The night that followed was a short one, everyone slept as early as their bodies allowed them to. Of course, since Anino had slept throughout the day, she stayed up to guard. It wasn't like she needed to fend us off against monsters, Vivi's reflexes were more than capable to pull that off.
So the two of us slept early because we needed to conserve energy as much energy as humanly possible. The journey ahead of us shouldn't by any means have been difficult, but you can never be too cautious.
I wouldn't put sending people to hunt us down past the organisation that Anino mentioned.
Anyways aside from the nagging feeling of constantly being on edge, tonight was just a normal night, just outdoors. After weeks of sleeping on a comfortable bed, the hard, uneven floor was torture. But I was too tired to complain. I had fallen asleep before I could even remember.
{2 days before the breakdown.}
"Master Iota, it is morning." A gentle familiar hand caressed my back and I immediately shot up.
"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" I got up and jumped back a couple of meters as my back hit a tree and my arms guarded my chest.
My head was pounding and my body got hardened.
In front of me, there was a girl trembling on the ground.
'Huh..?' I came back to my senses.
Shit.
"I-I'm sorry. I mistook you for someone else." I unhardened my body and left. "I'm sorry."
How pathetic. Getting reminded of her now of all times. I tried my best to not think about her since the incident, but just a polite touch was all it took. Waking me up like that used to be her job back then.
The mistake was understandable, but my response was terrible. I acted out on a girl who got scarred by men yesterday. That was abominable.
Last night, for the first time in weeks, things were going right. I even had a good night's sleep. But I messed it up so royally in the morning.
'Things will be awkward once I get back.' I did my morning business and cleaned my hands off in a stream.
I think this issue was something that could be fixed with some more apologies and consideration. Anino was just a kid... I needed to be delicate with her. She was in as much trouble as I was in.
My mind was trying to come up with various conversation routes from this point onwards.
But on the other side, it was starting to get a little excited too. At this rate, it wasn't too long before I reunited with my family. I was longing and I was nostalgic. The solution to our woos was just an arm's reach away.
Homesick.
I got back to our little encampment.
"Good morning." The first one to greet me was Anino looking up at me as if nothing had happened. All the conversations I had played in my head vanished. She wasn't taken aback. Or she was pretending not to be. Either way, she was a strong woman.
Three skewers were set over on the fire. "I rationed our food for 2 days and made breakfast. You had quite a lot in the bag."
"Well, we packed 5 days worth if things really did go South."
"I see, I'll reduce the daily quota then. But I guess I rationed rather accurately then." Anino was wearing a strong smile on her face. Was she acting like this because she felt indebted to me? Or was she also using me? I couldn't tell. And I decided not to pry. If she ends up betraying me, well, at least she wouldn't be the first. "Ah, I tried waking Miss Vivi up but she didn't wake up."
"Understandable. She only reacts to danger when she's asleep. If you want to wake her up, do this-"
I got up, drew my leg back for a full-on kick and shot it right at her face. I couldn't hold back, because if I did, she wouldn't register it as a big enough threat and probably just knock me away while sleeping. But just as my foot was inches away, her hand grabbed it and she shot back up-
"I'm awake! What happened?!"
"See?" I pulled my hand away from her grip.
"Unnhnn."
After that, we had breakfast and got ourselves ready for another day. Everyone but me tried to lighten the mood somewhat but the interactions were still very tense.
By the time the other two stopped trying to make small talk, we were walking down the main road that led back to our town.
My senses were keen on picking up any monsters in our vicinity, and while there were a few, even though Vivi did a good job of keeping them at bay. I had no idea how she did it, but I could feel a small aura around her.
But that only acted on animals and monsters seemingly. I could still pick up a human or two. It was a busy route in the morning.
"Can I ask why you are part of his journey?" Anino's question was directed at Vivi. I was curious too.
"His journey is temporary. Just a means to an end." She shrugged. "I'll leave when he has no other path to offer. But I have some other plans too. So d'ya wanna know why I'm out adventuring?" Vivi added to the conversation while waving her locks around.
"Yes."
I was silently paying attention to their conversation without adding anything. Needless to say, even I was a little interested.
"Well, for two reasons. First of all, I want to experience what a normal life is like." That was probably the bucket list Vivi was talking about back at the inn. "After that, I want to take care of someone."
"Eh? Take care of? Do you have a sick person in your family?" Anino put her hand on her mouth.
"That's not what I meant by taking care of. Anyways! What about you? Why did you decide to trust this guy after he admitted to being a criminal?" Vivi jabbed right at me.
"I'm right here. And I'm not a criminal. Just got put under some false accusations." If anything I was the victim.
"I mean you did kill those guys in the alleyway." Another jab.
"Alleyway?" Anino's hand left her face.
"Shit. I said nothing." Vivi hurried up next to me as we continued to walk.
'This idiot.'
"Mister Iota… Did you perhaps… kill those people?"
'Tsk. How do I answer this?' Anything I say now would only make her feel more guilty. Which is terrible. She was as much of a victim as I was a week ago.
"I politely asked them to leave you alone but they came at me first. It was just self-defence."
"I'm sorry." She said dejectedly. I mean, killing them did bring me inconvenience.
"It's fine." I accepted her apology. That was probably the best I could do for her.
"But thank you." She skipped ahead.
As we continued walking down the long road.
This entire situation was bizarre.
If you were to ask the past me how I saw myself 2 weeks down the road, I would have had a hunch. But that hunch would have been sunshine and rainbows.
What I went through- from getting cheated on, to getting thrown to death, to getting chased by a moose, to getting my body altered, to meeting Vivi, and then saving Anino- Were all things I wanted to forget.
But at this point, they had undeniably become a part of me. I wasn't proud of any of them. Every action I did only pushed me to my limit. Even when I helped others I harmed myself. I disregarded my mind and body at every point, and at this point, my entire being was exhausted.
I wanted to fix myself- no I've been pretending to remain strong throughout all this. But for some reason, everything just wasn't fitting in. What I wanted to portray myself as was the complete opposite of my disposition.
As if I had the human ability of control. Empathising with others and not being able to display that. I was building the tension up like a bomb in my head. I could blow up at any given moment.
It's not like I want to be rude to Anino and Vivi. My nature until now was accommodating and respecting everyone, and core values like that don't just change over a day. I wasn't putting on a show either. But for some reason, I despised the thought of anyone getting close to me.
Despite my denial, this was all self-preservation.
Even on this one-way path, I was lost.
But I was only so far away from being found.