(8:00 A.M; GARDEN OF PEACE)
AERIS VIDALES'S P.O.V
A smooth wind pass through my skin, feeling the softness of each whisper, while taking my time on the single swing still wearing my hospital gown. I'm unaware of the time, I spent here in the psychopathic hospital since I woke up . After a long session with the doctor, I frequently let myself to be alone in the garden again. This place is full of lonely person like me . Bunch of people who are just waiting for their death to come.
I'm staying here until now for this is Mrs. Garcia and Tinoco's plan for me to get treated. They want me to be human and feel the world like others, but no matter how hard they'll try, I always ended up giving up. I want them to not waste their time on me, and just focus only to their own lives but they are so stubborn. They keep on telling me that I will get better, if I will just try and do some sessions with the doctor. I tried. To listen, to cooperate, to feel, to give my best, to give justice for all of their support towards me but, it just didn't work.
I know myself that, there's no progress. There's no changes in my attitude also in my body and mind. Even the doctor is aware of it yet she's still hoping for my improvement to come. How can a person trust others? When she can't even trust herself? That's typically me. A person who lost trust in everything.
"You're here again Aeris."
I stop swaying the swing, while averting my gaze towards the calm voice, emerging from the door of this place. It's the doctor. She smiled, making her step closer to my direction. Should I approach her? A question that's hard for me to answer. I keep on staring at her face while observing her expressions little by little.
"You're not monitoring my expressions are you?"
She enquired, still putting a smile on her face. She caught me again. It's always like this when I'm trying to dissolve some expression and use it with my face. Well, call me crazy but that's how I'm trying to help myself. Doctor Emma, sat on the bench opposite to the swing of mine.
"Did you learned anything today?"
"What do you mean by that doctor?"
"Reactions, Emotions, facial expressions."
"I tried doctor, I tried. Will this work? Do you think it will work doctor?"
"I trust in you Aeris. I know you'll get better soon. We just need to try again and again. Life is always like this Aeris. We don't succeed without facing failures. We can't live without walking into the tunnel of darkness. Just open your heart and enjoy each of your time. I know, and I believe each one of us deserves happiness. "
"Doctor, What if...a soul keeps on walking into the tunnel of darkness without knowing if she can see light again? What if...the soul doesn't want to open again her heart? And...What if she's just waiting for her time to end? What can you advise to that lonely soul doctor?"
I enquired, looking at her eyes since she is directly facing me. She sighed, wearing a smile on her face. Can she give advise to that lonely soul?
"Let me rephrase your what if's Aeris. First, what is the reason why, that particular individual keeps on walking into the tunnel? If she doesn't know if she can see light again, why did she keep on walking? She had the choice to stop but she didn't try it. Second, there must be a deep reason behind locking her heart without opening it again. Why bother lock it? When you can just destroy it?The key is just hiding somewhere. And lastly, what's the purpose of waiting for your time to end, when she can just end it herself? She can just do it herself and stop her time right away but she chose to wait."
As I heard her declaration, she confused me to it. So what is she trying to say? What does it mean? And what's the message behind?
"Doctor, does it mean....I better kill myself? I mean...that soul must kill herself to end everything? What's the purpose of treating her? when in the end...she'll end up dying?"
"Aeris. Stop, emphasizing the word she... because we are talking about yourself. That lonely soul you keep mentioning is You. It is you Aeris. "
"Then.....should I kill myself right now Doctor?"
"Can you do it? "
Knowing that this place is full of psycho people, I didn't expect that this so called psychiatrist, is one of them. When we are doing our session, none of her sermons will end up getting into my mind. None of them will absorb through my brain. And now, she's confusing me. She wants me to live? She wants me to die? What is she trying to give ?
"Aeris, try to analyze the situation.Try to ask yourself why you can't stop. Why can't you decide whether stop or go? Is this because you're hopeless? The answer is No. It's because you still have hope. A small hope that keeps you living. A single silver line though, invisible to the human eye, still shining brightly only for you to see, and hold strength into it. You can do more Aeris. This isn't the end."
"Doctor. During the past years...all I did was attempting suicide. All I did was killing myself harshly. What made me stop? Who made me stop? No one doctor. No one. What you said was right. I'm keeping a small flashlight in my pocket to keep walking into the dark tunnel. As I keep on traveling and finding the way out, I realized that the small flashlight I'm holding is running out of battery. I have no one to receive such battery, so I let myself walk without it again and let the fate decide. As for today, I'm having no hope. No strength. No love. No one. So doctor...Now I know, you want me to keep going but hoping for my improvements? I guess I'll keep on living like this."
Tapping my legs lightly using my empty hand while the other one is holding on the swing, and letting out a deep breath, I averted my eyes around the garden.Different kinds of flowers are everywhere, swaying and dancing through the wind blows. Small and big green leafy trees surrounding the corners of the wide garden making a light sound. Green and Red benches below each trees paired with single swing to the front.
Everything is peacefully creating their own soft sound. The doctor on the other hand, stood up while stretching both of her arms feeling the sun.
I close my eyes feeling the cool breeze .
"Aeris. You remember do you?"
"Mn"
"You haven't told anyone yet. Why?"
"No reason."
"Everything has a reason Aeris. Tell me what it is. You know you can rely on me. I only know your phobia before others. I can help you."
Opening my eyes, and seeing her not facing me. I took this chance to talk.
"Doctor, if everything has its own reason, then what's mine? I can't find my reason. "
"You're not going to find it Aeris. It's inside you all along. I told you to open it."
"I hope I can do that doctor. I hope it's that easy. "
Silence filled the entire garden after I enquired my answer to the doctor. All of the patients are at the playground in this hospital. However, I will stay in the garden after the session but couldn't imagine after my session today, there will be another heart to heart talk to the doctor. Getting ready to go back to my ward, I face the doctor again. This time, She's facing me too but not wearing a smile on her face.
"Doctor, if opening my heart will make you, Tinoco and Mrs. Garcia satisfied then I'll try. But if won't work again. Let me say sorry in advance."
Before I could close, the door in the garden of peace, she calmly enquired few words at me.
"I'm waiting Aeris!"