong of me to think that way. I always knew", I explained.
At this point, I didn't care how stinky Daniel's breath was, I just needed to look at him to really display my emotions. "It only got worse when I became a young adult… when I actually had to search for a partner. At that point… everyone and everything was my enemy."
The horrible sensation of crying began to overcome, even if didn't want to. So, I just bury my face into his bare chest. It wasn't hard to tell that I was upset, and Daniel asks me, "Do you still think that way?"
"No… I try not to. It gets difficult to be positive all the time though. But when I was being "encouraged" by my family and the government to find a partner, I hated being alive."
Daniel doesn't tell me anything but instead of feeling him being upset at what I said, I can tell that he cared much more. He just wanted to hear me out. But regardless, I wanted to backtrack myself because I know that isn't necessarily how I really felt.
"That's not true, I didn't hate being alive. I just hated that things were the way they were", I reassure Daniel.
"Aren't you glad that period of your life is over?", he asks me.
"Yeah, I am…"
His hand slowly started to caress my head and hair.
"...and I'm happy that I picked the right partner."
"You think so?", Daniel asks, and I quickly reply without a pause, "I think so." He goes in for a kiss and, honestly, I didn't care if his breath smelled like shit, I just wanted his lips to touch mine.
"I think I picked the right partner too", he reassures me.
"There's no one I can want more in this world besides you."
"I love you", he says as he kisses me more.
"I love you too."
Honestly, I wouldn't expect Daniel to be this receptive. I thought he would be more comforting by telling me lies and such, but it is nice just to tell him how I feel without his input. "Oh god", I think to myself, "I hope I'm not one of those people that just like talking about themselves... but that can't be. I do like hearing his voice."
We hug one last time. Then a loud bang is heard on the front door. We laid motionless for a moment. No one has ever banged the door that loud before, it can only mean trouble.