I still remember the moment we met. It was when I was in middle school. At that time, I was alone as usual. I was sitting alone having lunch under a large tree, until a man walked up to greet me, to whom I turned to look at him in surprise. And at that moment, we made eye contact...It was an ordinary day, but it was such a wonderful thing.
"Your name is Daigo Mise, right? My name is Aya-"
"Don't bother me."
At first, I didn't want him to come close, so I tried to avoid him as much as I could, but he still didn't give up and came to talk to me when he had the chance. It wasn't long before I started to get used to letting him come close and talk to me as he wanted. Even though I keep silent all the time.
At that time, I didn't understand why I didn't chase him away. But when I think about it, maybe it's because he didn't disturb me too much. He wouldn't come near me unless necessary and would walk away as soon as I started to feel uncomfortable.
As for the matter that he came to talk about, it was basically about nonsense. I can't even remember what he said. But even then, I didn't know why I felt comfortable when he's around, until I started to feel secretly fond of him standing beside me.
At that time, Amakuji-san tried to approach me, while I tried to ignore him. Our relationship was like that for a while. Until one day, I overheard Amakuji-san talking to his roommate.
"Hey, Amakuji-kun, why are you trying to befriend that Mise?"
There was a woman who was the center of her many friends, whom she was speaking in a harsh tone to Amakuji-san.
"Huh, is there any problem?"
Amakuji-san replied in a calm tone, but his back hit the wall like being in a corner.
"Of course there is a problem. That girl, she's a violent person, don't you know that, Amakuji-kun?"
"I… already know."
"Then why are you still messing with that girl? Amakuji-kun?!"
"Because I don't think she will be as bad as everyone thinks."
"But that girl hurt our roommate to the point of serious injury! Isn't that just enough?!"
"I think there might be some misunderstanding. Why I approached her is because I wanted to get to know her better to fix the thing that happened, and I don't want that kind of situation to happen ever again...and the important thing is I want everyone to forgive her. I want everyone to be friends with her. I want Mise to be friends with everyone. I want Mise...not to be alone anymore...Please..."
Amakuchi-san's words pierced into my heart. It made me almost cry...but it seemed those people wouldn't pay any attention to his words… As soon as Amakuji-san finished speaking, they criticized Amakuji-san until he was unable to respond. Then they walked away, leaving Amakuji-san standing right there alone.
Since that day, all his friends hadn't talked to Amakuji-san again, but even so, he still approached me with a bright smile, which made me feel a lot of mixed feelings, but I still had to hold back and endure, until I finally blew it out, when the two of us walked together alone.
"Stop following me!! Why don't you just leave me alone?!!"
I confronted him and yelled at him like that, but Amakuji-san didn't respond.
"Why are you still silent… why don't you say anything?!"
"...I'm waiting for you to calm down."
"Why do you have to do that? Can't you just see that I'm a bad person? Even though you've done a good thing to me, I still yell at you... You should stop messing with me and go back to your friends. Don't waste your time with people like me..."
I spoke with tears streaming down my face with painful feelings. Because it's not really what I want to say. But I had to do it for him.
"I will go back to being friends with them… only if they forgive you."
"Why?! Why do you have to do that for me?! What exactly do you want from me?!! Body? Love? Or money? Can you tell me what you see in me?!"
Amakuji-san was silent while staring at me for a moment, before speaking out
"That's because you remind me of the past me... the past who was so lonely..."
Amakuji-san said that with a sad look in his eyes, until I couldn't say anything for a while. But when I'm conscious, I furiously say what I was thinking in my mind.
"Do I remind you of yourself? Don't joke around! You don't know how I feel or what I've been through!! The way you pretend like you understand or show off your smarts like that, it doesn't make you look cool at all!!"
"I may not understand all your feelings, but at least…on that day…the day you attacked Koga…I saw everything that happened...clearly already."
"W-What did you say?!"
As soon as he said that, I was shocked, because I did not expect that he would also be there to see the events of that day.
"On that day, Koka and her friends stole something important from you and threw it around as if it wasn't important. You tried to get it back, but didn't succeed...and finally, that thing fell to the ground and shattered into pieces... After that, I believe you remember all the events that happened..."
I recalled those stories with clenched fists in frustration and gritted teeth holding back tears of regret for what had happened.
"It is true that woman had harassed me first, but... what I did to her was incomparable to what I did…I might have lost something important…but that woman was hospitalized and probably missed the opportunity to experience a happy school life..."
When I thought about that, suddenly all the tears came out. I tried to wipe it, because I didn't want him to see my weakness, but Amakuji-san looked at me with steadfast eyes and said,
"Yes… what you did was a really bad thing…but you weren't planning on doing it in the first place, right? You tried to fight back that anger with the best you could… yet everyone on the scene didn't remember that. They only remember how terrifying you are when you're angry... But I remember everything, every feeling you expressed through your voice, your eyes, your gestures, and your actions… Those feelings were filled with pain, sadness, loneliness…"
Amakuji-san spoke as he slowly walked closer to me. I was confused by his actions and his words at that time, so I tried to walk away as well. But...the distance between the two of us was gradually getting closer and closer.
...
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