It was September 18, 2022. I was sleeping when suddenly I heard a voice spoke from my phone.
This is the voice of an elderly woman, and I know her. She seems to have a grudge saying,
"... you have no respect for me."
While I sleep, my mind answers with,
"...I obeyed the Lord's will. He lives inside me, the Lord JESUS."
Then I woke up and asked,
"What dream was that? Why is that? I thought everything was okay?"
Because in real life, that seems to be the attitude of my mother here on Earth.
And the soft voice of the Lord answered, "...you have already answered her through your mind."
Later, the Lord said (hearing his voice only),
"It's SIMULTANEOUS."
I didn't immediately understand that and just went back to sleep.
As I returned to sleep, I dreamed again, it was like a sequel, a continuation of my dream.
I saw my elderly female relatives. They're facing me, asking me to know the real thing that had happened between me and my mother.
"Ann, what is the truth?"
And it was as if I answered them all in my mind while sleeping and explained everything to them until they understood me.
"...ah it seems like you are not her real daughter."
I replied,
"...their real child died already in her infancy.
...when I left the house, the Lord said that I would never return to them."
We talked for a long time with that intense sad emotion until I woke up feeling that emotion still.
This is the second time I woke up again, and I spoke to myself, "...it's so intense..."
I fell asleep again, but my dream still had a sequel, it continued all over again, like a series with many episodes.
This time the whole family, my mother, father, and siblings are in front of me in our house.
I explained to my mother the whole truth.
"...I am no longer your child. Your child has been dead for a long time when he was just a baby. What is in this body is a different Spirit. I just follow what the Lord tells me."
"The Lord said that I should go away, and not come back," I added,
I saw that they understood me, and I thought, finally, they accepted everything.
Next, I was about to wake up once more, but before doing so, I heard my mother saying this, "...I waited for her, but she didn't come."
It was the month of December I think, I didn't ever go home until I traveled back again to Manila by sea. They didn't know it, that I was following only the LORD's will and for the safety of everyone as well.
Here I understood upon waking up what "SIMULTANEOUS" means, which the Lord said.
They never knew that I was sad also, but I needed to control my emotion, to deny myself for everybody's welfare.
I arrived in Manila with no specific destination on where to go, where to sleep that day, we have no house. As soon as I arrived in Manila, going down from the ship, I just left my baggage on one of my friends' house and went straight to the road to find a rented house.
I just rode a jeepney, and wherever it will go and I felt okay to stop, I just stop anywhere with the LORD's guidance. When he says, "Okay, go here", I'll go there also. I kept on roaming around the unknown streets, just asking anyone, and in the middle, I felt like I would give up, feeling hopeless to find an affordable house for me, but the LORD encouraged me, "DON'T GIVE UP." And I found a house later on just around the corner I just passed though.
Back to my parents, they didn't know I was in Manila already. I remember the LORD's advice not to talk too much, not to tell anyone before doing something. I just informed them afterwards.
And after we left my hometown, the following month, something bad had happened at their house. Ransacking all my things that I left there, the army took away my old laptop and old tablet I stored in my box. And they didn't return it. And I read the false news accusing us of something that wasn't true, and I saw my gadgets in there. They're very bad, they didn't return my gadgets and falsely accusing us, making up false stories in the news. It's good that my old laptop was not already in good shape when I left it there. I was not sure if they knew the password, they couldn't find anything there except my pictures.
I just leave that bad story behind, not to elaborate further, appreciating the LORD's help, taking me away as early as possible from there. I realized I was saved from that bad thing that had happened in there after we left.
Back to my brothers and parents, I helped them through the years without expecting anything in return. I graduated from college as a "working student" and when I started working, I made sure I could help them through any amount no matter how small it is. My three younger brothers had graduated college already, all had work already except the one with epilepsy, but still their income was not enough. I don't understand why, it's hard to say it. They continued on pestering me but I was helping them all throughout the pandemic wholeheartedly no matter what it takes.
However, this year 2022, the time when I went back here in the city, I am struggling now due to high prices and high rent unlike before. And I have another child to support in his studies, in secondary grade.
The LORD had advised me many times this, "DO NOT SEND THEM MONEY ANYMORE!"
But I insisted, "But they're pitiful LORD." So I just sent them even a little amount but I found that my budget won't fit my expenses anymore.
So I made it once a month. However, many things did happen preventing me to have extra budget.
Thus, finally, I cannot send them extra money anymore.
Everytime, they'll ask for money, ifever I have an extra, I'll ask the LORD, "Shall I send them money?" And the LORD would answer, 'Okay go ahead."
And sometimes he'd say, 'NOT THIS TIME', because he knows my fund is insufficient yet for me.
The Lord always advises me what should be done to survive in this world.
Here are some of what the Lord said to me that time I was still their house in the province:
"WE WILL TAKE YOU BACK FROM THEM."
"...we'll keep you away from here."
"...take you somewhere else..."
I was apologizing to the Lord, "Lord, forgive them. Do not punish them..."
(Because sometimes, I felt that they were still the same, they didn't change.)
The Lord answered, "I understood your DILEMMA. Because of you, I will not punish them. But each one will be responsible on the last day..."
-By Ann Patiño
10.20.2022