That day Eiji had just turned five years old when his father and mother took him to school for the first time. He was so happy about it, when both his parents were busy people and only had free time that could almost be counted on his fingers. He kept humming a song along the way. He could still remember how the big hands of his father and mother gripped his fingers as they led him to the front of the school gate.
But the pleasure was too expensive for Eiji to pay for.
His father suddenly collapsed in front of his eyes. While there wasn't anything out of the ordinary, his father's shirt was turning red around his chest. Hee couldn't process what was happening, his mother screamed before falling too.
Eiji could only stare at the heartbreaking sight with the cherry blossoms falling in the wind. Both his parents died with gunshots to their chests.
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"Sato-san?"
Eiji tried to open his eyes. He could feel his head so heavy when he had to wake up because he had to. He looked up and looked at the young woman in the nurse's uniform in front of him. Those shady eyes looked at him with concern.
"Are you okay?"
Eiji could hear the worry again from the woman's tone. Instead of parting his lips, he simply nodded in response. To be honest, he's been feeling really tired lately. After all he was not used to working. But he's doing it now. Despite the fact that the money on his shopping card was never empty, he wasn't able to feel as happy as he used to be. He was tired of waiting for his lover. Until finally he chose to spend his free time working at a ramen shop. Hoping that his busy life will be able to fill the void in his heart.
"Yukihiro Sensei is waiting for you."
Eiji smiled hearing that. He got up and rushed to follow the woman in front of him. He was quite happy to hear that. After waiting a few days, Yukihiro was finally able to make time for himself. If he was Eiji in the past, maybe he shouldn't have waited on Yukihiro's patient list. But for now he was a nobody and it would be impossible for him to force Yukihiro to make time for him. So he patiently waited for this day. Eiji didn't expect to get bad news when he entered Yukihiro's room later. He's just tired. And Eiji tried to emphasize that sentence in his heart.
Eiji subconsciously stopped walking when he passed the intersection where the ICU room was not far from him. Hesitantly he saw a man hugging a young woman who was sobbing. He shook his head as if doubting that the man was someone he knew. However, many people have short haircuts like that. Once again he convinced himself that his boyfriend was on a business trip out of town.
"Sato-san?"
Eiji flinched at the call. He smiled stiffly as if to say that there was nothing wrong with him. Then the nurse walked back and Eiji followed with an occasional glance at the young couple. How long will he feel this loneliness?
Eiji could only sigh. There was nothing for him to regret if he looked back and saw how miserable his life was.
"Please come in, Sato-san."
Eiji stuttered at the soft voice, as if he had just returned from another realm. He was a little dazed when he saw Yukihiro's room in front of him. He didn't even notice that his feet had stopped following the woman in front of him.
"Yes," said Eiji stiffly. Then his slender hand reached out and turned the doorknob. Once again taking a deep breath and then exhaling it, he steeled his resolve before meeting Yukihiro.
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"Just stress and lack of rest."
Nothing changed from the results of Eiji's health report. Both now and two months ago Yukihiro said the same thing. Then how come his body is in pain almost every night? If it was his other heart that screamed, Eiji could understand that he was indeed feeling depressed. But the liver and stomach?
"If you are stressed it can also affect parts of your body."
"Are you sure?" Eiji could not believe the results he received. He just didn't want his body to weaken and his lover would leave him and never come back. Without that man, he was alone now.
"Then, should I tell you that you are pregnant?" there was an annoyed tone in that sentence. Ah yes, for Yukihiro, the young man in front of him was always annoying and a bit stupid.
Eiji laughed blandly, "You must be kidding."
At the moment, Eiji's laughter faded and stopped at the point where his temper broke. His heart was full again. If only he could provide offspring for his lover, maybe the man would take him home and meet a family he didn't even know at all. But no matter how big the desire is, God will not make that false hope come true. He would not be able to bend the line of his destiny. Because after all, the love he had was a mistake.
Eiji averted his gaze when Yukihiro looked at him with concern. He hated the stares that always tried to force him to return home to his family. He had been banished, so what did he come back for?
"Please don't look at me like that!" exclaimed Eiji somewhat sarcastically.
"What's the problem this time?"
"Why should you care?" Eiji was starting to feel that the conversation after this would make him look even more pathetic.
"You're fighting again?"
"Why are you so cruel?!" Eiji exclaimed trying to divert Yukihiro's curiosity about what was going on in his life, "we're fine." To me, Eiji added those words to his heart.
At first everything was fine. In the first year, his boylfriend accompanies him every day when they are no longer busy with their respective activities. They chatted and spent time together until morning. But without realizing it, time destroys the togetherness slowly. When his boyfriend started working, the man slowly came home less often, arguing that the company needed him. Eiji could understand that and was getting used to spending his dinner alone. He could even count how many times the man had been seen in the past three months.
"You need someone who can cheer you on."
"Do I look like a patient who will die tomorrow?" Eiji looked annoyed at the ridicule.
Yukihiro's words were enough to make the wound open again. Now there was only that man nearby. His two older brothers had severed their relationship after Eiji chose to live with the man. If the man left, then there would be nothing left for him. During these five years he had struggled quite a bit for his relationship with that man. Now, he recalled how the second year he lived without money.
"Are you alright?" Yukihiro looked as if he felt guilty when he saw Eiji's eyes turn red.
Please don't pity me! Eiji always said that in his heart. It doesn't matter if it's his Lover who says when they're making love.
"Of course." Eiji smiled stiffly. He rises from his seat and bowed slightly, "Thank you."
Eiji couldn't take it anymore and immediately rushed out of Yukihiro's room.
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When he came out of the hospital building, the afternoon breeze was waiting for Eiji outside. He tightened the coat he was wearing. The sky was clear with several white clouds gathering as if they were forming a group. The cherry blossoms slowly descended one by one following the direction of the wind.
Twenty years ago his parents left him alone. A gentle breeze. The cherry blossoms were flying, and the blue sky seemed to be stained with white clouds. Five years ago, he left the Sato residence when spring came again. Then, is it all going to happen again now? Would that man come and bid him farewell?
In the end, Eiji would probably return alone after everyone had left him.