The concept of failure was not something that many people could comprehend. At the same time, they hated it terribly. However, failure was a potent device; people only portrayed it badly—most people didn't appreciate the power. Honestly, no one would chase after failure because it naturally visited people without invitation. However, even if that was true—was there nothing people could learn from failure? When people fail—could there be any psychological framework at play? Or it didn't live up to its name.
"Who the hell said failure wasn't tormenting? Failure itself is a strange phenomenon. Nonetheless, it is not totally useless." I sighed as I saw the student's gaze mocking me.
The students and my homeroom teacher hurled condemnations at me like a waterfall. They smutted me with curses; I became drunk with anger. However, I needed to hold on; I asked for this nevertheless. It was only natural to hold it. Today was our alchemy exam, but I had messed up. I had, after all, exploded the crucible In front of me with fire. The seaweed I had intended to form a liquid gold—I ruined the material. In fact, I became the first to mess up—others looked at me in apparent surprise and disgust. They couldn't wait to send me home. My present was a plague, and all good things had ceased because of my presence.
So this was the taste of failure!
So this was what it felt like to fight the world? I needed to adapt my mind. This feeling was definitely new. Even though I wasn't that good before—I was definitely not that bad either.
But then, this result was apparent! It happened!
It all began with a practical test.
The entire first-year class B was in an open practical test. Each student positioned a crucible inside a burning flame; the objective of the examination was to convert it into liquid gold. In fact, it was the primary alchemy that almost the entire students knew. This method was simple. The alchemist would use lead nitrate and potassium Iodite. He would derive potassium Iodite from isolating iodine compounds from seaweed. Also, he would follow up by deriving Lead acetate by scraping out lead metal. After that, the alchemist would pour hydrogen on the solute. This process generated lead oxide. The alchemist would convert the lead oxide into lead acetate by adding vinegar. In the end, the alchemist would heat to remove the excess hydrogen peroxide and vinegar. Also, after extracting the iodine peroxide, which he mixed with distilled water, he would heat it to remove the water. In the end, the alchemist would react the two solutions together. Jian He had given the students the full explanation. However, I failed before I could even start.
"You unfortunate thing. I knew you were up to no good. Are you telling me you could not control your fire, or did you add anything to destroy the experiment?" The disgusted eyes of Jian He could not conceal his cynic behavior toward me. I remained helpless and quiet, enduring the ordeal. When have I ever suffered this kind of persecution? Was there still any judgment?
"You know what? Get ready for your expulsion."
"What the hell?" I dejectedly muttered in front of my broken crucible.
The class went into uproar immediately after Jian He's declaration. This time, anyone could tell I had provoked him. 'Why must this glumness be overly serious? Couldn't he give me a break?' I thought. Regardless, I knew I had saved myself already; I created a grand plan ahead of time. Honestly, this ungrateful gods-mind had really caused me more pain than I can remember. It was all because I had a deal with him that I had fallen to this point. I've told him that I needed those pure energies and those pure spiritual plants. After all, those plants were extinct in Thunder Nation. I needed to gather heaven's ways as soon as possible. However, that ghost asked me to do the most devastating thing (which he could think of) only to get enough accumulated chaotic energy. He threatened me that: if I didn't make enough noise, I could only forget about the aura and plants. I had no choice: if the world asked me to choose between my personal business and a useless exam—I would prefer the former without blinking. After all, the more aura and acupuncture points I could open, the more advantage I would accrue.
So two days before the practical exam, I called Li Min, who was lying on her bed in a daze. She answered my call.
"Hey! Do you have time? Can we meet now?" I asked.
"Hmm…Do you need something? I thought it was unusual of you to have me hang around. What ghost thing are you planning again." she hesitated before speaking.
'This girl had really changed because of me. She doesn't speak formally but uses rough and informal words like me. It's too bad! Why wasn't my influence positive? Well, let's leave the questions for the gods.' However, I could feel her impatience in her tone. I had known that Li Min had strong people who stood capable of changing rules in the academy, but I never minded it. This girl could take a glimpse of my identity—that was enough evidence for me.
"Yes! So would you come?"
"what good thing should I get in return for whatever I will help you do"
"Don't know! But aren't you currently facing a problem with alchemy?"
"Give me 30 minutes" Li Min hung up with that short statement.
'All of them, one by one, all shameless to no end.' I cursed.
In 30 minutes, she buzzed my room with her miserable alarm. Of course, I knew she was the only one that had that disturbing thing, but why couldn't she knock? I opened the door expressionlessly and invited her in with a simple gesture. She went straight to my bed and sat like the landlord—perhaps she felt I was her tenant. I went to my kitchen and made her tea.
"So what is it?" she was eager to hear my arrangement.
"Well, can you help me avoid expulsion if I fail?" I asked solemnly.
She lost herself in thought for a moment. And then she looked at me directly and asked: "what do you mean?"
"That has nothing to do with you. Will you do it or not?" My serious face showed no sign of lighting up. Perhaps, she checked the dimension of my question. It was WILL instead of CAN. It meant I was sure she could help out.
"Okay, I can. But nothing is set in stone. After all, I am a student too."
'Students? What ghost student are you. Pretentious!' I sneered.
In any case, Li Min found my question ridiculous. Well, she should; after all, no one predicts their misfortunes.
"However, if you don't give me full details of what you are planning, you are on your own." She said.
"Must you be nosy?" I snorted. Regardless, a lie would do just fine. At the same time, the lie needed to make some sense. So I began to explain my plan. I told her I had planned to fail the alchemy test, then fade into the background. However, I said no such thing as tasting what failure looked like; or my plan with gods-mind. Telling Li Min I wanted to test what defeat looked like would make me look paranoid. At the same time, telling her about gods-mind would expose me. Even though she questioned me about my reasons, I showed no obvious signs that I had intentions of giving too much detail.
"I promise to give you hints about alchemy. After all, theory and practice are different. Fire control is very crucial too. At the same time, choosing the right moment to put each ingredient is very important. In truth, everything about alchemy has to do with the right mind." I said. I practiced with her a little about the proper concentration and the technicality involved in each phase of alchemy. After a few minutes, I concluded the lesson. We couldn't engage in practical, but we had the option of parts-practice—practicing individual processes.
"I will do it. Know that this lesson is not enough to allow me to succeed in alchemy. However, I find what you intend to do interesting." She replied indifferently, sounding superior as always.
At this moment, I picked up my pen and paper and began to give her other hints that she could use to overcome the threat of alchemy. In any case, with enough attention given to it, alchemy was not particularly difficult.
...….
I left the alchemy exam in disgrace. But so what? Anyway, this emptiness was the feeling of failure? It was much as people said. 'Failures produced unnecessary excuses for incompetence. In fact, people used the influence of these excuses to save themselves from the misery of pain. Is it possible that people break before molded?' A series of questions crossed my mind. Although I had successfully crossed backstage, this feeling became somewhat of a shadow in my heart. It was full of the evil spirit of depression.
I walked unobstructed with my backpack on my back as thoughts churned through my mind. I could only walk to my dorm. In any case, choosing to stay backstage allows me to see better than others. Hopefully, the school could spare me enough time to monitor the other class from henceforth.
At this moment, many people whom I had miserably dealt with became jubilant about my misfortune when they heard it. They could definitely smell their freedom. After all, when the school disposed of me, who could torment them again. However, how could they understand they were wrong. No one could dispose of me except me. The happiest was the president. Of course, there were the few first-year students that would rejoice in my disappearance. Regardless, they would be disappointed.
When I got to my room, I plopped on my bed lazily as I churned my thought. My thought could not betray a single expression on my face. I only stared at the ceiling expressionlessly. At this moment, I heard a voice from inside my heart.
"Boy, you did well. These erratic energies were refreshing. They kept coming!" gods-mind said shamelessly. This ingrate didn't show any shame at all. Now the ghost was even enjoying the fruit of my labor. He didn't have any tinge of regret in the pain he had put me through. Not that I care about the opinion of those ants.
"It's your ghost again. I wonder what nonsense you would have me do again." I grumbled. At this moment, my consciousness appeared before the golden stele. It glistened with great might that anyone who beheld it would go blind. 'Is this characteristic what gods-mind meant by improvement?' I contemplated.